I am clean and empty
I took my fathers advice
Slowed it to a crawl and
Now I hear the song hidden among silence

Cicada
Teach me the song
For *** and darkness
I whistle all along the notes
Rhythmic sweet and somber
Tones envelope

If I could once
Just once dream
Of hands so delicate caressing
The chords of sinew dance once more
As eyes so graceful lull me onward
Into darkness
Unafraid

So now I lie again among
The brambles gazing o the stars
A crescent moon caught so
Who am I to dare this fate?
What eternal price must I pay
To gaze upon such beauty

It's time to say goodnight again
Time to climb down off my high horse
I lean my pride back against the wall
Or at least what's left of it
There's a place that I can go
Where life is slow
The wind and snow
Where mountains are green and full
Of fiddle ferns as long as your arms
There is a wooden house on the hill
With a drive that turns around
And I can climb those stairs
I can lay next to her in bed
We try to make sense of the lone lightbulb above us
Reach our fingers up and see who can hold their finger the longest
Where you carved our names in the wall with a pocket knife
Where all is forgiven.
But a small barb aims me still
Right between the ribs
When I think on my sins

Words cannot explain it
Using symbols to define symbols
Define the divine?
It is a life cycle
Rotating within a universe cycle
Oneness
For energy is never lost
Only shared for a while
A constant hum
Resonating within you
Not only birth
Not only death
For they are one in the same
The Inhale The Exhale
Exert your will upon the universe
Do you feel it push back?
The cycle remains after
Your consciousness
Is blown out like the candle
Birds are birds and only birds
They are satisfied to sing
The warmth of sun
The ancient oceans
The changing of seasons
Cycles among the cycles
All of us spinning upon the same ellipses
A moon caught in rotation

Tremors upon the placid surface of my consciousness
Ripples playing outward into the dark
Until it returns to a state of calm
And I see my reflection clearly in the surface

apparently  no one likes the third person
He's watching you
yeah you
He's gonna **** you
But it's gonna be real slow like
With a knife
Ha now I've got
You I(
am gonna put you down this time for good
with a silver bullet to the eye
Found you jumping over the creek
and we met beneath
the bridge with chain linked fence
My best
friend we smoked
cigarettes and
took our girlfriends there
to choke
them
with
their
own
hands

I guess you have beautiful eyes
all those straight lines you make in my mind
I have so much to ask for
you dont want it all because you forget
I know what I'm doing
When I see you walk by
When I watch you walk by

I guess when your lost in this world
where the one you love
doesnt have your name
burned into their mind

Please don't be much longer
It's already been clock after number
Please I know

Its fun to be so lost
but you should remain down there as long as you can
lost in the sky

Cloud scuttle the sky of blue
An eye of blue catch  
The rue of loneliness dwells
Drink not from that well
For those thoughts become
Things
Traced out lines of it in all
Directions-
I will go west

Monad, Blood So Ancient  In my veins
I can smell from across the room
Pheromones so thick they make my lips wet
Eyelash pet me till I'm curled up at your feet
Do you love me?
Look at my fur and my muscle
Head held high (Look how beautiful I am)
My teeth are sharp and I am a painting of scars
Do my eyes speak my heart?
I am true

Have you heard of the Slender Man?
He loves the fog covered streets
Fog so heavy and thick
He loves the dark woods
So easy to watch the Children

When little boys and girls
Tell mommy and daddy about the man
In his suit
Long arms and legs
That grow and wrap around
And squeeze and pull into darkness
They laugh and say "go to sleep"
But he is waiting in the dark
A dark shadow faceless
Watching us sleep
I know so soon it will come inside
and take us

Marble Hornet


He is there
Watching the little boys and litte girls
Just out of sight
Faceless
You never notice him before
But it goes without saying that
Now you will see him
and
Believe Me

Hope that you never see him

The KNIFE Feels right IN MY  Hand dear friend! I am a king IN a long forgotten land
Her hands left burns upon my arm
Collapsing veins
Like Blue Flower Petals
Nails digging Into flesh
Infest
I gaze a way
Under my breath
HER FINGERS FEEL LIKE RAZORS
HER WORDS BROKEN
POINTS SPLITTING THE
SUNLIGHT
HERE ON THE STREETCORNER
AS IF SHE DOES THIS
EVERY DAY
her pail skin
Cunning
In day light
as I fight
For a breath
Her jawline
soft geometric
Are you lost?
Doped on hash she
Tears into me
With sideways glances
Laughing knives in my back

I've broken into a new cycle. I am reborn with a chip on my shoulder.
This whole time I've run in circles searching for what is in my hands.

Territorial-I scream lung pinched showing off my k-9's chipped+sharp
It ain't my first night, but I've been blinded by hope. So blind.
Let us feast wine until your head is nodding
Warm until you're found wanting
Close enough to touch but not
I feel her breath burning hot
Hands dancing in the darkness
Eyes eluding contact
Fingertip contract
Lips

Some people are so pure; a pull so insatiable
A polar attraction in totality. We are losing electrons like it's going out of style
And those who think to call themselves poets
Rely on such trite cliché similes as:
Like it's going out of style
Nobody really cares though
Don't worry I can speak for everyone
Just look into my eyes
You will see the hivemind
Play us more music
Bring us strong drink
It is as good to remember
As it is to forget

&@&!?*
B l o w i n g  W  ind and planets from your mouth
Your head fills up like a thunderhead
With candy cane lightning

           Burnt down birthday candle
            Stick o dynamite
                      Feelin alright
                  Fire makes the light
                            In the middle of my fingers
                      Fireworks linger
Until angels come and wave them away
Off into space
The hope of the human race
Floating on radio signals
Short crested waves

Crests that peak in white foam
Plucked by strings
Finger bones
The fool withone hand
Juggles like a pro
Joining the circus when he was twelve
And one fateful day
On the fifteenth of may
A lion had his fingers for dinner
Would you sup with me?
The prince disguised as the pauper
You would I bet
Share my last cigarette
As we balance on a chain linked fence
Trapped in a cage
With only one book
You wouldn't believe
Which one I took

Cobwebbed
             corners
Hardwood
     floor
Warm hot              b  r e a t h
Crack
in
the
door
                           spider
       legs
                       creep
Dark
         Long
         Stare

Jump

(from sleep)
"Is somebody there?"

Words:
Click and purr
Tape recorder
Tell me words
In any order
I remember like it was yesterday I last saw you
11:59 on the clock
Knock Knock
I open the door
Your eyes
Your eyes
First of all those eyes
Pulling and prodding inside my chest
Your smile was a sly one
Making me wish
It was me and you
Years and miles away
Your pale skin was just kissed
By the yellow sun
A long day out seemed to wind all down
I just wanted to tell you
That the center of my universe
Is standing on my doorstep

Hypodermic dilauded crushed on the spoon
Feels like doom
Besides all my calculations
Beneath the angry boy
God's toy

Piercing my skin
Lie back again
Lingering a taste on my tounge
I see her sleeping naked in her bedroom
As I float on a sea
Of memories and warmth
Visions of crumbling completely
Just a minute from perfect
Her legs and black high heels
My imagination
I hate it

The chemicals are caustic
How can you call this
Drinking water
You sleep and dream
Of the past when
Buildings gleamed and
People seemed nice
Then the cracks appeared
And we feared the worst
Firing our guns into the darkness
At anything that moved
I fight to keep my eyes open
Our fire is getting low again

Poetry I'm sure is no little mystery
I am unsure of her ways
If she sleeps or if she is awake

Sometimes her stone tools and weapons
Sometimes her love and care

Poetry is no easy task
A poem to write can be as hard as a job
As mowing any field
As hoeing any row
Her fruits are as satisfying as any
They hold me fast for a while
But I will always hunger again
So it is out to a field to toil and work
I hope my crops are sweeter this time

It was a private
"Christian" High School
I was fed a lot of bull
But I never let it get me down
I had afternoons with you

Remember math class, Anna?
Remember my fingers drifting up your skirt
Slipping on and off
Pressing on your favorite pressure point

I remember how when the teacher turned
You would whisper so wet and heavy in my ear
"Give me your jacket"
Pressing the heel of your white palm
Into my begging human lust
Sometimes
When it's dark outside and I am all alone
I might allow my mind to wander back to afternoon
Study dates with you

Pulling at your stockings with inhuman ferver
The woman-soaked groan in my ear
The tingling of your glow soaking into my boyhood
The slip of your breath
Brought me to the edge of finite pleasure
The bite of your teeth on my bottom lip
Before you make me quiver with your
Red
Velvet
Tongue
Your  mom pulled up in the drive way
I dashed
dressed
And got one more kiss
(Smothered in the taste of your sea)
"Don't forget your jacket"
I jumped the fence and began a steady pace to home
A long long way away
Imagine my surprise as I lit a ciggarette
And found in my jacket pocket: your *******

The jackal chases me out to the street
Where neon lights eat your brain
I was in love with you
But now I'm starting to think the dark is calling
Out beyond the red lights
Where bullets fly at the breath of a gun
A heartbreaker at half past three
Shackle up with skinny dog
Rake my skin with points
Until you blew up in my brain
Five six seven
The code was broken
I was battered not yet broken
I fell down in the sewers
Had a cigarette with death
Every single demon wants to pat my back
God gave me the finger
So I forgot about the sun
Time is short
You learn the roots
Old speed limits
You've always broke
Until the deaf and dumb connect me
With a moment of silent death
Knowing
That I was a devil
Only walking bones
I'm only walking bones

I just want plain old you. I don't need no trappings. Simple plain jane.
I just want the you that wakes up in the morning
Having drooled on your pillow.
The you with morning, and coffee, and ciggarette breath
The you who puts her hair up when she doesn't feel like dealing with it
The you who sits next to me in sweats and one of my torn up t-shirts
Eating Ice Cream
and falling asleep on my shoulder
The you who doesn't always say goodnight or I love you
The you who gets mad and cusses and yells
I mean...who doesn't

I've just come to realize
That the plain old you
Is my favorite you
Nothing plain about you
You don't have to try to knock my socks off, good lookin'
Whether your walking to me or away...I like to watch your hips sway
Going to and fro
Ain't it a sight!
Lookin' in your eyes
Well, there's nothin plain about those eyes

conversation
Worthy of a hospital waiting room
Your contact leaves my skin blistered

I didn't say it to be romantic
But informative disconnected emotionless your retaliation is the
Balled fist a hand I've studied
I know how the skin lays over that knuckle
Scarless you cross two legs I have known with my hands and my mouth
You turn away as if you didn't hear

to even exist
anymore
is it I
or am I you
Television picture
Do you wish I did not
Reflect so white on your wall
Or that my fingernails would dig so deep
Into the black moist earth
of your mind
A glass consciousnesses
\can be broken in a crystal instant
Forever cursed or blessed
Once again
Nothing
Strange picture on the wall
Will not flash at all
A picture of you
Paper and ink
Do you think
When you die-
Is it everything
Or nothing?

Second Stanza
Broken apart
Like your sentences
In that last conversation
The air
Is so thick with politeness
So physical
the soft of white skin
Or mental
Thoughts becoming  
      Thin
Bones of fingers
or skull cap
The sing song
language of your eyelashes
Open me
Close me
I am at your command
Free to be used
Or left alone to rot
In the dark dungeon
even that water that is thick and black
The smell of that water sulfuric
even this water
will quench the thirst of any dying man
Gurgle out your last words
once more
(scripted)
Heavy words that


spill //
through cracked lips
porcelain teeth
"Do not leave me. Hold so tightly that last breath."

I sat and watched you as you were making all of those  mistakes
I wondered if you would ever believe me that you just can't go that way
But you knew what you knew and you kept on going. letting the light shine in
It's bright and I'm hoping
Time will not know me
I'd rather be turned to rain

But it's dry in the summer and I'm hoping and hoping
that your leaves will never  change
When the winter is coming, I know that I'm lying
I'll make the same mistake

You couldn't tell me
One good reason
Why you should stay
But you kept talking
Lightning and thunder
Without any rain

The dreams
Are scratching
  The side of my brain
Bone fingers poking through the membrane
R.E.M sleep the ghosts seep in through the cracks
They sing to me-
       The sweet nightmares
          A demon whispers wordless
              Right beside my ear
                 "Do you want to **** me?"

That ******' got-**** screen door fell off the hinges. Sit there and smoke your cigarettes while I fix it.
Outside Texas was hotter than a hot greased griddle
You could feel the tinge of hot on everything
Until the sweat drips from every inch of your body

Privacy

Crushing a blue
On the back of a toilet
Numb Thumb Dumb

Metling and thawing of liquid gold
Rubbing
Slap Slap
Tying up the dinasour
Pulling so tight with my teeth
They want to come-out of my head
My second time
I have the shivers

Throb-Throb-Throb
Says the purple vein
Poking up to drink the elixer

Ecstacy dripping from the tip of a hypodermic catalyst
So ******* beautiful
Pierce me
Plunge me
**** my brain so hard
That I won't come back from the black
I floated up above myself
Watching the magic happen
Takin' it all in
**** oh ****
Oh ****
Take-***
Multiply by
one million
to the tenth power

*******

One perfect little hole
Poked inside out

I love to lick my blood clean
It's a tradition now
Beautiful metallic redness
Hugging my throat

*******
Just *******

I have nothing else to say

I wrote my suicide note in blue marker on a McDonalds napkin
I am going to start keeping it in my wallet

"Goodbye world, you dumb ******* ****"

Tired
She rubs her red eyes
Creaking down the old wooden stairs
Barefoot

Looking for a new purchase
a better  foothold
She never seemed to scan
The right barcode

So she sits like an indian
Thinking thick smoke signal fantasies
Dreaming about the good old days
Days that drunken lips taste like honey
The smell of ***** like roses
You seemed to have your signals crossed


You smell like home to me







I smell like cigarettes and mexican beer






You fell asleep face down in the bathtub
And woke up singing your favorite song

The room is empty
And the door clangs open and shut
When they feed you three times a day

You begin to write on the walls
And tattoo yourself

A poke here wont hurt


I always save my pills under my tongue
...I keep them
And one night when its pouring rain outside
When the thunder and lightning play dice against your bedroom window


Youll swallow them all at once


Without a single drink of water


I hope you wake up next to me again
Because I've been worried
Where have you been?

You can go make friends with the gods on Olympus
Walk barefoot through the promise land
Cross the sea
Cross the river
Across town
Have some dinner

Just come back to me when you've had all your fun
Lay in our bed thats warmed by the sun

I hear you calling sweetly
-*******-
I shan't answer

I ponder


Do you exist

At all...?

Have I created you?
At some point did my imaginings become reality?

Or do you actually take walks down to the seaside
Do you throw stones out past the breakers where the water is deep and dark
               or  was that I dream I had once last October



I fear reaching out to touch
Then I will learn the truth
Will my fingers find warm flesh
Or pass through a shadow of my own invention

                                                      ­        In truth it does not matter...for if you are a ghost I am quite happy                       to be forever haunted
                                                         ­   but if  you are flesh and bone let me lie next to you and spend a while feeling your heart beat beneath my finger tips

Eyes that glow amber
A vision in September

         Lovely Shade, I am captured eternal in your phantasm

You judge me
Harsh as sun on snow

If I am a wild flower
You came to me
As an early frost

So you picked me clean
Snapping her locket off my neck
And twisting my fathers gold ring
Off of my finger

Tokens of spring and summer and winter

You bit your nails
And paced the hard cobblestone floor


You buried me there

Underneath every brick you dug out with your perfect fingers
Tracing the mortar dust with your finger

You wrote a message on the floor

You stand above me

In your cold dark cellar

Your tokens jingle in your pocket

You lay the cold stones against my skin
And filled in the cracks

You sit at your old wooden desk
By the smoke of your little cigar
As you look with a glass at your new toys
And you roll the gold around in your fingers
You giggle to yourself


You look at the locket there on the wood desk
Smiling at its shimmer under the bulb

You find your fathers old chisel and hammer
Crude blacksmith tools
You smile

You smile so wide and laugh all alone
Whispering things you wanted to shout

You split the lock
With one tiny tap
And the pieces fell down with a snap

You laugh and smile your eyes closed with excitement

You laugh you smile

You whisper your shouts

Until you opened your eyes

A start

Your picture was in the locket
That once lay on my heart

Like sculpture
I sat under the buzzing light
Smoking a cigarette to commemorate
You stole the words from my mouth
And put them in your songs
You took the love from my eyes
And put it on the canvas
The stitch of my skin
Was nothing more than a place to wipe your tears
My clothes were yours
My shoes were yours
My teeth
Never
       Straight
Enough
For you
So I shaved my head
Knicking my scalp with the razor
And watching the blood
Flow down my face
I feel nothing
Because the oxy tells me to feel nothing
Crimson river dripping into the sink
This is my blood
And you could never take it from me
Now matter how hard you bit
Now matter how Sharp the knife
**** your name
**** your house
**** your car
**** my eagerness
Latley the only thing that the paycheck buys
Are bottles of fire water and pain pills
We don't need you
We don't need you
The life of my eyes tells me
We will never need you

Two boots I know
And a street
Sidewalks damp
Glowing cigarette
A coat against the wind
My old friend
Doors only locked
My heart a bull
My mind the tool
A final pull
The pinwheel flick
cigarette
In series
In paralell
By streetlamp
I stand listening
My heart a bull
My mind the tool
My soul I know

Good god
Im late for work
I can hear her thinking
I watch her leave
her eyes smile so right
I watch the clock go round
I watch the clock around
Off shadows, numbers, lines
I know when the boys come to the counter laughing
begging for a kiss
her black hair
with its line of pink
I can hear her voice
that Southern Belle
through her smile
"Well honey your sweet but Ive got a boy"
She comes home
the front door is locked at night
she drags herself in
broke for the night
and falls into bed
and falls into bed
and falls into bed
Two hundred miles away
I can hear her voice smiling
"I love you baby"
that shiver you only get
when someone kisses your picture
my picture crumpled in the hand of a sleeping doll
My picture crumpled by the Southern Belle

In fact
I will be
Back after
school gets
out
I watch
my own
boots as
I walk
down the
Street how
oh how oh how
they are laced
i traced
my finger
from
your
middle
toe
to
your
******
until
You said
You didn't love me
I'm tough though
I can let it go
and I can
be Oh so easily
the one
who forgets
the scent of
your bedroom
and the weight
of you against my
side
at least I tried
at least I
******* tried
to remeber
the shotgun barrel
pressed to your
breast in my dreams
it was a long
night and you were my moon
I never cry
but I sighed
when you told me
How his parentsmoney
really love you.=  
I
don't need anyone
who has intentions
just someone who
lives
just someone who will
like
My inventions

Repeat
Repeat
Water dripping from your hair
Cold numbing vibrations
Repeat
Repeat
Roll the Tape
The scars on my knuckles
From punching walls
That punch back
I knew this day would come
So I put my sunglasses back on
Spit the taste of blood from inside my mouth
And wiped  my lips with my wrist
I need five hundred dollars
To get to the next town
And a new pack of cigarettes
Repeat Repeat
A message after the tone:
And there with marker scrawled on the tile
"Self-preservation only prolongs the inevitable"
Beep
" Self-preservation only prolongs the inevitable"

It was a good night
With cold wind

Until I wrapped my car around a telephone pole
I was in and out at first

upside down

Saftey glass
Refelected on the moonlit road
As I wait in silence



Each breath is ragged beneath my shattered ribs
The rub of the seatbelt on my my clavicle
Snapped like a broken branch

I fight to keep my eyes open



I wake up to a man kneeling in the puddle of diamond windshield pieces
Yelling into a cell phone, and then talking to me calmly

I don't remeber my name

No I don't know what day it is

I'm gonna die


I wake up in the ambulance
The feeling of my lungs pumping themselves
The feeling of blood pooling beneath my hands
The sound of paramedics yelling at each other
Then talking quietly to me

No I don't know where I am

No I don't know how many fingers you are holding up


A neck brace keeps me from looking around
But I can see so clear in my mind



That day at the beach
When we skipped school


The night I snuck to your house
When your mom was out


The time I got bit by a dog
A hot afternoon in April

I remeber pine needles falling from the trees
As you kneel in the clearing
Talking about heaven


The emergency room doors slid open
On their own

Nurses yell back and forth
And speak quietly to me

As they cut away the clothes from my blackened skin
As the needle finds my vein
And I notice the old flamiliar sting
Among so much anguish

I dont smell the sterile smell of the hospital
Or the smell of my own scorched skin

I smell the sea
The sand on your skin
The taste of salt
The after swim kiss

I can't hear the beep of my blood pressure as it begins to rise
Or the yell of the nurse for a crash cart
I heard you sing
As we drove down the road
The moon was orange
And the sky was red
I could have turned down the radio
Just to listen

They yelled around me
It all fell on deaf ears

The last thing I ever told you was
"I never loved you and I never will

In the sea that is green
with a hook in it's mouth
In a jungle that is dark
a thorn in his foot
In the heavy heat of desert
Sun in the eyes
A bird sings from his placement
On a barbed wire fence
Do not fly so high
That your wings will freeze
Barn mouse
Boils water in his kettle
He whistles whistles out a tune
Old padfoot outside sleeping
His dreams of warm blood
And swift hunts
The moon is high now
The river flowing like a silver ribbon
An old farmer rides his wagon
Pulled on by the old mare
He was once ran wild through
Golden plains far away
But one day he ran too far from home

For years I ran from it all
As if locking up the thoughts
In dark quiet rooms would
Somehow stop them
My last full night
I was ten years old
And the curtains made a shadow on the wall
I was there alone listening to the wind
Watching as the shadow turned into an image
I cannot forget

It comes to all of us although I never thought so soon
I am angry at myself now for finally noticing this world about me
In these moments...I feel awake for the first time
I hang to each heartbeat
Each inhale is heavy in my lungs
Here I am at the end without the words to describe
The beauty of all that is around me
The gust of wind against the window
The house creaks around me
Crickets outside chirping incessantly
They are my only witnesses
Will the blast from this shotgun silence them for a moment ?



Ive wasted enough time
I loved deeply I believe
I take comfort in this
It is quiet now
So quiet here at the end
No music, no band playing
It's time now


I hope I come back as a bird

HA HA skin and bones
Gotta love skin and bones
Crank
Shooting guns into the air!

Ha ha ha
Burning matches!
Yeah the fire

Ha Burn all your money and your stuff!
It's gonna be fun to sleep out under the moon
Im a werewolf too!
Can i feel your fangs?
Poke
That's not a joke ha ha

Don't worry so much! Tommorow will be fun
You'll see
We can walk down the street
Avoiding sunlight
The shadows feel so right
Ha ha
Skin your knees
Climbing up trees
We fought demons and cannibal Indians
With wooden swords!

Ha ha
Don't be so nervous kid
We can go for a swim
Jumping off rocks
Then talk talk
Till the sun falls off again
Werewolves again
Running through the trees
The bees knees ha ha
The bees knees!

Old Norn laughing slips a brand new thread
against a scissor blade I present my throat
Goodbye just follow the blood trail
Soon I will be warm deaf to the tone
Of your voice echoing in dark chambers
Blind no longer beguiled
By the pale white flesh of your shoulders

Toward the sun closer growing
And blooms swell in humid air
Dripping with a morning dew

A hand
Soil beneath its nails
Touch caked in dirt
She approaches
Silently she watches
As sweat drips from my brow

My dog watches for a moment
Her standing til he goes to her
For ear scratching
I am not so easily swayed
But about her finger I am played
She and I speak not a word
But I know my love she's heard
My eyes I cannot disguise

I am proud of each sprout
Simple growth
Her fingers are more satisfying
Than hard days work