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Jacqui Oct 2013
I keep waiting for the news,
that you do not want to stay,
that somehow these feelings you lose,
that they somehow slipped away.

Maybe it's another face,
another smile,
Or maybe it's a different chase,
maybe I've pushed you past your last mile,
or that this love has been fading for awhile.

I wonder every day if I've done something wrong,
I wonder if maybe I was talking for too long.
I worry all the time that maybe I'm too crazy,
or maybe it's the fact that sometimes I get too lazy.

This wonderful thing I hope is here to stay,
but every day I wonder,
what's the price I'll have to pay.
10/18/13
Jacqui Oct 2013
Though you might be far away,
you're not really that far at all,
I keep thinking of that day,
when I really started to fall.

Every night that I am without you,
is a struggle and I'm sad,
But the next day is one that brings me that much closer to you
and it's really not that bad.

While the distance might be daring,
I'm willing to take that risk,
A love like this is worth sharing,
and it's something I would never miss.
10/13/13
Jacqui Oct 2013
We talk of death,
they are not afraid
of the cold, dark quiet world
that awaits.

They don't face the idea everyday
that their young best friend might not be here to stay.
Young and beautiful,
funny and strong,
I have to pray that she won't be gone.

When she has been the one
to awaken me when I am sleeping
I'm terrified of the thought of weeping
the idea that you are not here
is one that i cannot bare.

Death is a topic that is always in the back of my mind
but now we are talking about it for this class time.

I think of the one who has stolen my heart,
a world without him- I would not know where to start.

That stupid thing in his brain,
not knowing what will happen
is driving me insane
and causing immense pain.

My love,
I can't imagine living in a world without you,
it would be a sharp, stabbing pain
that I could not admit to be true.
My love is the song of my soul
without him my world would be so cold.

I cannot think this way,
my best friend and my love are here to stay.
They will be healthy and fine
everything will be alright in time.

So we continue to talk about death,
I'll be okay,
my love and my best friend are the best.
Together we will triumph this quest.
We spent my comp class today talking about poems about death... it was really bothering me. 10/8/13
Jacqui Oct 2013
My mind replays that teenage weekend.
The one that was intense, carefree and beautiful.
We spent that weekend like young lovers
Racing thoughts and pulsing hearts
Not once did we stop and think about what is right
or what is wrong.

Though in this teenage weekend,
nothing is wrong
it is all right.
That's the beauty of this teenage weekend.

Exploring the new depths of something so profound,
we are innocent.
This is new.
It is beautiful.
Carefree.
Intense.

That teenage weekend
is forever there.
10/7/13
Jacqui Sep 2013
My mind shifts back to yesterday,
when I was in your arms,
wishing I could stay.
Feeling your heart beat match mine,
and your lips so close to me.

I held your hand tight,
afraid that if I let go,
you might drift away,
float off into the abyss
and I would never hear your sweet words again.

Your words escape from your mouth,
and they resemble the melody to my favorite song.
They are my favorite song.
You say enough words to fill my ears forever.
I could live forever and your words would be enough.

As I reflect on yesterday,
I realize that there is no place I would rather be,
than in your arms,
gentle, yet strong.
Keeping me safe.

Yesterday seems like a dream now.
Or maybe a movie.
I keep rewinding.
Being with you,
is my own personal heaven.

How lucky am I
that I have found heaven here on earth?
9/30/13. For my love <3
Jacqui Sep 2013
She remembers them,
as if it was yesterday.

Shaking.
Screaming.
Hitting.
Scratching.
Herself.

Sh­e was out of control.
She was afraid.
It was a terrible thing, really.
A girl once in total control,
spiraling out of control.

She was drowning in fear,
fear of herself.
As she swam closer to the top,
the monster inside pulled her down further.
She could not get up.

Water.
Filled.
Her.
Lungs.
She.
Could.
Not.
Breathe.

Wishin­g the water would take over completely.
This state in between living and not.
It is not a way to be.

They say to take deep breaths,
but as she prepares for the air to fill her lungs,
water flows in.
They said she would be okay.
What is happening?
What is going on?

Yelling.
Crying.
Screaming.

What is going on?!
She wants things to make sense.
Everyone around her is afraid.
They try to comfort her,
but nothing works.

She shakes in her own skin,
with no where to run.
She cries and she sleeps and tries to get through every day,
just hoping it will get better.
9/30/13.
This is what it felt like going through my panic attacks. Before I knew what was going on.
Jacqui Sep 2013
The way your eyes light up when you say my name,
the way your lips curl when you come in for a kiss.
The way you hold me in your arms so I feel secure.
It is all i can think about when you are not near.

You, my dear, are everything I've ever dreamed of.
You are more than I ever thought could be true.

I feel I have finally found my missing piece, my other half, my soulmate.

You shine brighter than all the stars in the sky,
and you make my heart beat faster,
and faster
andfasterandfasterandfaster
than ever before.
My stomach fills with butterflies,
my heart turns into a knot.
And my soul feels complete
because of you.
9/27/13.
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