I am nature
I am open and wild and free
I am the wind rushing down canyons and the hollering in banyans
I am a bird that sings
I am molecules upon cells upon bones against things

I am civilization.
The trapped, fluorescent lighting in a library basement.
The cake walks and small talks and forced conversation.
I am the beeps and hums and dirt on bums.
I’m the faraway cell phone that rings.
I am molecules upon cells upon bones against things.


I am exuberance
A child giggling loud sounds of joy
Puzzle completers and Christmas toys
Smiles and laughs and leaves of grass
The casino machine that dings
I am molecules upon cells upon bones against things

I am anger.
Tears, scares, and not fighting fair.
I am the red in your eyes as you cry.
I am a ghoul that comes out in the night.
I am the cut that won’t cease to sting.
I am molecules upon cells upon bones against things.

I am ideas
Originality through and through
Creations of my own evolve in my mind
Great sinewy thoughts searching for actions to bind
Mister Cleans and Daedalus wings
I am molecules upon cells upon bones against things

I am silence.
Quiet. Tight. Composure.
Open. Weary. Closure.
I am the stillness of being.
I am molecules upon cells upon bones against things.*

I am alive
I set Rube Goldberg machines into action
I contemplate, gravitate, and try not to hate
I breathe and I heave and I believe
I use my eyes to see
I am molecules upon cells upon bones against things

I am dead.
I’m a sideshow reflection of the man I could be.
I am lazy cold and clammy.
Hopefully I can get my heart beating again.
Then I could be me, molecules upon cells upon bones against things

speechless
choking on words
I've never wanted to say
more
they scream in my head
impossible to think
I wish i could just
spit
them
out
but they taste so good
even just the thought
-
but then again
rejection
looms in the corner
of the room
where you hold me
can you see it too?
-
my lips hold tight
my eyes try
but it just isn't the same
it's painful
electric pulses under my skin
whisper in the darkness
-
when
at last
you pressed your lips to mine
drew out the words
pulled out the pain
a sigh of relief
-
I tremble
rejection steps closer
but your words pierce it
you said it
unlock my lips
so I can reply
I love you too

In the stillness of night,
The cold bitter words,
Floating in my head,
These are the words,
Neither spoken nor heard.

These are the words,
That pray upon my mind,
That live within my heart,
These words,
The ones that must not be spoken.

Upon my death bed,
I have but one final wish,
My true thoughts,
These words,
To finally be revealed.

Whether accepted or rejected,
They must be told,
One day not so soon,
But a day none-the-less,
Lest my life end,
With a cold, sad, and bitter death.