They turned me into a monster.
Nothing is fimiliar about my bones.
My heart is far past turning to stone.
Why is there so much woe?
So as I try to dodge their bullets that they never cease to fire,
I’ll keep trying to pick myself up, before my life gets too dire.

All of this feels like torment. Where do I go next? Stumbling around through this chaotic mess. Who am I now? What’s left in my chest? I just wish I could figure out where I could move next.

The conspiracy never ends.
And my wrists miss the sting of the blade.
Maybe I'm not completely insane,
But I'm sick and ******* tired of everyone's games.
I'm so ******* dead and being drained of my spirit.
There's no salvation and the misery stays incoherent.
I have a death wish and I don't even fear it.
I'm done with everyone's ignorance.
Stop making me your punching bag because not even I want to hear it.

No hope to go on, no hope to mend.
So tell me, do you know how this is going to end?
My entire life has felt like a hoax.
No this isn’t a joke.
So what is there now if not hope?
Maybe it’s time to cut all the ropes.
Will I be numb? Or slip into the unknown?
I have nowhere left to go.
I guess I need to stop letting my feelings show.

The future is unraveling and i'm not liking the view.
Innocent or menacing? Will i ever have a clear view?
As the days turn into months, and months to years, it seems like the only thing keeping me sane is downing a few beers.
So what's next in this viscous cycle?
Every interaction feels recycled.
I keep wanting to get away, but i feel like i'll never make a clean escape.
What's blocking the gate to a new and unfiltered life?
It seems that gravity is the only thing keeping me grounded, but my wrist no longer feel the sting of the knife.
Where would i go if i even had the chance?
The days are kind of blurry, how do i get out of this trance?
But as my life keeps unfolding, i'll try to make it through.
My life feels like a hoax, i'm not liking these new shoes.

The fuckery never seems to end.
I can’t fix myself because none of the versions of me are on the mend.
So is this part of their master plan?
Everything is always my fault but this should never happen to anyone again.
What’s left in time? I’m in need of a way out.
Everything’s deceiving and there’s way too much doubt.
So as I hope to find a way out of this labrynth of a maze,
I’ll hope they stop hiding behind versions of me because I’m going insane.

While you pick me apart day by day, and make sure there's no other way, I come to find there was never another page.
Because its a web of chaotic lies and your belligerent ways.
So why can't I pick out the seeds that you all planted?
This is a despicable mess and I'm the only one standing.
So what am I standing for?
A chance to escape.
But your greed filled ways and entitlement make it impossible to get away.
So while I hope that you all suffer worse, I'll wonder why life is a trap and it feels like only a curse.

Maybe as the days pass there could be hope.
But I still feel like I’m going to choke.
Maybe one day I’ll witness everything in bloom.
And not feel alone in a crowded room.
So as I muster up the strength to continue, I’ll try to find the right shoes, in hopes of living in a brighter hue.
As I try to feel something other than black and blue.

Why can’t I find myself?
Where did the pieces go?
Will I ever know who I am?
Or will I continue to keep losing hope?
I guess sometimes it comes back.
But it’s still me that I lack.

Every path feels like it’s blocked.
All I see is smoke and mirrors.
Are there any open doors?
Or am I trapped in this cycle of suffocating suffering?
Maybe on the outside it doesn’t seem bad.
But in a sociopathic state, nothing ever really gets to you.
So how did I get this low?
I hit rock bottom and I never learned how to pick myself up.
Just fragments of a seemingly happy life.
Was this life ever a good one?
Or was it all a facade?
Just for those against me to gain what they needed?
All I see are liars, fakes and thieves.
Keeping my life an illusion while everything is falling apart at the seams.
I can’t hide in my dreams.
There’s no escape from the fear or the problems that never cease.
So why am I always stuck in a downwards spiral.
It’s not denial.
It’s a vicious cycle of fuckery.
And I can barely see or make it out to breathe.
It’s hard to conceive but it’s my life and I feel like I have nothing but me.
But do I even have myself?
I’m somewhere trapped inside this shell.
These disorders got the best of me.
Now I can’t see who I grew to be.
Everything always gets lost or stolen.
And I don’t think I’ll ever have it in me to be golden.

Why does my heart continue to get tangled in my thoughts?
Somehow I found what I sought.
But it feels like he might be fading away into the night.
I guess maybe I’ll find a way to be alright.
So as the mess of my mind continues to consume me.
I’ll try to focus on blooming.
Maybe if I can’t fix my thoughts I can learn to grow.
I just wish it didn’t feel like you’re letting go.
You brought me so much hope.
I guess I’ll try not to tie a noose in this rope.

I guess i should just embrace the hate emanating from me and towards me.
I guess the problem wasn't that i couldn't see.
It was probably the fact that everyone liked me losing my sanity.
When will my time be up?
I've had it with this ******* and i'm sure everyone else has also had enough.
I'm so ******* sick of calling everyone's bluffs.
Because it's so clear to me that nothing to anyone will ever be enough.

The days are getting longer as I’m dragging my lifeless corpse around.
What’s left in this chaos? Will there ever be a change in the sound?
I guess it’s not as bad as I think, but this petty tragedy is getting old.
**** what I would give to get back all of my soul.
The pit keeps getting deeper with illusions of getting out.
I’ve had it with this **** but I’m starting to have less doubt.
So where do I go to try to find some relief?
I’m filling up with hate and not to mention grief.
What’s the point in moving forward when I’m always being pushed back?
They’re ******* everything out of me, how do I gain what I lack?
Will I ever get it back?
So as I try to muster up any will to live I have left.
I’ll try to appreciate more the heart beating in my chest.

When your mind is against you where do you go?
What if the only thing keeping you going is hope?
What if every ounce of happiness gets washed away by the toxic patterns of your mind?
I don’t know about you but I think we’re running out of time.
Why did destiny cross our paths?
I know I have it in me to make this last.
But I’m damaging our ties.
Forcing you to hide.
If only I could tame my mind.

I know i need to get up and get out.
But i'm filled with false hope and too much doubt.
I can't help but think i need to end it all.
I just wish i meant enough to someone for them to call.
I guess you could say i have friends.
But i can't stop thinking about the end.
Maybe that's why i'm such a bore.
And my mind keeps leading me to believe the end will be filled with gore.
I guess i'm breaking down more than i thought.
But i know i'll never get closer to what i've sought.
So how do i try to give my self a happy ending?
I guess i'll never know because i'm always stuck mending.
But who i was feels like it's gotten carefully taken apart.
I would gladly take back my broken heart.
Just so i know that i wasn't always falling apart.
But now i know there is nothing but hate for me.
I guess i'll have to forget about finding a key.
So why can't i keep all the good memories in mind?
I guess it's because nothing has, or is going to work out this time.

When you look at life what do you see?
All I see is narcissism and vanity.
The deeper I look it's greed and entitlement.
And at a glance there's only room for your bigoted wits.
So what was the point of making this life?
Everyone's a brain dead ****** with no room for giving anything that matters a chance.
You people see it as being on your "best behaviour".
You people make people need a ******* ******* saviour.
You people aren't doing anyone any favours.
Keep your ******* away from me you peoples "offers" and ultimatums never should have made it to the table.

My whole existence is filled with hate.
I wish I could escape.
But I can’t seem to be able to turn the page.
Why does this have to be my fate?
I want to get away.
But things keep going deeper into this hellhole I’m in.
My life is like a series of other people’s sins.
Always leading to my demise, I can’t seem to win.
So what about the seeds of lies that they plant around every bend?
I try to get past it but everyone would rather believe in what’s pretend.
So I guess I’ll just keep trying to mend.
And hope that something changes.
Because I honestly can’t take this.
If only people could just see that their projections of who I am are barely ever even me.
I can’t get myself back, where is the key?
What’s getting stronger is my sanity.
But I can’t figure out what I need,
Except to end this petty fuckery.

Go to hell you *****.
Nothing in life will ever be enough.
It's because of you all that makes life **** this much.
Nothing will ever matter because you all manipulate the truth for your greedy bluffs.

Drowning in my life.
I don’t think I have any more fight.
Fading away.
I guess that’s why no one ever stays.
Sinking in regret.
What’s left in my chest?
I don’t know what’s left.
And I can’t keep living with all of this stress.

How do you start to rebuild after sinking deeper and deeper into the hellhole of your life?
Why am i always filled to the brim with these negative emotions.
I miss feeling as deep as the ocean.
But now i'm cold and alone with no way home.
My brittle bones can't withstand the weather.
I just wish i could figure this out and try to make all of this better.
But my being is worn and tethered.
And i'm left with these typed out letters.
So as i try to regain as much of my lost heart that i can fathom,
I'll try to stop living in the shadows.
And hope to breathe some life into my lost soul, i just really wish i had somewhere to go or someone to hold.

So the end is nigh.
And everyone is blind.
Too many sins, there's no good place to begin.
For my daughter ava, I wish I could have been there.
You're more precious than life but I'm left gasping for air.
If I could I'd give you the best life, but my merciless days led me straight to the morgue this time.
You shine brighter than the sun, and I hope will find the best life to come.
And for those just like you I wish the same to be true.
So in these final moments I'll just think about you and my motherhood.
But dwell on the fact that this life is always misunderstood.

What happened to the good things?
The little things?
The better things?
I'm losing it.
It doesn't matter where I sit.
Enemies surround me.
And there will never be a key.
I have no hope to find my way home.
My being turned to stone.
And I guess I'm forever wandering alone.

In the beginning I couldn’t mask the screams.
And ever since my life has been falling apart at the seams.
They say nothing in this life is ever as it seems.
But in these shoes you can only dream.
Everything smashed below my feet.
As the pieces kept slowly being taken away and switched but I still couldn’t be free.
Why was I so focused on finding a key?
I can’t even be myself, who would ever want someone like me.
As I kept drowning the melancholy and despair,
I didn’t notice that the fight was always unfair.
But little did they know I knew nothing about the fight, I just found it hard to sleep through the night.
I became overmedicated on pills and whatever I could stomach.
But the masquerade never stopped, they somehow love it.
So as the years went by everything started melting together.
Friends came and went but the only thing that remained were these typed out letters.
Fighting for so long to just be okay.
I never realized why no one ever stayed.
This hoax of a life kept in a cage.
Minute by minute, the good got ****** away.
So now I’m a shell that’s nothing like who I was before,
I thought I was asking too much, they thought I was asking for more.
All I ever wanted was to live a life that’s mine.
If you’re undeserving of yourself what’s left in time?
So as I reflect on the agony of the life I used to live,
I would trade this petty tragedy in for my life back to live.

**** your petty lives and everything you all stand for.
Life is nothing but deception, and making life a chore.
But if life let the tides change, it would be your faces that I'd rearrange.
So **** this place and every face I've known.
You people think you're doing me a favor by listening to what you all caused. But you all deserve the saw.
So in these passing days ill try to let go.
But if I had it my way, there would be seldom mercy to show.

I felt like I was about to be set free.
You made me think you could be what I need.
But I did what I do best and ****** it up again.
If I could make things better I would want to try to be around you again.
But I'm a hopeful romantic always falling so fast.
Maybe one day I'll find someone who wants to make something with me last.
And until I can try to be a better fit.
I'll try to figure out where it is that I sit.

It seems my life is iridescent.
Why am I always after question after question?
Will it get me closer to feeling more alive?
I think I need to buy myself a little more time.
We stumbled into each other’s lives but I’m always feeling like I’m on the outside.
Can you see me? I’m doing my best not to only hide.
Is it easy?
You make life look like a simple stride.
Do you need me?
Don’t answer that, I’m tired of hearing so many lies.
I need to free me.
Before I get washed up on the tide.

There is no amount of suffering any of you could endure, for dragging me through life while wanting nothing but the worst.
How long have you had senseless hate in your eyes?
My existence is petty slavery always leading to my demise.
If I could make you all rot and consecutively burn, for as long as you’ve all desecrated my life and any self worth.
I’d do it without hesitation for every hour, minute and second you’ve strung me along as your puppet like witness.
All I can see is petty lies stemming from hate.
But there was never any real reason until you all filled my eyes up with the very same hate.

Whatever’s going on I honestly can’t understand.
It’s petty ******* drama with your played out hands.
So what the **** is the work? What’s the master plan?
Just leave me alone I never had a chance.
I lived my life as a shadow and someone brought me out.
But you all found your way in and ended up getting me corrupted blindly so there was no doubt.
But now I’m trapped in your sequence and it’s a cycle of torment.
If that’s what being elite is then this should all lie dormant.
Does life even have meaning?
You’re all blinded with tunnel vision I truly can’t see it.
“Nymphos” fiending on corrupted lust.
Your lies make no sense and this life is so out of touch.
When will any of this satisfy any of you?
It never will cause you’re all horrendous just let me live without your played out shoes.

Everything is vain.
There's nothing more than hate.
No one is sane.
Belligerence seems Ike the only game people play.
So what will unfold in this merciless plot?
Switching your game up leaves you nothing but distraught.
There is no value anywhere I look.
Everything is gone, I was just an open book.
So while you rearrange my life for another countless time,
I'll wonder how I barely even have it in me to rhyme.

When there is nothing of value anywhere you look.
And you ponder about the life they so blatantly took.
There's no point to living this belligerent low life.
Because people drag you down and lead you to things worse than the knife.
I can't take the torment and there's no way to stay sane.
Just let me fade into my dreams, but it's a nightmare too so ******* all for tearing my life apart at the seams.

To the entitled, there's no need to take from others.
Why play pity to get what you want when you can do more?
Why belittle people to "be" or feel superior.
If it wasn't yours in the first place, then you shouldn't glorify yourself in what someone else took.
Modesty is not the best policy.
There's no sense in being modest when people are watching if you're going to over glorify yourself when certain people are around.
Why make people suffer just because you want power?
Why make people live in vain for what you want your life to be?
I have no answers that you people would accept.
Why?
You people make me suffer in vain while you all bask in stolen glory, belitting others.
And I'm stuck trying to find a humane way out.
And none of anything that's happened will ever make any of this in any way; justifiable.

Stuck living my life with the liars and the snakes.
I’d slit your ******* throats with the rustiest blade.
Yes I want your blood.
But it doesn’t matter because it’s all of you and I’m only one.
Nailing your eyeballs into their sockets would never suffice.
For all of this conniving *******, just to take any every single part of my life.
Well I’d tie you to a post, sawter your arms to see what hurts the most.
Only after skinning you alive, I’d get the gasoline and torch you to death for pre determining my existence only to lead me to my demise.
So does anyone deserve a life of torment?
Maybe it’s like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but if your the ones who play god or karma or whatever the **** it is.
You people should live like the people you keep in remiss.
But no one wants to cut your ties, because it’s always your word against anyone else whose trying to change the tides.
So go ahead and keep people suffering.
It’s only a matter of time until there’s nothing left but everyone’s demise.

My being was in the middle of their wreckage.
Pried open and picked apart, and now I can barely see my own reflection.
There was never a point to any of this orchestrated mess.
Who’s being who? Why pick apart what’s underneath someone’s ribs?
So as I come to terms that this life is filled with petty misfortune with little to no order, I’ll keep wondering why everyone wants more.
It’s what you do in life that makes it count.
Not who you **** over leaving them with nothing but hate and doubt.

Maybe my heart is hard wired to fail.
If only the way I feel could tip the scales.
They say I’m crazy but is that really my reality?
If only I could find someone with the same mentality.
In the beginning it was light and airy.
Why does my mind always find ways to scare me?
Maybe I just have a heavy heart.
I know I tried but I still fell apart.
Still hoping that there’s something after this mess.
If only you could feel my heart beating in my chest.
They often say that time tells all.
So I’ve been menacingly breaking down all my walls.
If only I didn’t **** with the connection.
I’m probably the worst out of your selection.
But I’ll keep my eyes set on the stars.
Hoping soon for you to hold me in your arms.

My life is taking a turn for the worst.
I don’t understand how this doesn’t really hurt.
It seems like I’ve turned into everything I hate.
I just wish I could escape.
But when things are so intricately and deceptively ****** up.
You start to realize you’ve had enough.
And trust me it’s not me whose spitting out all of these bluffs.
I guess it’s so distorted that I’m out of touch.
So who am I becoming in this twisted mess?
I don’t know what I’m feeling but there’s almost no good in me left.
I don’t know what I did for my life to be filled with so much hate.
I guess I’ll know for sure when I reach the final gate.

Life is a waste of time and every entitled person made it so.
Why the hell did life succumb to everyone's egos and greed?
Why the hell are people devolving?
Why the hell are you people THIS ******* DAFT!?
I'm so sick and tired of this "game" and everyone's pettiness that I'm left wanting to ***** profusely.
What the **** happened to leaving people alone if they didn't do a single ******* thing to you.
And if you did Why the hell are those people more reasonable?
Why the hell is life an imbecillic mess of brain dead nymphos making my ******* brain lobes burst from their stupidity?
IM THE ONE WHOS ******* BRAIN DEAD BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE ARE SO ******* ******* AND NOW IM ******* ****** THAT I CANT CALL YOU DESPICABLE SACKS OF DAFT FLESH ANYTHING WORSE.
GO. TO. *******. HELL.
oh yeah and on the way there I hope you go through exactly what you all did to me plus brutal torture but faster🤗🖕

I wish things didn’t have to end.
To me you were a godsend.
I know I always make things hard.
Just know I never wanted to leave your arms.
I’ll always remember your soft green eyes.
I wish we had a chance to say our goodbyes.
I’ll hold you forever in my heart.
Even though I ****** up and tore us apart.
But for you I hope for a better start.
Even though you still have my heart.
So as I try to just be alright,
I’ll just hope I don’t get lost in the night.

Life is a curse, and you all started it first.
Never left alone, when the **** will I find a home?
Belligerence around every bend.
You're all so petty and morbid that no one can mend.
Life is not to be sacrificed.
If it were I'd never cease to end your lives.
Don't tarnish the pure and good hearted.
Just because you peoples good will has already departed.
I guess I'm a one person army.
But for anything that wasn't planned, by my hands to you people, I will never be sorry.

This distorted chaotic web of lies that is somehow life sickens me.
I wish nothing but the worst for the people who did and planned this mess.
But that doesn’t stop the burdens that you people put onto others, or your snide powertripping personas. What’s left of life is a hoax. And as long as you people play god, the devil or whatever the hell it is, life will be tarnished and there will be nothing left but this stupid conspiracy that the entitled and selfish caused. So to you all, here’s one last *******.

Sometimes an ounce of hope shines through.
And it gives me the strength to want to continue.
But I always find out it’s just a hoax.
Will my demise come from the noose in the rope?

Always worrying about my demise.
I guess I’ve always known that there’s never enough time.
Will I ever get to witness the beauty of the world shine?
It’s all such a dark mess and I’m never truly fine.

So what’s left in the unfolding chapters of my life?
Is there hope to turn the page? Or will I continue to live a life filled with strife?

So I guess now all I can do is try to move past this.
Even though the last few months have been in remiss.
So as I try not to let their hate consume my being.
I’ll try not to spend all of my time grieving.

I’m at the final bow,
I ask myself wondering how,
Life makes such horrendous sounds.
But my head used to always be caught up in the clouds.
And there’s seldom freedom now.
But I can’t shake this negative energy.
There was never any hope to living my life just for me.
I just got ****** into petty slavery.
And now I don’t know what it is that I need.
I’ve been lost my whole life how could I have ever found a key?
I don’t even know what it is that I need, but the torture of my existence leads me to sometimes grieve.
So I guess this is it cause everyone’s out to get me.
And now I feel like it’s time to take the final leap.

Another day walking around aimlessly.
But all there’s left is shame you see.
I ****** it all up and there’s no turning back.
I guess I need to reconstruct a new map.
Will I ever figure out where it is that I’m going?
I’m so ****** up and it’s always my feelings that are showing.
The doubt is growing.
The fear I’m holding.
The abyss is unfolding.
So what’s next in this orchestrated mess?
I guess I’ll just have to keep going and hold onto what’s left in my chest.
Forget about the rest.
And try not to think about the disasters that could unveil themselves next.

So trapped it doesn’t matter what I do.
Everything is so misconstrued.
Who am I? I keep losing my shoes.
Death is coming, and probably soon.
I wish I had the strength to make it through.
But everyone’s against me so there’s no hope to find a brighter hue.
So tell me, what is there left to do?
I’m so lost **** I have absolutely no clue.
So as I try to overcome this and maybe escape this impending doom,
I’ll keep searching for myself but even that’s been stolen too.
I guess the only thing left to do is to feel as much as I can in hopes of figuring out what to do.

All these petty games and somehow I’m not completely insane.
If I could rid this world of you people I think there would be hope for better days.
You can’t live your life feeding on the weak, reeking of havoc and greed.
I still don’t see any point to your lies and games because you people just can’t see.
If selfish hearts continue to be in control, it’s only a matter of time until something more ugly unfolds.
So what’s next in this web of lies?
Who’s next? Who’s not wearing a disguise?
So as I try not to suffer completely, I’ll try to focus less on the fact that I won’t be leaving.
But this towns disease is spreading like cancer.
I wish I could find it in me to figure out some better answers.

Can’t find comfort in my sleep,
None of these people deserve any peace.
Stop invading my miserable life,
Your wrongdoings want me to hold your necks to the knife.
I don’t know why I’m always the target.
You “switch your game up” and deny what you did.
Stop hiding behind your versions of me.
This is petty ******* that no one needs.
Who you see me as isn’t who I am.
You ****** me up but your lies and corruption were belligerently planned.
So what is the point to any of this?
Leave me the **** alone cause I’ve lived my whole life in remiss.

Life has it's doubts but this isn't the way it should turn out.
Maybe the conspiracy is coming to an end.
But the way things are going people need more of a godsend.
I know things took a turn for the worst, but that doesn't stop the masses from putting themselves first.
You can't live life wanting to destroy everything in sight.
Or wish to fade away into the night.
So to those who have lost, i'll wish you return.
And for the ones who got trapped, don't expect things to stand still.
Maybe things can go deeper if you will.
But that doesn't mean time has to stand still.
To each end there's a new beginning.
Life is humanity everyone deserves to be winning.

What is it like when every morning feels like a breath of fresh air?
When you’re not consumed in a fight that was always unfair?
What do you do when everyone is decieving?
I just wish I could find something, anything worth keeping.
How does it feel when you’re basking in bliss?
I don’t know if I’ll ever get a chance to feel effervescent in a kiss.
Maybe time isn’t on my side.
But I need to muster up the courage not to only hide.
I need to get away and try to live a better life.
Instead of being consumed in this petty fight of my life.

No wonder in my days.
I'll never get off this page.
Life will never shine.
I guess I ran out of time.

You people are so conniving.
Playing god or karma to bring pain to the ones you want dying.
Stop giving people disorders to stay where you want in life.
You’re in an artificial hierarchy, fueled by your egos and power driven minds.
Just because you all think you know what’s best.
So tell me, whose lives should this lead to their demise?
It’s all of you.
And you snake your way into the minds of the weak.
Pretending to provide a helping hand but the future is so bleak.
Why do you need to have all of this control?
You’re all part of a fake ******* cult, and on humanity it’s taken it’s toll.
Go ahead and corrupt everyone,
You’re all so blinded by the way you do everything.
That all you people care about is what you want.
You keep people as your petty ******* slaves and ******* the peace out of everything.

All this time I’ve been standing alone.
I just wish I could find someone to call home.
But this life is breaking me, and I’m getting such brittle bones.