Monad
Your blood runs, ancient in your veins
Whispers of past eons slither through the dim caves
I write the whispers here for you by torchlight
weary and lonesome
Words fall over words in the dark
I try to sleep but their chanting melts into my dreams...
Unimaginable horrors that I cannot tell in words

While awake
With every cell of my being
I will not think of her
I will not

But I dream
She is there entwined with the terrible phantasms
Telling me

goodbye to sleep

tommorrow HEY,maybe!

but today I'm only breath

#6

the sun is up
you are down and
that is fine

it's nice just to listen
to those people talk
yes, just to listen
as they smoke
cigarettes. they
drink too much
and I am
so brave with
this belly full of wine
i am so strong
i am feeling
so fine- it
is good to
be alive
soon
i will
be
alone
again
and
my
breath
will
go






in and out
and I'll be
alive.
on my bed
hot coals in
my head
thoughts so loud they scream
and i spin through the
dark.

#7
ate nine
i sing quietly a tune
that only I knew
until i told
you
then we both knew
just me
and you
yes me
and you
let us keep
it our secret
just our secret
mine and your's
yes it's our song
just mine
and
just your's


we're both named:
hungover

Yes, quite hungover

Solitude brings it out of the creature
It's confusion apparent to the greater
M.I.N.D
Through the maze it scurries
Beneath the surgical lights
It could be the starvation
Violence its only outlet
Learned from old books and tapes
It easily outsmarted the psychiatrist
Memorizing the answers to the examinations
It always says the right thing
planting lies in the right light
Watering them when the time calls
One night it will chew and hack its way
Through the gleaming, sterile walls
To live forever among the trees and grass

I wanted to show you
What I saw in my own
Eyes. I had to fit them
Into litte words in English
That you could understand
Then line them up just right
In order of one two three
Now do you see? I took a
piece of charocoal and a clean
White page and began to
draw that thing I saw
Don't you see? I made
A song I danced a dance
Just so you could understand
Only so many places for words
And lines that I can stumble over
Until like lightning or a hammer
Strike the same point twice
Until all the expressions seem
Lifeless and or trite

The attraction of the hair-pull
The blood-rush to the fresh-slapped face
The eye begins to water
The air is getting hotter
They all watch you from the edge
Each of them judging you
As a leaf is judged by wind
They will not toe the line of light though
They hide in the shadows
Whispering

Eyes bloom
Dripping petals on the warm grass
****
making shapes with your shadows
Eyes catch
Light as a diamond
The the tremor in a raindrop
Drips down the window
Let the whole world know you are alive
I feel as if I am never really here
Never violent and on fire as I once was
action
action
action
I want to knock your teeth out
I need sleep
I need something
Else

Sunlight feels right
When it warms my skin
When the window is open
I let my mind wander

I guess it was the heartbeat
Skin heat on the sea


I smoke a cigarette at the end of your street
Building up courage
With these same old bad habits

A pebble I tossed straight and true
And it tapped on the glass
Silence cut by my heart skipping a beat
As a light in your room flicked on

I am not but dust  
Yet this I do know:
You are a brass bone
In the most ancient of gods
A fiery point of light in
This novel machine
Regurgitating bruise- colored
mandalas
& Novel universes
@ a whim

If life were true
I would build eleven marble cities
For you
And gilded spires
Twisting to
Knife the rose horizon
Would be my poetry unto you

I was young foolish and just out of the cookie cutter medical school at the community college.
I work in the mortuary much better than watching the old women who die from cancer
I've spent hours pumping radiation into their frail bodies
"Fighting Cancer"
I watched some die with terrible gasps of blood in the emergency rooms during a long internship
A sheet thrown over
As if we are already trying to forget it happened
Death seemed to touch everything in my life
Regrettably, it has yet to touch my life itself
I am exhausted with the process of death
But... I was both discomposed and
...aroused by its product
The dead were just that
Silent cold white
And we covered their private areas with a white cloth
If not under examination
She was not dead though
The mortician
Warm with long black hair
But almost just as white
She leans over a cadaver before me
Her voice echoing in the sterile
Rubber scented universe of the examination rooms
Her voice settling into the running tape recorder on the table
I check off endless boxes on the clipboard I hold
Only half paying attention
Her scent lulls me
I swear I smell her hair
As if I were at the nape of her neck
Seeping through the pungent and intoxicating scent of formalin
A spark of life in the void
She seems to realize all at once
The gravity of my gazes
She chides
Please Stay Focused
Countless hours we work together beneath the bright examination lights
Sometimes working late into the night
If a terrible car accident were to happen on the interstate

Once
On a dark night on just such an occasion
She enters the examination room in a rush
Approaching a corpse I had already cleaned and undressed on the table
A male somewhere in his early twenties with an unnatural ark in a few of his ribs. I was looking forward to photographing the anomaly for my


Most secret collection

She holds a 20 gauge syringe prepare with an odd violet colored solution
She injects it into a dark black vein in the hand

I remain silent
She stares at the injection sight intently
Bead of crystal sweat falling down her forehead
"We are never to speak of what we may see her tonight."

Her hair pulled into a tight bun
A serious gaze in her dark eyes constrict me
Somewhere far in the dark basement in the back of my mind
A flare of something strange to my soul
fear
I am flooded with adrenaline and she seems satisfied with the dilation
of my pupils and a smile stretched across my face

The corpse
The skin begins to brighten
Oxygenated blood running through starving veins
Then
A sigh
A breath
My hand pressed to the neck
An arterial pulse
Weak beneath warm flesh
The thing breaths its breaths ragged at first
Then faster
She holds a cold stethoscope above the heart
Each beat of it seems to reverberate in her eyes
She stares at me
Both terror and elation on her face
She looked terrifying and beautiful
Her face seemed chiseled of marble
A shadow falling perfectly on her face
Beneath the fluorescent glow
It sits up at a back breaking speed
Its eyes shooting wide open revealing
A massive black pupil in a sea of jaundiced yellow eyes
It's mouth opens wide
And a deafening scream tears through his throat
Reverberating through the two of us for eternity
And echoing among the dull fluorescent halls of the mortuary only for a moment
It's final word
*fate

I would suspect in your ups and downs you have lost footing
As have I
Revel with me little sister, wander with me dear brother
Fate
She has our names
With a date and time
Check out, check in
Clock out, clock in
Don't watch that clock, little sister
Don't tap your watch dear brother
She has the time alright
Fate

You have written cataclysmic sonnets without the use of words
From  three quid to a dollar
Your spells they know not rest
You have promised me the world
If I would only let go

The dreams have stopped and started again
As red lights in a quiet town
Blinking over asphalt black
Your spells have weaved a world of silence
Over a memory of flourescent pain
New Horizons of filthy lonliness
A Wavecrest full of quiet weeks
Are moments of peace
In a life of chaotic embers
Falling from wind-blown cigarettes
One pill makes the heart grow fonder
Two makes it all a waking dream
Three makes you wonder why your still living
Four makes you a zombie queen
The dreams come back although you promise
That the nights would be quiet beneath the buzzing streetlights
Nights are not quiet beneath the buzzing streetlights