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To anyone feeling sad right now, these are not the moments you will remember, in 5 years time when your smile stuns even the coldest of hearts, you will not remember this date and time, and you will not remember that your sorrow once tried to eat you alive and you sat and felt tears roll down your face. These are the moments that will blur and fade from your memory until you are left with the slightest haze of recollection that things were not perfect once, but the happiness you feel will drown that out until you perceive sadness as a fractured figment of a dream that visited you long ago. You are not your losses, your failures, you are the extent to which you loved, not the numbers of those who loved you in return. This sadness is temporary, your dreams, your hope, that is eternal. Be defined by your joy, it leaves deeper impressions.
I am the pen without the ink
The ocean without water
The night without stars
I am void
Empty, lonely,
A black hole
Of turmoil and hate
I've always had love to blame
But with this emptiness
That sits in my chest
I've learnt that I really dont like you
But I'll forgive you
Because I love you
I love you.
inspiration for this came from many songs by the amazing band, Hotel Books, so if you like this check them out
Its not so much sadness more the disappointment of thinking I meant something to you and thinking that if I smiled wide enough you would notice my lips and that would make you think about kissing me because all I really wanted was for you to kiss me, but thoughts like that they ricochet off the walls in your head like lead bullets until they fall away into pieces and the impulse was so fleeting it was barely even there, but I still have the image of your lips and your skin branded into my mind and filling my head like wine and I want to get drunk on you and everything that we could have been. But with your blue eyes and my brown hair we were like night and day and when it came to love I was a summer's day and you were December 5th when it snowed and snowed and my lips went blue and you could have made them warm again but your heart didn't beat like mine and now mine is a weak drum beat and yours pounds for someone else and with all this spilled ink that you'll never see I wish you would have just kissed me.
Do you ever get those days? When the only thought running through your mind is 'I want to go home'
But you are home. You are in your bed with lungs that don't feel like yours and a pulse that sounds more like a drum and you can't hear anything but your own intrusive thoughts and you want to go home. To a skin that doesn't feel like a strangers and to a heartbeat that doesn't sound like his or hers or theirs and you can't, you can't, you can't just simply 'Go Home.'
I haven't posted in a while because I've been so focused on my happiness and I've been smiling and happy but its one of those nights where the world crushes me and I realise that I'm not fooling anyone, least of all myself, I need to be tall and slim and confident with quiet opinions and a laugh that doesn't sound like thunder. I need to be everything and more for those I love, I must be strong for people who cannot carry themselves and I must be smart enough to make my mother proud because there is no joy like hers. But sunlight if often hidden by clouds and we had a storm today and in the rain I heard your heartbeat and I recalled how you hurt me and the wounds you left re-opened, and with my exposed flesh and a bitter taste on my tongue I collapsed like the stars and the cosmos will collapse one day. One day when there is no one left to remember me and no one left to remember that once upon a century I was alive and I had shakey breath and friends that shone like the sun that will soon burn out and no one will remember that I lived and no one will know that I died with a rock in my heart where I put it to stop the blood flowing and I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hope heaven is nice but I'm not going there yet.
I needed to release some thoughts and emotions and I hope you don't mind
 Jun 2014 Jack Smith
Jack
~

O’er the seas this angel wishes
Windswept dreams and blowing kisses
Breakfast tides awake the shore
Ever loving, ever pure
~
Oceans green and aqua blues
Tinted morning shimmered hues
A wisp O’ wind doth touch her hair
Of tapered breezes for to share
~
Upon her vessel pearly white
Is born the beauty of her sight
So calm at peace and rest allure
Wonders cast from sculpted shore
~
Adrift to catch a sunny day
Amongst the waters she doth play
O’ eyes of brown and skin divine
To call this perfect angel mine
~
I stand the beach in searching of
That soon my heart shall find her love
As rippled waters bide their time
Of deep expanse O’ natures wine
~
To sail these waters castaway
I fall upon my knees and pray
This angel sweet atop the sea
Shall find her way to only me
~
Find this day as it does smile
For lone she waits in precious style
Of shelled delight and smooth of wake
To bring within my heart to take
~
The song of coastal oceans main
I long to wet her kiss again
And o’er this dream it can bestow
To sail within her wings once more
 Jun 2014 Jack Smith
Jack
Invisible
 Jun 2014 Jack Smith
Jack
~

Often I will stand *****, a stood up smiling face
Reaching for the meanings, only longing but to trace
Full in view, invisible, as empty glances come
Still, I can not see myself; I’m blinded by the sun

What features lie about this broken painted piece of glass
Accepted deep within the realms as desperate feelings pass
Shattered in the eyes of none that take the time to hear
Foggy misted attributes a’ clinging crystal clear

That mirror with its gilded frame, hangs crooked on the wall
Creviced breach of promises that loudly ring the call
Reflections of a face I have not seen in many years
Answers lost in what these lines do fashion of the fears

Am I here, I ask of eyes now found to stare right through
My hand before my face does not obstruct my cautioned view
Existence, does it brew the leaves, so relevant the tea
Challenging the truth a’ swirl within this cup I see

Tomorrow may just find that I have all but disappeared
Lost amongst the wanderers of voided silent cheers
Will they still remember me as someone they have known
Crying at the window panes of tortured teardrops shown

Or merely the forgotten in the mass of needless sighs
Nothing but a figment that did never grace their eyes
Tossed about as ashes from the cigarettes they hold
Invisible, and left alone, to wither in the cold
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