Finding the right words is hard when you are constantly choking on sound
This and that
And the aftermath
**** a sunrise
Let my mind set
I try to follow roadsigns but I missed my exit and refuse to turn back
I don't time travel well
She has planted deep roots inside of me
The cold is harsh and all I want is to protect her tiny heartbeat
Shake me
Shake me
Shake me till I erupt with passion again
I've been standing still for too long
I don't know how to grow
I know how to stretch
Pull me apart
Make me feel again
She is pure sunshine and she knows it
And I know that God exists just by how she looks at me
I'm rebuilding for the sake of consistent structure
My foundation is custom
Make me see
Make me see
Make me see what is right in front of me
Life is meant to be wandered through
Not wondering through
And my God what a beautiful thing to be experiencing it with you

I'm stuck between wanting you and wanting my sanity
The sunshine surrounding my day only comes when you are next to me
I'm trying to find balance but walk on shaky ground
If love is faith
Why is love also madness
You look at me with eyes of gold and I melt down into my purest form
Finding inner love is hard when all you really want is the warmth from the outside
I'm not sure where I'm going
I'm just happy I'm still trying
Growing is endless
If you stay I promise to show you the depths of the ocean
And the vastness of the sky
For I once lived in the dark but you are natural sunshine
And with my pale skin and damaged heart
I will soak up all you have to offer me
Even if it means losing my sanity

I've lost myself searching for other people
My map runs in circles
If I could just find a will to live I could live a life willingly
I'm trapped inside a small room in my mind with even smaller windows
Never giving enough light to push the silence out
I strike matches over and over hoping they will cast a shadow
I need some kind of cover from the monsters
I used to have galaxies in my eyes and gold in my veins
But everything is dark now and I've never been the same
If she could see me in my pure form she'd have to stay
Do I cycle through people or do people cycle through me
If none of us are growing how will we ever reach our needs
I just need you next to me
I'm no longer whole and I've made a mess of things
The blade still has too much power over me
Will I make it to 23
I lose myself time and time again
My only friends are the voices in my head
I've lost myself searching for other people
If I stop...


Who will come find me?

Whether I'm black or blue
Whether I'm true to me
Or true to you
I can't help but feel like I'm being used by you
You take and take and give a little but I'm satisfied
Everybody around me not knowing why
Why do my insecurities run my life
And you could give me no attention but I'd still be walking 2 feet behind
You act like you're not good enough
****
I'm a ******* mess with a big heart
That's not enough
If you told me to come over and smoke you up
I'd be there
You don't realize that I'm ******* scared
My demons are just waiting to reappear
And how the **** am I supposed to control myself
Alone by myself
Trying to find pills to **** myself
How come when I need somebody they're all gone
If you called me right now I'd walk through the storm in my brain just to be next to you
If you're not giving me the best of you
Why do I stick around so long
I always find myself giving too much
And then I **** myself up
You're going on a date
So I pour another drink
That makes sense
Why can't I just tell you that it bugs me when you talk about all the guys who don't really see you
I could write a list of all the things I like about you
And if you died right now I'd probably die too
You just want a guy who won't really love you
But I love you
I stand on my own but still want to be next to you
You ignore me when we're apart but smile when I see you
Don't stand too close to me I'll want to be close to you
******* I want to be close to you
Sometimes I feel so connected then I feel unattached from you

I'm drunk and you're sleeping
You're stressed and I'm reaching

If you would open up I could stop the flood
But I'm gone

You always play this game
But I'm not equipped for it
These guys don't even know
When I open up just know I'm real
Sometimes I know how you feel
Other times I'm not sure if it's real
Or you just need to feel something

If I'm fading don't make me wait for you
Stay with me or let me leave
I'm dying quickly

Please recuse me

I've been living a life with no dreams and no bibles
My suicidal tendencies make me think the end is vital
And please
Don't ******* hate me
My life has been a trainwreck since the day they made me
Don't ******* play me
You think I'm innocent with a smart mouth
***** I'm reckless with a hit list and there's only my name on it
I put myself down so other people can step up
I've lost my faith and my passion
I'm really messing up
I never reached for the stars
I was too busy looking at my feet
Father please if you see me send help
I've been walking backwards just to save everyone else
I'm stuck on the *****
And stuck on the blade
Can't ******* sleep at night
And eat every other day
My mind is fading away
I'm honestly trapped in my honesty
She kissed me last night and now I can't breathe...

I'm living a life with no dreams and no bibles
I'm working on my suicidal tendencies because


I'm vital

Pills on pills on pills on pills
I can't ******* sleep
Tape my eyes shut
And just drift away
I want to ******* dream
She meets me in my silence
And listens when I scream
If she knew that I would die for her, she'd want to be with me
All this madness
All this sadness
When will it all just end
And in this blackness all I have is your love to give me strength
So please don't leave me
Or deceive me
My mind is a grenade
I can't pull the pin and let them win, my hand is on the blade
Pills on pills on pills on pills
I can't ******* sleep
Stop me please from shaking
I want to be at peace
I was drowning
Till you found me
You're saving me each day
And I will love you till I lose you
It will be my darkest day
But in my dreams there you'll be
My only saving grace

She doesn't believe in herself
Only in her demons
She shakes at the sight of herself
But everything about her leaves me speechless
She holds back for my sake
But I latch on to stop the ache
And we're both fighting separate battles but still take cover in each other
She is my light
Without fail
She's always built herself up on her own
Homegrown with a lasting impression
She has no problem with self expression
And let me just say I ******* love that
She breaks up the daily routine of my mind
And I try to fill the void left by the people who never really looked at her
She is remarkable
You should never try to contain her
Because she is too free and too wild
And sometimes I just stop and watch
Watch her move and form around people and places
Watch her go up in flames only to vanish leaving nothing but smoke