I refuse to eat but once a day, I drink water and work out in every possible way. I choose my clothes carefully. I watch all of my friends. I look at magazines to see the latest trends. I pinch myself to see if I have an ounce of fat. I must not gain any weight, I cannot have that. I want to be accepted, so I aim to please. I try not to offend I think carefully before I speak. I stand straight and never slouch. I sleep just enough but not too much. I am trying to be what is expected of me. I want to be perfect you see.

Rising before the sun I stretch and bend my limbs in ways that only a flower should go. I sweat and struggle to learn the rhythm of each piece of music. I pour my soul out and let the vibrations of the song take control of me. With sacrifice and sweat, I ache after each day. I miss my friends and give up part of living to live a dream. When I am in front of an audience and I am part of the song. I move gracefully as wild flowers in a gentle wind. The pains of my struggle are not remembered. I am lost in the sound of the music. My body is an instrument of the feeling that comes from blending with the song. Until I leap like the Deer and wilt like a delicate Lilly. Falling then rising again in graceful splendor. It is here I was born to be. It is here I want to dance.

Under the starry night in a town square filled with music. By a raging bond fire on a secluded beach. In a quiet little club with low lights and soft Jazz. Where ever your heart desires, that is where I want to be. With you alone in an embrace, our two spirits entwined. This is where I want to dance with you and share our love divine.

I want to feel perfect peace. I want to find a place of rest. I want to feel compassion for others. I long to see the shadows of doubt cast from me. I want to be assured of my purpose. I want to be able to give of myself to others. I want to know Gods love.

I have carried many burdens, and helped hold others up. I have fought many battles and suffered many wounds. I bear the scars of my journey, I have fought the good fight. I have pulled so many out of harms way and stood watch through out the night. I answered the call to service and I have done my best. Now as twilight is falling, I just want to rest. My soul has done it's duty and the battle still rages on. I have no more to sacrifice, I can no longer march on. So I must lay down my burdens and hope I have passed the test. Now I plead oh lord lift my spirit, I want to rest.

The shadows fall over me and I can't seem to shake them. The clouds fill my eyes and I cannot see beyond my own door. I walk around in a haze and cannot find a light. The night and day are the same. Oh how I long to be warm again and to feel safe in my own skin. I cannot remember what day is like, nor the smell of fresh flowers. So to what ever power holds creation, please set my spirit free. Remove the chains of despair that hold me since my love left me. Let me walk again in the radiant light and let my misery be done. Oh how I just want to see the sun.

I want you to be in my head, I want you to be in my heart. I want our souls to be one so that we will never be apart. I want to feel your spirit each time I am alone. I want you to join me and make a house a home. I want to finish your sentences. I want for you and I to just be. I want you inside of me, for you are the better part of me.

Once I was shattered and the pieces were scattered on the ground. I was empty and nothing but a shell. Then a potter found me and picked up the pieces. One by one he put them back together. He handled each piece with love and care until I was whole again. Then he put me in the fire and I was purified of my imperfections. When I came out of the trial, I was made a work of art. Though a simple clay jar, I was perfect and empty, ready to be filled with the perfect spirit of God.

I once had a dream that I was in a large field. I was surrounded by Tulips and Daffodils. I tried to move my arms and legs but I had none that I could see. I could only look out over the field in the direction of the sun, slightly turned up to feel it's warmth. I began to contemplate what I had become, then I felt my petals and stems and roots going into the earth. At once an image of myself appeared. I had become a sunflower you see. With a wide Iris and petals of gold. I sat and followed the sun for hours untold. I was content with the warmth of it's rays. I was happy to spend my time there, many a lazy day. As time passed, I watched the others flowers fade, the sun began to set sooner each day. Then birds began to light on me and peck at my Iris. I was upset at first, but then I began to see, they simply wanted to eat out my seed. So one by one my seed went away, until there were none left in me. I awoke suddenly and thought about my dream. I imagined what I might find the next time I sleep. Perhaps one flower has become many and are in many far flung fields, between the Tulips and the Daffodils. I will wait patently until I sleep again, and wake as many sunflowers.

I saw a stranger standing with a sign. It said please help me, and I drifted in my mind. To a night not so long ago, when I was down on my knees. I was lost and troubled and needed help you see. I met a soldier just the other day, he sat in a wheelchair right next to me. I thought of a time when I could not walk on my own. When I had to be carried because I could not do it alone. Then I saw another person lending a helping hand. I thought of the times that I had been that man. In all of these things, I could see a part of me. I could see the man I was, and that Jesus was always with me.

It was supposed to be a secret. I was told others wouldn't understand. I was told it was a special game that only special people could play. I was scared at first, but then I just went numb. I let it go on without feeling. Though I tried to deny myself, I would cry in my bed at night. I secretly didn't want to do it anymore. I tried to find a way to give up my secret, but I seemed to be ignored by everyone around me. It wasn't until I did something bad that someone found out and by then it was almost too late.

A leaf was unsteady on a tree. I looked on as it quivered and shook in the wind. Then for no particular reason, when the wind stopped, it fell off of it's branch. Silently it floated, down, down , down, until it touched the ground. As it fell, it danced in the light, it's colors shimmering only for a moment. I walked over and picked it up and thought about why it fell. Then as the wind picked up, I threw the leaf into the air and watched it dance away with so many others that were blown up by the wind. As if the leaves were people, I gained a glimmer of understanding of how very much we are like the falling leaves.

When all things are realized and there is no more to say. When the pain of mortality becomes to real to bear. I open my arms to embrace the here after and what ever it may bring. I look to the peaceful coming of the end. All things being equal, I go to my final fate. I close my eyes and welcome death and my journey through eternities gate.

Despite what makes us different, I offer you my hand. I will be a friend to you indeed. Though we may not agree, I will be there for you. I will always lend a helping hand. As long as you will have me, i will comfort you and offer you hope when none can be found. In all things I will do my best to understand who you are, I will accept you.

No matter what the tragedy, no matter how hard the road. I will forge ahead carrying a heavy load. The path I have chosen is not always easy, and I have many crosses to bear. I have carried the burdens of others and I have taken time to care. When the end comes for me and I have nothing more to give. I will take my place in the pages of history and though no monuments may be built to my life, I will not have been afraid to live.

I will walk in the way he gave me, I will show love and mercy. I will let my life bear a resemblance to what he did. I will seek to give and not take. I will become what he said I should be. Though I have human failings, I will pray for his guidance. I will ask for strength when I am weak and I will speak of him when ever I am able. To the first work I will be faithful and in all things I will persevere. Even when the world rejects me, I shall lean on him and hold to the nail scarred  hands. I will be a witness for Christ.

When I see want, I will do my best to fill the need. Where I see ignorance, I will teach understanding. When I hear of oppression, I will demand justice. Where is sickness, I will offer healing. When I see abuse, I will not stay silent. When no one will stand up, I will become hope.

With each day I walk through out my life, I leave things behind. Though I may not see the traces I leave on my path. Each instance give me the opportunity to do something. The marks I will leave can be for good or bad. They can be for happiness or to leave a person sad. I can give encouragement or despair. I can cause confusion or help to clear the air. How I live my life, whether with selfishness or love will all come back to me when I am finally gone. Though I do not know what lies ahead, I know what I have left behind and on these things I will be judged, on how I lived my life.

I will say what is on my mind and I will walk unashamed. I will not be afraid of what others think. I will defend myself and live my life. I will not conform to another persons ideal of who I should be. I am who I am love me or leave me. If  you don't accept me then just pass on by me. True friends will not judge me, they will take my faults with my strengths. They will remember me in my time of need. They will laugh when I laugh and cry when I cry. I can be among them and feel comfortable in my own skin. So if what I believe offends you, then please don't ask me what it is. I have my own set of values and I will change them if I please. I will be myself and that is what I will be.

Though many criticize me, I will endure the scorn. When my attempts to help are mocked, I will carry on. When the world refuses to help and my burdens are more than I can bear, I will find the strength to stand up again. As the Willow tree stand in defiance of the storm, so will stand in defiance of adversity. To mend fences and usher in freedom, even at great personal cost. I will bend and not break, no matter what is put upon me.

Tired and despondent I scream at the night. Overrun by the hoards of angry voices on my t.v. . I clamor for a place only to be shut out, I am tired and I will not be silent yet again. Joining with like minded people, I rise up against a corrupt and broken system. I rage and rattle the doors to my cage. I am the one who makes the machine work, those at the top only pull leavers. The cogs must turn in order for things to function, when one cog stops, perhaps it is ignored, but when several seize up, the machinery comes to a screeching halt. This time is different, this time the system must pay heed. The old masters have been dealt a critical blow. Those of us who are under the levers of the operators have decided that we will not be ignored again. The wheels come to a screeching halt and the noises of the parts of the machine will not be silenced again.

I will be silent no more, I will be heard. I will raise my voice against injustice and oppression. I will cry out over corruption and cruelty, I will stand and I will not fall. I will make noise and make myself known. I will push forward and not go back. I will not give one inch of ground. Though the tide of tyranny rises up over me, I will stand as a rock and it shall break upon me as the evening tide. I will be silent no more.

I will reshape tomorrow by planting seeds today. I will offer help and give hope. I will show strength and teach to pass on knowledge. I will show how to build. I will impart lessons of mercy and not of hate. I will be an example of wisdom and not ignorance. My actions will be a light, not a dark place. I will show how to defeat anger and hate with kindness and hope. I will instill these deeds and ideals into as many as are willing to accept my help. In each person who takes these things to heart, there will rise a brighter future of prosperity and tolerance, instead of one of want and suffering.

When I find my way home and all my sorrow has passed away. In the land of never ending day. When I walk on streets of Gold and see the wonders untold. I will not shed a tear of sorrow, but will be filled with joy untold. When I have laid my labors down and rest is forever mine. When I see the face of the one who died for me. I will be filled with elation as I thank the one who set me free. I know they say you should not cry, but I will not be able to help it you see, for I will cry tears of joy, when Jesus face I see.

You left me broken hearted and in shock at the way you left, but for now we are parted and I will not let it get to me. Tonight I am going to drink and celebrate what I have left, perhaps a good red wine or something stronger if I feel daring. Until the morning light I will forget my sorrow for good cheer, I will not weep for the breaking of my heart because you have gone from here. So let the music play and let the drinks flow, I want mirth and not sorrow. I will not worry about what comes tonight, though I will cry tomorrow.

When I am weary from the journey, I will lean on the cross. When the road becomes rocky, I will lean on the cross. When the battle seems hopeless, I will lean on the cross. When the enemy seems unstoppable, I will lean on the cross. When I can find support no where else, I will lean on the cross. Until I draw my last breath, I will lean on the cross.

When you fall into darkness, I will hold the light. When you have a hill to climb I will bring you a rope. When your ship is off course, I will get a compass. When ever you fall down, I will lift you up. In all things I will be your friend in good times and bad. I will be there when you are happy I will comfort you and cry when you are sad. Some say the cup is half empty, but I will fill it up. I will pour you a glass of cheer, I will lift you up.

Another day has gone by and I have accomplished nothing of consequence. My emotional well has been drained dry and my tears are spent. I have nothing left at the moment, but to be completely numb. Perhaps I will feel something when tomorrow comes. So get yourself out and have a good time. Let me just sit here and drink my exhaustion away and I will be just fine. Live it for the both of us and perhaps you can use up some of my sorrow. While I try to forget todays problems, come around another day and perhaps I will be able to love you tomorrow.

I know that I look different, but I will be myself. I know that I sound different, but I will speak up for myself.  I know that we do not believe the same things, but I will stand on my principals. I know that in some ways others may be better in some things than I am, but I will achieve my goals. I know that life can be unfair, but I will not let that get in my way. I will be proud of who I am and what I can do, I will not be ashamed.

Yesterday is a distant memory and today is still not determined. What lies over the horizon is unsure to the mortal mind, but I will not despair or fear. I already know what the future holds I know how it all will end. I know the final story, I know who has written it in. So I will step into the new day without any fear, for the one who knows all things is always very near.

I have left yesterday behind me and I have shed the burdens of the past. I have taken hold of my future and pressed on. I will break new ground and plant seeds of hope. I will look to reap prosperity for tomorrow. All of my mistakes are forgotten and I see the light of a new day. I cannot undo the past, I must simply forgive myself and move on. I will do my best to be a better person and to make life for others better as much as I can. I will not be bitter or worried, for whats done is done. I will not be trapped by my past, I will not look back.

I will pray for you in the midnight hour. I will pray for each and everyday. I will pray for when its not convenient, I will pray you in every possible way. I will pray for when I am very tired, I will pray for you in a quiet place. I will pray for you until things are made right. I will pray for you until the end of my days. In all things you shall be remembered each time I talk to heaven above. I will pray for you until you are made whole and mended by Gods eternal love, I will pray for you.

Let me build you a dream of all the things that you desire. Let me comfort you and wipe your tears. Let me warm your heart in the years to come and grow with you. Let me be your strength and protect you. Let me help you raise our children and teach them wisdom. Let me be part of your life and in these things I will show you my love.

When I am persecuted I will speak his name. When the world forsakes me, I will speak his name. When all turn against me, I will speak his name. When they threaten me, I will speak his name. Faithful until death, I will speak his name, so that in the eternity Jesus will speak my name.

I will engage the enemy. I will stay the course. I will offer compassion and mercy with great resolve. I will defend the helpless, the widow and the orphaned. I will be their shield, I will be their voice. I will speak out against oppression, I will do what is right. I will seek out justice, I will stand and fight.

Despite my personal failings, I will live in his grace. Though the world shall persecute me, I will seek his mercy. Even if I am called into question, I will stand firm on Gods word. I will not be moved, even though I may stumble and fall. Even in the face of death, I will stand for him.

Faith is my shield and his word is my sword. I have been through many battles but I will stand for the Lord. In the shadow of the cross I will gladly lay my life down. So that my God may receive the glory and I can win the Victor's Crown. No one said my journey would be easy but I cannot leave a single soul behind. The Son of God gave me the victory, he paid a terrible cost. So one until I am called to his kingdom, I will stand up for the cross.

I will stand up for what is right, I will be a beacon in the heart of the night. I will Stand up when I hear the call. I will help my brother or sister when they take a fall. I will stand up when it seems to do no good. I will enter the battle, I will stand up and be counted. I will make my voice heard above the torrents of hate and rage. I will stand up for what I believe though others may disagree. I will seek out every injustice and try to make it right. I will never tire or give up the fight. I will stand up until I draw my last breath. I will take a final stand even in my own death. When they right of me, they may not find many things to say, but that I stood up, when it is your time what about you will they say?

Through the times that I have fallen he's picked me up. When I doubted myself he believed in me. Through all adversity he has been my comfort so when the world says no I will say yes. No matter what may come no matter who may stand against me I will stand with Jesus for he has stood with me

I have fought many battles and I have not always been Victorious. My emotions have been shattered and my heart torn to shreds. Some of those I love have betrayed me and some enemies have saved me. Though I have been knocked down I've always gotten back up. Some wounds are deeper than others, but I have always found a way for them to heal. The scars that are upon me are not always visible, but I would not give them up for anything. Though you may not see a warrior, I promise you I am steadfast in my resolve. I do not know what challenge I will face tomorrow, but I am prepared to battle it all. My scars they do not Define me, they simply stand to remind me. When things seem to be their darkest, I will fight my way to the light. I will stand up for what I believe and I will continue to fight. I will wear my scars like a badge of honor and of them I will never be ashamed. The show others what I'm capable of and that if you are willing you can achieve great things.

Oh I wish I could be a sparrow then I could fly fast and free. I would be able to sit on high wires and look at the world below. I would not need much just a few seed to eat. I could sit perched in a high tree top and spread my wings to the sun. I could dip in a bird bath or a puddle to be clean . I would sing happily to proclaim my freedom from all of the human problems that used to plague me.

In an ugly vase that shouldn't be in my living room. There used to be a bouquet of flowers that would brighten up the room. The Petunias or Daffodils would conflict with the vase, but when she entered the room, it always made her smile . She bought the ugly thing at a quaint little second hand store. Down in the little village where we liked to walk and explore. She was an adventurous soul, but I was to selfish and  afraid. I was to concerned with the worldly things and did not see the treasure I had. Now that she is gone, I just sit here sad. With the four walls of my mansion surrounded by my gold. Oh how I wish I could have those flowers back and the love she put into our little home.

I took a pen and put it to paper. Then I looked at the blank page. I tried to will myself to write, but I did not have the words to say. Then in long deep thought, the pen began to move in my hand. All of the things that I had been feeling, that I had buried for so long. They lay scrawled out on the paper, every line was filled. I set my pen aside and let go of all my pain. I then signed the letter between the tear stains. It's simply said my apology and I addressed it to you oh God in hopes that you will understand.

Petty crimes have become felonies. Youth programs have been replaced with the jail house. God has been replaced with do what you feel. No one cares what happens to a generation lost. Drug addicts are warehoused in cell blocks, instead of being offered programs to get clean. Forgetting that some of our neighbors are human seems to be the grand scheme of things. There are those who will not change, but some can be saved. It is time to throw a lifeline to those who want out and time for us to stop throwing our children away. Return them to the knowledge of God and give them back some hope. Instead of jailing America, lets find a way to bring them home.

Arms outstretched over islands, spread forth like a Lotus flower as it cradles it's people like a delicate beauty. Steeped in tradition and honor dating back beyond the memory of time. Feudal in nature and chaos until order is restored through discipline and a sense of duty. Multiplied in it's wisdom and filled with inner strength. The minds of it's people are quickened like the blade of a fine sword. Filled with ideas and creativity, it rises above many challenges with a willingness to sacrifice in order to serve the greater good of the whole. Such is the life of the Japanese, such is the way of Japan.

I see the love coming from her eyes, I know the fullness of her lips as she speaks to me. I smell the scent of her Auburn locks and the Jasmine in her hair.

A rhythmic tapping begins on the snare drum, then the trumpet chimes in. A beating and the sound of the horn vibrates the room as base string begin to strum. A low thundering beat blending to make the room move. The sound of the house band bleeds into the street as the saxophone swaps out with the trumpet then in a duet they sing in harmony as a dazzling woman begins to belt out a harmony as she shimmers in the colored stage lights. All of the scene is in time, as the set jams on into the morning hours bleeding through the floors and ceiling, a jazz serenade.

A green eyed monster that will consume your soul. A thing that turns beauty into horrific obscenity. What a thing that can darken the doorstep of any happy home. Such that it hides in every persons soul. Always waiting for the slightest opportunity to rear it's ugly head. The terrible beast that makes people see red. Tearing apart friendships that were built over a lifetime. This wretched emotion should never see the light of day. Jealousy, the green eyed monster that lives in us all.

Allah Akbar, death to the infidel. The cries rise from people covered in black. Symbols of Islam are splashed across a flag, rifles are raised in the air. Photos of their perceived enemies are set ablaze as they dance and celebrate in the street.
People are dressed in white robes as speeches ring out, down with the ***** hordes they shout. Crosses are set ablaze and confederate symbols are raised high. Effigies of a black man are paraded around with a rope around it's neck as people celebrate and dance in the street, guns raised in adulation.
The cross is prominent, as people dressed in robes kneel before the Holy See. The leader dressed in royal apparel gives a blessing unto the faithful. Images of a heretic Moor are paraded around on a pole. Spears and swords are raised in celebration as holy symbols adorn the faithful. All are images of the same thing. All are perceived just causes. When intolerance manifest itself as justice. There is no right answer, only self righteousness that serves a means to an end. So let us learn from what has been and not repeat the same mistakes again.

Oh creeping snake that wanders through tree branches and wraps around other plants. How you dangle and hang from the reaches of the heights. Your roots are deep in the dark dank soil of the forest as mist rises from the floor to engulf the canopy. You put forth delicate shoots and fragrant flowers that entice a host of your neighbors to delight on your foliage. Despite your favorable nature, you still make my skin crawl. Like a green serpent you wind your way in many directions, not knowing where you begin or end. I will respect you from a far distance and hope that are paths do not cross again.