In the shower
When I am alone
With the water
And only me.
I should be standing tall
But instead I find a tiny boy
Crouched
And crying tears
that sting hotter than
The water meant to be cleaning
Off the salt
Of a turbulent
Tossing sea.

I find a shadow of my daily self
A weak and lonesome man
Who cannot stand
To hold his chin high
A man who cannot stand
To smile bright
A lost boy
Crying
In the cubicle
His confidence
Missing
His course listing
Upon this cruel and violent sea.

This is me,
This lying man
Who smiles by day
And cries by night
This is me
This constant fight
To love myself
And love thy neighbour.

Small boy
Squatting.
Disgust
Rotting him
from stern to bow.
He doesn’t know how
To stem the tears
Release the fears
As if they were hounds
And could chase away
The badness.

This sadness
Overwhelms
And burning tears
scratch his face.
He is disgrace
Released,
Displaced,
Alone.

I love you
Do you know that…
Cause you should.
I love you like a pen knife loves wood.
I love you like the moon loves the tide.
You are hemmed inside
Like the silk lining of a finely tailored coat.
You float my boat;
The bridge to my moat.
I could rhyme of you until
Dead poets fell from the sky
I don’t know why
I feel this way
Lets just say
That some things are meant to be
And that I see
In us
A million days,
A Thousand ways
A spring dusk haze
Of Beauty in Love
And Happiness in
Togetherness
Foreverness.
You n Me
Sailing a passionate sea
In a boat built for two.
I love you.

I walked right on into your life,
Stormed right on in through the closed and creaking doors,
Knocked down the walls
Wearing come **** me boots
And a packer
Unpacked and willing
Smiling like I’d already swallowed the canary
I put it out there you know
To meet you
To have you meet me
To meet my maker
My Love Set Match
I volleyed the ball straight
Into the wanting
Court of your heart
And waited
Breath bated
For your solid, resounding return.
I stole inside you while you slept
Unstitched your skin
Climbed in and
Sewed myself deep and everlasting
inside.
I spoke softly to your shadow
Through your dreams
Until it grasped my hand
And now, like glue, I am stuck to you.
I smeared my love
Across your chest
With wet kisses
And a love bequeathed by lust.
I handed you my trust
And watched as you unwrapped it
And placed it lovingly within your own.
I tore down my walls to get to you
I walked through fiery insecurity
And swam through fear infested waters
I battled demons
And won
I lost my voice
And sung
Of two souls
Found
Two hearts bound
And a love all enduring connected.

Suffocating in this state of mind

Like a grain of soil

On the wall of a

perpetually filling

Bottomless pit.

All stale

and collapsing mud.



I can’t breathe

And it is dark in here

In this silence

In this wet and stifling

***** blanket

Of thin smiles

That veil

filth and dirt.



Gritty, I can taste discontent

( restlessness stirred, agitated, weeping)

Like a thorn in the side

Of this torn and invisibly stitched mouth.

My fingers bleed

And doubt seeds

Vicious weeds inside

An already

sick and nauseated mind.



There is hurt in here

And pain

And the bittersweet unspoken

refrain

Of one lost in their

Own directionless

Domain.



These walls I built, alone.

That stare back careless

And greet me daily with their

Cold embrace.



In this darkness, alone,

I, us, we,

cry.

Small children,

Whimpering in this feeling

of self chafed friction.

Whining,

each whine followed by

Gutteral, viscous, primal mutterings

These madman

Me, myself and i

Locked in a tunnel

Without light

It is cold and we want so badly

To relight the fire



I

claw at the fortification

I have erected

Around myself

Then bleed some more

Until the walls in front of me turn from

la mort noire to

rouge de sang



Sitting here

In this

Abyss.

Blinded by the inability to see

The incapacity to feel

Anything but the feeling of failure.

This powerlessness to heal,

All sealed up and drowning

in my private pool of mud.



Still it is dark in here,

And wet,

And bloodied

And brooding.

The cold walls are soothing

And the veil still acts

To conceal

The extent of filth

Scourging up the walls

Of this inaudible and bidding cave.

***** clean
Those pieces unseen
Unsaid
Pretty head
On a misfit body born
Into a (purely)
Miscreant soul
Torn seams
And jagged edges
That spill
Fluid
Love drunk
All steam
And moist expression
From the lens
Onto slippery
Retro
Queerly hetero
Tiles
All the while
A message sent
Through the eye of a
Ready and wanting beholder
Bent and already
So eagerly
Tainted
Face painted
A boy with a joker smile
Drawn and smear
Dipped from
Lip to ear
From frown to crown
He has feelings
To feast on
Thoughts
Fit for a king.
Those passions
That sit within
Before them
Inside him
Unhinged
He is wet through and waiting.
Dried out and wanting.
Flaunting
Daunting.
As timid as he is bold
Underneath
The cold shower
Of expression refrained
Still bidding.



You are my favourite type of conversation
The kind of relaxation
that rests easy like a rocking chair,
slippers and a roll your own cigarette
within my soul.
Your smile makes me whole
And I could drown in the beauty that is
your laughter.
I would quest after you if ever you felt lost.
I cry at the thought of our paths having never crossed;
at the idea that I had would have to live forever
With the pain
of not knowing your name,
Not seeing your face,
Not feeling your tender embrace,
Or the warmth of your heart lapping
Pooling
Pulling
The strings inside
my own.
Already,
together,
we have grown,
seed sewn,
Emerged,
Converged,
Two lovers with so much love to give.
So much time to live;
Embraced,
Divine intervention
So carefully placed
before us.

To this love that speaks so loudly
I raise my glass
(more **** than class, a heady brew of beer and wine)
And toast to loving freely
Living ideally
And making these rich and teeming
dreams come true.
I say I love you
And know that is the easy part.
I hand you my heart
And breathe in
as invisible tears
Depart my eyes
And my soul tries
So desperately
To be brave
And stave off the fear
Of failure.