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Jaimee Michelle Dec 2013
There was a room
There were tons of people
You stood out in the crowd to me
It was a room full of people
When you spoke you caught my attention
Your words rang true to me
I just wanted to talk to you
But, I wasn't looking for more than a good conversation
We both left the crowded room
And went our separate ways

That same night
I walked into a situation I didn't think I'd walk out of
I stared into the face of the devil
He pushed me to my breaking point
Almost broke me
But, I escaped... Barely
But, I remembered you from the room and our talk
So I sent you a message
We began chatting
Just simple innocent talk
At first you didn't even seem interested, and I was desperate  for a distraction from the devil
That was truly it
You eventually warned up and we talked more everyday
I went back to the room and it was the same but, you weren't there
I frowned but went on my way

Then one Friday night everything changed
As awkward as it was, we finally got together
We talked and laughed until 5am
Then you brushed your hand against my leg and let it linger
Trouble was in your eyes with sweet shyness in your smile
If you asked me a year ago on march 19th, if I thought you would ever matter so much to me..
I'd of called you crazy
Our relationship was a worldwind
Good times always fly by
It was over before I had a chance to tell you how much you met to me
You changed my life
You were unlike anyone I'd ever known...
Then you changed

You left
Abrupt
Cold
Full of lies and for her
The messages I read between you and her broke my heart
We were still sleeping in the same bed
But, she was taking my place
I struggled for a clean break
I couldn't stay away and you didn't protest
You weren't with her often, so more you were with me
We became glued at the hip all over again
I still laid on your chest at night
Rubbed your back
Secret kisses
In those moments I'd forgotten
I'd forgotten I was slowly being forgotten, and there was no longer an us
I was so heart broken every time I was without you
The thought of her made me furious
What about her was so great?
How'd she mess up our beautiful painting?
How could you do that, and just let me watch?
How could you end things, beg me to stay, when you knew I wanted to leave?

Your blind eye to everything
Lips sealed when I asked questions
But, you had to know you were calling for my attention just as much
You were just fine being with her
And stringing me along behind her back
If I was worth the risk of you losing her, why wasn't I worth another chance with you?
I pleaded with you all the time
It wasn't enough..
But, I couldn't let you go
I haven't let you go

You changed my life that night I met you in the room
Long talks
Cuddling at the movies
Driving on star filled nights
Listening to you snore slightly beside me at night
Those are all just faded memories now
Just like the night we both shed tears and tightly embraced when you moved away
Distance either breaks you or bring you closer together
It eventually broke us
She moved in with you
You made a choice that shattered us
And we can never be fixed
But, ill never forget
It's been months since I've been in the rooms
But, I often wonder what life would be like
If you hadn't been in the room that night
Or if you'd never spoke
Because if you'd never spoke in that room
My attention you would've never caught
Jaimee Michelle Dec 2013
<\3
It's been well over a year and I'm still angry
Our relationship has been long over by now
I'm not sure I even remember the sound of your voice
Sometimes I think I hear you..
But then again, I'm not sure if I ever truly heard you
When I dream at night, I see your face and I swear I can feel your touch
When I wake up, I'm clammy and cold
Although I feel as if I've just been in hell

Maybe I feel like I'm in hell because this thinking of you,
This agonizing over why her? Not me?
Were we really blissfully happy one day, and the next, you were in love with her?
I knew you one day
And then tomorrow came and I didn't recognize that stone cold expression on your face
It's been WELL OVER A YEAR
This is *******
I thought I was putting you behind me
I thought the idea of us was seeping out of my veins
My heart is incased with rage

Lets try this
Lets go backward in time
How bout for just a day..
You seem protected, unable to be affected by my pain
Or feel remorse for causing me all this heartache
I was falling harder and harder and you were slowly backing up
No intention of ever telling me, I was just gonna fall flat on my face
Instead you just stood there innocently as if you gave such a ****
Well sit down for a minute and let's put the shoe on the other foot

How bout you're the one who starts to quickly fall head over heels
You get this taste in your mouth you've never had before
It hugs you so tightly and before you know it...
You're in love with me
At first your shy, only show your "good" qualities
Hide your ugly side
Then comfort sets in and insecurities start to slip out
And day by day, my behavior slightly changes
You don't see it at first.. But the distance is growing between us
And my eyes have begun to wander
You're confused and I'm not giving you any answers or bothering to comfort your doubts
The harder you try, the more annoyed I become
You've clearly become a pest to me but, I won't admit it
I won't get out, even after several offers from you
I actually make you feel bad for doubting my suspicious behavior

Then BAM!
Just like that, it's over
No explanations
No talks about it
And no matter how much you plead and beg and cry
I remain unmoved
And before you can blink, I have someone else in my bed
And you come to the disturbing realization that they've been there long before I let you go
Though you know you should give up
That you don't want a love triangle
You can't help but stay because this feeling called love has completely taken over you
It's what you've always wanted
And we were once so perfect for one another...
When the hell did we come to this fork in the road??
Though you refuse to see me for who I am, you stay and you let me drag your heart through the mud for months and months
Until BAM!
It's over, but it's really over
I've chosen him and turned my back to you
Thrown everything we ever had out the window
Just like a piece of ****** trash
Watched you shatter and kept walking

Tell me, how does that feel?
Do I look the same to you?
Your hearts bleeding and barely beating in your hands
Your face is stained with tears
The worlds been flipped upside down
The one thing, the one person who rang true
Turns out, none of may of been true
But you'll never know what was real and what was fake
Because, the phone calls are ignored, text messages deleted and emails never opened
It's just you with an old photo in your hand, that you clutch to your chest at night as you cry yourself to sleep
To wake up to the sunrise upon the giant hill of "get over it"
Would this be easy for you?
Especially if every time you started to climb the mountain, something knocked you down
And you scream because you're sick of starting over
You just want it to be over

I just want it to be over
Jaimee Michelle Dec 2013
A-ngry
B-roken
C-lumsy
D-enial
E-nvious
F-ear
G-reedy
H-umilated
­I-gnored
J-ealous
K-akorrhapiophobia
L-onely
M-anic
N-ervous
O-bs­essed
P-estimistic
Q-uitter
R-egret
S-orry
T-ormented
U-gly
V-ain­
W-orried
X-treme
Y-earning
Z-apped
Jaimee Michelle Dec 2013
You were my rock
I was just your stepping stone
So when you said goodbye,
Naturally my heart sank
And yours didn't skip a beat

How come you were the one who made me believe that you believed in me?
So I finally believed in you too
I believed in you more than anyone I'd ever been with before
So how come you were the one to make me the worlds biggest joke?

You took me higher than I'd ever been
Only to drop me so deep, the water barely rippled
You knew you had me in the palm of your hand
I thought you knew you were holding my heart, not just my hand

I could've waited for forever to end for you
But you turned the tide on me
And I was washed away by all your lies
I kept thrashing through them, trying to get back to the you I knew
I didn't realize that in that icy water my heart froze over, and hope died

I didn't want to go
I kept looking for your hand to pull me out, to stop me from drowning in the loss of a love I thought was true
But, you weren't there for me
And you never really had been
It took a lot of being stepped on and looked over for me to see...

So I wrote you this note
I folded it up nice and neat, and tied it to a rock with a red bow
I thought about throwing it in your face, like how your lack of concern for me was a slap in my face
But.. I can't wound you when none of my heartache is a weapon

The wind is brisk and harsh coming off the black, icy water below
The same water my heart sank to the bottom of when you just..let me go
So naturally I let you go there too
The water stung when it splashed on my face as I dropped my rock

It quickly vanished out of sight
Just as you had
Like my heart did that unforgettable day
You might have walked away as I sunk to the bottom but...
I stood there staring at the waters surface ,even though it had been still much longer than it had rippled as my rock sank

You were my rock
Idk why I've been thinking about something that's been over for so long, or a person that's been gone for so long.. But, the cold rainy night just seems to remind me of how lonely, I still am...:/
Jaimee Michelle Nov 2013
This is crazy
It's gone on for far too long
And the bridge between us has been burnt to the ground
No ashes remain
Just her stupid face in the picture frames with you, instead of mine
Just her laying on the side of the bed that was once mine
Anger seeps through my veins
And you'd like to call it jealousy
Not likely my snake of an ex
I'm angry because I just want to know, I want to know WHY?
WHY did you drag me through the mud for so long
That my heart still yearns for your comfort
And I'm foolish enough to allow myself to miss you still
To miss you..
The you I knew
Not that arrogant liar in the picture frames beside her
Do you.. Did he exist?
Was this all a dream?
Can someone shake me until I wake up
Until I wake up screaming shrieks of relief
To open my eyes wide, no lingering shadows of you in sight
No more web of lies to fight
Cause if my life's a nightmare without you in it...
Ill never close these eyes to sleep again
Jaimee Michelle Nov 2013
They say to love something is to suffer for it
Well, I'm pretty sure I loved you because, I can't even remember the good times we had anymore
All I look back and see is the FOOLISH girl waiting on the borderline, praying, hoping, pleading for your return
I stood there even when I was well aware of her presence
When I was well aware of where you were when you weren't with me... And couldn't be bothered to answer your phone
I laid by the borderline and cried endless tears night after night
Awaiting a return that deep down I knew was NEVER coming
So I have suffered
But, I don't have you
So what did I suffer for exactly?
To watch you build a life with her? The life I thought we had?
To be strung along for months before getting cut off completely
Just left standing in the dust of who I THOUGHT you were
The suffering didn't stop when the truth hit
Or when my head kept telling my heart to give it up
I wanted so desperately not to want you
Not to need you
But thoughts of you.. Of us..
Just consumed my head.. My heart..My life
It eventually got better
I started meaning the goodbyes that I'd been saying for so long
You appeared less and less in my mind
It seemed the suffering was coming to an end
Though I gained NOTHING from it
I know I never crossed your mind even close to how many times I caught myself daydreaming over you
Did you even give a second glance to the girl who literally was holding her heart in her hands... Offering it all to you?
Do memories of any kind ever flood your mind?
NEVERMIND
If I start to go there, the suffering just starts all over again
And I'm lost in a past love, a past game, a past heartbreak that I can no longer feel
Or I will drown inside my sorrow
So tell me, how much more suffering would I have to do to have you?
How much more suffering do I have to do to be OVER you???
Cause she hasn't felt nearly the amount of hurt that I have
Yet she has you...
And here I am, STILL writing about you
Still SUFFERING...
For nothing
For absolutely nothing
Jaimee Michelle Nov 2013
I know what it's like to be forgot
For the phone to never ring once
To drive up to that house just to see all the lights out
To be so alone that your tears echo throughout the empty streets
I know what it's like to hold that knife and contemplate using it

I want to be remembered
Just once I want that phone to ring
To knock on the door of the once dark house to be greeted
To laugh so loud among others our voices become one throughout the empty streets
I want to know what it's like to never have picked up that knife

Just once...
Been hit with a lot of hard knocks lately... Feelin alone. It might not be the best but, it comes from the darkest part of my heart
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