The light you shine on me is so warming
that I cling to you.
You can always aid me in circumventing
my insecurities.
I've learned to become something new;
half of a whole.
In time we both will have to go
our seperate ways.
Waiting for days to return what we had,
the things we took.
The bittersweet feelings I'm experiencing
(more bitter than sweet)
Are from realizing that I will have to learn
to be alone again.
But unlike the other times I've had
this is special.
What are we even? I'd like to hear
your answer one day.
I like to call us more than friends
with benefits
We're friends that love each other,
and love well
That means we can be whatever we want
or need to be.

Sometimes your man passes away
Sometimes your man leaves you
Whatever the case may be
your children still need you

Its not an easy situation to handle
Its not an easy situation to face alone
Yet you and your children
can work together to make a home

You may wonder, "Why me God?"
You may wonder, "Bring me a lover.."
It may seem like a curse, but
its a miracle to be a single mother

There's something about that itch
that you can't itch enough.
I feel like when I put on my
Adidas or Nike ankle socks
they just don't do the trick.

My Hanes crew length
feel so comfy on my itchy legs.
They keep my legs warm
when I spend eight hours
in the cold box stocking drink.

However when I wear those
high socks with shorts people stare.
I guess it looks goofy
with my pale skin
that people have to double take.

I bet they ask questions like
"Is that his leg or is he wearing socks?"
I smile though when they stare
because it makes feel noticed
and it reassures me that I'm here.

"Constantly criticizing,
annoying agitation,
ignorant imbecile..."*

I hate thinking this way but you give me no choice.
If I don't speak with love, then what is my voice?
I try to motivate and inspire, but you cause friction.
My thoughts and actions are becoming a contradiction.

"Considerate carer,
admirable artist,
intelligent idol."

I love that I say this to you, because it makes you think.
Yet I wonder, "Will any of this message actually sink?"
Maybe its because my poor conviction and dry emotion.
No... it has to be more serious... its my lack of devotion.

Dear Lauryn Hill,

As I listened to your album
I know you weren't concerned with the outcome
It was more of a way for you to vent
But it was still worth every cent
I'm poor now but your words make me rich
And I feel like my whole life I've been in a ditch
It's time I get out and really see the world
It's time I stop worrying about finding a girl
Because in time she will come to me
And two individuals will go
From "me and you" to "we"
You showed me love isn't easy at times
It can hurt so bad; I hear this in your rhymes
Although I may never meet you, I do know this
"The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" reaches the top of my list
I never knew such beauty could exist
I had to write this poem, I couldn't resist
At times I see the world and shake my head
Saying forget everything else and get myself ahead
But you reminded me that's not what it's about
L-O-V-E, Love!!! Love!!! Let's all shout!
Because if I can, you can shout too! You can too!

Love,
Jimmy Ellis

He says, "I'm not asking for much"
She gives him butterflies with every touch
He notes her on the way her eyes glow
She says "There's things you don't know"
He doesn't force her to explain
She enjoys this through her pain

He tells his friends about this girl,
"She's the most beautiful in this world"
He ignores their laughs and remarks,
"At least I think with my heart"
His friends laugh again and say this,
"Yo man lemme know after you hit"

She cries at night because she truly cares
Her sister shows concern so she shares
"There's a guy and I'm actually interested"
(She's never had relationships with time invested)
Her sister hugs her and they both cry
She stays up all night as hours go by

He continues to pursue his infatuation
She accepts forcing a sad situation
He takes his time to spite his friends
She knew exactly when it would end
The night came when he used the word "love"
She prayed that night to the Lord above...

"Dear Father,
Why did I ever experience this pain
When I didn't even know his name
I still can remember my mouth taped
The night in the alley when I was *****
My faith and hope are only beginning to fade
He won't love me when he finds out I have AIDS"           

The next day he and she decide to meet
On a particular and familiar street
She tells him everything and he looks surprised
Smiling he says, "Remember, when I said I loved your eyes"
She cries because this wasn't what was planned
He gives her something little by holding her hand.

On this day, 16 years ago, you passed away.
I understand what you mean when you say,

"Life Goes On!"

So even when I'm fed up,
I'll remember,

"Keep ya head up."

I'll keep going,
because I know,
in my mind,

"Heaven Ain't
Hard 2 Find."

Something up above,
is blessing us with,

"Unconditional Love"

I've fronted for
too many years,
for I too have shed

"So Many Tears"

You taught humanity
about humility,
and mankind,
to be kind...

"How Long Will They Mourn Me?"

Well I don't know,
but I'm certain
we will celebrate
you forever!

R.I.P.

Allow me to inform you of a road less traveled
The road our minds ignore in fear of being rattled
Simple, yet this road we won't walk out
Too afraid to confront and rarely talked about.
The TRUTH is it's title and it's not sought out
Lies become shortcuts and more common routes
Why does the TRUTH have so many confused?
The TRUTH hurts, so the lies become abused
"Honesty is the Policy," that statement only exists in Utopia
Our would consists of people suffering from a TRUTH phobia
We tell ourselves the wrong things that seem better
We wake up and our moods are decided by the weather
This makes it hard for us to acknowledge the TRUTH
Some will travel, work, or go to college for the TRUTH
To discover it and uncover it
Seeing what it's encumbered with
A gilded body, because the lies numbers win
I'm a weary soldier walking fatigued and intrigued
down the road where the TRUTH was conceived
In the midst of discovery I'm confronted with a lie
Unsure and uncomfortable I ask the TRUTH "Why?"
I find out the existence of the lie I cannot deny
So I face the lie looking it in it's eyes
I state, "Before I believe you I'd rather die"
Holding my head high, I walk into battle
A protector of TRUTH on a road less traveled

As I look back on the past year
I realize my mistakes
are blessings in disguise
Falling from the skies
like the leaves off of trees
to be buried by Winter's snow
and in the Spring
to regrow
making my brilliance shine
when it becomses Summer time
and when its Fall
again
the leaves will fall again
creating new blessings from above
for future mistakes to come.

Whether it be money,
drugs, ***, or power
we all have addictions
we face every second,
minute, and hour.
The truth of these
addictions is this:
We must be brave
and admit, that
its possible to quit!

I had my first legal bar experience last night.
I went to Kildaire's Irish Pub in West Chester,
and it was definitely a low key night,
which I liked a lot, because I'm no drinker.
Started it off with a Vegas bomb,
then a Yeager bomb, three red-headed *****,
some Soco and lime, two green tea shots,
and ended my drinks with a bud light.
I made it out of the bar without puking,
which completely surprised me...
The most powerful movement I felt though
was through the karaoke machine,
There was a marvelous energy booming
through the bar, whether the singer
was good or terrible everybody enjoyed.
It made me realize that I want to try
something with my poetry... Spoken Word.
Thank you God!

When I was a boy
My ego was small
Then I was annoyed
And it became tall

A pedestal sat in front
Tempting me to stand
Creating something so blunt
Is what it had planned

So on it I stood
And what was bad
Had now become good
Turning me mad

My honesty was altered
I began living a bluff
All that I had to offer
Was a man trying to be tough

Then my mother saved me
She showed me what I'd become
Harsh words had made me
Realize what she wanted from her son:

Honesty mixed flattery,
with the energy of a battery,
to power a generator,
for generations later,
A latern of peace,
Treating others kind,
Searching for a piece...
A piece of mind.

I ain't no superstar.
Just a twenty year old boy
trying to be a man.

I wonder if I'll get far?
For this is the path I've chosen
to execute my plan.

It's been a weird few years.
I've done a lot of stupid things
that I'll have to answer for.

I've shed so many tears.
My motives were corrupt
and my heart became sore.

But recently I've seen a light.
A rejuvenation has set course
and I have a new attitude.

I've been wrong and I've been right.
I'm only human but I'm finally
on the right path towards gratitude.

I have no other way to say how I feel
Emotions I showed, I now conceal
The bottle is filled, about to overflow
The volcano will erupt and soon explode
Anger, rage, and pain burn more flames
I have no blood,  just molten lava in my veins
At any moment, I'll spontaneously combust
I only have myself, and even that I don't trust

On October the 15th
she gave birth to me
A man with good morals
is what she trained me to be
She showed me the meaning
between right and wrong
In return for that
I wrote a tribute, this song
Most importantly
am I greatful for her love?
Her passion, her concerns?
No, all of the above
She's my hero, role model
and my idol
She would cheer me up with prayers
and verses from the bible
As corny as I thought that was
I now admit
That they stuck with me forever
those words I won't forget
I've been truely blessed
to have her as my mother
She kept me warm when life was cold
She was my cover
In her I have something
a lot of people are missing
That's a parent that truly cares
and is always there to listen
She keeps me on track
when I lose my focus
She inspires me to rap
She's the reason i wrote this
And now as I open
the doors of my life
Some have been exposed
some were kept shut tight
Like the week I turned ten
my mama went blind
I wish I could go back
but I know I can't rewind
I can't fast foward, I can't pause
I remain on play
For now we'll have to
remember those days
Before being laid off
she worked three years without sight
If you triple that
that's nines years she showed me the light.
And showed me the way
to live my life right
So every single day
I continue to fight
I continue to write
and continue to pray
saying: "God, give her back her sight one day."
Until then I'll try to envision
what she visions
And do what she always does
remain optimistic
Realistically
this might sound bad
But it was good, through it I learned
to grow up so fast
She did work in this time too
She learned to play guitar
She wrote a book, ran a marathon
She's a superstar
She preaches now
and teaches me so much
I can't deny the struggle
Going through it was tough
I used to cry when I was young
Saying, "God I've had enough."
Everytime I gave up
She lifted me up
I'm going to change the world one day
Really make her proud
I'm a "Mama's Boy!"
Not ashamed to say it loud
There's some irony
about my mommy dearest
Even though she's blind
to me she sees the clearest
She sees the good in people
and understands the bad
She's so real and so pure
her struggle makes me sad
But like I said, be positive
like the blood type
When she sees again we'll rejoice
and get up hype
Her love I'll recycle
I'll make it everlasting
Treat it like a song
headphones on with it blasting
I'm going to have a wife
and love her the way she loved me
When we have kids
I'll raise them the way she raised me
She taught me about love
She taught me about life
She taught me how to grow
and how to treat people right
She told me not to quit
but when I'm wrong to admit
She taught me about women
said, "Jimmy simply listen."
She said, "Just cause you dropped out
doesn't mean you can't learn.
The soul is a fire
and it will always burn."
She taught me everything
and forever I'll vow
I couldn't have done this alone
Mom, you showed me how.

I see a light flickering in the distance
The struggles that I'm in
make me the one whose priveledged
Single and content
but now and then I gotta vent
about the search that I'm in
are my thoughts
worth a cent?

I know how to deal with life
I know she is more than just a wife.
She's another human being
her own mind, soul and body
Mix of beauty and thrift
with kick like karate.
Emotional kamikaze,
displayed through
her origami

But i want her
and I love her style,
haven't seen something like this
in quite a while
Just had to get this off my chest
A freestyle, but it's my best
And that's all you'll ever get,
never anything less.
She's that light I've been
waiting for,
Hoping that this
day is for
Me and her to meet
and make more
with love.

I'm not a creative soul,
I'm a brainless zombie
with aimless hobbies.
I wonder if I'll ever
make it with this
mind frame..

Can I escape this prison,
this box they've kept me in?
These chains have weighed
me down to oblivion
and I'm so weak now.
Mental pains.

My heart is screaming for freedom
Yearning for a bit of joy
But my head tells me
the money is what I need
Yet another victim that fell
to greed...

Only a few more days
of being held captive
I'm on my last few strides
The Devil trying to take me,
but God said, "he won't,"

*and I sure hope he don't.

Dear Eliza,

It took me years to gain the courage  to write you
In those years I haven't found a person like you
I miss you more every day
I think about you in every way

I think about your beautiful eyes
that pierced into mine,
and your long golden hair
that first made me stare

I remember our first conversation
And our first confirmation
being our first kiss
All of this I miss

I remember when you left for school
and I stayed home to work like a fool
You would call me every night
I regret every yell and every fight

I remember tough times when you got ill
working two jobs to support the bill
I saw you getting worse and I cried
I cried, I cried, I cried, and then you died

I remember recieving the call
Our friends and family in awe
Funeral arangements, more bills, and cries
Years of loneliness and unable to know why

I'm unable to love anyone more than you
I'm unable to stop thinking about you
I see you in my dreams, it gets me wild
I see you even more when I look at our child

You left us, not because you felt the need
but because your body felt weak
However, you had a heart that was strong
And in our hearts you will live on!

With much love,
              Your Eternal Lover

The shards of glass
    seem to be all I see
on the floor.

             I smashed the mirror
      very ****** with my fist,
             but what for?

I'll pick up each piece
     and try not to cry
as I explain.

          My mind exploded
     looking fast into the past
          revealing my pain.

I've lied, stolen,
     cursed, but the worse
was the repetition

       My mind was
healed from the concealed
   acts of reminiscing.


The past two years
     have sped as I fled
from my youth.

                     Now I'm here
                confused and amused
                         at the truth...

It's been a hard time
     coping while hoping
to be at peace.

                     I plan to go
                        far away one day
                            after the last piece.

You walk
around
your head
held high
and then
all the
sudden
came a
guy
You smirk
and mutter
under your breath
"***"
he pulled
out a gun
you went
from under
the sun
to being
placed into a
bag...

You think
your life
is rough
until
one day
you meet
a guy
that's tough
on the
exterior
but feels
inferior
because
he lives
in the alley
while your
from
the valley
although
your dad
and mom
are split
both are
caring
this man
you met
doesn't
know his
parents...

You are
on top
of the
world when
your car
breaks down
and you
get lost
in a
bad town
your scared
of all
the sounds
you look
around
and judge
all the
people
you see
you say
to one
"why do
you give
me that
*****
look sir?"
he says
back to
you "be-
cause you
look scurred"
you lock
your doors
and wait
for help
nothing
happens
for hours
asleep
you fell...

I walked
to class
for a
year and
a half
wishing
I could
take it
all back
Regrets
for all
the dumb
choices
i made
all the
debts I
still have
not paid.
I get
high or
drunk all
the time
and i
only
feel good
when i
write rhymes
Can I
deny
sorrow
and this
feeling
of pain
or give
a try
conquer
this shame
Looks like
I am
a sad
lonely
cold man
who once
again
will be
victim
of the
cruel act
of the
reali-
ty SMACK!

Homie,

You have so much to learn and so much longer to go,
and I know that you feel like you should have arrived
by now, but everybody else doe too. Don't be too hard
on yourself man, you are doing the best you can. Also,
you're doing it honestly, and that is so important.  The
one advice I can give you is to trust yourself more,
and believe in yourself. Remember when Mom lost her
vision what she said to you: "We can do this Jimmy."
If she can keep the fight up being blind, you can do
definitely do it. Don't stray away from me, I'm here
for you and I will always be, I'll be waiting at the
finish line....

Love you kid!

It's hard when you don't know what to do.
Facing the crossroads, the old and the new,
and don't know which path to choose.

When your whole life has been a lie,
and you don't understand why.
After all, aren't we just living to die?

When you neglect the wise thoughts,
grasping hold of everything you brought.
Still lingering, is the temptation you fought.

Or when you realize that its been a full day,
and you're stagnant thinking of which way.
Right in front of you, the true answers lay.

But it's even harder when you know what to do,
and for some odd reason you don't believe its true.
Achieving nothing because you're too afraid to choose.

The cypher was real, in fact it was authentic
Everything I mentioned, no doubt I meant it
Though I discuss topics that aren't debated
Everybody in the crowd smiled and related
I guess that's another one of life's contradictions
Kinda like the Qur'an I got for Christmas
But my mama encourages the pursuit of knowledge
Whether it be at work, in life, or in college
We understand the meaning of perspective
And if you don't you should at least respect it
Cause though you rap, and I write poems
We both have the power to enlight domes
The two are closer than it may seem
It can be underground or mainstream
Just be true to you, and be humble too
There's no telling in things you might do.

He was definitely the wrong one in the situation.
After all that's why I'm here now, isnt it?
Now, I know he left when I was only 5,
but **** pops... You couldn't have called?
No, I understand you had a second family.
Though that witch left you shortly after
receiving her green card, its completely okay.
It makes no sense to take care of your own blood.
No, not when you have other people in your life.
For years, I denied your existence, even though
you were only 45 minutes up the turnpike.
I think its because I was embarrassed of you.
Or maybe because I thought you were ashamed of me...

Wasn't I worth it dad? Didn't you want a son?
If so, then why didn't you act like it?
And if not, why the **** would you do that to mom?
She raised me and Katie blind, alone, and jobless.
Meanwhile you have a pension check just shy of a million.
I have dreams sometimes of us at lunch,
but when I wake up I realize they are just dreams,
and nothing close to what reality is, but distorted memories perhaps.
I can't understand why, but I miss you...
All the best cowboys have daddy issues.

I need to address
five different people that
mean the world to me:*

        Teachers, I'm sorry
        for not listening to your
        wisdom and lessons.

Friends, I am sorry
for condescending remarks
and hypocrisy.

        Family, sorry
        for poor communication
        and cutting you off.

God, I am sorry
for failing to acknowledge
you and all your love.

        Self, I am sorry
        for hurting and neglecting
        you and your beauty.

Hardly aware of awareness,
he wondered through the City.
Why didn't she answer -he thought.
A taxi splashed water on him,
which only made him more angry.
He rushed into the nearest deli,
Do you have a towel? I'm soaked! he asked.
No, but I have sweatpants
and shirts for sale. I'll lend you some. the owner responded.
Shocked by the man's generosity,
he insisted he buy them.
Where's my wallet?
I must have left my wallet at home. Nevermind.
Before the owner could hand him the clothes,
he was out the door in a flash.

Walking back to his apartment was the only thing left to do,
so he walked, and thought about all the troubles...
She doesn't love me anymore, I'm broke,
I'm unlucky, I can't keep a job, my family is ashamed,
I have no skills, nor talents, I'm a waste of life...
But he was interrupted by a quarrel between two men.
You ******* ***! You stole my wallet. said one.
I did not, you can search me. responded the other.
The first man threw a punch and knocked the other down.
I have to do something!
He ran to the two men and grabbed the assaulter
holding him against the wall, and yelled,
ENOUGH! This man has nothing and you
can't find your wallet, so you assume he has it!?
You probably left it at home, call your wife, kids,
or whomever and see if its there! he roared.
Whatever.. was his blunt response,
and the assaulter walked away...

The other man lay on the ground bleeding and coughing,
so he bent down and consoled him,
You okay man? he asked.
Why did you help me? I'm a waste of life,
and you helped me. You're the only person
in this city who ever gave me a chance:
You. Are. A. Hero. lamented the injured man.
He couldn't respond though. He just shed a tear
for in that moment all his problems went away.
It didn't matter that he was soaking wet,
or that he left his wallet at home,
or that his wife didn't answer,
or that he lost his job.
Nothing mattered,
except that he mattered.

Let's take turns
You know
Exchanging our
energies because
all we think
that was left
for us was the
energy inside
of us

Continue competing,
for this vital
source of life
through submission
and aggression
although another
source exists,
but hey,
we don't know
any better.

You were so down
after your last
encounter,
which happened
to be with your
parents, that
you go outside
to smoke a cig
and notice
a beautiful daisy
5 ft tall.

Admiring this
beautiful existence
just allows you
to focus well
enough on what
it truly emits-
the same energy
you spend your
days fighting for
with other people--
That's right,
it exists in all
living things,
and you
now feel
complete
**oneness.

Scattered thoughts flood the page
With rage, I try to torture my victim
The harsh realities I've revealed
Only show what has been concealed
With the hope that it will all change
One day, things will get better
One day, we will shine
One day, we will inspire
and some days I want to die
The words I leave behind are evidence
to a crime against myself
I had to be cleansed
Things needed to be fixed
The pencil is my weapon
And to me it did this...

My Dear True Love,

Though I haven't been in many relationships,
I know you are out there. I can hear your cries
and your laughter. I can see your smile and
your frown. You see and hear mine too. We
haven't met yet but I'm anticipating the day
our eyes will connect and love will fill both of
our lives. My Dear True Love, I write this letter
to let you know I love you so much, and though
we haven't met yet, I'm still waiting. Waiting for
the day we can finally be together.

Love,
Your James

Ever since I was a child I made each day count
Always staying busy, wondering what I will amount to
But as I grew older, the pressure jumped on my shoulders
I then realized this warm world was getting colder
Because of this I now know how this world works
It's no good to complain when things seem to get worse
Pro-active is what I'll be, and I'll never stop see
I can't sit here and wait for success to come to me
That would be like trying to stay dry with no umbrella in the rain
But I can still see why this thing called life makes people insane
They get deranged and mangled when their **** get's twisted
It's a shame because I've seen talent go to waste from kids that are gifted
I have to admit though, we all encounter distractions
That deceive us because they're gilded and encumbered in attraction
But satisfaction it can taste so good
Whether you reside in the suburbs or in the hood
It's time to make a switch and turn on that light
Instead of getting left, it's time to get it right