I am small
call me baby, or love, anything but doll.

Call me angel, not honey
I am not sweet
nor could I ever stick to you.

You left me three weeks after holding my head
underwater,
shrinking more and more until
the brain could only process our memories.

Later, just the absence
of pet names that would have made sense.

Please, I want to know everything about her
and why what happened
was not about me. I never did ask, but I never learned
how a person can not love someone and still
break someone else’s heart about it.
All I see is the pillow you abandoned at my house,
the warm patch of **** on its case
I put there in case she could ever lay on it and drown.
If we are marking territory, I do not know who
would win you. She had your “I love you”
before me, adolescent and as rocky as a mountain top.
But I ****** your ****. Held it up with my right
hand as if reciting some vow.
Mostly, I need to know which you preferred
whose mouth was more comfortable –
one spilling lies or one with drool, dripping ***. I
have a memory of you telling me what
her voice sounded like, but I cannot remember now.
I think that is a good sign. I think
it is beautiful that she hasn’t come chasing after you
and I hope you are not hurting for it. But
I think, too, that I have finally fallen in love with all of
what you are and not just all that I know you are.
No part of you is a phantom anymore.
I know how you sound when you want to lick another
girl’s ****, now I need to understand why.

He placed me in a watering can
holy water, I said fetch me a blanket quick
fallen into warm holy water –

he said no,
that is all you. He must be my sunshine.

Touch me sweet, God, you gave me nine lives and
I would waste one to say something to
someone from three and a half years ago when
I still humored my pastor
and got guys hard past midnight, at every midnight.

Could meet them again, two by two
and forget he would love some part of me in the future.

She called me a loving *******,
I wasted three of my lives
loving him in silence. I could have shouted
that I deserved better than someone who never did

call me baby just because I am young.
I deserved to have God caress my shoulders like angel
wings, pick my feet off the floor, glide on tile
like soap bars on skin
I will use to wash his slow escape away from me.

I will rub your back until you forget what she did to you –
she was your first love, you were mine. I want to explain in words what
beauty looks like, but I have learned that the
fireworks when we cup our fingers together or sit too close are
even better than a kaleidoscope
unfolding holidays back into normal days. The 5th of July, January 2nd.

Well, in two days, they will have you under anesthesia
and I keep hoping you might say some
nonsense about my eyes. I keep worrying you’ll dream of her tongue.
You are on the side of catching any morning light –
but there is no comparison to a spark that has already burned out.

Page after page
Of an interesting read
Love unfolds
Obviously
Starts with a spark
Then with a tingle
A knowing embrace
And then with a tumble
Lots of conflict
Keeping the lovers apart

But as a good ending there is a
Happily ever after

I sit here and wonder if I'm gonna hear from you today
It's been about a year now. I don't think you're about to change, today.
And if it's okay, I'm gonna go on about my day.
'Cause you were never here anyway.
Yeah, I hope that's okay. Better be okay.

It was my birthday, today.
No messages from you I'm only a phone call away.
You're too involved with your new life just like back in the day.
You're still the same, today.

You tried to ruin our lives but here's what you didn't know
Yeah we're still doin' okay today.
Sometimes I sit here and wonder about you
But not today, no not today.

I'm sick of all these tears, dad. Why did you have to be that way, those days?
But look at who I am now look at what I've learned from all those days.
I've graduated high school and you weren't here today.
Because you don't care about anyone except you, these days.

You tried to ruin our lives but here's what you didn't know
Yeah we're still doin' okay today.
Sometimes I sit here and wonder about you
But not today, no not today.

I'm grown up now, dad, where were you that day?
I fell in love and you didn't even get to come that day.
I was walkin' down the aisle with the man who replaced you.
Cause you weren't there all those days.

Lookin' back now dad, if you were there all those days
I wouldn't be the woman I have become today
You taught me a lesson, dad, that I never thought was possible.
You live for who are and you make of what comes your way

Thanks for not bein' there those days.

I know exactly how your lips will feel
The moment before they brush mine
Yet your kisses never fail
To take my breath away

I know exactly the path your fingers will trace
Along my cheek to the back of my neck
Yet your touch never fails
To electrocute my skin

I know exactly the look in your eyes
Before you lean your face towards mine
Yet your gaze never fails
To paralyze me

We are an oxymoron
Inexplicable
But we are also puzzle pieces
Perfectly seamless