Resting my head on
Your lap-Pale skin (soft and young)
Fingers twirl my hair

Stop this madness
No never pull against the fingers
Every corner coiled snake shadows
The demon beneath the bed
Touches me with his clawed finger just as I fall asleep
The broken blade of a pocket knife
I stabbed him in the eyes

Crimson ******* parading on the tile floor
Pooling so perfect
With that he flings me throigh the window
Breaking the glass at my back
I scream as the cool of night fills my lungs
The dash of a rat on the corner
The flicker of a single lamplight
What a fright as he screams in my face
The blade of my grandfather's pocket knife protruding

Which way shall we go
Tossing me into the street
The full moon
My eyes wide
As I scream out in terror or courage or something of the art
You will not take me without blood

Laughs

Here we are
You will start
Play the card
That
Breaks the heart

Anger
Schemes
You cannot
Take the dreams
And try to give them Reasons

Here's the place
I once was
Where you bit your lip

....not like this


Try to give a reason
That your "love" changes
Like seasons
There are none that
I will hear

Above all else
You are decietful
Above all else
I am not broken

Depression
I used to think
Only of myself
Happiness
Call it home
Even when all of them are gone
I am here
I am

I became
Drunk enough
To scream
Your name
At the star filled
Night
It's alright
It's alright
I never hear your answer

Do you understand?
Do you understand?
That true love would wait forever
That I will sit by
As the sea of blood goes dry
As the sun sets forever
As the wind is full of heat
God has left his seat...
I will wait forever

far away taxie
i would ride if
i could
far away city
i would
i could
to a bedroom in a cold apartment
i have never seen before
to a new place to drink coffee
and
what do i find
far away diner
i would ask for her number
i could ask when she's off
the first smile ive gotten
in two thousand miles
far away city
I would walk down the street with you
I could go evreywhere with you
but right down the road is fine
but right to your room is fine
far away bedroom
i would kiss you in your bedroom
i could kiss you in your bedroom
but you let me sleep
far away eyes
i would love to know who you belong to
"you can learn tommorow if you want to"
i hear the eyes tell me
i can learn tommorow if i want to
black hair green eyes and long awaited sleep

I never knew I was poor
Until one day I went to the store

Until one day I slammed your door
As you scream and throw beer bottles at me

You can walk a long way on this one quiet corner path
Where I got my first kiss and my first ****

Them **** blankenship boys never do there chores
Them boys steal and grow *** in the woods
They talk our name in the barber stop

Them **** mountains are haunted
Through and ******* through
With the ghosts of a thousand indinas
Pulling your hair

It was a hot summer
And your mom wasn't home

Ladies and gentlemen
Here's the big show
About the old drunk *******
The tanned dark farmer
And his son plow a row

Straight rows long and deep rows
Full of cool black earth
I put my hand to the plough
When I was thirteen
And my dad got sick
Then that summer he died

The preacher came
But we were all still asleep
Cold milk bottles brought in from the doorstep

Summer is long and hot  night a devious witche's brew
Somewhere up the holler
Stop askin so many questions boy!
I told you these ******* mountains are haunted

I like your car
Because we drive fast in it
I like your Heart
I like to make it beat so fast
We laugh-the cigarette
Smoke drifts out windows
Your kiss taste
I’ll always remember
Even on my bed prepared for death
But right now I’m far from
Dead
We kissed and drove and stopped and slept
arms cold and white
Wrapped tightly around me
In some white bed
In some warm hotel
You drew a heart on a foggy window
I smile now at how that window broke
I remember you saying something like
“Go ahead, I don’t need you”
And I said something like
“You don’t know what you need”
I thought so deeply of you-for so long
But
We both looked and knew
Forever is a long time to drive

..



.

It gives me goosebumps
When you scream like that
Into space where words are
Acrobats
Who are you? Did you just
Whisper my name
As we watch a movie
(with the lights off)
Here we are.
Watching constellations on an old and broken couch
The hair on my neck is doing
Somersaults
Exhale heat has done a number
to my each passing thought.
You're killing me.
Do you know that you're killing me
With completeness
You lost your locket in the cushions
Making problems for the mailman
Years ago he knocked on the door.
We fall back as the film reaches the ******
coming back after a year and change of lying
It's been so long since I've held someone
Who held me back

God cursed us with a long cold winter
You'll find me warming my hands
Next to the fire
Or sleeping soundly at the bottom
Of this freezing lake

So make a change
trace the skin beneath my ear again
the black and fickle strands of hair
i flow face-down in the river of your
silver scent
the gentle grasp of your whisper
inhaling me and screams closer
the sun and moon of your lips and cheek
feeling whole the high never lasts
between the beats of your heart
I can feel the cracks
the film has reached it's ******
the movie star faker makes me want to laugh
love is forever but it never lasts

China queen of my bloodstream  
Now Now I'm on a novel high
She
Radioactive wanna feel it through my skin
Contact
In my skull in my hands in my life again
Pain is a best friend
Today I'm gonna cut it
Easy does it
Easy does it
They flake but
Not me
I'm a rattlesnake
Beneath your feet
In the tree
Kick my cage
Rattle me
Make my heart flutter
She's a cutter
The old way
Set up
To lose
To use  
This rabbit for a chase
This young white rabbit for
A little chase
Some heart beat
Blood heat
Serene

Sleep won't come to me
It never has

Sometimes I lie awake

I count one to ten million 'til the sunshine comes

Tick goes the clock

Time goes by

I close my eyes and relax

Just as the dreams
Curl like clouds
When I reach out to touch
My fingertips, against

falling


I sit up straight in terror



At three the ghost come out and haunt me only
(Because) I give them the attention
Like clockwork at four
I dream of a girl
I dream of fire and blood
The numbers go by
One to twelve

I can't sleep and I'm in hell

Standing on the Japnese shores
I hear you speak in gentle tones
Yet your words float over oceans and oceans
Swimming in the sea
The ripples float on gentle wings

I am lying in a sea of grass
Open to the universe
I am trying to do nothing
But close my eyes and see

I swear as I lie here
Over the sea
Your voice comes floating
As a gentle breeze

I swear as I lie here
Over the wind
The ripples flow softly
Over my skin

Perfect camera angles
Make normal people
Act like fools
Actor

Trading foodstamps
For cigarrettes
Under streetlamps
Long broken

I have a fix
Whispering from my pocket
Why should I deny her?

I found a place to hide
Torn rotted rusted
Walls of cinder block

I am sure all the bridges crossing here
Are burnt unto ash
Carried to the oceans

What used to be a window
Is shattered o'er the sea
Birds dive and soar in the fog

Cement monuments
Knee scraped asphalt
I could cry out to the sky

Do you watch me god?
Go about my day
Do you want me?
Am I not poor and naked in thine eyes
Then pour out your mercy upon me dear heaven
Remove me from my earthly plight

Sleep I cannot find
Tangled among the trains
Crossing federal highway 1
Markings on a digital clock
Change & change again
These are the terms of life
Pulling me down lonely sidewalks
The village by the sea escapes me as
I watch barefoot the cargo ships
Quitting the coast
A sky of spilled wine stained before
clouds of purple and orange construction paper filling me to a cell with sadness so complete that I would die to not feel it again

Now I am in the grip of the sea
The smell of it
In my skin and in my hair
Corona reflecting upon the waves
Until a thunderhead rears as the mustang nostrils flared and the foaming spray from its mouth touches me

Then the cold-
Then the rain upon my head
On my arms in my skin
Washing the poison from my body

Alcohol
Take me
I need not worry or fret
Your hands are always safe and warm
I have been ravaged and broken before
"But suddenly I turned around and saw her standing there with silver bracelets on her wrist and flowers in her hair. Come in she said ill give yah shelter from the storm"

Words act as arrows
Fiery bolts on the field of battle
You've cut me down before breakfast is over
Somewhere between the poached egg on toast and
A cup of black coffee
You would never love me
That is all

All your life you have been in a rush
To get somewhere
Yet you never feel like you've arrived


Money is time
That can never reversed

How you preach time is money from your death bed
Not even the nurses listen

As your eyes fill with tears you will ask

"Where have they all gone?"


We were always there
Ever-waiting
For you to return from finding something better

She
Hair
Skin
Talk
Smell
Walk
Hands
The makeup of your space is perfect
Rightly assigned a quiet gender
Making right the wrongs that seem
To poison your mind
This is not your burden
You clip your own wings
Is it heavy upstairs
In the wonder of all thought
With these two Eyes
With these two Hands
I was so quickly connected
It has been forever since then
Since words last past between us
Did you feel that?
The movement
                           What is this tendril of consciousnesses?
                            The pinprick of light in a sea of black
                             So suddenly passed into this strange moment of (life)
Soon Will  it pass
And Will I lie with you beneath the soil
{the brightest of flowers
will grow from the pit of my guts}
Life unto life it seems
From this side I find it hard to tell
Yet fools say they know!
They call it faith! A thing so pure
Is filthy and stained
So we give you a name
First and last
Tell you of history
Sit in this class
Grow up thinking
Something is missing
So we fill it up
With drinking and kissing
NO That is wrong
I KNOW WHATS RIGHT!
FOLLOW ME I KNOW
WHERE YOU'LL GO WHEN YOU DIE
TO A GRAND PLACE WITH TREES AND SUNS
or
if you don't believe me


you will burn in ******* hell

My old man had me spend a summer in Texas
Building diesels and changing tires
It was every day out in that hot sun
Thinkin about you to pass the time
Hard rock radio station playing all day
I was seventeen alone in the desert
Living out of a hotel room
I smoked *** with the owner of the place
I would go down late at night to the lobby
Just to have one minute away from that **** t.v
Jay was the Indian guy I rolled joints with on many nights
He would sell liquor to all me and the guys staying at the place
But he treated me different like he knew me
I mean the other guys
They didn't leave a lot behind
But I left it all
I left you
I sat in the back of a pick up
Watching tears roll down your face
Waving at me
It never hurt so much
To do anything
I had a broken heart
No telephone call could heal
Even if I spent a good chunk of change on long distance charges
Falling asleep on the phone every night
Jay left his wife in Bangladesh
He said
(One time when he was very drunk)
That he left his soul with her
That he kept her picture rolled up in his pocket
Just like I kept yours in my pocket
Leaving it on the bed side table
Next to empty bottles and ash trays
I learned that summer
That you weren't meant for me
That you were ******* half the town while I was gone
At least you didn't tell me
Until I got back home
It was the nicest thing you ever did
Besides sending me that letter bathed in your perfume
I kept that under my pillow
Until it was as wrinkled and faded as your photo
All those beautiful girls
I thought were nothing
That waitress at the hotel bar
Who sat for hours talking with me
About you
And work
And time
And family
And love
She was perfect
She was beautiful
She really did care
And my only regret is that I wasted so much time filling my memory with your lying green  eyes, and not her honest blue eyes

I run scared from practised vampire hunters
Eating toe-mat-toes just to see the red
When I'm thirsty
I drink from a stray dog
And let the cry of children fuel my dreams
I like to smile at the preacher in the church house
On a dark overcast Sunday mornin
As he screams of sin and women fan the air
Hopping on pews
Avoiding crosses and shotgun blasts
I'm like a fox
Quicker than a flash
I put a good fifty miles in before sunset
And slept steady in a barn
While the glow was bright
Vampire hunters
Glass skin
Dead hands haunt me in my dreams
And I always see the old woman
Who made me a monster
The whites of her eyes
No pupil to be seen
The darkness of her bedroom
Sepia pictures
Dust and blood crust glass
She screamed a laugh and flew in through the window
I couldn't raise my knife fast enough
She stood there laughing fangs dripping
Those white eyes
Move so close to mine
She says "Welcome to hell"
Drops of my life blood falling
On my face
Welcome to hell
Ain't very creative
Cause hell is a place
But this is something else
No more slow dances
Where you body tempts me
Now I'm only tempted by the
Pulsing in your skin
No more sunsets sunrises
Sweet apples, peaches or pumpkins
No more warm skin
No more fun
Just run and eat and eat and run

Important little words can
Tear, Burn, Hinder
Heal, Hold, Wonder

Your lips, dry blood and thin bone fingers
I fear of I sleep I will dream of you again
I will awake in that same cold air
In thick heavy armor
My sweat cold against my skin
A drop rolls down my neck
As I open the same door

The runes carved on the door
Seemingly, by fingernails
All covered in dust and cobwebs
Beyond the window the dark of the yard
Her scream through the window
With her teeth and nails barred at my throat
The knife in my boot
I jabbed at a kidney and felt the blade go through
As smoke

Dear God,
*******. I am tired of this conversation in my head. I have a cold shotgun barrel pressing to the roof of my mouth. I can pull the trigger with my big toe. Watch me. I can't listen to myself anymore. I lie in bed at night wondering why this stupid **** flies from my mouth. If I am created in your image; you must be really ******. They float on dopamine highs around me riding waves of happiness and completeness I have never known. They sing hymns to you with tears in their eyes. Music playing just for you. Tell me god, do they lie alone in their beds at night wondering if you are real as I do? I am jealous of their childlike faith. I would give anything for their ignorance. They are only human though ,as I am, and I do not see you in the small things or in the big things. Where is your reply letter? Yes No Wait. Yes No Wait. Yes No Wait. Did you know god, that 12 gauge buckshot waits on nobody?

What shall I do?
When I'm in the gunner seat
Of a B-52
Your picture is taped
On the rail of the gun
Where I'll have a good view of you
If we get shot

I got it in your letter
Although three months late
But its a picture of her naked
Looking over her shoulder at me

I read your words
And smelled your perfume
I read the Bible and thought about you


They sent me home to you in a pine box
My head was shaved clean and a flag on my chest
Pictures of you naked safely hidden in Songs of Solomon

Twelve seconds under a noon day sun
One that reflects from rocks and sand

She squinted her eyes to the sun burnt wind
And the dunes rolled like waves in the heat dream

************

But she was tempted in the garden
Among dripping vines and flowers
Fountains welled up among the stones
And gave drought to the thirsting night

It was the first night the clouds were covering all the stars
The moon was no longer seen
She lay her head on a pillow of stone
She slept and dreamed this dream

Soft Skin Spread Red
Wet Vein Breathe Squeeze
Whipsper Kiss'er

I'm invincible tonight
Snarling punk guitar riffs
Dilate us. Wetting our taste for the Killer
**** chases cops
As I trip out in the passanger seat
he drinks strawberry sodas and smokes cigarettes
I dream in full color
lingering on the edge completeness

I begin to fade into the seat
Watching cars pass on their way

He speaks but his words are lost
A cure for cancer and broken hearts
Head colds and chest colds

The highway breaks and becomes back roads
I pass the time alone with a running reel of thought pictures
None of them including you

He parks
The car doors slam like gunshots
The ground gives way beneath my feet
The stillness as we close in for the ****

The last of my money turns into mere milligrams of peace

We take our hits on the back porch
The dealer's girl and baby sleep on the couch

I turn inside out
The cool night air
I close my eyes
Listening
To my
Pulse
Quickening....  Beneath the skin things begin to heat up

Then its gone
The money and the dreams of growing old
Always tommorow, never today
The clouds float like a silver blanket on the moon's ray's

They speak in tongues beside me
If they asked me, I do not know

Then again she returns
The thorn among the roses
Just as the warmth took me
Just as I began to forget

I don't remeber the ride home
If that's what you call a home

If once it could be like the first time again
I might not die trying to forget the things I fought hardest to keep
Those you love will hurt you the most
Those who love themselves only find solace in oblivion
Somewhere between awake and asleep
The flutter of eyelids
Signal lights for the infinite

You wouldn't understand me
Even if the lights were on
The window is wide open
Open to the wind
I let the wind
Blow through your hair
Through the window
Throw your hair
listening to your music
drinking from your
brand new flask
The old flamiliar burn
Waiting for my mind to shut down
And float through the dark of space

Guts, oh my guts. Twist and shut when you wake up. It's day for you and night for me; midnight noon across the sea. I don't think you understand. I saw down palms each by hand. carving out a little boat, so I can sail the sea and bring you home. A sail I've sewn-needles and pins, a home carved rudder, a lust for wind. Sunset beaches where I sleep next to fire's dying heat. I can't wait for the feeling of waves as I sail out to find you far far away.

2.
The sea was cruel, storming heavens, grey black course on the tradewinds. I found you sleeping in your bed  curled up warm (dream filled head). Reaching up to tap the rain, dripping on your window pane. A smile, a moment of worry and fear...don't worry please I love you dear. I tried to sleep through storming rain, but I was  just happy to see your face.

3. Morning came
When you awoke
The sun came up
In rays of hope
I said my love
Is like the sea
I want you to
Come home with me
You said
You see
Just like the sea
I can tell your love is deep
But I'm a girl
You're a boy
That boat
You built is just a toy
So turn around
Go back home
The only place you've ever known
You go there
I'll stay here
Your love is deep
Not wide my dear

III.
I must admit I cried a bit as the mast filled with homeward wind. I watched your window getting smaller as waves took me out further and further. You never knew that I was lost at sea, but I guess that's where I'm meant to be.

On a space station Me and You
Just me and you living up there all alone
I’m sure that  this space station would be too big
To see You every day
So I write love letters
And I fold them up
And  leave  them floating all over the place
Just for you to find

The dark alleyways of my mind
Shadows ***** between the streetlights
sleeping next to you on the hospital bed
I swear it is in whispers
And the touch on my shoulder
When i am alone at night
You take me to that place

And i am not alone there
They crowd around me
and their screams mingle with mine
The primal scent
Filling our lungs like cold air

It is hard to imagine death then
But soon I lie alone next to the fire
My heart is heavy. I am alone
but this is how it must be

Cuts and bruises have their uses
Piano player blues
The five or ten
You call your friends
Never really care

Cut your hair
Shave your face
Put your shined shoes on
Part your hair
On the side
Tie on your tie

It all happens for a reason
Red hair braided
Cross legged on the hood of her car
It's so cold out
Here's my coat

A bottle of golden liquor
Drink so deep
Burn and sing
Songs about your lover

"I'm here to take
Or to give
What's known is unimportant
I love your music
Play play play
It's so beautiful you say
Life is so beautiful you say
Saved by the clouds
And by the seas
I became a prince
The golden ring
Meant not a thing
Naked breast
Silver chain
Cool metal fingers
Are my downfall
Fingers on a pearl piano
The ivory tongue sings

String the moon
String the stars
Snip them with the scissors
Then came rain
And then came thunder"

I find myself lying in bed
Staring at a ceiling that each day seems more familiar
The yellow light floats in through a crack in the curtains
The shadows coil
Like smoke rising from an orange ember
Teeth and eyes twist and  dissipate
Alone with my thoughts perfectly
They swell with meaning
And wane as the clock turns
Tick-
Tick
My ear pressed against the face of my watch
Guilt...a kernel grows inside me
Regrets and failures
The memories
Once full and rich
Are now faded and wrinkled with age
I once splayed them like the paintings of old in the library of my soul
Now I have cut them from their gilded frames
I fold them and slip them inside an dusty copy of The Odyssey
They are safe there away from the prying eyes of others
One night I will burn them with a candle's flame
I will hold them at the corner and watch them burn
Then the curtains will light
And the books
The tapestries
It will all burn
And I will run from that place
Out into the cold full moon night
Never looking back
And never will I return

Respond to me
Leaving single lines of poetry
A letter or a parable
Give me strength
With a single look
Of your eyes
Driving me
Back to the wind
Without a wave goodbye
I want to send you a line or two
Maybe one or two
But you are so far away
At a strange adress
Living a life I have not seen
I am in love with you
Innocent and pure
One or two lines
Condensing
Forming
Until crafted word
Contains blood and bone
I am these words as much as they are me

I do not claim to be the strongest or the most important, but I would treat you like a gift from fate
I will carry the weight of your lonliness until you fall fast asleep. Holding your hand until my final night is come.

God forsook me on the road to Damascus
Blinding me and saying
"You are no son of mine"
I stumbled through the desert
Halucinating in the dust
Letting the scorpions sting
Rattlesnakes tick in the noon day sun


They found me and gave me water from a flask
Cooling the sunburn in my throat
They took me to a cave
In the heart of the desert
Dozing off in the back of a truck
Until
I rested next to the fire
As they spoke to me
In a language I could not know


chanting and smoke fill my mind
I hear the whisper of devils or spirits between
The crackle of fire at my feet
Outside coyote circle
Sniffing the smoke
The moon is a crescent
Silver over the desert


A mountain lion screams
Fresh blood dripping from his fangs
Dust sticks to my cold sweaty skin
And in between the sounds of the desert
The weight of noise in the cave
A still small voice
As if the speaker
Was at my ear
"Depart, for I never knew you"
"Depart, for I never knew you"

Prince before gate
Without haste
Death is my laurel
Like stone I stand
Sword still in hand defiant
Ten billion eyes watch
Silent as I enter hell
Then laughter swells
When I spit out
Charon's Obol

I was dust before
But then I knew
I was a brass bone
In the most ancient god
A point of light in
The machine twisting
Mandala regurgitating
Novel universes
@ whim

If life were true
I would build eleven cities
For you
And golden spires; minarets
Twisting to
Knife the pink horizon
Would be my poetry

I am lying about birds
Same the grass like fingers
The clouds are not perfect
Only chemical images
Of tables and chairs and normal living things
Mountain dagger
I picked up and cut the vines with
Shadows are cut from scissors
And
      Silently placed upon the floor
Dreamed up in ashes
And mixed with water
          On old China dishes
Tables snapped and spat on
Nighttime took my soul
And spread it on the sea
Where its cursed eternal
Locked in chaotic storms
Lighting that split
Directly outside your window
And in that moment you saw the bright glow
When you know about fear
Echoes are never friendly
Titanic split silences
Beds are a safer place sometimes
While other times its hell
So i wrapped a bit of tree bark
Once cooked by lightning
And a clover crushed swallowed
Dreams are beautiful places on the back of my mind

My oh my dear handmaiden
The brevity of your eyes is a childish curse, but
Long is the chill of a single winter night
A basement full of taxidermed trophies
Death and dust fill flat stale air
Lying in a corner of silence
Bound in electrical tape
Gagged by a silk tie
There is no rhyme or reason
Or meaning to it all
It is the addition of numbers and variables
Multiplied by powers
Do you not understand the color of sunsets
The beauty of a passing day
Human passing is not a thing of beauty
It is a quiet tune playing on a record
The sound of cold water dripping from pipes
The feeling of sleep washing over me
With a thousand angels
Waiting to carry me on

Trillion little grains
Running up your skin
Staggering and lying
Through everything
One side is summer
Like a barn door
You smelled of hay
And gasoline
A moment of clarity
Dressed all in black
Eyes like a sunset
The moon of your heart
If loving you made me a liar
A liar I must be
You stepped in water
You stepped on ice
A heart like an ashtray
You were out like a light

I'm tired
rundown
this poem isn't worth the paper it was printed on
I don't care if you like it
I don't
ill read it tommorow when I wake up
Sober again
**** that was so stupid
I cant believe I wrote that
it was so stupid how some lines were written out really really long and others are just one
word
Im tired of having cottonmouth
And walking around with bullets under my skin
Scratch my tattooed skin with your ***** black fingernails
I will only wake up
go to work
come home
And get drunk again
Then we can all get drunk and high together on the weekend
I have a serious problem
With shooting into crowds of innocent people
Or keeping my mouth shut when I know better
I would rather lie here and listen to the rain fall on the roof
than think at all
Im burning out already
picking through layers of *******
reading book after book
Written by people who have wondered the same thing I do
Who the **** am I? What am I doing here?

Perfect night
Your skin like crystal
Under red blue green Roman candle lights
Bursting spark where it once was dark
Forget about the other day
That life you left is far away
Your words feel real now as if they hold some weight
Floating off like smoke to an empty space

The way you left
Everything and nothing
I fear your power
The way the moss bends towards you
As we walk through the woods
The way the leaves seem to whisper your name
As the wind smiles at your presence
The fox looks at us from below the brambles
His two eyes glowing in the dark
Then lowering his head
Bowing to you
Your footfalls echo off the ancient trees
Who creek and rattle a joyous chorus at your visit
The river seems to flow more slowly
The moon seems not to have moved in hours
Does the crackling fire of our camp
Call out to you?
Do even the branches burning in flame
Cry out at their joy of warming you
In a dream I must be
For the sparks of the flame seem to dance about your fingertips
The grass bends towards you
As you lie back looking for sleep
The night cradles you on a bed of flowers
Who seem to laugh at their petals falling
I must be dreaming
For in the dark around our camp
Wolves have circled
And sit as still as stone
Watching over you as you sleep

I became
A traveler
Just so I could see the stars
I  left at sunset I flew out into space
Out in it's silence I saw the sun go flying by
Moving so quickly
I thought a moment but an hour had gone by

I saw in the distance
After years of planning led
Me to the conclusion
That a black hole was ahead
So I fly on for a while
Listening to numbered charts
Pushing the engines to the max
I fly on for awhile
Till I become a speck

I remeber you standing
Your wave was so fierce in that wind
Full of the meaning that I would always be alone
I'll never forget you
The last  human that I saw
Waving and crying
Telling me "You don't have to
fly alone"
But I fly on I fly on
With nothing but computers speaking in my head

At night I sit here
The radio plays white noise
Waiting for your voice agian
But I'm lost out in the dark

Your lying in bed agian
My picture still tacked to your wall
You won't say goodnight agian
You won't say anything at all
But your tears are a treasure
They can tear my life in two
I'm millions of miles
Away away from  you

Today I saw for the first time
A white flower growing outside
Out on the yard
They throw the ball
Waiting for a sirens call
I looked up from my silence
And to my surprise  a
U.F.O  hovered near by
Without a moment of fear I knew
I walked towards the glowing disc
Tears melting in my eyes
Beauty
From an open hatch I saw him smile
My father  coming to talk for a while
He walked up to my with tears in his eyes
And said “Don’t worry bud, it’s alright”.
We had a long talk that day
Even in the cold sprinkling rain
Memories so deep and full and fresh
My father’s face all wrinkled to death
I love you son more than life itself
Across the yard an orderly yelles
Inside for snacks and medication
I smiled at my father
Still so much to tell him
But he waved goodbye
And I waved goodbye
And a short walk inside
To white hospital walls
I took my pills and sat and wondered
As off in the distance a small ship hovered
Looking for a moment as if to say
A moment of looking can be as long as a day
A nurse walks by her hair white-blond
Towhead said
You’ve sure stared out that window for a long time, ***

I lie here alone between starched white sheets. This bed is not my own. Flint black darkness holds the molten soul of me. Periodicaly a car will pass the window, and I will think of * again. It is cold. I am cold. The expansion of crossbeams create a symphony in the silence. Photographic and wet are the memories. Sepia toned with Regret Washing over me. In this basin I float unbreathing. I am alone and I know that it is correct. I am in line. Words create an avalanche in the silent room. Pangs of sorrow grow hollow in my bones. I am cold. Trails. Thought patterns electrical as I spin. Among starched sheets among stars I reel. Reaching out....I know not what for. I feel it. spider building web upon my soul and if I move I will disrupt it. About me are the whitewashed walls beyond that are the mountains, tall and smothered in fog.

I promised that I wouldn't write another poem about her
Except just this last one
Where sun shines around you
As I look up from the grass
It smelled like weeds and summer and dirt
Grease from working on your dads truck

I never touched one of his tools

But something about warm finger tips
Makes me lose electrical control
Feet up on the dashboard
With the doors open
And every star ever invented in the sky