Each moment for me is
A moment of clarity
Finding myself growing ever more tired
Searching for a fact
Or a reason
To explain why I should not cast off this
Earthly form
Why bring the air
Why bring the bread
Or the water
To these lips
Why do I prolong this
Misadventure into being
My body belongs to the earth
The very atoms of my carbon based reality
Once slept in the belly of a star
All of this Big Bang talk has got me thinking
Why should I press on further into my fragile existance
When all beauty- belonging in temples
Is not worshiped as a king

Johnnie Walker
Gave me the blues
I should sit down for a minute
On the phone
Call to see if your friends are home
Your gonna have to sit alone
And laugh at my name
Rave on

Crawl along dear afternoon
The flaming hoops I'm jumping through
I lie alone against the floor
The car is slamming on the door
You ring my bell and spill my drink
But I am already drunk I think
The taste of smell the luck of smoke
Cars are sliding down the road
Repeating reflections of red brake lights
Shining in my eyes
I am too high
To run the numbers
To poke the embers
Add some quiet
Along this street
I dream of walking down this street humming
Your arc of an arm
Around my heart
Writting our name in sidewalk chalk
Waiting for you on my bedroom floor
Wrapped in your blanket
Wishing for your skin
To make me warm
Begging on the street
For a minute of sleep

Instinct

There is a deeper run of color
More raw scarlet and burgundy hues
  splayed
Eying pitiless
 edgewise mouth spangled with tobbacco
Hindsight plays into the corner
barred tooth
wounded & scrabbling at the wood
Without purchase
Come now
Look at you
So pitiful and gorgeous

On your green couch I pass in and out
Your trailer door is open wide
The world outside is shining alright
As I pet your long haired cat
My limbs get warm as the liquor you poured
Slips in between my veins
And my thoughts turn red
As you rise from the bed
With not a bit of clothes on
But I try not to care
I just can't stand
As I pet your long haired cat
With a hiss and a bite
She jumps off
And you shut your bedroom door

Stumbling on the sidewalks
Curving as the sun stops
Dew covered grass tears
Dripping mirror crosswalks
Bones and muscle bend and slip
Walking down the sliver strip
To the bridge that crosses county lines
Midnight
I feel right
Angels cross the star stained sky
Tonight
A good night to die
The edge above the violent sea
Always seemed so calm to me
I guess anything can seem alright
If you look in the right light
Above the waves
Above the moons
Above the stars
Above the hells the devil looms

The one flown too close to the sun
I watch the water on my wings crystalize
In the cold I am alone
Between the sea spray and the sun I am alone
Watching the suns ray's dance among the rainclouds

The loneliness gets to you first
A chill that runs up the spine
Culminating in hair standing up on the back of your neck
The fires are lit on the roadside
And the dark one culls me
*his whispers are inside you
If you listen you will hear them
When the loneliness has gotten to you

Toward the sun closer growing
And blooms swell in humid air
Dripping with a morning dew

A hand
Soil beneath its nails
Touch caked in dirt
She approaches
Silently she watches
As sweat drips from my brow

My dog watches for a moment
Her standing til he goes to her
For ear scratching
I am not so easily swayed
But about her finger I am played
She and I speak not a word
But I know my love she's heard
My eyes I cannot disguise

I am proud of each sprout
Simple growth
Her fingers are more satisfying
Than hard days work

Everything is falling apart
And coming together
It's warm outside
And not even summer
The grass is green and I'm tired of lying
Me and God went to fists under the moon

And I woke up alone
Next to a stone wall covered in ivy
The sounds of morning were all around me
I wipe my red puffy eyes
The fog is full

I am all alone
And I curl up back to sleep
I don't need anything anymore

I will not think of you in the sunlight
and when night comes you are not on my mind
But
I dream and my soul aches
Because I have not yet learned how to stop loving you

*I walk with you through a field I once knew
Where the wheat has grown knee-high
You speak the silent language of dreams
We walk past the ancient walls broken by time
Ivy grows between the cracked stones

Yeah, come over for dinner
It had been such a long time
Since I had seen other people
I have been a creature of solitude
These past months and I had
Wrestled in my mind with
Death and the fire

I was restless I guess
Not nervous
As I knock on the door
Your wife answers
She's hardly past twenty
Her hair is red and blue eyes

I could die there on the doorstep
But I enter and tell jokes
It is easy to make her laugh
I think She had
a glass of wine
before I arrived

You and I talk about
Nothing in particular
You play music and
I sit on the carpet smoking
a ciggarette
as your wife
picks up
my glass
and fills it to the brim

it has been a long time
since
Her shirt
came up the slightest bit

then suddenly the room
is smaller
and you pass me the pipe
Your wife sits across from me
I can't help but watch her breathe
The inhale is exquisite
Machined so perfectly

Star and star
The favorable geometry has been broken
Curious: I'll allow the dogs to head orion
While I sling my hammer to my belt
Edging to the light I peer
Into your toy box
Gems Pure Cut In patterns ancient and lonely

Stop: it screams
Go it screams
But I look anyway

Unworthy
Filthy
it gazes upon me knowingly

"It swims in your veins
I smell it upon your very flesh."
Fire

Smoldering I laugh shaking the foundations of Andromeda

Dear God,
*******. I am tired of this conversation in my head. I have a cold shotgun barrel pressing to the roof of my mouth. I can pull the trigger with my big toe. Watch me. I can't listen to myself anymore. I lie in bed at night wondering why this stupid **** flies from my mouth. If I am created in your image; you must be really ******. They float on dopamine highs around me riding waves of happiness and completeness I have never known. They sing hymns to you with tears in their eyes. Music playing just for you. Tell me god, do they lie alone in their beds at night wondering if you are real as I do? I am jealous of their childlike faith. I would give anything for their ignorance. They are only human though ,as I am, and I do not see you in the small things or in the big things. Where is your reply letter? Yes No Wait. Yes No Wait. Yes No Wait. Did you know god, that 12 gauge buckshot waits on nobody?

Even the wolf with the thickest coat would shiver at your guile.

You are a princess of lies, ruling oe'r your spineless
Subjects

You are known well in a far away land, but here your words have no sway

Here the sun does not set or rise at your childish beckoning

Here you are a liar, thief, and mother of hate

Malice is your brother, and you both walk hand in hand

As do I little sister
As do I

I'm
Amused
Take your clothes off
Boot lace tracer
It's hard to face her
With her sole pressed to my chest
Homemade tattoo
Made you blue
Lemonade shade
Jaundiced and thin
The gods shine on you
And your polished black blue
Pressing on my throat
And your dagger presssed between my rib
Blood begins to drip
So fast
It could have been a shotgun blast
As you tore my mast
Spit on my sails
Wails
A clean ****
Black leather
Whether or not
Your gonna do
What you've been born to do
Betrayed with a kiss
Your miss
Thirty pieces of silver
And bread with no butter
They say shes a cutter
But she just wants the blood
Pulsing with *******
A torrential downpour of pain
As you cross that concrete bridge
To sin

Two boots I know
And a street
Sidewalks damp
Glowing cigarette
A coat against the wind
My old friend
Doors only locked
My heart a bull
My mind the tool
A final pull
The pinwheel flick
cigarette
In series
In paralell
By streetlamp
I stand listening
My heart a bull
My mind the tool
My soul I know

My lungs are full of seaweed
Back upon the beach
Waves still reach up to lick
To my feet


Sunset spirals
Seashell seas
Salt crusted fingers
Crack in the heat
Lips bleeding thirst
A touch or kiss

Window latcher
Lightbulb catcher
Lover in a dream
Barefeet on hardwood floor
A warm bed
And
Above my head
Spiders build a thousand webs

Stone deaf
Youre walking down the street
Drowning in the puddles
The people
You meet speak about
How you look just like a ghost
Who would break a heart so pretty
Neon
Glow and flicker on and off as you pass
The places that you used to haunt
But you just cant go there anymore
Right there through that door
You had your first kiss
So you go back
A stones throw down to Fifth street
Thinking of
How you'll forget those better days
You don't hurt anyways
Feel nothing at all
Numb now
The rain comes down in sheets
But youre covered

As your purple heart beats on
You think you hear your favorite song
As you're stepping off the curb
Who could have the nerve

To bring tears to those eyes again

Down off the beach
The women wear gold and white dresses
Worlds of pearl and crystal glassed slpendor

I can get there in twenty minutes on the motorcycle
If she starts

But what a night it will be
If I make enough to buy liquor
Or a blue night home

The moon peaks just up above the sable palms
The night is warm and brimming with stars
The smell of gasoline and wind full of ocean salt
Where my home is by the sand
Blown into my heart
And no matter how I shake it
Or try to hose it off
The salt remains crusted
The smell of sea and home

Up town to mainstreet
Where little Cuban joints
Like to keep the neon glow
Where drunken black boys
Smoke *** in the yard
girls sit cross legged on the roof
Of squat sea blown houses
Painted pink, and blue and white
Like Miami hotel lobbies


The spedometer is broken
Just a haunting yellow glow
As onto Seaway I turn
More sea than road
God put this road here for me
Right here on a warm night
Where I can speed by the brilliant
Candle lit yards and dull sidewalk lamplight
The smell is strong of sea there
Heavy on the sky
The moon is a yellow crescent
Up above the ocean black
But the bike shifts clean and quiet
And the yacht clubs up the road
Are Shining bright
Where
Pretty girls dance
Red lipped in yellow lights

I run scared from practised vampire hunters
Eating toe-mat-toes just to see the red
When I'm thirsty
I drink from a stray dog
And let the cry of children fuel my dreams
I like to smile at the preacher in the church house
On a dark overcast Sunday mornin
As he screams of sin and women fan the air
Hopping on pews
Avoiding crosses and shotgun blasts
I'm like a fox
Quicker than a flash
I put a good fifty miles in before sunset
And slept steady in a barn
While the glow was bright
Vampire hunters
Glass skin
Dead hands haunt me in my dreams
And I always see the old woman
Who made me a monster
The whites of her eyes
No pupil to be seen
The darkness of her bedroom
Sepia pictures
Dust and blood crust glass
She screamed a laugh and flew in through the window
I couldn't raise my knife fast enough
She stood there laughing fangs dripping
Those white eyes
Move so close to mine
She says "Welcome to hell"
Drops of my life blood falling
On my face
Welcome to hell
Ain't very creative
Cause hell is a place
But this is something else
No more slow dances
Where you body tempts me
Now I'm only tempted by the
Pulsing in your skin
No more sunsets sunrises
Sweet apples, peaches or pumpkins
No more warm skin
No more fun
Just run and eat and eat and run

You are my back up
Stick to the plan
No matter what
You are Wendy
and I'm Peter Pan
After I throw myself from the fifth story window
Of some ***** apartment in China town
Wait for the cops and tell them who I am
Tell them that I was trying to go home
To never never land
But I ran out of happy thoughts
Before I took to the air
And when they pull up my sleeves
Pointing at my track marks with a ball point pen
you tell them that was from shooting fairy dust
Straight to my brain
when they ask about my wallet
Any cash or car keys
Tell them their with captain Hook
he stole em' from me
When they ask where I am from
Say I'm a lost boy
And that's all
no mom and dad or sisters
Only John, Micheal, and teddy
Tell them I was best friends with the Indians
and the beautiful mermaids
And when they ask who you are
You're Wendy Darling
The girl who told stories
And kept my head full of dreams

You do not know me
And you did not see
You were not there
When we drank from
The flask and I said
Those words I now regret

You were not there
When the sky was dying
A red evening sky
I was alone with the fire

I want to learn how to be human
I want the old teachers to show me
How to hunt the hunter
How to seek that which cannot be found


If you tell me
Who I am
I will give you my share of crumbs from
Maximillion's table
If you tell me
Who I am
I will write you a thousand poems
Without using that word "because" even once

You have to sleep sometime you know you cant keep this
going on forever what are you so afraid of
is it something in your dreams is it someone in your dreams is it somewhere in you dreams
are you lost
I am
its ok but you just cant
lie awake
you need a break
just close your eyes for
one minute
trust me that you need it
and
if it is me who haunts your dreams
I am sorry

But, it is your fault you can't get over it
How I just left you there alone
It's not like you couldn't tell by the look of my eyes
That I was going home with him

Yes beautiful dreamer
It is you who haunts my dreams
Sleep Sickness
It's not that I want to remeber you, dearest
I am just not as heartless as you
Or as quick to forget

I woke up this morning
And made coffee and got in the car
I drove half-way to work when I saw that same
God ****** Jesus Loves You billboard on 95
I turned around and went back to fish in the inlet
I spent the rest of the day smoking my grandpas pipe
And cutting my fingers with a pocket knife
I hope I get fired

You are the forty 7 sided polygon that I do not presume to understand. You exist in dimensions above my own.
You exist on planes beneath.
I beg

Beg to be a fly
Just to crawl upon you

the Sistene chapel of you

To kiss my antenna
Against your skin
And test the scent  of your solitude

Strange
How the fates have spun
Eleven threads that did not cross
But once

Our fibers touched-
And I lowly spun


When once our threads did touch

Sleep won't come to me
It never has

Sometimes I lie awake

I count one to ten million 'til the sunshine comes

Tick goes the clock

Time goes by

I close my eyes and relax

Just as the dreams
Curl like clouds
When I reach out to touch
My fingertips, against

falling


I sit up straight in terror



At three the ghost come out and haunt me only
(Because) I give them the attention
Like clockwork at four
I dream of a girl
I dream of fire and blood
The numbers go by
One to twelve

I can't sleep and I'm in hell

I am in love with fire. I want to cut the throats of kings. I want to drink dark red wine with strong-hearted women (if you sing to me/I will love you). No God or man would dare deny me. I am the master of my own  reality. I scream at the top of my lungs until my throat gives out. Men wish to be me and beg to hunt at my side. As for women though/a wise man would not boast to a rose. The fire burns within me and I fear no other than myself. Into dark nights I go singing and all evil I greet with a  laugh and a sharp knife.

Always wanting more
I can only think "faster"
It was dark on A1A
The engine beneath me
Vibrating and growling
Like a monster hungry for road
70 miles an hour
Right next to the sea
The bike shifts
And jerks
My dad in my ear
"I told you not to ride those ******* Harleys"

In the dark
The yellow headlight splits the road
70 miles an hour speeding by the sea
Curving roads
I rode as a boy
I could ride this road with my eyes closed
The snarl of the motor
The pull of the wind
On my hair
Snapping my white t-shirt around me like a ghost
Speeding through the black
70 miles per hour next to the sea
And I miss the warm of your arms around me

In the sea that is green
with a hook in it's mouth
In a jungle that is dark
a thorn in his foot
In the heavy heat of desert
Sun in the eyes
A bird sings from his placement
On a barbed wire fence
Do not fly so high
That your wings will freeze
Barn mouse
Boils water in his kettle
He whistles whistles out a tune
Old padfoot outside sleeping
His dreams of warm blood
And swift hunts
The moon is high now
The river flowing like a silver ribbon
An old farmer rides his wagon
Pulled on by the old mare
He was once ran wild through
Golden plains far away
But one day he ran too far from home

I leave the warmth of the feast
Out into the pleasant night air
A cat walks in the garden
Quietly atop a stone wall
It's eyes reflect in torchlight
Like two carved emeralds
I watch from the stone bench
As he snags a damselfly from the air
Pinning it to the mossy stone

Wide the door was thrown
To the breeze and yellow sun
Bird-on-his-song-glides

Tired
She rubs her red eyes
Creaking down the old wooden stairs
Barefoot

Looking for a new purchase
a better  foothold
She never seemed to scan
The right barcode

So she sits like an indian
Thinking thick smoke signal fantasies
Dreaming about the good old days
Days that drunken lips taste like honey
The smell of ***** like roses
You seemed to have your signals crossed


You smell like home to me







I smell like cigarettes and mexican beer






You fell asleep face down in the bathtub
And woke up singing your favorite song

The room is empty
And the door clangs open and shut
When they feed you three times a day

You begin to write on the walls
And tattoo yourself

A poke here wont hurt


I always save my pills under my tongue
...I keep them
And one night when its pouring rain outside
When the thunder and lightning play dice against your bedroom window


Youll swallow them all at once


Without a single drink of water


I hope you wake up next to me again
Because I've been worried
Where have you been?

You can go make friends with the gods on Olympus
Walk barefoot through the promise land
Cross the sea
Cross the river
Across town
Have some dinner

Just come back to me when you've had all your fun
Lay in our bed thats warmed by the sun

Trillion little grains
Running up your skin
Staggering and lying
Through everything
One side is summer
Like a barn door
You smelled of hay
And gasoline
A moment of clarity
Dressed all in black
Eyes like a sunset
The moon of your heart
If loving you made me a liar
A liar I must be
You stepped in water
You stepped on ice
A heart like an ashtray
You were out like a light

I'm ready for the sea
I will dissolve in the blue
Waves tumble me apart
I laugh at the pain I
Once felt and the
Way I once tried to
Put everything I am on the head of a needle
They gawk at me and laugh
Scientist poke me with their
Sterile stainless steel Instruments asking
Each other "what's an existence?"
I try to explain with words but
A blue bird is caught in my throat
Its beak poking the roof of my mouth
It climbs out past my teeth
It jumps and ***** around the white room
Whistling out an ancient tune
Circling once above our heads
Then out the open window

You told me that you need me
You told me of the days
Before we were together
Before you knew my name
How you walked into the future
Looking for some words
Carved into the trees
Blown upon the wind
Flying on a wing
Hunting with the fang
The terror of the moonlight
The darkness of the rain
Silent Sunsets
Words and Names

I guess I'm learning how the seasons change
Leaves fall like lingerie
From the marble shoulders

Twenty two times cursed
But I feel the same
Needle has me feelin'
Right as rain
Don't need no ******' body

But I still got her picture in my pocket
Slap full matchbox made me wanna burn it
Snapped and pinned tight upright
Until I saw the morning light
Said goodbye now I'm feeling there's hope
Shaking winter from my shaggy coat

I was born ten thousand years late
And I'm just a tick off of happy
I know a place downtown
And a girl named Chelsea
One night we sat at a booth
After her shift
Drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes
I bet we could be happy she had said
Move out to the country and finally be wed
But she has her ****
I have mine
I love you
You love me?
Well, that's just fine

Words mean nothing
Whether they are in the multitude or
alone



I will try again though
To explain how I am
The endless green sea but also
A single grain of sand

I stretch my neck to see
How the clouds look
On the sun's side
How they are gold and silver

The song plays
Sounds of breathing
Sounds of heartbeats

It is a short ways to your shore
Where the water is warm
The mountains are tall
Gods sit cross-legged
laughing at the universe below

Their smiles trouble me with endless peace
Impossible numbers of lips and teeth and fragmented nothing
"You can have the deepest desire of your heart if you only ask?"
...if something sounds too good to be true

Just then the trees turn into waving hands
The Sleeping mountains awake rubbing fog from their sleeping eyes
   Then they stand and laugh at my stature
Smiling craggy teeth as they step into the sea

"If you only ask?"
They hover now on golden silver clouds
Culling me with sweet melodies
Whispers quite silent or just loud enough
         to echo in unseen dark caverns in my mind

"I wish I had a really ace looking pair of Adidas maybe those ones with the glow in the dark laces?"

I am disrespectful
Absoloutley no good
Setting off fireworks
In your head
And handing you
Fast still moments
Of peace
And home
A warm bed
No longer a wilderness sleep
Having a hometown shame
Don't grab me in these moments
With tunes of sorrow
I'll grow
Shattered through the basement window
In a dusty
Locked up box
I found a knife
That folded
Carved with your name

Atoms compressed to molecules
Carbon based vehicles of reality
Hello, my name is Jacob I am the sum of my parts
And a bit of you.
In fact I have a piece of everyone inside me! Is it not wonderful to share, human?
I love you and this is the vector:
English Language confounded by a single moment of actual existence!
What is this feeling? We shall call it love/hate!
Can you remember before you remembered?
You lie naked in your crib laughing at the shape of fingers against the pale backdrop of the nursery wallpaper. You gazed through the window at a bird on the branch! Joy!
Life!
Existence! It sings so wonderfully it's song of life. Perfect pitch notes! Sing with me being! We are alive together on this plane!
But mother comes in to see why you are laughing.
She follows your eyes to the dancing blue jay!

Bird!
That's a bird, Jacob (your name here!)
No longer a miracle, Jacob (your name here)
Just this label you must place upon the miracle.
Name it. Name it.
Bird
Tree
Mountain
Stone
Sea
Once we knew how to listen
Before we were taught to "live"
Once we were humans only being
Until we learned the names and feelings
Placing them in file cabinets Alphabetical

Yeah, yeah your beautiful
And you smell like flowers but
She's all I think of


When you sit with me at sunset
And everything you say is perfectly scripted
As if your mouth was a t.v screen
Im not listening because I want to hear her sing

When we went to the fair
The lights were bright
You hugged my arm against the cool wind bite
But I can still feel her fingers between mine

When you try to act so smooth
Each date I have to scrape through
Looking in eyes that crack and crumble
You kiss him heavy as the thunder rumbles

She forgets about those oceans
Frozen solid
And how we laughed and slid
On the glassy surface
How you unfolded your blanket
How you folded your hands
How the sky was blue
How you smiled
How I fall asleep
With the wrong arms wrapped around me
Night after night

It's time to say goodnight again
Time to climb down off my high horse
I lean my pride back against the wall
Or at least what's left of it
There's a place that I can go
Where life is slow
The wind and snow
Where mountains are green and full
Of fiddle ferns as long as your arms
There is a wooden house on the hill
With a drive that turns around
And I can climb those stairs
I can lay next to her in bed
We try to make sense of the lone lightbulb above us
Reach our fingers up and see who can hold their finger the longest
Where you carved our names in the wall with a pocket knife
Where all is forgiven.
But a small barb aims me still
Right between the ribs
When I think on my sins

You think-
Too much
Into (things)
When all in all
You are moment
In a million years of time
The difference between you and the earth
Is when her needle stops
Someone turns the record over
But after you only a hum_
Stop trying to beat against
Fall into the river
Let it breathe around your skin
Stop trying to remeber
Stop trying to forget
Let it all come to you
Let the dream take its course
Tommorow he will love
Today he is a ****

35
36
37

Don't listen to heaven
Don't listen to the sound
The song that is coming
Is your lungs
The belly of your hurt

Let go Jessica
Let go Tim
Let go Daniel
Let go Kim

No one really needs you
You're your only friend

So you might as well be the bluebird
He knows how to think
When everyone is dying
He flys
Through cloudy dreams
Up towards rainbow sunlight
Down to grassy ground
Its you who whistles sweetly
While others make no sound