Sorrow and wanting are my only friends. Each day is a struggle just to get going. I want to forget, but I can't. I must live with the things I have done. I run the problems through my mind a thousand times but it still makes me sick. How I caused such pain, I cannot begin to imagine. I thought it was ok, I didn't think I would go that far, but now I must deal with the train wreck I have made of my life. Penance is far from me, and I am not sure how forgiveness works. I only know that I hurt and that my sorrow will not end. So I struggle to make it through the day. Each day that passes does not distance me from the tragedy. I ask the question a hundred times, does anyone know how do I forgive myself?

When I was young and full of wonder, I set out to change the world. I went forth to make things right only to find that life got in my way. As I struggled along my path, I found my goals fleeting. Until one day I looked into the mirror and saw my hair had began to turn Grey. In this moment I felt as though I had failed in my hope. So I resigned myself that it could not be done. As I lay down to rest one evening, my eyes fluttered with sleep. As the shades of night fell over my face, I felt myself pushed backwards. I woke up to the sight of a younger version of myself as I helped a woman cross the street with her children. I saw her look back in gratitude as she walked away. I then moved forward to a house that I helped build. It was a small home, but it was given to a family in need. As I lay there dreaming, I saw the path of my life with each passing day. I noticed little things I had done along the way. Helping people in some small way, I awaken with a new found knowledge, I truly had changed the world, but not as I had envisioned with a grand plan or ingenious scheme, but simply by being there with kindness, to help one person at a time.

When a part of you is gone, but not forgotten and comforting words will not do, how do you find a way to reconcile the loss? In a moment, a person you thought would never leave is gone. Your world is shattered and ripped asunder. Your tears flow freely like rain on a spring day, you wrestle with the loss but can find no reasons with in yourself. You hold on to the memory of what was and try to remember the good, but it is often hard. No matter what the circumstance, a part of you has gone missing. In such a time of grief, when the foundation of your life is placed on shaky ground, how do you say goodbye?

Wake not the gentle sleeper until she has had her fill of rest. Let her delicate form lay silently between cool linens upon her soft and gentle bed. Take care not to disturb her, while she lays in the morning light. With golden rays of sunlight upon her breast and shining on her raven locks that are dark like onyx. Let her awake in her own time, arising to welcome a new day. The form of her navel firm like taught silk in a weavers loom. See how she raises her delicate hands to her lips that are the color of roses bright and fresh with the morning dew. Her blue eyes open as she washes away the sleep with clear water that refreshes her. Gaze upon her not with envy but in admiration that she was chosen fairest among the flowers of her fathers house. Take comfort that she is a glory to her husband and a giver of kindness to her children and to the poor. Her virtue is her beauty and quiet discretion is to her as a golden ornament. She wraps herself in silks and linen to be about her task. She stands in the opening of her porch to receive her near kinsmen with a kiss as gentle as a summers breeze. Rejoice in the presence of her, she who is delicate in her ways and steadfast in her strength, for how fair is my love above many of higher birth than she?

You plant a seed in the ground or a story in the media. You water the seed and you blog about the news story. You fertilize the seed and you do the same with the news media. If you are lucky then both will grow. The stark difference is that unlike a political story, the flower will smell so much better and be worth looking at.

Laying in a bed with machines whirring around and beeping, she is quiet now. Her meals come through a tube 3 times a day and she has forgotten her problems. Each time she would have to face reality, it would hurt too much. Now she just lies here in silence except for the machines that surround her. Every time she went a little further out to the edge and now she may not come back. No one knows for sure what she is feeling, but she doesn't talk about it much. She just lays there and gazes into the ceiling at what ever there is to see. Just how high can you really go, I guess we will just have to wait and see?

Standing in towers of glass and steel people survey the land beneath them. Admiring what their wealth has bought them, the see a serene picture from above the clouds. While in streets below and across rivers and oceans, armies wage war. Some wars are fought with guns, others are fought with books and still others are fought with vaccines. While a select few rise to prominence and power, most struggle to have their daily bread. Some obtain wealth beyond measure surrounded by rivers of jewels and gold. While others languish and starve. For those who amass the resources life is comfort and ease, for others it is a struggle to live. How much is enough for one person before they are willing to give back and help another?

We all have desires that we want to satisfy. We are a people unlike any other. Animals do what they must with a purpose, we consume and hoard just because it suits us. We take from the Earth and each other only to be emptier each time we do. We do not want to save, we just crave more and more. We leave scars on our mother, we destroy the lives or our sisters and brothers. Some of us rise to exalted heights, while others can't even get enough to eat. When will we come to our senses? When will we learn equality and discipline. Can anyone tell me how much is enough?

Under a wide open sky beside a cool clear stream. I lie on a blanket and watch the clouds roll by. From horizon to horizon, no one can be found. I see only sweeping grass and a few lonesome trees. When all things are said and done, would a mansion be better. Would I be happier enclosed by four walls? People amass gold and silver, only to see it slip away. I sit in a tent on a piece of earth. I have what I need to live and perhaps that is enough. If more is required then nature will offer it to me. So I look at the sun as it sets and think of where the feet of many have walked and are now faded. The earth is still here and the are gone. What did they need to live and where is their mark? If not for memories of them, they would not have been at all. So I will sit a while and look at the gifts I have been given, then find rest in a small space that I have set for myself. Tomorrow, I will awaken under the same sky and again wonder, how much space do I really need.

People and fish are not so different. We both live in a pond. Fish live in a pond filled with Lilly pads and moss and people live in a pond of their surroundings. People walk around with their mouths moving but often do not say a whole lot that makes sense. A fish moves it mouth but doesn't say a whole lot either. People can be hooked into a scheme or idea, just like a fish can be hooked with the right bait. People may spend lots of time in a school but learn very little that is useful. Fish also gather for school but they to often learn very little. A fish can be slimy and smell bad, so can humans but in a different sort of way. So when you think about it, we are not so different, humans and the fish.

Your skin is pure as the snow covering a mountain valley. Your eyes shine like two stars in the heavens. Your hair flows like the Lilies of the Field in the Wind. Each foot step you take is as gentle as a hummingbird's wings. You are far more than human your soul must be divine. So how shall I a mere mortal love you? When it is so obvious that the host of Heaven would gladly call you their own, and yet you have cast your gaze on an imperfect creatures such as I.

To ask a question of oneself is to begin understanding. To ask a question of another is to seek wisdom. To offer help to another without thought of ones self is the rendering of mercy. To give freely without concern of your own person is to achieve selflessness. To resist oppression is to show strength. To seek justice is to find a truth. To know that we are imperfect, is the beginning of humility. To apply these things to ones life is learning how to live.

Monarchs do not come from mighty palaces, nor do they come from refined schools. Those who would rule, will not seek it. They must first learn to be a servant, for a kings life is not his own. They must not seek palaces or treasure, but the well fare of those around them. They must not exalt themselves, but must put others before them. They must seek wisdom not self aggrandizement. A king must be in touch with all peoples and not just those from he expects to receive gifts and favors.  Only a person who values law and justice more than station and honor will truly be a great king.

Show your appreciation for those who serve your interest, even if you don't mean it. Take notice of the insignificant person, if they can serve your needs. Keep your admirers at arms length, but always be polite. Never give more than you expect to receive, except to those who can benefit you. Take no offense, but always keep a dagger for when a back is turned. Talk subtly to those whom you loathe to keep them in your corner, until its time to take revenge. In all things put yourself first and only make a promise if it isn't inconvenient or costly. Be clever as a Fox and cunning as a Serpent and always keep a scape goat for emergencies. Do all of this to perfection and cruelty will become second nature to you.

As a carpenter sees a house in a pile of wood, so you must see a life in two people. To build a life you must know how all of the pieces fit, You must start with understand, then add patient's with a sprinkle of humility. Bring these together with acceptance which then turns into love. These things bind two people together as a solid foundation. Once the pair are joined, then the bricks are laid over time. Support for one another in good times and bad. Love of family and commitment put up the walls and finally longevity finishes the plan and thus a life is built between two people that if properly executed will stand the test of time.

If you are of a mind to dig yourself a hole, there are a few things you can do. The first is to tell your wife or girlfriend you haven't been listening to a thing they said. If this doesn't put you deep enough in the ground then here is another tip. Stay gone on a special day with your buddies on a unannounced trip Any birthday or anniversary will do. This will dig you in really deep, at least a foot or two and you will need somewhere else to sleep . If that still isn't deep enough and you want to be buried deep. Just tell the truth about anything involving what she wears or eats. Does this dress look ok, no it is too tight, or when you go out to eat just ask her why you ordered that and she will hear you think I look fat. This should put you truly deep, well inside a cave. A place so dark and deep, you will need a flashlight just to see. So when you decide a hole is what you need. Just remember the advice I have given, and give it another read. For truth be told, digging the hole is not so hard. It is when you must crawl out again, that your real work will start.

Love is not a complicated thing, but to look at humanity you think it is. With all of the wars and hatred it seems that love doesn't exist. When in truth all it takes is the want to show a kindness and to listen to another person point of view. When people can learn to do this for one another then love will begin to shine through. So when someone tells you that love is difficult and hard to understand. Simple show them kindness and listen, then tell them this is how to love another and perhaps they will do the same.

When loving a woman there are things that you must understand. She is like a flower one moment and the weather the next. You must sometimes treat her delicately and others be prepared to weather the storm. You must know how to listen and not speak. You must nurture her and be strong for her for she will need both of these things. You must know when to let her go and when to embrace her. A woman is a mystery that creation made and no man will ever truly understand. You can only give her love and patients and sometimes that may just be enough, but does anyone truly know how to fully love a woman?

Hold my heart gently and do not let it fall. Tell me how much you need me each and everyday. Stand between me and the fury of the storm and comfort me when I have lost my way. Give me reassurance that things will turn out for the best. Confide in me your deepest desires and share with me all of your dream. Lift me up instead of tearing me down. Wipe away my tears and be willing to just listen sometimes. Understand my faults and accept me for who I am. Let me give love back to you and help you when I can.

Find a pretty face with a gentle voice. Put her in spandex and sprinkle her with glitter. Giver her a catchy tune and some shiny lip gloss. Throw in a risque tattoo in a place that can be exposed. Let her prance around and jump about while she sings a rhythmic jingle and bends down  real low. When she gets so hot she is about to pop, then you have a pop ****.

Get into the dirt of life and break up the rocky ground. Give something of yourself and lend a hand to another person without a thought of personal gain. Plant the seed of kindness and water it with hard work. Offer comfort and reassurance and at the right time, add a few words of encouragement, then watch as the fruits of your effort grow and blossom into hope.

In order to become wise, you must first admit that you know nothing. Then go and stare at a mountain and learn from it. Through the ages it sits quietly and only makes a sound now and then, often it just watches and listens rather than speak. Next you must go to the ocean and select a single grain of sand. Look at it intently until you understand. The single crystal that you hold in your fingers was once part of the mountain that is now so far away. Now repeat the journey from the mountain, to the sea, stopping to help others and learn from them as you go. Then you will be truly wise you see.

When planning out your day simply start with an open block of time. Set one hour aside for nothing to go right. Then move on to your first task and mark who to call for help, because no matter how you try, you will always find that the task is larger than you and fraught with unexpected delays. Next schedule play time, either for yourself, your dog or your kids. Regardless whether you a lot an hour or two leave room for a nap. Because big meals makes adults sleepy, kids wear out fast and dogs like to lay lazily in the sun. Next mark down chores to be done. A lot time for each then double it and add lots of soap and water. Because no matter what you want to sweep, dust, mop or clean up, something will always get spilled or spotted all over what ever you are working on. Lastly but in no wise unimportant, make alternate plans for your dinner, for as much as you might know how to cook, pizza delivery is always a lifesaver when you try to plan your day.

The flag that once stood for freedom has been folded up and put in a drawer. The Golden rule isn't taught in our schools anymore. We stopped caring and let the government do the job. We forgot that we are one nation under God. People come here and want to change our country to what they are running from. We have compromised our values until we do not know who we are anymore. We have lost America and may never find it again.

How will I live, who can say. The choice is mine to make each and every day. Will I be hopeful and full of life or will I be depressed and hopeless. Each action I take may not seem like much, but you can plant one seed and feed a village. Sewing a positive life, even when you have nothing positive to show, gives a picture of hope. You and I we choose our own path. Though it may seem that we are misdirected and pushed by forces beyond our control. Each of us can make the decision on how we will live. We can choose to give up, move forward or sit still but it is our choice to make as to how we will live .

Violence is the answer when people disagree. There is no freedom because you will not do as others say. Persecution for your faith is getting worse everyday. Wickedness has replaced righteousness, that is the new way. God is rejected and left out of everything. Fear and uncertainty fills our daily lives. People are devoid of humanity and care only about themselves. There is no hope for for for man's utopia, without God the world is becoming a living hell. People wander around lost in their sins. They walk around blindly wondering how it will end?

Darting about with bright colors and busy wings, you stop for a moment to consider a orchid and partake of it's nectar. Then you dart off as a wisp of air, then come back again. Here and there you go, about all things in a hurry. You stay a while until the cold north wind blows, then you fly away. So until spring returns and you come to sample flowers from my garden again, farewell Humming Bird, and be on your hurried way.

Crying because their stomach is empty. A child sits in the dirt hoping for relief. In another place a mother struggles to find money to buy her next meal. Outside of a non-descript building people wait in line to get a bowl of soup as they are drenched by a cold down pouring of rain. From block to block and down rural roads hunger cries out to be fed. Not in a 3rd world country that no one has ever heard of but in the cities and streets of America there is want. In a land so rich and full so many go without a morsel of bread or their next meal. The problem is not someone else's problem and it is not an idle pass time. Hunger is not a game, it is a reality that only we can stop.

You think that you got away with no pain. You believe that I am the only one who will cry. Though my heart is broken now, it is you who will some realize that you are wrong. For too long you took me for granite, now I will not be there to hold you up. It was my emotional support that strengthened you. You may think your new freedom is all you will ever need, but when you stumble and fall, I promise you will think of me. So revel in your small victory and the wounds that you inflicted on me. When you realize what you have lost, it will be too late and my hurt will be healing while yours is just getting started. I will then know my emotional freedom, while your world falls apart.

I shoot up with sharp edges and I am filled with green. I long to be in the sun. I hope to grow up tall and limber, but there is a good chance I will get mowed down. If I get cut back, I will simply push down my roots and attempt to grow again.

I hobble around when once I could run. I am disregarded but I still salute the flag. I gave some and some gave all, yet I went forward and would do so again if called. I am weary of battle, but few will take up the cause. Sacrifice and love of country to me, even over the screams of burn it all down. I kneel before God not in protest. I stand as best I can when my anthem is played. I pledge my allegiance to the flag and observe a quiet moment for those who cannot. I watch as people spit on my way of life and a tear fills my eye. I want to march on, but it is hard as I sometimes hurt. I am a broken soldier, fix me and I will sacrifice in your place while you sleep comfortably as I face the cold and dangerous night.

Flailing about hap hazardously, I writhe as I suffocate. I was swimming in my own pond until I was plucked from it. Now I am high and dry in an emotional waste land. A world where I do not know which direction the current is flowing. I cannot get my bearings so I am drying out and withering as I struggle to breathe. Flopping about I flounder as I work hard to get back into my emotional pond where it is nice and safe.

Hear the wind of my discontent howl! Feel the rumble of my shaking determination! See the lightning of my enthusiastic fervor! I am one among many, but I am empowered! I believe in my principals, for they are at the core of my being! I am a movement like unto a tidal wave! I will wash over my opposition and prove that I am right! I will change minds like nature changes the seasons! I am a force to be reckoned with and I will no longer be ignored!

In a world gone mad I will sit on a hill. I will be a single candle in the night. When hope seems lost, I will help you find your way. When you are weighed down with burdens, I will give you a hand. When the storm rages all around I will be a beacon. When the road seems like it will never end, I will be a lamp along the way. I am only one soul, but sometimes one light is enough. When others see the light of hope in me, then perhaps their own light will shine. When we all join each of us a light, then we can dispel the darkness and shine brighter than the sun.

I pull off my shoes and run in the warm wet sand. I dance and let my skirt get wet. I shake out my hair and dance and twirl. I let the warm sun hit my face. I run as fast as I can into the hot dry wind. I fall backwards onto a blanket and look into the pure blue sky. I close my eyes and bask in the warmth of the earth as all things close in around me. I delight in the feeling of freedom as I take in all that I treasure. I am part of all things, at one with myself. I want to heal and not hurt. I am filled with the essence of life. I am filled with renewed hope. I am young, I am excited, I am alive.

I Am alive, I am living. Each moment I grasp onto if it were my last. I draw breathe to move forward. I relish every challenge. Though I may face insurmountable odds or the chance of certain death, I embrace the impossible with each fiber of my being. For though I may not see tomorrow, I will have lived each moment to the fullest. So that no matter what is to come I will know that for a few brief moments that I am alive.

The world looks right through me or doesn't see me at all. I disappear easily into the background. It is not that I do not try, I just cast a faint shadow. I want to be part of life, but all I do is blend in. When you hear static in a room, perhaps it is me trying to speak. I am simply drowned out by all of the things around me. For all of my efforts, I am but a shade of an existence.

My pieces lie on the floor. I am battered and broken. I once was whole and beautiful. I am now torn asunder. I came from sand and was wrought in fire. Now by violence I am broken. What I was can never be again. What will become of me is still unclear. My heart is scarcely able to beat. I find it hard to breathe. I am not sure that I can be mended, what is to become of me. These thoughts run through my mind as I stand over a shattered vase. Like the vessel that once stood beautifully, I am broken and do not know if I can ever be whole again.

I am a sinner, born of lust. I am not a saint, in that you can trust. From the moment that I became flesh and breathed in air, I was stained with sin from beginning until I cried. I live in a mortal vessel, I am as all men. I am prone to weakness and fear. I am never without sin. Only in the spirit can I achieve a state of grace, but for the most part I am a sinner each and every day.

I am a sprocket a cog in the wheel. I squeak occasionally and must be oiled and tightened up. If the machine is to run I must do my part. If one cog fails then the machine will come to a halt. So onward I turn, grinding the other gears. When we mesh we do extraordinary work, but when we miss a turn nothing will go right.

I stand in the center of a river and the water runs around me. I am in the foundation of a building and it's weight is upon me. I defy the passing of time as I stand resolute in the way of harm. I am the strength to the weak and the support to the forgotten, I am a stone.

I blame others for my failures. I make excuses for my pointless anger. I cannot accept that I must own my mistakes. I am never wrong and no one else can be right. I have much work to do on me, I get that. I am my own worst enemy. Some of my misery is of my own making, I am a victim of myself.

I am a plant that has many branches. I stretch out in life to touch others like a running vine . If I bare good fruit, then many can benefit from my efforts. If I bare bad fruit, then no one can partake of my success. So it is better to bring forth good things that others may prosper and plant seeds of success themselves, thus becoming a vine of humanity stretching out and covering the earth with kindness and mercy.

Over sparsely trodden paths I walk seeking the road less traveled. Looking always to the next horizon my souls finds no settled peace. I must walk on for adventure awaits and the unknown beckons. So on I will wander until I find what will give me peace.

I am smoke that rises and disappears into the air. I am the dried straw that lays on the ground. I am little and not much to see. I came and went as if I were nothing. I am a phantom before you, I am invisible in the light of day. I am part of the background when you are near. Oh how I wish you could see me.

I sit quietly as you walk by, but you do not notice me. I find reasons to be near you but I feel unsure of myself. I go home and hide in my room as I look in the mirror I do not like what I see. Perhaps if I were thinner you would notice me. I skip breakfast and nibble at my lunch. I go home and eat my dinner then I throw it up. I toss and turn all night hoping tomorrow will be the day. I put on my clothes and they do not fit right. I look at my hair and I see that it is thinner so I think if I dye it perhaps it will look right. I go to class and sit near you, but you never look my way. I cannot figure out what is wrong with me, so I think of another way. Perhaps if I was thinner, then you would see me. I get a few pills from a friend so that I will not be hungry all of the time. I bump into you and you just look at me funny. I am not sure what it means, I just say sorry and walk on. I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see. I am still to fat, perhaps that is why you won't notice me. My mother finds me on the floor of our bathroom. I wake up in the hospital the room begins to spin. I wonder why everyone looks worried. I have an IV in my arm and it makes me feel ugly. I thought this was how it is done. I see the pictures in the magazine, they are all so pretty and thin and look so happy it seems. It turns out that what I thought was helping wasn't good for me. I am just lying here in my hospital bed dying for you to notice me.

Though my body has become weak, my spirit can still soar. Though years have worn me down, I am filled with life. Though adversity has denied me worldly success, I have accomplished many things As I travel the path on which life has put me, I have no need to regret. My mistakes are my own and I must live with them. I have long since made peace with my own self. I am comfortable in my own skin and I try to make the lives of others better each day. I have no power or influence, I can only offer compassion and perhaps a kind word. In all things I am content, because I am not bound by the trappings of materialistic things. I am at peace with all things and in that I am truly free.

The written is not always seen, sometimes the life of the person who believes what they have read is the only book that others will ever see. If my life reflects the things I believe, then I am his word. To show kindness but be firm in my convictions is to show Christ mercy and courage. To be resolute and not deviate even under extreme persecution is to show your faith. To walk on in courage and good cheer even when you appear to be alone, is to show the peace that surpasses all understanding. By doing these things, I am his word.

I have many imperfections and faults to my credit. I have little in the way of perfection. I am often temperamental and judgmental. I put on airs but I am really insecure. Despite what I may accomplish, I am sometimes unsure of myself. I want to do better, I just don't know where to start? What I should work on first is an utter mystery to me. I can be moody and often times insufferable. If I do form a true friendship, I will likely find a way to mess it up. Despite all that I am not, I am a work in progress. I am human.

Born an imperfect creature, I will achieve perfection. Made but flawed by sin, I will be made whole. In the flesh I shall be weak, but through his spirit I will be strong. In myself I shall accomplish nothing, but through God I shall obtain all things, for I am imperfect, but he shall take away my imperfections.