The curiosity of insecurity

To witness the diminishing of ones self worth
With the hands of a pure or vile heart

To question morality in the face of false assurance

The hot lump of wisdoms coal burns my throat as I speak with icy truths

I cut my cheek with my razor tongue

I spit on my own shoes

My hair is in my face

Inward pronating toes as I feel my posture change

Shifting and ******* with my shirt

The eyes that peer hold the most power over me

God forbid I trust in the opinion of my lover

“Made for me”

But with so much to fix

White knuckles grip my palms
Wild greens catch my psyche

I will stand in the mud

Sing out of tune

Walk with a goofy gait

Smile in my crooked way

Embrace my family

Laugh as loud as I want

Kiss your forehead

And dance in the lightning storm

I’m thankful for my fear
It blesses me with open eyes
A heart that breaks and reminds me of a life to live

To kneel before my God

Insecurities in hand

Take my sorrows from my calloused palms

Clouds fall apart in an all familiar blue

Her hand on my shoulder

The sweetest of affirmations

Her lips

The open road

Beach hair and sandy toes

True love and loving companionship

The adventure of no true destination is the song of my soul

But to share that same soul

That is why I love you

a complex mind finds the soft complex of the simple
watch the same moon
what color is it?
what lies can you pour for me to drink?
the everclear percentage
a disappointment in whats to be hidden
the wisdom of your decision
the fools ransom
the jesters plea
creativity lost amongst dying intimacy
rhymes beckon my name
i become addicted to their cry
i am not to blame
buts its not my name that caused  your fall
please don't bother at all
**** your words and monotonous pain
you simply replicate the dancers flame
poems to find fever in the form
all the times i fought for you
there was never a doubt in my mind
maybe it should have been a story for a simpler time
one without reason or rhyme

to be captivated by your eyes and chase the sun

to pick up the fragments and make a beautiful picture

the beauty of a craft not limited by another agenda

the surface of the sea and a sirens serenity

and to curiously follow a leaf taken by the wind
tossed and tumbled in a beautiful dance
skating from life to adventure

how does one catch a leaf that has gone with the wind?

simple

be the breeze that carries her along the way

sometimes it finds you

on the hood of a car
or the end of a burning cigarette

carelessly in the eyes of a stranger
or the secrecy of a whisper

the steam of a coffee
and the companionship of a smile

a face to forget
and the broken continuity of a memory

the hard metal of a camera
and the expired film

interlocked fingers
and the feeling of her body

shameless as it should be
love is bound by circumstance and fear

of what I am not sure

yet broken by passion

it is good
it is kind
it is holy

it is mine

Lips that buzz would sure make her happy
Stay a few inches above her ******

Lips that buzz would sure make the best music
But make sure the beat sticks

Lips that buzz would share the best news
To bad its all gossip

Lips that buzz would be pretty ******* funny to watch
**** shame nobody would know your name

Lips that buzz would definitely play the best brass
****** you're an atrociously late ***

Lips that buzz?

Mine don't do that anymore
Guess I'm stuck with a sour set of memories and a ****** poem

Forgive me but whats your name?
I know we once loved

Your face?

Yes i remember
The features of a dove

The old folks told me your name
The piano rang in the background

But for some reason your face just never comes round
Maybe ill remember after I'm in the ground?

time and distance
merely ambiguous excuses
a rose in your window sill
ambitious but broken in gesture
a love song
your name fell flat amongst a sharp tone
an altruistic chord i sang
truly, truly fell to disdain
a call from the dark shadows
you withheld light
a change in tone
a style to frown
and yet more form and dissonance
a distilled fever
a vessel of love now a cacophony of disappointment
hate burns in a heart tethered by jealous love
circumstance has deteriorated a chance at a shared joy
please don't leave
please don't go
the gentle touch  of your lips
the only song i know
a turn of your head
a phenomena turned Greek
a system to terminate
the irate sound of a lovers fate

homeward bound
i will walk to the ends of things split
the tip of any iceberg
the bottoms of valleys long

and i will stand for you
you will be my greatest adventure

may i call you darling?
may i please hold your hand?

you see chance has been calling my name
she told me to whisper in your ear

"i am not falling anymore... i am in love with you"

but that sound?
what comes towards me?

the failed echo of my voice has shouted back
i am coming to a dark truth

i have been speaking to the valleys i have walked to for you
the mountains Ive climbed
and the distances Ive driven

sickly i allow my voice to haunt me
and truly now i can tell myself

I am alone

cheats have it easy
they don't speak what they do
**** they just do
they are the silent

fakes have it easy
they pretend yet never say anything
they are way better looking too

crooks have it easy
they get to do whatever the **** they want to
and get a pretty window to look out of upon getting caught

liars have it hard
we speak with out spaces
so as to keep truth from sneaking through the cracks

unlike all the others
liars are not branches
we are not the roots

we are the trunk of every bad choice
once you make the liars vow
you can choose to grow down any of the sinners paths

but i then beg the question who will fix my crooked branches and aspen trunk that claims the name birch?

the sun?

**** no

the sun allows me to grow
to be twisted and mangled like the facade i am
not to mention its just a ******* ball of gas

the water?

**** no

the water gives me new flavor for my lies
lets me grow wider and fat on my mistakes

the other trees?

**** no

the other trees strangle me
shade my sun and drink my water
they are why i lie

the earth?

**** no

the earth is the whole reason i am an aspen claiming birch
why hold me
why birth the water to nourish me
why circle the sun to grow me
why plant the other trees to **** me

the sad truth is no one can fix you and your ****** mistakes
you just have to grow the way you are exposed
climb the way the vine does
seasonally find new ways to be different

i do not give a ****
i know who i am
serenade the fools with talk of perfection
but i will graciously pass
i am human
i am gifted
indefinitely spew the sap of hate
i am wonderfully made
i am divine

i am a liar

in its solitude
a rose silently wilts

with ostensible vision
the skulls watch with lifeless eyes

the paper on which they both decay pays no mind

ever stead fast they become something they never anticipated
that being
dead and lifeless to the ones they left behind

begging a curious eyes attention to the direction of their new story

peering introspectively at their fragile
yet striking forms

they question to no truth

the rose will darken a heart and rot
as its their nature

the skull will turn a blind eye and to dust
as is its nature

and the paper will still pay no mind

because in that moment of its weakness
the history of their decaying shells are wiped from its canvas

immortalized in forgotten words

The jazz drops
Your voice stops

The ***** i have left to give
Somewhere else

Go look for them

The company i used to keep
Stale
Selfish
And the same beat
Stomp your feet
Its the end of the week

Find the *****
Pick up the pipe
The time is right
Tell that ***** shes a ****

do you really think i was put on this planet to be liked?

*******

I felt pain
But I am at peace

My mind entertained doubts
But I feel clarity

I questioned my self
But I received an answer

I have a future

The struggle of now
The struggle of the past
And the insecurity of my mind

Weight that has no place on my shoulders

I will grow
I will love
I will be strong

I will unabashedly be me

he speaks the truth
yet its a falsehood

she earnestly listens
but is deaf by perspective

fact becomes fiction in the mouth of a man who can't keep his lips shut tight before the ears of a stranger

wisdom is sought and falsely found

spewed like a healing cancer
and sought out by those who only half heartedly seek the truth

truth as it stands remains the truth

lies bob and weave like a boxer in a thrown bout

humble your tongue

you and your words are not gods gift to the planet

be silent

speak truth
speak wisdom
speak life

its late

my chest grows cold
where your head used to rest

time fades on
as my heart follows suit to my skin

I've almost forgotten your lips
and the way that you taste

curious what can happen during a single waxing and waning of the moon

for fear of empty words I stay silent

waiting on you

though I miss you dearly
I understand fully

hurry home my love

this bed is meant to be shared

Shadows of leaves passing along the white marble counter top

Gentle Reflection over tea and milk

Somber thoughts
Peaceful tranquility
And Loving hearts

I understand now

To be found and to find
One that will share your heart and soul

To be in harmony with your creator

To bring tears to your eyes at the thought of who she is

To live this blessing of a life
And share it with the same mind

Our love is once in a lifetime

Let’s chase this breeze together

blatant disregard for the accepted norm

challenging the negativity thats been allowed to become cyclical

loving shamelessly and fearlessly in the face of a depreciating statement

I wake up and ask God if I deserve a heart as true as yours

you have become my secret keeper

my confidant

my good morning
and good night

my tears

and my I love you

I can see forever in your gaze
and feel passion on your lingering lips

I find myself on my knees
where I stay and thank God for your every blessing

don't forget words like these

because only you will hear them

broken fears sat tasteless on my tongue

inspiring fear filled words
and pain inducing thoughts

through the best sides
and the worst sides of me

her compassion is unyielding

her love has proven to have no true boundaries

her words have broken my heart as a result of my actions
but no matter the context of the words
they have always been the remedy I was searching for

she is my once in a lifetime

my intended one and only

slow dancing in the rain
while laughing late into the night

my good morning kiss
my late night lover

my forever

my solace
my confidant
my brother

I have made mistakes aplenty
I have cried into the night
I have lied through my teeth
I have sinned and never asked for forgiveness
I have sought and never found

but regardless you remained steadfast

I doubted your path and ambitions
I was lost in myself
and denied you

I am emotional

you are gone
a least in presence
and I long for another bond

you chase the lead your heart feeds
you sought wisdom and were not forgotten

I've seen your blood
your tears
your struggles and shortcomings
successes and failures
your family is mine
and mine yours
death could be the only separation

so live on

be the man you've fought to be
be the man that your lover needs

and continue being closer than blood to me

Country roads and old trails
Skin and scars
Her body and her breath

Love letters and kodiak film

Ashy sunsets
White walls
Blue eyes

Joy from the lyrics of a heart song
Peace in the buzz of fresh air
Sleep in a touch

Why dream at all when you’re my favorite thought

Love divided among the few

Cherished by us two

I will become a stranger to you

I will cry

I will pray

I will love the memories
and remember the laughter

I ruined everything
and I have nothing to say

a decisive cut

you're bleeding

I'm shouting with hands over my ears
a blade from my mouth
pride permeating my heart

my soul mourns who I have become
my mind is dull
my shirt is *****
and my reputation untrustworthy

I still am a liar

I cannot embrace humility

she has a cold grip
and my vice is warmth

a platinum change
its simple

Forget me

Its on street corners that the wind bites the cruelest

Its in my mind that my pain is the greatest

My life so unique

In my understanding of the pain I lift my chin up high
I see the beautiful stars

I walk with a home to return to
a place to stop the cold from my skin

In the same air I know ill soon be out of
I walk until I see them

Curled on the ground
On an entry way they will likely be kicked out of

How dare I shiver

I see now that humility is begging for my hand in marriage

But I can't
You see

I'm trying to keep my hands warm