I'm scared to care
as everyone seems to just disappear.
They are there one second, promising to be around,
but when I need them, they never can be found.
When I start to fall,
sometimes a little too fast,
I find myself peering at my past.
I see that I've gotten hurt many times before,
turn around, I run for the door.
No more pain and no more tears,
as I've felt the pain for too many years.
"It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all,"
goes back in forth in my mind,
my body shakes, everything is in a bind.
For I don't know which move to make,
If you'll move your queen,
or if you'll check mate.
My tract record is very cluttered,
as I'm starting to run when my heart begins to flutter.
I can't tell if I'll be hurt again,
who knows how many more times my heart can bend.

I think I am always an afterthought,
one that people seem to disregard,
It seems that people call me when there is nothing left,
and I don't know how I feel about being being second best.
Dates are asked and promised,
and phone calls are never returned,
the tightly tied strings of friendship are fringed and burned.
The effort is never made,
as it is assumed I will always be there,
an afterthought, a maybe,
forgotten without a care.
You don't jump at the chance to be with me,
it's always a "maybe", or a "we will see."
I am not number one on any lists,
not "best looking", or "who I want to kiss."
But I'm an afterthought,
the one lingering in the back of your mind,
the "not too bad", the "she's okay",
"with her it's an alright time."
An afterthought,
I do not want to be,
But a first thought,
the one you want to see.

You asked for my heart
so I hesitantly gave it,
Afraid of what would happen,
I just decided to brave it.
Singing softly along side your voice,
I started to fall as if I didn't have a choice.
Then you went in reverse
and you took it all back,
You grabbed my heart
and just tossed it into your stack
of all the hearts you don't care to wound,
I couldn't have learned of this too soon.
I'll see you around,
and I'm glad we aren't a thing,
because your smile is deceitful,
and your words just sting.

I want to paint a picture in your head,
of the feelings that I feel when laying in my bed.
I want my words to flow like the paint brush,
and I want you to feel the rush.
Imagine this as you may,
I wake to the sun and the birds each and every day.
It's warm and inviting,
but I just want to hide,
and sleep took forever with exhaustion by my side.
As I make my way through the day,
I am cheerful, smiling, I hope you can see.
I love the days and the nights,
all the birds and all the trees.
The wind flows through my long crazy hair, and the sun beats upon my snow white skin,
But I am not quite a princess,
and my heart seems to be replaced by tin.
Do not take it the wrong way,
as it works perfectly fine,
and it does all the loving in the world,
but I keep wondering if some day I'll have someone to call mine.
As I said, don't take it the wrong way,
I have a full heart and a full life,
and if someone never comes my way, I'll be okay if I'm never a wife.
As this thought crosses my mind most of the time,
I feel the sun beams as they shine,
and the love they give is enough for me,
but then I wonder if it will always be.

"No one could give so much and never get anything"
are the lyrics for each day.
As I give my all,
every single breath,
but no one is ever here to stay.
Every person I meet,
I love them fully,
everything of mine is theirs,
they could never walk away, could they?
And in the end they do,
and so I begin again,
and give my all to the new.
Everyone deserves to be loved,
and that's why I'm here,
to be the friend, the smile,
to show them that I care.

I wish I could put down in words how I want to feel,
but my mind is blank,
and no words are fit to describe.
And no matter what I write, it doesn't feel okay,
the emotion is lost in translation,
and feelings are hidden away.
I wish I could put into words
How I replay lyrics in my head that seem the be the only ones to understand,
And how everyone seems to have said what I want to say,
but the power and the strength and the passion do not stay
They are echoed in the syllables,
but not reflected in the voice,
the desire is not dragged through the words,
People hear them but do not listen,
and the meaning is lost.

When I'm alone
the sun is shining
but I don't want to go outside.

The rain starts to fall
I can hear it outside.
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Drip Drop Drip Drop Drip Drop
When does it stop?

When I do not want to be alone,
No one is there.
I am surrounded by constant fear.
But when it rains, it pours.
And you come running fast.
And he comes running fast.
They all come running fast.

But when I am alone.
That's all I am.
Alone.