I grab words from you

They are precious to me

I want to keep them folded

Safe in my pocket.

*But
I hang on to the end of your sentences
Like a starved man holds a crust of bread

I know that you are too beautiful for me to hold
Too precious and rare to belong to me
I am the humble farm boy
You the long haired princess

...the boy who hides in the garden
Just to hear you sing

I don't deserve you
Long legged  and delicate

(Keeping a butterfly in a jar
With a single stick to rest on
The hardest thing for the scientist to do
Is unscrew the cap
And let her float away)

You made me no more mister nice guy
Sitting on the curb
I watch you drink beer from a can
Your skirt is just short enough
To show me your skin
Your t-shirt is covered
In some pink cartoon
In the dark you seem quiet
Your words float away
Broken windshields
Crackeling
Explosions
Carry the silence
Into the rain
"Tell me the truth?"
"Yeah, sure I guess"
"Will you kiss me even
If I taste like cigarttes"
"Yes, I will kiss you if you
Kiss me back"
So I lit her cigarette
And she lit my mind
I could get used to having you
"Not all the time"

Oh my God
Have you ever felt this?
Man, its great
You become one with viscus
And his holy ember
watch the poppy smoke curl
Into 3 dragons
blowing smoke into the
in
finite
bed time
I can see your magezine
left upon your side table
but it is boring to me
speaking to me without sound
I can hear muffled echoes
in some alluring ancient tongue
Riddle me this
sweet Adeline
why have they gone and put the roof
where your feet should be walking
why do you have a slipknot Cd?
Why do you have empty pill bottles on the floor?
Why are your posters coming to life

And pestering me for the time of
Roger I will get you as a tattoo on my fore arm
if it is the last thing I do
I was gonna get that poem of Helen's done too
In perfect script
oh Helen your words are so beautiful

I want to mold them to.my spirit
I want to.wrap them upon my arms
and sell them to.the poor and blind
The fuzziness is returning now
Telling me to go the **** to sleep
and if I never wake up again....
I want you to know that I love you
I love you I love you
I love

It was a good night
With cold wind

Until I wrapped my car around a telephone pole
I was in and out at first

upside down

Saftey glass
Refelected on the moonlit road
As I wait in silence



Each breath is ragged beneath my shattered ribs
The rub of the seatbelt on my my clavicle
Snapped like a broken branch

I fight to keep my eyes open



I wake up to a man kneeling in the puddle of diamond windshield pieces
Yelling into a cell phone, and then talking to me calmly

I don't remeber my name

No I don't know what day it is

I'm gonna die


I wake up in the ambulance
The feeling of my lungs pumping themselves
The feeling of blood pooling beneath my hands
The sound of paramedics yelling at each other
Then talking quietly to me

No I don't know where I am

No I don't know how many fingers you are holding up


A neck brace keeps me from looking around
But I can see so clear in my mind



That day at the beach
When we skipped school


The night I snuck to your house
When your mom was out


The time I got bit by a dog
A hot afternoon in April

I remeber pine needles falling from the trees
As you kneel in the clearing
Talking about heaven


The emergency room doors slid open
On their own

Nurses yell back and forth
And speak quietly to me

As they cut away the clothes from my blackened skin
As the needle finds my vein
And I notice the old flamiliar sting
Among so much anguish

I dont smell the sterile smell of the hospital
Or the smell of my own scorched skin

I smell the sea
The sand on your skin
The taste of salt
The after swim kiss

I can't hear the beep of my blood pressure as it begins to rise
Or the yell of the nurse for a crash cart
I heard you sing
As we drove down the road
The moon was orange
And the sky was red
I could have turned down the radio
Just to listen

They yelled around me
It all fell on deaf ears

The last thing I ever told you was
"I never loved you and I never will

Perfect night
Your skin like crystal
Under red blue green Roman candle lights
Bursting spark where it once was dark
Forget about the other day
That life you left is far away
Your words feel real now as if they hold some weight
Floating off like smoke to an empty space

Like a match burns
I took a scalpel to my life
I realise what I need and what I don't
I don't feel important
You are important a trusted and friendly member of our company

I run on the treadmill until I feel fake
When I'm thirty I jump off the treadmill and ***** at my own tremendous waste of life
Maybe I will sit in my office and stare at my diplomas and awards
Wondering at how I could afford a sports car

I'm tired of life already

Is what I tell them when I drive fast
Hey
Slow down
Be careful
Hold on
Hold back





If you go running off at the mouth
You will only have your heart broken


I decided

I don't want to sit in waiting rooms and fill out form after form with my social security number
Let me see your driver's license
Swipe card
Debit or credit


I would rather pay now than later
Later is gone in a ball of fire
Later I will die in a traffic collision
Later I will get cancer
Later I will be happy
I know I will be happy and fulfilled
Just after my favorite show is over

Tommorow you might be gone
Tommorow you might get sick
Tommorow I might lose you


But today you are mine
We are going to make summer heat and throw rocks at windows that may or may not be broken by tommorow


Fail a test
Just one
And your life turns into a black abyss
Drip out
Move downtown
Stay with a friend
Get to know someone
The library has all the books you need
Trust me
That its not so hard

You could be gone with me ......your heart beating a hundred miles an hour as you smile so big
Your sure widen
You hear someone scream and laugh
You feel free
As we speed  down an old dirt road

You get a taste for freedom
And your addicted

Come with me please
Today

Its gonna hurt tommorow
The light will hurt tommorow
The sun too bright tommorow

But tonight
My feet haven't touched the ground once

I bent down
And looked down at the lost people
Ill have to walk with them again
but not until tommorow

Here I am back again
Making sense out of letters
That somehow get delivered
Your laugh is a memory
I replay like a record
The way your eyes are blue
Like the sea
Like the sea
Like the sky
Like the sky

The worst is behind you
Deleted off the answering machine
Hey its just me again
Just calling to see if your still breathing
Are you still putting food in your mouth
Waking up in the morning
You wash dishes
Are you still alive
After the tone
Do you still wake up to the shotgun blast alarm clock
Do you still sleep with the lights off
Do you like it cold
Do you look in the mirror?
Say my name

Do you still walk the streets we walked?

I am king of cart b4 the horse-intrepidity in the golden silence
But I am also a little white rabbit.
I sit
Upon the solitude waiting to find meaning
And just then my old friend walks in

His name is Robert but that is unimportant
He once sold his furniture for blues
And his wife was not happy when she got home
From hot vacation

This is none of our buisness
But she whisper whisper anyway
Until her words trailed off
Sobs

Old Robert came to work today
You see he did my job b4 me and you know that he could do a much finer job than I.
Much finer.

You see he slept alone in a twin bed sweating for weeks
He he he
Ha ha so much sweat to get off the pills
But he couldn't take the old sick, poor rob
His bones ached


He looks at me
As if I were a river rat heaved soaking wet upon the shore (sober) before his feet
Heaving for a breath of that **** air
I'm no better than him
My bones felt like they were froze solid once
And I had thick nightmares  so vivid
I once climbed up on that horse
It was not so easy to climb down

His wife said goodbye
And his two little girls played in the back seat
He didn't care because he had Ace on speedial

He played good guy
Mr. Clean but that saying about:
Once a ******
Until she let him sleep on the queen sized matress
Next to her again
His little darlings lie awake reading by flashlight



Here he stands before me
And I am tempted to ask for a hook
(Just one ******* dilauded is that too much to ask just one come on  ive been really good I deserve it djdjdksksndjajam ndiejsoskzndjdkskabxhiencbcnrjrjfnrjeisn ego)
He shows me how to do my job the right way
You have to do it like this
Like this like this like this
******' geek I will punch your lights out
As if u would feel it eh?

His pupils were too narrow to fit a pin through
And his hands shook
The old wonderful itch
Oh YES!
Here and there
Upon the neck
The back of the knee
The bicep etc.

I could see it
I could smell and taste the old life on him
The familiar buzzing that seemed to dance on the end of his hair
A fresh track mark on the top of the left hand
I am no better than rob
But he is better than me
I hate him in my heart a thick cancer malignant spreading as rainclouds
Through the soul

I love him brother lets go to south beach and buy out Ace
And I love you. I want to climb inside oblivion and **** me

Consume
A dream
Lucid to
The touch
Of your
Tongue on
It's surface
Licking the
Screen free
Of dust
Cloud talk
Wind walk
Rain song
Waist
Hips
Fingers
On my dreams
Softly linger

A cold wind and no moon
Would he that once crafted the universe
Reach down through the infinite galaxies and
whisper in my ear?

Music, unearthly music
And a spilled ink sky
A drunken servant
once a king
Stumbles onward
Down crooked old street

The amphetamines made me god
A street corner king known across town
I feel blue as the pavement moves beneath my feet
I feel gone as the moon comes on
That flickering flourescent light
Down between the streetlights
The record scratch like a Cadillac
I've mistaken for a Buick
The cigarette flick from his window
Spins through the night like a pinwheel
Exploding sparks on the asphalt

Choked on exhaust
Thoughts of you walk beside me
Etched on my bones is your name
I wouldn't call it living
Just existing
Cars headlights sirens backseats
My head is spinning as he asks for change
"No but here's two cigarettes."
That ought to get him through the night
You got a light
On upstairs?
You got a light?
Someway for me to see when the streetlights stop
The road takes on the country
The dividing lines turn to stones and sticks
The sound of night as cows fall asleep
The fields are full of mushrooms that glow caps in the moonlight
I used to pick them at the edge of the forest
I once was happy with the thought of "maybe" having you
Now I don't do much of anything but **** myself quickly
With no one to stop me
With no light
Somewhere between the star-choked horizon and the sea
You fall asleep with another
Your heart gives a flutter when he says your name
When you kiss his neck
When you fall asleep
Dreaming seamless dreams of children and sunlight
Something in storybooks once known as true love

Ive now pluckecd the eye of god
and digging into his throat with my teeth
The warm red spray
taste of blood metallic
On the razors edge
Everything balances
Words fuckthem all man fcuck em all
they are useless and meaningless next to the creature
of life humanity
and the beauty
of your blood red
upon my finger

Fifty anchors in his chest
In the stomach coffee &
Two eggs
Revolver heavy in hand
God could stop him
But stands

stillness

Dear Everything
Tonight I may die of over stimulation my frontal lobe ****** by a televised illusion- of her listening to records black coffee the needle scratches
Her eyes shotgun blast to my chest second glance whiplash running
All the red lights in my brain she steps onto the street as I follow beneath in sewer tunnels like the rat to peanut butter smeared traps Squirming between the cracks in the pavement To
An old brick high rise looming I watch from the alley as one window
Lights her slender shadow ******* heart beating watch ticking
I climb the rusted razor wire fence the old fire escape to the window my knife blade slipping between the catch unlatching silently I slip into the bedroom flower
Scent engulfing my senses her form softly breathing eyes closed
I stand above her wishing I were dead ripping at the hole in my chest How must she taste?
Picking at the wound she has created crawling inside to infect with her canines snagging the muscle tissue startled awake she looks into my eyes snapping the trap on my neck

If ye are the white page
I shall be that black mark
Senseless confusion abides
I thy center
Cloudless sky
Or single bird be ye:
I die a million lives
Within thee
Reincarnated eternal
If it gives but a single breath
To your song

You are the direction I am moving in
One pine needle
Aesthetic
Broken glass to thumbprint
Just wanting to bleed
For you

The whole poetry thing is horse crap
I've read better words on receipt backs
Prescription Pill Bottles
Labels Billboards Words
Spilling out in a constant horde
Fire Please light it all on fire
I'll watch your words pour black smoke
A burning tire
Some people wake up
To automatic gunfire
Primate, your environment constantly spins
Living in holes smoking crack with your
"Friends"
Tuned out I step from a third story window
Leaving two daughters and a pill head widow
Tired of seeing my pack torn apart from within
Alcohol sleeping pills its fun to pretend
Just trying to be alive! But
My poetry comes out so cheap and contrived

Instinct

Stillness

Like a sculpture
perfectly etched  marble

her hips and breast
my heart leaps
then guilt
I am god
does she not understand
that I could break and shatter her
but she laughs
The is hard to come by
So it's come by mail
You open your mailbox
and read the letter
until you cry
the ground is cold
and your bare feet

****
Feel that wind shift?
Old blood scent gets neck hair standin' up
**** drips in the chest of me
All tooth

What?
Howl Or bark the dark away
(God's music)
Licking wounds and licking wounds
Warm
Lone

I would prefer to listen

I am clean and empty
I took my fathers advice
Slowed it to a crawl and
Now I hear the song hidden among silence

Cicada
Teach me the song
For *** and darkness
I whistle all along the notes
Rhythmic sweet and somber
Tones envelope

If I could once
Just once dream
Of hands so delicate caressing
The chords of sinew dance once more
As eyes so graceful lull me onward
Into darkness
Unafraid

So now I lie again among
The brambles gazing o the stars
A crescent moon caught so
Who am I to dare this fate?
What eternal price must I pay
To gaze upon such beauty

Patience I Am stone
Your Touch Disrupt
I Hope I Can Leave
This Part Of Me With You

You Scraped Me Against The Stone
Until I Became
Sharp To The Touch

I lie here alone between starched white sheets. This bed is not my own. Flint black darkness holds the molten soul of me. Periodicaly a car will pass the window, and I will think of * again. It is cold. I am cold. The expansion of crossbeams create a symphony in the silence. Photographic and wet are the memories. Sepia toned with Regret Washing over me. In this basin I float unbreathing. I am alone and I know that it is correct. I am in line. Words create an avalanche in the silent room. Pangs of sorrow grow hollow in my bones. I am cold. Trails. Thought patterns electrical as I spin. Among starched sheets among stars I reel. Reaching out....I know not what for. I feel it. spider building web upon my soul and if I move I will disrupt it. About me are the whitewashed walls beyond that are the mountains, tall and smothered in fog.

Alive
I don't understand how I can hear this voice
My own is real and human
Whispering from the dreams
Of real human thinking
Whispering
Writting
I just wish some golden dream of clouds beating through the heat orange skys
Surrounded by the darkest blue
I finally understand
These words I write
Because the futures I don't believe
Slow down  slow down. Slow down
The sound is like wind that screams through everything
Like twisting birds in your eye
Between branches
Between soil
Cold
I speak these words
Real for an instant, lost forever

He spoke and was king. The barns were full of hay
and we rested in the shade of the tall stone walls.
He taught me to sleep. in the Library we slept perfectly among the silent books
He taught me to read the shapes of letters

He told me where I could find you
and how to read the shape of your lips
She asked me in the cold night air
If I would read to her on the marble steps

I spend the afternoons asleep on the cool river bank
Drawing stories in the dirt
Imagining distant lands in which-
We walk through overgrown ruins and speak to statues that sing and dance

It's here with me now
I can soak up the universe
Into the needle
With a plunger
It's satanic charmers are going to the bowling alley
They are smoking cigarettes and talking about being human
****
If I am not the moth
slamming my full
weight against the lightbulb
at the bottom of your soul
I want to kiss you
and tell you that the universe is not a secret
It is right here in front of you

Words are sure strange hunh?
Ever think about it dipping its finger into the energy river
and it dripping off into black nothingness
The black universe
like an eyelid
like shadow
it becomes needle
and I am dead
Everything I am
bashed against the wall like a lightbulb

It's dead
She's dead
It's all gone
*******
That touch the puddle
Of your crimson life blood
The knife was cleaned
And put in a bag

I walked down to the sea
And threw the bag from the rock

It splashed into the waves
Gone

What now
Which way
I wonder who is watching
Everywhere I go
I am haunted by your eyes
I see eternity in them
The black infinite black of forever
And just as my soul begins go reach out
******* towards the puddle of black

Some people are so pure; a pull so insatiable
A polar attraction in totality. We are losing electrons like it's going out of style
And those who think to call themselves poets
Rely on such trite cliché similes as:
Like it's going out of style
Nobody really cares though
Don't worry I can speak for everyone
Just look into my eyes
You will see the hivemind
Play us more music
Bring us strong drink
It is as good to remember
As it is to forget

It rains

July the tenth. It's hot, in the belly of summer.
Children ride bikes on the street. They wear shirts three sizes too big.
They laugh in the breeze. The perfect deep mirage of heat beneath the spinning white wall wheels
A young girl steps out into the sun. The house behind her is adressed 206 Commonwealth street.
Bare feet that are white among the green grass in the lawn
Weeds grow knee high next to the road
The ant pile


Down the road music plays
The children stop
Is that an ice cream truck?



The youngest boy
(Whom just this morning found out what a lie is)
Watches her dodge the ant pile

She walks bare feet
That slap on the asphalt
She is beautiful
(And he thinks of her often)

She waves at him
As she crosses into the enemy territory

On the fourth of July
(She was happy and free)
He still lies in bed and still feels her kiss on his cheek

Rolling over in bed
to a night filled with bad dreams
On repeat she says


"Yeah, you're nice but"
So is Christmas

Weaponized Body Corded Steel Peaking Through Porcelain
Against The Grain Against The Wind Cold One This Is It Hold
On Fighting Through The Stream Of Life Strife Brother Can You
Hold It Alone Alone Alone Alone

On The Cusp *******

The dreams
Are scratching
  The side of my brain
Bone fingers poking through the membrane
R.E.M sleep the ghosts seep in through the cracks
They sing to me-
       The sweet nightmares
          A demon whispers wordless
              Right beside my ear
                 "Do you want to **** me?"

The jackal chases me out to the street
Where neon lights eat your brain
I was in love with you
But now I'm starting to think the dark is calling
Out beyond the red lights
Where bullets fly at the breath of a gun
A heartbreaker at half past three
Shackle up with skinny dog
Rake my skin with points
Until you blew up in my brain
Five six seven
The code was broken
I was battered not yet broken
I fell down in the sewers
Had a cigarette with death
Every single demon wants to pat my back
God gave me the finger
So I forgot about the sun
Time is short
You learn the roots
Old speed limits
You've always broke
Until the deaf and dumb connect me
With a moment of silent death
Knowing
That I was a devil
Only walking bones
I'm only walking bones

The KNIFE Feels right IN MY  Hand dear friend! I am a king IN a long forgotten land
Her hands left burns upon my arm
Collapsing veins
Like Blue Flower Petals
Nails digging Into flesh
Infest
I gaze a way
Under my breath
HER FINGERS FEEL LIKE RAZORS
HER WORDS BROKEN
POINTS SPLITTING THE
SUNLIGHT
HERE ON THE STREETCORNER
AS IF SHE DOES THIS
EVERY DAY
her pail skin
Cunning
In day light
as I fight
For a breath
Her jawline
soft geometric
Are you lost?
Doped on hash she
Tears into me
With sideways glances
Laughing knives in my back

I find myself lying in bed
Staring at a ceiling that each day seems more familiar
The yellow light floats in through a crack in the curtains
The shadows coil
Like smoke rising from an orange ember
Teeth and eyes twist and  dissipate
Alone with my thoughts perfectly
They swell with meaning
And wane as the clock turns
Tick-
Tick
My ear pressed against the face of my watch
Guilt...a kernel grows inside me
Regrets and failures
The memories
Once full and rich
Are now faded and wrinkled with age
I once splayed them like the paintings of old in the library of my soul
Now I have cut them from their gilded frames
I fold them and slip them inside an dusty copy of The Odyssey
They are safe there away from the prying eyes of others
One night I will burn them with a candle's flame
I will hold them at the corner and watch them burn
Then the curtains will light
And the books
The tapestries
It will all burn
And I will run from that place
Out into the cold full moon night
Never looking back
And never will I return

Still
by
the trees

The shadow
skipping in the sun

what can I do
at the sight of you

breathe in your curse words
exhale smoke
your worlds rhyme with jokes
you talk me back down with thoughts of home
That feeling of "I never wanna be alone" go to sleep wake up die of old age
You dream less in sleep
More when awake

Dark streets where bad memories once followed me
Lanes covered by arms of old oak trees
Long walks cracked and gray
Where the shadows of our drunken feet
Walk away

Here is a moment of my life
In which I wish to stay the same
To keep bottled up for when you forget my name

-you stop and say
were just two humans
made to break away-

Off to the next ****
You broke my heart
Beneath the dark oaks

I looked down through the railings
Still slick with black storm rain
Windows blown open
And showers are pouring down
Watching the drops

I can hear the gears humming behind the walls
Cold against your skin
Workers climb here and there like spiders
Reaching into the greasy pipes
Turning bolts and creaking cans of oil

In the marble lobby of an old museum
With a golden chandelier
And lamps with hot lightbulbs
An old security gaurds shoes
Tap down the stairs
Asleep by the door in a pile of blankets
"Hey kid, move along"

Monad, Blood So Ancient  In my veins
I can smell from across the room
Pheromones so thick they make my lips wet
Eyelash pet me till I'm curled up at your feet
Do you love me?
Look at my fur and my muscle
Head held high (Look how beautiful I am)
My teeth are sharp and I am a painting of scars
Do my eyes speak my heart?
I am true

Each moment for me is
A moment of clarity
Finding myself growing ever more tired
Searching for a fact
Or a reason
To explain why I should not cast off this
Earthly form
Why bring the air
Why bring the bread
Or the water
To these lips
Why do I prolong this
Misadventure into being
My body belongs to the earth
The very atoms of my carbon based reality
Once slept in the belly of a star
All of this Big Bang talk has got me thinking
Why should I press on further into my fragile existance
When all beauty- belonging in temples
Is not worshiped as a king