I wish I could do more
To maybe one day believe
That I could be worthy of you
And to be part of your world

My immaturity has
Stark contrast to your delicately assembled composure
And leaps and bounds if it hopes to imitate
Your endless kindness caring, your simple giving

While I'm off slaying dragons in dreams
And conquering lands from far away
You stay in the here and now
Helping those in need all around

I see everything blossom around
You and I wish I could be everything
That you might ever need in this world
That someone to take care of you

You never ask for a single thing
And you don't know what it is to complain
But deep inside I see your pain
And I wish I could take it away

So as the last thing you expect
I will bring you this diamond ring
And I will get down on one knee and say
My darling will you marry me

And the I will say
Now let me take all of your pain away
And let me be the beauty that shines
Down upon you each and everyday

I want to be your umbrella
So that you can spread your joy
To all those who need it so bad
And I can give you all of mine

And when you come home at night
I can banish all of your cares
And I can light up your heart
Simply when you look at me
Though I will be so much more

So what do you what will you say
When I bring you this diamond ring
And get down on one knee and ask away
My Heart will you marry me

You're beautiful
Baby, don't leave me here
Don't leave me crashing
And that's how it happens
You don't see the true beauty
Until after the passion
You've moved on and gone
And left me crashing
Back into you
Everyone but me is laughing
My pride is torn
Driving me to distraction
I need you here
As the regrets are everlasting
Baby, don't leave me here
Don't leave me crashing

So don't go, don't go, don't go
We can be everlasting
Don't go, don't go, don't go
We can rekindle this passion
Don't go, don't go, don't go
Don't leave me crashing

Sad, pathetic mess, I'm a wreck.
I've got nothing left, there's nothing left.
Life's a hollow shell and I've gone flat.
Not like that mattered since the wheel fell off.
Colors are gone, even the browns and beige.
All that's left for me is black and white,
And none of that is clear to me.
What I need to see is up on the big screen,
But in this shame, I can't stop looking at my feet.
Tears roll down my nose and obscure them from view,
Dropping to stain the ground in front of me.
Life has lost meaning as I stagnate.
Life is only a dreaming,
Watching me wait and pray for something else.
Pain, regret, and emotion lost in sympathy
As my life is wasting away,
Being crushed inside of me,
Unwilling to see the darker side of me.
My heart is bleeding -
Fingers vice-like -
Each tip labeled with my vice,
Drilling and boring, until as I am,
Nothing's left.

It's always so funny how much I miss surfing.
I get away from it so much and for goodly lengths of time,
But when I finally get back to it,
It's true love all over again.

That pure, child-like jubilation at simply being back in the ocean
Combines with the euphoria and rush, the exuberance that comes with riding a wave.
It's a trip better than any drug,
A high more thrilling than anything else,
And the addiction always leaves me coming back.

I love it - simple as that.
Surfing: it's how life is meant to be.
Nothing else compares.

I've met you before
I know for a fact
But this time 'round
Its a whole new event

Last time was fuzzed and hazy
Just a short-hand copy of you left on memory
Enough to make me pursue
To chance a second glance

Now that I have met you again for the first time
I realize you are better than advertised
What little I had known or retained
Was restrained and docile
Compared to the bond I felt around you
Even atoms appear loosely kept,
Against that of you and I

I swore I'd met you before
I thought it was fact
But this time 'round
You were a whole new event

I do believe you've captured my attention,
Though whether or not that was you intention you've yet to decide.
Hearing you name on my lips,
Sounding your voice in my ears
Again and again, replaying those moments,
Clinging to those seconds we lived in,
Afraid to let them pass,
Fearing that those will be the last
I ever get to share with you.

I'm lost, my eyes grow haunted,
Focus crushed, hunger slows - abated,
As I hunger for your touch, be it:
Your voice on my skin,
Your body unto my eyes,
Your heartbeat within my head.
This desire is sickening.

Moments pass and I'm thinking of you, again.
Your voice sounds upon my lips, again,
As I remember the sound of mine on yours -
No, that wasn't a Freudian slip,
But I can make it one if you want.

I can't stop as my brain talks.
Despite how I try, ever it goes on.

And there you are.

Sleep, please help me.

A little tired, a little hungry
Ready to hit the gym
Angry at what they said
At odds with their words
An amazing poem it still is
Except from the view of a critic

Class is now over
Off to the gym I go
About to build some solid muscles
All for the ladies.

I know you're moving on
To bigger and better places,
To new beginnings and new people
With new minds and new faces.
Dr. Seuss famously once said,
"Oh the places you will go",
And oh that I do know.

It's a big, frightening, scary,
Beautiful, wondrous, exciting world out there
With all its bright sights and lights
And sounds resounding in the air.
Definitely be wary but
No need to be overly worried.
We've all got to make the jump
At some time or at some certain point,
And every one of us has to make it
Each in our own individual way.

So don't be afraid
That you could be doing it wrong,
It's not worth the worry because
Really
               Life Isn't That Long.

Get on board and go with the flow,
Or pick your direction and go
And see where the beating of your drum takes you.
The beauty in the journey is that you never truly know
Where those winds and whims will blow you.

Torn this way and that
Not knowing which way to go,
Having no way back
To that connection so strong,
For courage to fail in those crucial seconds.

How to live in that fine balance of scales,
Never too far one way and not the other.
Sticking to the center to avoid any mishap.
How can I live like that?
None of which is me?
How could I have gone so far astray?

I need to rediscover my identity
To enable me to break free to the surface,
And draw in the fresh air of life -
To find out who and where I'm supposed to be.
This stagnation has to go
For me the rediscover myself complete.

I can feel the words and emotions building up inside again.
I can feel the pressure and desire to speak them spilling over the edge.
I look at you, I dance with you, and I  finally feel whole.
I want to say these words but I don't know how,
So many words to say in so many different ways,
But when I break it down, there's really only one meaning -
Made up entirely of words I have an inability to say.

I, I, I. Me, me, me.
Maybe the key is to talk about you,
Get away from my self-absorption and
Take a moment to think about you.
I pray then that the words will come.

You're out there somewhere
Spending boring nights with boring people,
Annoying nights with worse people -
Out there searching for the man whose right,
A search repeated every night.
I didn't treat you right, I know I didn't.
Then I knew I wasn't the one
- a past tense statement, if you notice -
Life has changed and we have grown:
You, more wary and more closed,
Me, more mature and less self-absorbed.
And so life goes, so the story says,
With our actions - its how we write the script,
and during our time together
It was my actions that I most regret.
Those that brought your insecurities,
The ones that grew strong when you said
"[You] couldn't leave [Me]".
And love you I did, in the end.
I did love you, in my own way,
But when I look back I find it hard to say
Compared to the way I feel about you now.
It's true that you don't realize what you had
Until its lost and gone, moved onto another one,
And if there's one thing I could let you know,
Its that I miss you.
"I miss you."
Like nothing that's ever written in song.
Yes, there's the heartbreak, and yes, the regret,
But its all my fault,
With every word I said to you
That I thought I meant.
I didn't mean it.
But now I mean it,
And how much more so do I mean it
Now that I've lost you, lost you to the world.
I never deserved you, such a sweet angel of a girl.
How did you ever get mixed up with me?
And how did I trap your heart?
Crushing it with reckless passion in clear sight -
Crushing it  in ways I knew,
And crushing it in so many more
That I didn't have a clue.
Crushing in ways that I'd never know
Until it was an experience I'd been through.
Now I know.
And for that reason, it hurts so much more.
The pain of my experience coupled with
The guilt of knowing what you went through, of what you gave
For me.
A price that should be put upon no human being.
I am not worth it.
How could I have put you through that?
It makes you that much more special to me,
And I only wish there was a way I could make it up to you.
Everyday it tears me up inside,
And everyday I feel I should tear away,
Even though all the drops have fallen and dried.
I wish I could still have you here with me.
I wish I could again be the one to make you happy:
To be all to you and more one day,
To be he who sustains your heart, mind, and soul,
To be the fuel and strength for your body -
But none of that selfish talk matters.
I just want you to be happy,
To find a man who loves you, so much more than me.
Someone to take the pain away
So that hopefully you will never hear when I say,
"I miss you."

3AM
Time slips by so slowly
My mind works at turtle-pace
I am a waste and helpless to boot

The moon in the sky lies to me
Smiling as ever - the man on it is sad
Agreeing with my mood
Though he is unable to show it on the surface

Mellow-dramatic is more than adequate
For this recent state I've been stuck in
I don't try to help myself
I can't help myself
And all you do is make it worse on me

The few steps I take away
Are on allowance by you
And when all are used up
I come running back
As if a servant called to task by master

I want you to know
That is not who I am
I am my own person
I am my own being
Leave me to my own devices
And we can do what we do
Hold on one moment, you are calling

I've never been one to read too heavily into signs,
But Good God you have been everywhere these last few weeks,
Except where you should be,
Which is out of mind.

To begin I see your face every time I happen to see my best friends Facebook page
(He's the man you're now dating).
There you are, staring and smiling right back at me,
Happy as I could ever have hoped you could be.

Then of course he commented on some post you made so it gets put in my newsfeed.
It's just so strange all the places in which you are appearing.

Before that I had a dream where you had the same habit of appearing
In all those places that you least should be,
And despite my best efforts to evade you,
My luck - which normally runs exceedingly to the good -
Found the propensity for tremendously letting me down,
Rounding every last corner to find you already there.
Regardless how long we've been broken up, you've decided to comeback and haunt my sleep.

Next was an injection of even more instability into the already unsteady,
As my now ex-girlfriend talked to my best friend - yes, again, the man you're now dating -
And upon hearing how well things are going between you two
Realized just how unstable, just how rocky, things were between her and me
(And just so you remember, you two used to be friends before everything,
Back before you and I had started dating).
So now she decides to approach this subject, something to me seemingly out of left field...
A tear-filled, weepy approach, and she had trouble trying to vocally broach the subject,
That is, all up until once I figured out it was you, it made perfect sense on the heels
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                       Of that dream.

To cap off all the unreality of your presence in a life
That is otherwise utterly free of you - or at least that's how it should be -
Came only a short while ago... once again, completely out of the blue.
I was searching on Facebook for my buddy Johnny, though I think he's now going by John,
So I figured
                     John would do.
When the results came up, what the hell, holy crap, this is too bizarre to be truth,
Johnson came up as the first result I might be looking for - yup, that's you -
Someone I'm not even friends with on this social media nightmare,
Strange that it wasn't one of half dozen or so friends named Johnny or John.
No, it was you.

It might be finally time to take this to a psychiatrist, because,
As stated before, this ****'s getting too bizarre to be true.
Leave me in peace and leave my mind alone.
You've gotten your final revenge as the girl who replaced you and I have finally broken.
Things between us are over and I'm single,
While you are happily off at school in a budding relationship.
What must I do to rid myself of you, to be free of you
As you are obviously free of me?

You're most likely asleep and dreaming peacefully at this moment
While I sit here awake under one dim lamp wondering and writing about you,
Wondering if I actually want sleep, hesitant that it might bring no respite,
Rather only more thoughts of you, whereas you are free of me.

There in the crowd,
Alone and then found.
A sight for eyes to feed upon,
I did not believe
That you were for me.
Our chance sealed with a date,
A chance to see you later.
Though it still may not matter
For the boundaries
That stand between
Both you and me.
And even through it all,
What really might cause our fall,
Is my overbearing mouth.
And my pride, the inability to bow.

If I were to have one thing -
One thing just for me -
I'd always be able to see your eyes,
To see the way you smile, anytime.

I'm an envious creature; not jealous.
I envy those lucky enough to experience
The pleasure afforded by your
Quick-fire, bistre gaze, and smile alike.

My sweet-tooth is ever sated by the syrup
Made from the sugar of your smile
And the warmth of your eyes.

I wish it could be that way, everyday.

If there were one thing I could have -
Just one thing for me -
I'd always be able to see those eyes
And that smile of yours,

                                           If it we up to me.

I see your name and a wave of disdain
Surges and breaks over my countenance.
I sneer and want to spit the foul taste from my mouth,
Though stumbling across you was pure accident.
No ill-intent, no malice on your part, only the hate burning,
That blackest brimstone smoldering away in my heart.

I thought it was put out - thought the fires extinguished.
I thought the pain of you was gone, but obviously I was wrong.
And as I look through my folio of writing, a thought strikes me,
A fancy which I follow, leading back to you.

I arrive, and not to my surprise,
"You would do that", I seethe inside.
You would still read my poetry and 'like' what I write, but then -
As a bitter little quirk of a smile grazes my face -
What does surprise me, is that other than you,
I am now your only favorite in this artistry.
And worse than anything else,
                                                              th­at hurts me.

Seeing this in the face of all that has been placed between us
Leaves me bare and rent, of everything, even my hate,
Which is revealed only as a stopper on this emotional bottle.
Only sorrow, a sadness that has adhered to my core remains when the course is run.
That last little bit that you never want to sip,
Those last drips you leave on the bar with the tip.

Long after I thought I could cry no more,
The tears return unwanted and unbidden,
Showing the true rebellion within my soul,
Telling me that there is still more hurt in store.
And when all I want to do is yell and scream,
To say anything to make you hurt:
To make you hurt the way I did, do,
To make you hurt how I do for you,
For you to hurt as I crush you heart as you did mine,
For you to need me as I wanted you,

And for me to give it all up, to turn from Love and walk away.

But it can never happen that way, you could never let that happen,
You could never be vulnerable the way I gave myself in trust and faith,
And in the end, that hate is not within me, I do not carry that cruelty.
I am too forgiving a person, but I will not forget.
So I live on, burdened with my pain behind these eyes, stoppered by a thin hate -
My only defense against you in my life.

You put me upon wings though I travel not far above the ground.
As far as I could possibly go, I choose not to leave the confines of this room.
The clutch of your every nervous finger, I, begging the touch, begging the touch to linger.
I feel your arms tense and tremor, I, more strong and sure through your nervous fervor.

Though you may not see, its clear to me,
To be able to bring you up on the wing
And to be ensconced in your confines here,
Floating my toes across the floor,
Are precious moments I hold dear.

In your eyes I find every reason to be,
The need, the Trust, and the worry.
I see belief that I will lead,
To be the one to guide you right of foot,
Every time you look at me.

And in those moments my surety thrives,
With confidence guiding my feet more each step
As I smile and dance this song with you again.

Once upon a time
Is something so easy to rhyme
I can even throw in a lime
Funny enough it only cost a dime
Here I sit in my prime
Silent as a yelling mime
Turn up the volume times nine
Twirling around so high
Riding a little trike
No knowledge of spite
Around which to bind
Life stays bright
Do not let it slide
Take it for a ride
Watch the incoming tide
Our worlds collide
We both come inside
Relinquish our pride
Give up the fight
'Fess up to the lies
A moment to reconcile
Then we begin to smile
And laughing all the while
Once upon a time

We the people,
One for all and all for none,
Adrift after four score and seven years,
Are left gone with the wind.
As it happens to be
Or not to be, one nation
Under me,
Under the sea,
Down where its better,
Down where its wetter,
Christine, take it from me.
That Lady and the *****,
Hell it gets damp
Under her lead.
I have a dream,
And it is to see
what we can make of you and me.
I've seen your purple mountains majesty.
They've got me on my knees to plead the fifth,
But I've got to say it now
Or forever hold my peace,
Icht ein Berliner
Isn't the truth at all,
When I'm a lover not a fighter,
So its off to Venice I go,
The City of Lovers,
Its only Beauty and the Beast,
Because frankly, my dear, I don't give a ****.

This is the best possible thing
That could have ever happened for you.
I know that it is
And I've managed to convince myself too.
To get away from me
To live a stress-free life
Is a God send, a gift
The lead in the parade.
On the sides I will sit
And clap for you on your way.
This is it
Your moment, your ticket.
Life is a bronco
Don't let it be you that takes the kick.
I know you're strong
You'll need it for the journey long.
This next adventure
To make you into what you are.
But when you come back some day
Please don't have forgotten me along the way.

Seeing your face
For the first time in a month
Causes me grief
But also causes my heart to jump.
Your subtle glow
And brilliant smile,
Love in your shining eyes,
Put me on trial.
Should my heart break?
Or find strength to go on?
I am always here for you
But not being near wears on.
I want to be with you -
where and how doesn't matter -
As long as we are together.

Hey baby doll,
Does it even matter to you?
To keep plans at all?
To follows your words up right?
Does anything matter at all?
Except where the next party calls?
Except who pours the next drink?
Who lines the next shot?
Is that life to you?
Is that all you got?
For if it is, I'm gone.
I can't deal, can't hang with your ****.
I leave, and hope you head for a fall.
To make you realize
Who truly matters at all.
For you look like a rose,
But the smell you put off
Is a combustion of diesel and alcohol.
String me along some more if you please,
And I will make you see
That life ain't nothing without me.
You got nothing without me.
Go have another drink,
And when you finally come crawling back,
I throw you a fist full of dollars.
Tell you to have another on me.
Go ahead baby.
It's free.
Now watch me leave.
I ain't going to stand for anymore immaturity.
If it isn't me, let me be.
I will take my heart and go.
Be free away from the tortures
You rain down upon me.
You're not that good.
You're nothing near great.
You're not worth my time.
You ain't worth a fight,
And here I stage my flight.
Breathe a fresh breath.
So clean away from you
And the filth of your life
That pretends to want me.
But no matter how I knock,
I'm not let in.
I'm held on the step,
And the significant limbo,
The balance on that step,
Does precarious flips
Upon my stomach.
And now I lose my nerve.
I've lost my nerve.
One last knock to see if the door handle turns,
And I turn
To take my leave
Of you,
And all that brings you down
Because it's bringing me down,
And I ain't going down with your ship
And all of your *******.
If I'm not even invited
To come in and sit.
It's down to you.
The time
Has lost my patience.
It's gone from my mind.
I want it no more.
I begin to abhor
Every moment I've wasted on you.
And there is little to no
That you can or will do
To bring me back
- to change my mind -
Because once the heart has gone black,
It don't go back.
It won't go back.
It's over and gone.
You set it in stone,
Written above your grave
As it looks down upon you,
And all that we had known.
And now I have gone.
Such immaturity,
The childish ways.
Leave them in high school,
Middle school preferred.
You're in college now
Headed for the world,
And you decide to act like a school girl.
What did you hope to gain from that?
Because I won't go back,
You turned my heart black.
That's the fact,
And there's no way back.
What did I mean,
Some strange sort of inbetween?
Inbetween what?
Another two guys, from up and down the block?
No baby, that ain't me.
I'm looking for the kind of girl
Who loves me for me -
Not for my money,
Will laugh because I'm funny,
Love me whether I'm fat or skinny -
Because I will be me.
And I need you to be you,
Not some dressed up China doll.
But as I said,
You're headed for a fall,
And I couldn't care less at all.
Have fun in your Hell.
I'm headed for my Heaven.
Anywhere that has no you is where I want to live in,
I can really dig in,
Kick my feet up
And watch, as the world
Beats you up,
Because I'm done.
I'm gone.
I can't wait anymore
For you to grow up,
So this is goodbye
Baby,
So long
Baby,
To what was Love
Baby,
To what now is lost
Baby,
goodbye.

It was a moment of weakness.
Neither you nor I knew what to say.
Now as we stare towards the horizon,
This awkward silence settles in,
And we notice all of the tiny silhouettes
Of those previously unnoticed passing ships.
Anything to distract us from here and now,
To give us escape from this place.

You - like I - know how this ends,
But you, no more than I, know
How we will get from here to there
Without destroying all that we've ever known.

So everything hangs in the balance,
And it really all depends
On how well our dancing skills remain intact.
Let us hope that you've brought your shoes one last time
So we can have this last song and dance together.
Let us perform one final flawless show and
End this as professional to professional,
Because I will not shed a tear after you go.

All it counts down to a second -
A relapse in judgment, though no one's perfect -
It comes down to a mistake I hope to erase,
Shadows in time no more important than the rest,
And though I may not love you,
I wish you the best.

I'm left and lost all alone
In this life that is left to me.
I desire and want like all
But cannot find one to call my own.
I try, though hard as I might,
I am left a half-second late,
Something short, missing, absent,
And lose out on the final prize.

I am left wanting those I cannot have.
I am left dying for she who doesn't give a ****,
And I don't know how to break myself of this trend.
I burn and break myself inside,
Turning my heart to gravel
Where it should be the ice
In her Margarita-filled life.

Out there are girls who might take that spot,
But I cannot find it in me to find in her anything I want.
I cannot find a way away from her I want.
It's that **** twitch of my mind,
Always returning to her I cannot.

So here I strangle myself with my thoughts.
I crush myself methodically from the inside-out,
Breaking myself down quicker than Father Time did intend.
Sorry says Mother Nature, so is Life.

The Wild Man is calling and I've seen the Wild Man signs
I thought time had been stalling
But now I see the truth forced through
I had bee free falling in time
Watching days and weeks go by
Now I see that I'm going to have to do this bailing
With my own two hands one bucket at a time
But what on this Earth is worth easy
Let me tell you that nothing comes free
So let's get to this bailing
And in time we will see this pond empty
Leaving me standing ankle deep in muck and happy
Side by side with my Iron John
Because I know that he has been calling
And all of the signs and signals have been clear
But I believe the problem has been I haven't been looking
Or maybe I just haven't been ready
I flipped that first page and believe me something changed
My time is now for my Wild Man journey
Because he has been calling
He has been shouting out my name
And in the time it's taken me to grab my bucket
I have been stalling
But now time has come
And these waters remain empty
As Iron John has been seized and caged
Over years of time I gradually realize the loss of my golden ball
The one so long ago stolen
But now I stand alone in front of his cage
Feet squared firm as I hold the key
I can see the hungry look in his eyes
For all the years he has desired to be freed
Let us take these steps together he says
And join this world alive
Not lacking in energy and passion as some
But well and truly alive as can be
To be thriving and swelling and breathing so deep
To free Iron John of his iron bar skies
And for us to begin our journeys
To leave all of this world behind
Perhaps to return one day
As all will have seen the boy that left
A man returning, his head held high

I am powerless over the effects of you.
Drown my soul, and I wouldn't raise a hand against it.
How I miss you so,
And it hasn't even been one full day.
What did you do with the once ******* I used to be?

I want you. To have and to hold

Y our friend has taken you.
And to do with you, god knows.
All I do is fear for all the wrongs in Love.
And I don't even know if you feel the same.
Making me Lovesick  without a doubt.

I want you. To have and to hold. To be my only.

And how do I breach this subject?
How do I find out if you'll laugh and snub it?
A blow like that would be too hard to stomach.
My heart ache is worse enough
To have that be the end of Love.
I am not that strong

Endless and drear, the way is made clear.
I have to get out of here.

I don't have a clue what I'm doing
And I'm just wasting time.
A stop-hold on the moment
As I watch life go by.

Your scent permeates the air
To the point I can no longer bear
It as I stomp your grounds,
Harassing the innocent on your behalf.

Another few days, only a few more weeks,
That's the way I make it day-to-day.
A job's a job, and money is money,
A paycheck is better than none, right?

I can stand it no longer,
Watching my days grow shorter,
Making no progress forward,
Living within your bounds is torture.
I feel I can go no further.

I'm done and gone, I leave you behind.
I seize the moment and try to gain back lost time.
I'm living my life and saying goodbye.

The day before the trip is one where I'm up early - like today.
I've got to go get my oil changed and have the fluids checked.
Next up is to gas up and fill the tires up to *****.

Take a break to relax and smell the coffee - medium roast - and a bagel with cream cheese.

Back at it withe the planning and the finding:
     A hotel to stay in
     The chains for the tires
     The clothes needed...
     The clothes I will sleep in.

It's all there and packed up, stacked up by the door.
Time to load up the car.
Tomorrow we're headed for the snow.

Empty the car first of all my junk and trash.
I can't believe how much has piled up and been left.
Maybe let's take out the floor mats and lets definitely use the shop-vac.
Spray in some Febreeze... a couple extra squeezes...
And then squeeze the Windex and wipe all the glass and surfaces clean.

Finally time now to lean the back seat down.
Toss in one bag and then the next.
Stack it, stack it, stack.
One more, two more, there's the last.
Close up the door, lock it, it's time for one more rest.
Tomorrow we're headed for the snow.

Sometimes life never seems to follow a plan,
At the times you least expect it someone new comes in.
You thought you had it mapped, had figured it out,
Then this someone new starts to pull your attention something more,
And all you can do is scrap those old plans and throw them out,
Beginning again, one step at a time, one foot then the other down on the floor.
Time to readjust and replan just how things should go,
To see how life goes and see if she means anything,
To see if shes meant to be, if its meant to be more.
Lets roll with this just one step at a time,
And find out what you really mean to me.

I have to do you better because
Its what you deserve for all you've done
Bringing me into and up in this world
For raising me right and teaching me well
But despite my best efforts and intentions
We both know that I cannot make that happen
As I quest to release my inner me
This thing that's built up so deep sown inside
And I will drive you as crazy
As I drive my car down this dark highway
Unseeing and alone with only my headlights here
Spotting none ahead and catching no sight behind
And still on I drive
Until it comes upon me that he is free
That day you will know I have made the most of me
And even though it will sadden you
You will see that it was needed for the best

This is how the road has to be
If it was simple and easy
And I followed the path that you intended
I will never breakout and find who
And more importantly what I am meant to be
So for the time being embrace the insanity
Its for the best
It truly is
Its for the best
And know that for all of this
For each and every little thing I have done
I love you
For each and every little thing you have done
So very much
Remember it well
And when this world of hell is at its darkest
Know that the dawn is not far off
And despite the nature you see of that world
Its only one moment, one speck in time
And that I love you all the same

Remember all of our great plans?
The wondrous plans for summer -
Those of love and passion.
Remember our plans of two hearts becoming one soul,
Those of being together come December?

What happened to those days,
And why did you have to move away?

I still have plans on being together,
And if I have to wait forever
To be with you in December,
I'll hold my tongue
And keep walking on
Until I reach that day
I can take you away.

That day where two Hearts become one,
And two hands hold
As feet leave tracks in the sand
- little images of love -
Until the waves wash them away.

Most Masterful Self-Centered Queen Who Doesn't Care,
I am at a loss for what to say... and for what you don't say.

My most beloved girl, I fear
That all the words I have for you
Will fall upon deaf ears.

I always thought this moment would scare
Me, but now that it's here,
All my worries seem to disappear.

My emotional landscape is bare.
You've left me with nothing here,
But the cobwebs and outlines in the dust
Of the reasons I held you dear.

The Way I Loved You
Blackout (Acoustic)
My Paper Heart
This Broken Heart
Since I've been Loving You
Tim McGraw
Being Your Walls
Wake Up
The Man Who Can't Be Moved
No It Isn't
Love Drunk
The Suffering
When Your Heart Stops Beating
Cute Without The "E"
Always Love
Irreplaceable
Goodbye
******
Whatsername
Flake
155
Somebody Else's Arms
Just Friends
Everything You Want
Gives You Hell
The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
Halo
Should've Said No
Forget December
Like We Used To
Naive
A Decade Under The Influence
Crashing
Wet Sand
Tell Me Why
Konstantine

I got my dancing shoes back on again today.
**** did it feel good!
I also got back into the rhythm and began tutoring for the beginner level class.
I can't believe that I would really miss that, but I did.

My excitement for dancing has been relit,
And the chance to pass that onto yet another class has me smiling.
A new class and a new semester of opportunities,
With growth and learning available to both the students as well as me.
It's such a great feeling to help them succeed,
As well as helping them progress, especially when they thought they were beyond saving.

Dance is a passion which burns within me.
I can't describe how good it feels to be back,
Adding fuel to the flame which burns in me so brightly,
Adding fuel to a flame
That I almost let get extinguished.

It's Christmas time of the year again,
All I can think of is you.
There's all of this festive cheer in the air, and
All I can manage is a lesser feeling of blue.
Life without you really isn't anything -
Not that it was ever cracked up to be.

With all of this goodwill and love around,
I am bound with my thoughts on you,
Wishing that I could spend these days with you -
That I could hold you close these cold nights through.

None of which is meant to be,
So I will hold you in my thoughts
And send out a prayer in holiday cheer,
Wishing you a Merry Christmas,
And hoping that you and your family are well.

This is Southern California - the land of surf, sand and sun -
But since things went south between you and me
All of that has been replaced by the rainy and grey.
This weather system that rolled in has been
Hanging around like the memories of you.

You said I meant a lot to you,
But the way you pushed me away and let me go
Despite admitting you still had feelings for me
Has got me confused and I'm reaching season lows.

Things weren't perfect, that I do know,
But I had hoped having this winter break respite
Might allow us the time we needed to make the turn around,
To make things all right.

Now I sit and think of you.
I hope that winter's been treating you great.
I hope you've caught up on sleep
And aren't losing it up at night thinking of me.

Looking up into the black velvet sky
As the light shines down bright in imitation of day,
Its the Halo cast off around the burgeoning moon
From the translucent clouds come to life,
And the crispness from the cold bite of the late winter air
That brings me hope and belief for the future.

Angelic grace beaming down from above,
Shining down in smile, bringing rebirth and fruition.
The pregnancy in the sky cannot mean but good for the time to come,
And as I gaze back - the subtle beam of a smile on my lips -
Confidence grows within me with the fertility of the moment.
I know you're out there.
I can feel you out there.
A palpable presence pulling upon my soul.

So long have I seen you from my paralyzed position,
And for how long have these secrets in my heart known.
In the revealing light of this night as I stand alone,
Whispers like the wisps of cloud ebb around my consciousness,
And in the darkness which she left my heart, you are found.
Visions of you, Halo-crowned;
A soft, golden light radiating from your brow.

My Full Moon,
As a feeling of Love abounds.

Try, try again Father always says,
So when things go wrong,
That's what's got to be done.
Never mind what words others will preach.
Don't bother with anything they say,
It's all flowery fluffed-up speech
That never got anyone anywhere anyhow.

Now times come when a fellow gets himself a little luck,
Something that makes him think he knows which end is up,
But Father says you can never account for that,
Because at the end of the day
That same Mister keeps on the same way,
And while that's all well and nice,
He's worse than praying that lightening strikes the same place twice.

So never give up, and never say die.
All you can ever do is try, try, try,
And as bad as it may ever seem,
It's always darkest before your dawn comes,
So if it isn't this time,
I know you'll eventually get it right.
As Father always says,
God be ******, it's a sin not to try.

All you ever did was take, take, take,
And I can't take it anymore.

Whether during our time when we were only friends
Or when we were dating,
All it ever was, ever, was taking from me:
My time, my energy, my hobbies, friends and family, even my poetry.

Slowly, little bit by little increment,
You took everything from me,
And now, so soon after I rediscover my passion for dance,
Make it into the last bastion of my resistance,
You go and steal that away too.

You were too young and we were both too immature,
I should have known.

I gave you everything I had in faith,
Hoping to help you make life right,
But instead, those greedy, little emotional fingers you never knew you had
Went and took everything in sight,

Leaving me lost with nothing which to call mine.

I can still see your smiles in my mind.
They're always there just behind when I close my eyes.
God, you're as beautiful there as you ever were.

How I miss falling into those brown eyes,
Getting lost and smiling so much that you had to ask,
What are you smiling at?
What are you smiling for?
To which I'd reply -
Nothing. Just you.

And maybe that's where I went wrong.
You weren't nothing, and it wasn't just you.
You were everything to me
And I was thinking of all that was you,
Each and every little thing that made me love you.

And it was mistakes like that
That caused me to drive you away,
Which forced you to have to walk away.

I was a fool.

I would give anything to have you back,
To have you for a second chance.
But admitting that won't change anything,
And however much I say I miss you
Will not bring you back.

It's not what you want.
I just have to learn to live with that.

Old World Juliette, it is a sad day which has come true.
My skill with the English language failed me
And I said things which no man should ever say to you.

We did come to date for a while like I had wished,
But then it all came crashing down around us
Because of those ill-advised words which I said
In worse-fated moments of desire and despiration.

I wished to be the one, your protection against the world
But all I did was turn and cut you down again.
I claim to be a Modern Day Romeo,
Thinking of us as star-crossed lovers destined to be,

But we, like the original pair of this namesake, are fated to be separated
By the poison I have taken, crafted by my own hand
And put in each arrow of each word to you I had spoken.

Then, in Juliette fashion, I came out of my stupor to find our love dead,
Poisoned by my vial - by the vileness of my own creation,
Stopped before the budding love-lily ever truly started growing.

I was delusioned
When I thought
Hate and Love
Were two different emotions.
I have you to thank
For setting me straight.
Your actions have confirmed
That these once opposites
Are now one and the same.
Your actions conjured in me first,
This smouldering Love, and now
A burning Hate.

Why couldn't I have been enough for you?
Why couldn't you tell me the truth?
Why couldn't you love me for me?
Why couldn't I let you go?
Why did I go through what I did for you?

Because I will always love you.

"Mmm",
She said,
"I like whipped cream",

and I said,
"Oh, I bet you do".

It comes in every color, size, and shape.
It doesn't matter who it's for or who it's from.
There are no boundaries, no taxes on.
Wherever it decides to take root it will hold on.
It's no choice of yours, and definitely not of mine.
I've felt the tug before as it pulls on my mind,
And no matter how I resist or try to hide or deny,
It always surfaces, becoming twice as strong.
No race, no creeds, no, it cannot be collared.
By and far the best when given freely,
One to another, given in hugs and kisses.
Love to each other is the remedy for our troubles
As we begin to see each as sister and brother,
No matter his faith or her skin color.
And if she's got that many piercings,
Or if he's got that many tattoos,
Or if I believe in certain ideas and beliefs,
It makes us unique and that much closer.
Difference isn't a divide, but the bridge
That enables us to love one another.
As long as we give it the chance to grow,
It will foster itself in out hearts
And its words will speak from our souls.

I am amazed at how,
On the eve of one year later,
How broken I still am.

You were nothing and
You were no one,
And you were the one, wrong.

Isn't it amazing how,
In a matter of moments,
Things can change best to worst?

It's over a year later and
I still find myself thinking
About her, and not you.

You, you were really nothing,
But she, oh, don't get me started.
She was the one.

Time and again I broke her
And then I broke for you,
And you broke me how I broke her.

Isn't life amazing?
The forces of Physics at work -
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Well you, hah, you were
Most definitely a reaction.
Oh yes, I got mine.

Karma I will name you, yes with a K.
A ***** of unproportionate levels,
Or at least it feels that way when a recipient of you.

In reality, a ***** of even proportions.
You taught me most important lessons
And left me broken inside.

With those lessons in tow
I moved on in life,
Moved on to leave you behind.

Moving on in every way hoping
To find someone like her,
Finding myself unable because of you.

After a year of hell breaking myself
Upon your walls has left me empty,
Bereft of courage, weak in mind, heart, and soul.

I have nothing left to give.
My body is empty.
My courage is spoiled.

So as much as I long to find her again,
I still find you in my life,
Only in a different form, though caustic as ever.

Opportunities come, and opportunities go,
But I sit rooted as ever watching them pass,
In fear of making a move - Because of you.

Afraid that I will never be enough.
Afraid that I can never be enough.
Despite everything I ever gave.

This is what's become of me, are you happy?
Is it enough?
Just move on already, I've got nothing else.

Please, I'm begging you - I've have enough.
I just want to go find a version of her,
To love her and no one else,
To love her like no one else,

And I can't
Because of you.

this is The Way I Loved You
through your Blackout (Acoustic)
as My Paper Heart,
This Broken Heart,
has been Since I've Been Loving You,
Tim McGraw.
Being Your Walls
has shown me I need to Wake Up.
like The Man Who Can't Be Moved,
I've realized this isn't love, No It Isn't.
I was Love Drunk,
I've been through The Suffering,
and I always thought I'd be there When Your Heart Stops Beating.
you are Cute Without The "E",
something deep inside of me, because I will Always Love you.
I am consoled to know that I am Irreplaceable.
Goodbye
******,
Whatsername, does it matter?
you're a Flake
155.
you'll be in Somebody Else's Arms
even though you said you were Just Friends,
but I know you're thinking of me, because  I always gave you the Best of Me.
I am Everything You Want
and now that I'm gone, I hope that Gives You Hell.
in you I've seen all The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows,
even your Halo,
but you Should've Said No.
Forget December, I want it no more.
I want it to be Like We Used To.
I was so Naive, dealing with you.
it felt like I spent A Decade Under The Influence,
as things came Crashing down
onto the Wet Sand.
so help me understand, comprehend, Tell Me Why?
my Konstantine.

Orange* is the color of the sea
Follow along now come we'll be
Wallow in the mud and now we're strung
Rut and strut, my hips, you're flung
Cut you open and slide in my soul
Snag some lines, take a pull
Lift and strike, bear the bones
Drift alone in the mistake
Mountain up and then we break
Fountain on top, into the *orange

The Girl who owns my Heart
You are Busy with a new Start
Adjusting to life
And the new times
But now and again
You just seem distracted
As the clock strikes 11 and again 11
I call your name
To which no reply comes
My eyes pry for you
But no matter how I spy for you
No image of you is near
And it begins to ring clear
That I will never be
Free of you
Who I love with
Everything I am and
Ever will be
You are my life
And you are my good times
Who I one day hope
Will even share with me
Those of the bad
Which might come our way
That is the love
And before was the melancholy
But that's how it happens to go
When you are away from me
Life gets put on hold
And it passes so slow, devastatingly
Live your life
And be who you are meant to be
And promise me
That you won't let me
Get in the way of all your
Big Dreams

Beautiful brown eyes
The kind you fall into
The ones you get lost in
And realize you never want to escape from

Those dark lashes
Pulling you in
Luring closer to the eyes
Until nothing else exists

Eyes crowned by
Jet brows
Exquisite curve here
Complimentary arch there

Light, but deceivingly dark
Your skin's warm glow
Freckles
Abound.

Down an elegant nose
Dividing perfect from perfection

And here is that smile
That brightens my day
Effortlessly
Two beautiful rows
Beaming white sunshine
Back into my world

Inbetween
A subtle pink dart
That playful tongue

Silk
Soft
Lips
Slicked in Blistex

All framed
In ***** blond hair
I love it tousled.

Forgive and forgo, but never forget
Because in due time, like begets like.
Chaos begets chaos, and
Sorrow begets sorrow,
Hate begets hate, and
Boredom begets boredom, but
most of all - and most poignantly -
Love begets Love.

So in spirit of that credo,
I forgive you. I forgive you
For all you've done.
There's nothing to be done for it.
It's as the law states, and
So in your life will spawn more
Chaos breeding chaos, and
Sorrow breeding sorrow, and
Hate breeding hate, but
Since, through it all,
I still can forgive, but,
More importantly, Love you,
Love will breed and bring more Love to me.

And for that, I am content to know
That I can forgive you,
Because you've been through the Hell of your own Creation enough,
Without help from me.