Dear Jade,

1. Your mother called you curvy. You mistook it for fat. A permanent reminder in your thigh.

2. The night he broke you. You perceived his uncontrollable lust as a result of your drunkenness. This was punishment.

3,4,5. Food. A scar for every one hundred calories you consumed that day.

6. The result of a suicide attempt. All the bleach in the world couldn't clean this mess.

7. Your plant died. When it did, a part of you died with it. I think you were just looking for a reason to fall apart.

8. Your grandmother died and you didn't cry. This was a reminder you could still feel.

9. FAT again. You gained three pounds and your jeans almost fit.

10. Probably needed stitches. You just wanted to see some blood.

11. Your scars were fading. You couldn't bear to see them go. Start over.

It would take me a lifetime to write the reasons behind every one of your scars.
Please. Let this be enough.
Let me enough. Love me.

I was 15 years old when I realized what the meaning of innocence was
My cousin taught me a very valuable lesson on losing it
He taught me what it feels like to be abused.
He taught me what it feels to be helpless.
He taught me the meaning of, "Don't ******* tell."

That night purity spewed out of me like *****.
I flushed it down the toilet
I flushed my childhood down the toilet.

That night I got a glimpse of hell.
I got a glimpse of the devil.

The devil: curly hair, six foot four, two hundred and fifty pounds.
Eyes to leave you dripping crimson from your thighs
And turn your smile into a broken sink
Hands that will show you what flowers feel like when they die.

You will decay underneath him.

Sand in my pockets
I wander from the beach
Lost-amidst a crowd of lonely faces
Thinking of only yours

I should have realized you were no good
When I caught you turning tricks and selling dope
But oh, your eyes, I was cursed to fall in love with danger and wrongness
Within your eyes

I should have known you were no good when I caught you stealing my cash
To buy your dope
But your rough hands pushed and pleasures my inner demons
They liked your presence amongst the Devil
You'd been through Hell
But so had I

And finally
You dumped me
With blonde hair and a black t shirt
You told me I was no good
On the beach.
We made love.
You left me
You left me.

And ****, this gun is talking to me
It's telling me beautiful things
Caressing me with the chamber
Of hell
The trigger. My finger dances around it
You left me
You left me
And when you did
You took the only sane part of me with you
But you ******* left me


I pull the trigger

You are made of stardust. You are an infinite galaxy.
The planets orbit around you. You are their sun. Their life source.
When you die, they die.
You are important.


But you have a devil inside of you.
He wants you to die. He carries your red stained blade.
Temptation.
His fingers are down your throat daily.
You let him in.


But it's time to realize you have an angel inside of you as well.
Begging the devil to stop scratching the surface
Praying for a savior.

You are the savior.
It's time to save yourself.
Time to let the angel free
Let him conquer the devil.

Please, you are worthy.
You need to preserve the galaxy.
Fight for your life; go to war.
But be on the the other side this time.
Fight the darkness, let the light in.
Let yourself free.

I want a cup of coffee
And I want you to love me
I want your soft hands exploring
The arch of my back
And I want your fingers to caress my protruding spine

I want you asking about my bones
Why they're so sharp, who made them that way
And if I use them to cut

I want you to show your mother my ring
And tell her how happy you are
I want it, your happiness, to absorb, consume me
I want to consume you

Your lust is not a replacement for your love
But I'll take anything I can get

1) I am soft sand between your toes
2) I am the essence of sunshine
3) I am breathing for you
4) I am made of lithium; I spread to you
5) I am filled with stardust
6) I am strawberry white sheets fresh from the dryer
7) I am the ocean when you are sad; i envelop you into my arms
8) I am wrong.
9) I am not the ocean.
10) I am not your happiness.
11) I am your misery
12) I am the gun you used to ****
13) I am a knife you shed your blood
14) I am the darkness; wretched in your soul
15) I am fire. I burn you when we touch
16) I am the ashes that fill your chest.
17) I am the contaminated air that you breathe.

I want to know more than your middle name and your favorite breakfast cereal or your favorite color I want to know who you are and what made you that way.

Do you ever consider suicide? Why or why not? Have you ever attempted suicide? Do you know what it's like to be shaking and take a gun to your head almost pull the trigger? Have you experienced the sick feeling after you swallow the fifty second pill? Whats your favorite song what's your favorite lyric from it does it represent who you are? Do you know who you are? Will you show me? If you don't can I help you find it?

Do you want to know where you came from? Do you believe in god? Where do you want to travel do you care about others? Or are you content where you are why don't you like change? Has a loved one passed on and who was it did you scream when you found out? Have you ever cried so hard you couldn't breathe why tell me who did this to you? What do you feel late at night are you scared of the dark?

Do you know what it's like to take a cold blade to your skin? Do you like the look of blood is your bedspread stained red? Have you been molested have you been *****? Did you go to therapy for it? Can you tell me the reason you shake? Would you ever be able to take a life? Would you be able to take your life? What drugs have you done what'd you see while you were on them do you love to be high? Do you love it too much can you ignore the craving at all?

Do you love yourself do you even like yourself? Do you know who you are? Do you know who you are? Do you know who you are? Do you know who I am? Can you help me find out?