Once again I became ****** up
Didn't want to but nobody held a ******* gun to my head
I was asked if I wanted a mix drink
And I said sure why not
Why the **** do I relapse all the time?
Something is stopping me moving forward
And making a good life for myself
I forget how much I drank to be honest
I ******* drank a lot
Then to add on top of it I just took my afternoon psyche meds
Anyway, I blacked out later on through the day
I came to with my next door neighbor ******* my ****
I didn't ask him to do that
I pushed him aside and grabbed my cds and ran outside
I went to my place and passed out again
Now all these ******* emotions are coming to the surface
I want to run away and forget it all
I want to drink over this so badly but I know I can't
Once again alcohol has left a bad memory in my heart
If only I didn't go over to his place
If only I didn't drink way too much
Now I can see the child within myself
Crying to find some ******* closure
Asking my older brother why
Asking my next door neighbor why
Now it's all falling to pieces
I can let it take me
But I am going to ******* survive
I'm not going to let it beat me
No, I am going to ******* beat this
And come out on the other side a better man
This happened to me recently, and I am still trying to process it. It brought back bad memories of my older brother molesting me when I was eight years old.