How can we communicate
Without dominating the wavelengths
From past dates
I don't even think you get it
Why fall in love when you know you are not into it
Everything I say I try to make legitimate
I'm done with love, you know I'm not having it
Why do I give myself to the people who don't deserve me
Or give chances to the ones who will only hurt me
I give out more than I take in
When will I learn
When will I earn back everything that was taken
I try to walk away but somehow I'm motionless
Every shot I take is seriously just hit or miss
And when I look at you I understand the feeling of a first kiss
But now I see what it means to be heartless
Why do I show warmth when the world is so cold
Or never listen to the advice that I am told
Believe me life is scary
Especially after you jump when you know you can't see
I've realized that it's not you
It's me
I pick the ones that do this to me
I choose her instead of choosing me
And now I see why it's not working out
When you are just like the other one who left me broken down
So here I am at a stand still
Dumping my feelings into a landfill
Don't make the same mistakes twice
I could blame you
Hate you
Degrade you
But all I can do is own up
Face the truth
You're not the one for me and I'm not the one for you

I think about where I started
Weak
Insecure
Unmotivated
So lost that not even turn by turn directions could help me
Feeling like the end of the road was so far away
Like what was even the point
Why should I try or believe in anything
All I could do was rely on others to get me through

I think about where I am now
Strong
Confident
Motivated
Found my path that God made for me
Everything falling into place
All I have to do is keep fighting
I was knocked down over and over again only to come back swinging
And now I can say I have a purpose

I think about where I'm going
Only up
Only forward
Only on the right path
Taking what I've learned and what I'm going to learn to succeed
I just need to keep following my dreams
Keeping the right people close to me
I know the true definition of struggling
And the true definition of over coming

clears throat*
Excuse me
Now I'm going to need you to listen
This is my public service announcement
Whatever judgments you have
Whatever stereotypes you believe in
I'm going to need you to leave those at the door
Because what I'm about to say
May make you mad
Or
It might just open up your eyes...

We should all be worried
I mean we should all feel some anxiety about the way this world is unfolding
And if you don't see it
Well then you are blind
I don't care about your 20/20 vision
If you don't see this crisis
Well then sit quietly and listen

Is it just me or are we far off from where we should be
Living this fake American dream
When people are dying
Trying to survive in this war zone we created
Hatred being the fuel to our fire
Our desire for money and power
This being the hour of our demise
A disguise to mask how we truly treat each other
Our sisters and brothers
Why don't we stop this
Humanity dying in the process
We need to educate the ignorant
Humble the arrogant
Give voice to the good people who stand on the sidelines
Why are the small being silenced for speaking the truth
While the clueless ask what we should do
Stand up
Speak out
If we don't change we will be wiped away
We won't have the brains to stay and cohabitate
Let's not make the same mistakes our ancestors made

I want people to see
I am 18
I see what others refuse to see
What others refuse to believe
All it takes is for the good to do nothing
While letting the rich take control
Knowing that they don't give a **** about us at all
What will it take for us to make great change?

You see I believe the power is in numbers
The more we have, the less room there is for assumptions
We are all living for nothing
While the puppeteers pull us left and right
Being ventriloquists
While we play along without putting up a fight
If we all stood together not letting them have their power
They wouldn't have anyone to control
Total bombardment of their souls
Please just believe me

Thank you for listening
Now...
What are you planning to do about it?

I believe a child is taught to hate
Just like they learn the alphabet
Kids are taught to judge based on society and our ignorant ways
Gender, skin color, religion, physical appearances
Hate is started like a small fire then quickly grows to destroy every inch of humanity
Why do we think we are born with it?
A baby doesn't see black or white
Gay or straight
Girl or boy
They see people
A limitless source of love
As soon as they start to understand concepts they see how we act
They see racism, sexism, homophobia
The way we treat the poor and disabled
How we treat each other
When we plant two flowers side by side
They don't think about what the other is doing
They just grow
They grow and live together
Why are we teaching little kids to hate
We can stop hate and ignorance by showing new generations respect
Equality is knocking on our doorsteps
Let it in
Limitless love is possible
If we can just show it

I want to leave a message to my past self
You saw the world from a pin sized hole in a plastic cup
That never seemed to let enough sunshine in
You saw each day as an unbearable 24 hours
Each second made you shrivel up inside your own skin
Everything that would take you away seemed so close
Like soul on soul interaction seemed more logical
You never once saw anything in you
Other than blood and organs that just proved that you were nothing special
Everyone else seemed to have them too
You played a game of chess with yourself ensuring that you wouldn't lose
You were weak
And I mean bone snapping from a gust of wind, weak
Every blow left another hole
You didn't want to die
You wanted to be saved
Find a stable place
Where the walls didn't cave
You held on by fingertips
Off a cliff
Called your life a cliffhanger
You ached for something real and humble to bring you relieve
You searched for it in everything
You loved enough for two people
That's why your relationships failed
And in the end the only thing that made sense was hurting yourself
Taking bits and pieces of the inner workings of the things you held onto
Ripping away everything that made you human
I want you to know that I won't let you hurt anymore
Your biggest enemy has always been yourself
I won't give up on you

I want to leave a message to my past self

You're okay now
I took care of it

25 days
A lot can happen in 25 days
I can write 25 poems
Watch 25 movies
Say goodbye to 25 people who have chosen to stay by my side
I can fall in love in 25 days
I can have my heart broken in 25 days
I can get up to watch the sun
Only to see it slip away
25 days to leave my mark
As much as I would love to say I've left my mark
No one can be sure
It's safe to say that I've learned each person has their own little world
You change one person and you've changed a world
I never want to be too small for people to overlook
And never too big for them to see some artificial version of the person that they only want to believe is me
25 days turns into 24, 23, 22.... 0
I remember when I had endless amounts of time and now it's shortened by each breathe and I am scared to run out of it
What if I overlook something
What if I forget someone
25 days to mend fences and rebuild bridges I burned along time ago
25 days to say how I feel
25 days for others to say how they feel
I am worried that my 25 days will be up and I will still crave more time
18 years turns into 25 days and I just wonder what I've done with my life
If I've changed a single person in 18 years
25 days seems so miniscule compared to my entire life
And to think
All I've waited for is for these 25 days to just be over

I'm sitting here on my bed counting down the days
The days until I leave this place
The days until I mark another month without you
Don't worry
This is not another poem about losing her
If I've learned anything
It's that I can fall flat on my face and still manage to feel something everyday
And if you don't believe me
You can check my arms for faded scars that I used to numb my pain
I say faded because I'm 9 months clean
I say clean because I haven't caused blood to mark up my skin in a long time
I feel very accomplished
I've also learned that day by day I find new reasons to smile
Like realizing that suicide has not crossed my mind in over a year
Because I have finally found reasons to stay here and it's not just to make you happy
I've turned my self deprecating life into reflection and self healing
Which I can proudly say is starting to work
I used to sit in my room and think about all the ways that I had been defeated instead of getting up and fighting back
I was a boxer falling apart in my corner giving up before the first round started
Why did I let that happen?
It's easier to go along with everyone's negativity than to be the only one standing tall
I've never been one to follow the crowd but I let them bring my mood down
You want to know something else
The thought of being alone used to terrify me
Now I can sit happily at a park or in my room and feel nothing but positive vibes
I've made life changing changes in a few short weeks that benefit not only me but others around me
I never want to go back to that place where my best friend found me
I'm here
I'm alive
If you knew me before this poem
I couldn't always say those things