How can I make you see me that i'm not
Really a *******, though it feels that
Way in my heart? I try really hard to please
You but haven't done so yet, whatever i've
Said and done to deserve your evil stare
I'm sorry, what can I do to set matters
Right? Even though I tend to be really
Selfish at times, I do care about you.
I don't mean to be such an *******,
Life has been really ******* me or I've
Made life really hard for myself. Either
Way i'm trying to make life beautiful
Again, you know, when we were kids
And everything seemed such an
Adventure, until life came along and
Cut us down. It was such a mystery back
Then, full of hope and faith, love came
Ten folds and the sun seemed to shine
All day long. What happened to us as we
Grew older? so much baggage we have
With this Relationship that I can't take it
Anymore. Will it ever be right? I don't
Know but if I don't ever change my
Attitude nothing will change and life
Will always remain the same. Why
Don't you Join me in the journey?

There goes my sanity
Watch it go down the drain
No reason to beat a dead horse
Or maybe that's the answer for today
My will to preserve gets in the way
These instincts are running rampid
I try to find hope, exerting myself
But nothing seems like it's working
Maybe I need to do God's will

Here I am a cursing like it's going out of style
Like I can't write without using a curse word
It feels so good using bad language
Maybe I can get my point across better
I wonder if God condemns for fowl language
I really don't believe he finds it offensive
If he does then I'm going to hell
Cause I can't stop saying how I feel

At least there is truth to what I write
It may not be the best but it's my thoughts
And nobody can tell me how I should think
No one has a right to say how I should feel
Too many people trying to poison me
Trying to tell me what I should believe
What gives them the right to take away my hope?
What gives them the right to take away my faith?

It's all driving me crazy...

I need to really listen to others
Watch how they live
And act like them
It would be so ******* easy
To live a life of crime
Hell, I've lived a corrupted  life
Making others want to **** me
Beat the **** out of me
I don't ******* blame them
I thought I knew it all
I thought I could handle the street life
But all that did is harden my heart
And made me ****** at the world
******* world, what the **** did I ever do
To make the **** hit the ******* fan?
Can't you understand
I'm just a ******* phony living a lie
There's no way I could commit a crime
Maybe terrorist threats, talking a lot of ****
It would be better just to ******* fight
And get it done and over with
Come, take a swing at me and see what you get
I'll put my ******* face into your fist
Fall down and bleed all over the ground
Get up and run away from the action
Cause I'm just a ******* *****
And there is no attraction
No applause in what will take place
Someone could get seriously hurt
And that someone would probably be me
So I'll leave and turn away my face
Cause this is such a ******* disgrace

But the morbid thoughts that are in my head
I wish the whole ******* world  dead
I don't want to act out how I truly feel
One wrong word and I could **** you
That why I'm such a *****
I don't want to do a life bit
Maybe it's self-preservation
I don't know but it feels good to be
Outside of the prison system
I have so much freedom
It feels like a party inside my head
I'm in there ******* dancing to a beat
It feels so good I think I'll retreat
And follow after my ******* dreams
All it will take to ruin it all
Would be to act out on my brutality
And all would be a ******* waste
So much to do that I haven't done
Things I haven't seen
I want to make it all ******* real
But one wrong move could end it all
And people will truly see what I'm capable of
So am I truly a ******* *****
Or just trying to protect society
And keep a distance from the rage that's inside

Something is taken hold of me
An evil I don't want to let in
But it is here nonetheless
I want to hide from the darkness
I don't want to act on my thoughts
Or everyone I despise will be dead
I cringe to think of the devastation
A lot of blood would be spilled
I try to hold back these thoughts
Wondering if I'm extremely ill
No, it's this darkness surrounding my head
Wouldn't it be nice to sacrifice these ones who deserve it