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1d · 25
Elior
i looked back once, to where i came from
a graveyard of vices, each one rusted
shattered links scattered like autumn leaves
their weight gone, their whisper silenced
the night once lived in my eyes
a darkness i called my own
but now, oh now, a light burns there
not mine, yet it claims me whole
it is not borrowed, nor stolen
it is gift and grace, woven into my marrow
a flame that neither flickers nor fades
pulling me forward, redeemed, unbroken
every step echoes freedom
each breath sings of chains undone
where i once stumbled in shadows
now i walk in the radiance of another’s glory
i am not my own, and yet, i have never
been more myself
Dec 2024 · 72
Queen of Hearts
Jack Jenkins Dec 2024
i’ve gambled on shadows
bet on whispers that faded at dawn
held my hand against the table’s edge
afraid to ante up for more
the house always wins
they said
as though joy were a rigged game
a wheel spinning to nowhere
but tonight
with trembling fingers
i lay down all i have
dreams i dared not speak aloud
the weight of every almost
every not quite yet
the air shifts
a hush a pause
a moment thick with risk and promise
and then
against all odds
happiness smiles back
it’s not the jackpot
not fireworks or a grand parade
but a steady warmth in the chest
the quiet click of a lock undone
i’ve wagered on light this time
on the sun that rises without fail
on the laughter i hear in the distance
growing closer now
for once
i bet on myself
and the deal feels true
Nov 2024 · 44
empath out of empathy
Jack Jenkins Nov 2024
i am done with rescue,
with the weight of pulling others from wreckage
only to drown beside them.
done with patching holes in a sinking vessel
that was never meant to float.

i have tried to save myself
with the wrong tools,
wrong hands,
wrong reasons.
mistaking the blade for the bandage,
the cage for shelter.

failure is not a wound that heals.
it is a mirror i refuse to shatter,
because what then?
to live blind or to see myself clearer?
both sound like ruin.

so i demand perfection
a lie i can’t let slip,
a truth no one should hear.
because if i crack,
they will see the hollow,
the ghosts of everyone i tried to be
and wasn’t.

i have no room for mistakes
when the space for love is already full
of fear and silence.
and i know
god, i know
this is not the way to fix things.
but it’s all i have.
Jack Jenkins Nov 2024
we built it on fractures, sand and cracked stone,
carving pillars from spite and callous weight,
sculpting foundations alone, alone
until the bedrock turned to dust, to hate; too late.

hands stained with ink, red and black and blue,
we drew lines, dug in, refused to relent;
each face turned inward, each choice untrue,
casting out reason in our blind dissent.

and now we stand in what we've built,
walls of division, towers of blame,
flooded with the sorrow we spilt,
each promise lost, each hope aflame.

here we are, casting shadows on tomorrow,
hands full of promises that slip, that scatter.
we choke the soil, sowing seeds of sorrow,
laughing, unaware of what’s soon to shatter.

goodwill's a bridge worn thin, but we don’t care;
we tear down the home, brick by brick,
chasing short fires that burn out, putrid air,
leaving smoke thick as the choices we pick.

the future dims in the haze we create,
a gray we think will lighten by our might.
but every handprint stains it darker,
every flame leaves behind a harsher night.

and so we pledge, hand on heart, eyes closed,
to the land we’ve remade in our own shadows.
Jack Jenkins Oct 2024
i wander these streets, tracing pieces i’ve lost
but today, no ghosts can weigh me down

i stitch up the fractures, hands steady, heart worn
each scar a new map through the storm

and though time drags its feet, i won’t be swayed
i’m braver than the silence, louder than its weight
my soul climbs like a mountain, deep as the sea
and though you test me, i rise, i breathe

for each night i spent shattering, holding my place
i’ve found a thousand sparks to light the space

so, tonight, no tears fall, no hollow words leave my lips
my strength hums like stars, each flicker a roar
this world might ache, might press in close
but i’ve made peace with shadows, i’ve let fear go

and as dawn edges in, i gather what’s mine
hope patched up in pieces, bound tight in twine
and when it comes crashing, when i’m brought to my knees
i’ll stand with the courage of a deep, boundless sea

because i’ve got the strength of a mountain
and i’ll take all you throw at me
Oct 2024 · 90
home no longer
Jack Jenkins Oct 2024
here, the air is too heavy
i wake with mountains draped in dawn
whispers of beauty painting the sky
but my heart is a storm, always gray
i used to call this place a sanctuary
each street familiar, like an old friend
but now they cut me
memories woven into every corner
reminders of what i cant escape
how cruel it is
to live in a place so beautiful
and feel nothing but ache
the pull of the horizon calling me away
i used to belong here
now its just a ghost of what i loved
and im trapped in its shadows
the mountains stand tall, but i cant
the streets are hollow now
everyone i once held close
has drifted away, like leaves in the wind
and im left behind, drowning
in the stillness of this empty goldfish bowl
limited, transparent, suffocating
the streams still run wild
the rivers still sing their ancient songs
and the rain still dances on my skin
but these things can’t heal the wound anymore
even the mountains, standing proud
feel like prison walls instead of promises
its a beautiful cancer
spreading through my veins
reminding me of everything i loved
but no longer can hold
i love it here
i hate it here
and i think, maybe
its time to let go
Oct 2024 · 44
rooted in you
Jack Jenkins Oct 2024
when i look at you,
the world softens,
as if everything around us
was made to frame your light.

there’s a quiet peace
in the way you move through life,
a gentle hum that steadies me.

storms may come,
and time may lay its hands
on our skin,
but i find no fear in what’s ahead,
because every breath,
every glance,
ties me deeper into you.

i have wandered before,
adrift in places without meaning,
but now,
with your love, i am grounded
rooted in the soil of your kindness,
wrapped in the warmth of your gaze.

no wind can carry me away,
for i am planted here,
growing toward the sun
that shines in your heart.

let the seasons change,
let the years whisper softly away
you will always be
my home.
Aug 2024 · 83
desperate
Jack Jenkins Aug 2024
i’d like to get lost, to lose myself
in the solemn, quiet breaths of nowhere,
where the world fades to whispers,
and i become simply nothing,
a king of less than i am,
ruling over silence and shadow.
the noise of life wears thin,
like a thread unraveling,
the air grows thinner still,
a fading whisper in the dark,
thinning,
ever so much more.
there’s twilight within me,
a slow descent into night,
where light flickers and falters,
giving way to a deepening gloom,
a darkening,
as shadows stretch and grow.
they rise from within,
silent specters that whisper
of forgotten dreams and distant echoes,
filling the void with their quiet presence,
as i drift further into the night,
seeking solace in the unknown.
in this place of quiet breaths and growing shadows,
i am both lost and found,
a king of nothing,
a ruler of the in-between,
where the world ceases to matter,
and i am free to simply be.
May 2024 · 97
ammophila breviligulata
Jack Jenkins May 2024
the shore recedes
then compose
one thought lingers
the other disappears
always oppose
marigold sky hung above
far too bright
the gulls take flight
in eerie silence
wind's gentle sigh
unabating births into a gale
tumultuous storm
it's my heart's only tale
i curse the sun for shining too much
i curse the snow when i hear it crunch
the darkness dwells in the light like a parasite
the evil feeds on the good it takes delight
it smacks its lips and drinks my oceans dry
there isn't a tear left i can cry
for the millionth time i ask my mirror why

only for the winds to die down again
the gulls to return
laughing their hideous laugher
echoing in my head forever after
the shore recedes
then compose
one thought lingers
the other disappears

always oppose
in the depths of my melancholy
i am still here
still breathing, still searching for meaning in a universe that often seems
indifferent to my existence
i dont think i am defiant
but i dont quite know how to surrender
Apr 2024 · 107
blegh
Jack Jenkins Apr 2024
i hate when songs explain me
better than my own **** poetry
as if i was written out like a plot
on some ****** old tv show that
use to air in the 50s
im thirty but im fifty but im
still a teen
leaning into the stereotypes of
misspelled "me's"
its too tiring to explain anymore
there isnt a thing to prove anymore
im just me and
dont know how to deal with me
anymore
Apr 2024 · 87
xenization
Jack Jenkins Apr 2024
cuz my conscience is a *****
let me know who the highest bidder is
let me know the bitter end
sprawled out on the floor
looking for hope in desk drawers
find it and light it up like my life is just passing smoke
a passive joke
i aint growing old because i've been there
growth comes from damage and i'm hella broke
record repeating in slo-mo
unfinished suicide notes tucked in the leaves of better poems and ****** notions
self perception of self perfection is a dangerous *****
and like i said
i'm hella broke
broken dreams like shattered glass
demons dance like a cruel romance
secrets whisper in shadows deep
across my brain voices creep
my regrets echo as a haunting refrain
ghosts that linger and wane
lost in darkness
lost in the labyrinth
i remain i remain i remain
Apr 2024 · 97
glass of melancholy
Jack Jenkins Apr 2024
what melancholy
could serenade me better
than a broken heart
a bottle of whiskey
and a head full of memories
that hurt too much
when sober
Jack Jenkins Apr 2024
poetry has become nothing more than
fizzling embers that i desperately bellow
in the hopes that once bright flame will
ablaze again
Apr 2024 · 99
disširi
Jack Jenkins Apr 2024
i long to scream
until the surface of my throat
is as torn as much as
my heart feels
as much as
my mind is
until i am haunted
by the thought
that i dont recall
my own voice
Mar 2024 · 80
hiraeth
Jack Jenkins Mar 2024
in our folly we embrace a fatal flaw
to believe in death as if it's what we await
yet most of death has claimed its silent draw
each fleeting moment by its grip sedate
forever young I gaze upon the night
dreaming of hands that'll touch the world's span
i dream to touch the world though flames blast
for in that touch true life i shall perceive
anger emptiness loneliness deceit
in each of us fear builds its museum vast
yet in the end we're atoms in retreat
seeking solace clinging to the past
for me no greater yearning could there be
than to gather wounds each scar a tale
in misery a strange form of ecstasy
wherein lies my joy amidst sorrow's veil
the world's end holds no sway over my mind
for each dawn births anew its tender light
alone i whisper to the void resigned
in search of solace in this endless night
Mar 2024 · 76
grip of umbra
Jack Jenkins Mar 2024
i don't sleep well anymore
in this endless cold by the shore
anxiety's tides never recede
inside they churn and impede
a weary vessel battered and worn
with each crashing wave i'm torn
exhaustion a relentless force
draining wearing me off course
in the depths of despair i roam
haunted by shadows never alone
every step heavier than before
beneath the weight of depression's core
my bones ache with fatigue's embrace
as i stumble through this desolate space
sleep offers no respite no solace found
in this relentless storm i'm bound
i long to rest to find reprieve
but the darkness within won't leave
so i drift lost in this endless night
consumed by the absence of light
no sleep can mend this weary soul
trapped in a cycle beyond control
exhausted overwhelmed i endure
in the grip of depression's allure
Jack Jenkins Mar 2024
lost in the echoes of shadowed screams
whispers of the night, haunting my dreams
asphalt veins pulse with secrets untold
within the city's heart, a story unfolds
skyscrapers scrape the ink-black sky
carving stories with every blink of an eye
midnight's symphony, a sirenic trance
wrapped in the city's clandestine dance
where fractured reflections blend and blur
illuminated whispers, like a clandestine slur
a labyrinth of alleys, weaving tales unspoken
each brick, a witness, each silence, a token
in the tapestry of shadows, i find my reprieve
seeking solace in the night, where shadows deceive
streets adorned with wilted hopes
graffiti tales on the walls, slippery slopes
sallow faces etched with despair
the city breathes a heavy, poisoned air
crimson stains on the sidewalks' embrace
echoes of shattered dreams, a somber trace
moonlight weeps upon broken glass
a reflection of dreams that couldn't amass
flickering neon, a sputtering flame
in the alleyways, shadows play their game
the city's heartbeat, a muffled drum
resonating with dreams undone
forsaken whispers in the abandoned lots
of ambitions crumbled, tied in knots
a skyline of shattered aspirations
each silhouette, a tale of desolation
like wilted flowers in a concrete field
where hope, like petals, slowly peeled
fading stars in the polluted sky
a requiem for dreams that couldn't fly
under the flickering lamplights' hum
ghostly remnants of a dream succumb
whispers of what could've been
vanish into the city's melancholy din
empty streets, hollowed echoes roam
through the ruins of a forsaken home
each step, a dance on fractured dreams
where hope unravels at the seams
a labyrinth of yearning, lost and bare
as the city weaves its tapestry of despair
in the silent alleys, shadows sigh
a requiem for dreams left to die
been playing a lot of fallout 4 lately
Jack Jenkins Dec 2023
why do i identify with addiction and addicts when my only addiction is to sadness
an unwritten paper attracted to matches like iron to a magnet there is comfort in madness but comfort i cant manage
so i rip a page from the good book and ingest it hoping to live out gods commandments like doing good for the sake of good while i burn the world behind me
the straight and narrow is an uphill climb so i check my elevation only to find rock bottom has a basement
god is with the lowly and contrite so i guess self abuse is my form of abasement
but i can never hurt myself enough so i hurt the ones i love so i can gain pain by the process of osmosis
'cept god works his law in measure for measure so this living hell is just a double portion
wisdom chased me so i broke her legs because im scared love truly is the answer
Apr 2023 · 310
pure in heart
Jack Jenkins Apr 2023
blessed are the pure in heart
pure in heart
pure in heart
for they shall see god
see god
see god
and not be blinded by
sickles in eyes
harvesting what the world
longs to buy
to buy
to buy
a cost of soul
a meeting of minds
reality transcends
the emptiness within
its a story its a spin
layers of caked on sin
leprosy covered sin
cut off and not allowed
to see god
see god
see god
so i pray make me clean
been this way since fourteen
maybe longer maybe less
couldn't care less
theres sins i dont confess
i just undress and
let my nakedness be my shame
take the blame
its only a game
im only a name
my only aim
to hit the mark
have a pure heart
and finally see
god
Mar 2023 · 272
Old Wishes
Jack Jenkins Mar 2023
stars are born when old wishes die
ignited in the sky
by unbelieving eyes
up above the world so high
down below we weep and cry
faith turned hollow and bone-dry
closed up lips only deny
a prayer a plea before i die
wont these old wishes
wish me goodbye
Dec 2022 · 233
A Captive Salvation
Jack Jenkins Dec 2022
The stars in the night have
a shimmer
Not so delicate any more
For my eyes have been dimmed
They wonder ever astray
Horizon ever there and
My knees fold with exhaustion
My needs never full and
I am tired again
Our ships have crossed these shores
But they are stranger every time
Or are we just strangers together
Sharing this moment in time
As the foundation of the world to come is built, the foundation of this world of concealment erodes. My soul is disquieted within me.
Sep 2022 · 212
L'appel du vide
Jack Jenkins Sep 2022
im struggling and still saying
its alright to depend on these words
even if dependence is no form of freedom
and former independence doesn't like to
be called out by his first name so he
writes like a ghost and ghosts his friends
like they're lost in the woods and looking
for him or at least his corpse
i guess that depends on how far his willpower
is willing to bend before becoming a coward
too afraid to respond it's all choked up
nothing in his (my) throat but smoke and
he (i) choke on the ash and fall on my (his) ***
trying to grab the rock to hold onto but it
crumbles in my (his) hand and he falls
to the echoes of my friends' calls
into the darkness and the darkness transforms
he and i into i and he
a split sewn together and fraying again
he isn't me but i can't help but
be him when i want to be me
so i turn back to words on
pages that bring some semblance
of comfort and a voice
to the chaos in his head
and taste the vitriol in my mouth
before spitting it back out
because it may be filling but
it has no sustenance beyond
what a fog can offer instead
so i step into the morning fog
away from him who
i've come to hate and love as much
as i hate him
so that maybe someday soon
i will love him more than i hate him
but until then it's cold this morning
and i hear my friends in the woods
Sep 2022 · 191
no more than alotted
Jack Jenkins Sep 2022
my heart no longer
wonders or wanders
but beats with a
serenity scorched
by chaos and
left alone

alone with my thoughts
pain but then
forgiveness
my thoughts
it is finished
peace in the storm
Jack Jenkins Aug 2022
and how are the flowers
that fail to blossom
still hanging in the
eaves of dawn
and still holding
sunlight in their petals
clutching tightly
and still leaking through
the ground is damp
but i can't feel a thing
.
Aug 2022 · 181
Untitled
Jack Jenkins Aug 2022
there's a chill
in the air
its cold
mid july
except inside
where heaters glow
by those who fear
frost's bite
gather round
this quiet town
humble
but cold
your hands will reach
but not quite reach
the edge on which
we all fall down
Jack Jenkins Jul 2022
and there your heart lies
teetering on the edge
waiting
for a quiet whisper
of a breeze
or a simple i love you
just waiting for something
to ground you
or make you fall
and oh
how far you will fall
before you find what
lies underneath it all
I love you, my Moon, but you don't see the same shades of color I see. You're vibrant in your greys and melancholy. I love you.
Jack Jenkins Jul 2022
clouds are rolling in
from the west
leaving their shadows
in their wake
a darkness that
isn't dark
but only robs
my life of light
oh clouds go away soon
the sun has set
and none care to see
how monolithic
your judgements are
let the flowers grow again
and the animals are cold
Jack Jenkins Jul 2022
its a point of forming
drops of water
carving
a channel
to this place i am
where i can see
beauty
in this broken shell
in the cracked
reflections
absent of color
and following
that water-cut channel
to the light above
well it may be past
my strength
but
maybe not
Jack Jenkins Jul 2022
there is less of me that
i hold closely
and more of what
i want to be
that i hold closely
because who i am
is not a friend
but i will still love him
and hope to see him grow
self-love is also
self-destruction
but i plant
different seeds this time
Jul 2022 · 760
deaf and see
Jack Jenkins Jul 2022
if it was hidden
i was blind
but i see
everything clearly
from the second story balcony
and
did i feel what
i was meant to feel
and
close my eyes
to finally see
Jul 2022 · 457
not forever in my eyes
Jack Jenkins Jul 2022
flickering, a spark, and smoke in my nose
lighter on and off, thoughts oppose
leaning
then flailing
then realizing
ive been standing
maybe not strongly
but still standing
and the steps keep growing
lighter on
lighter off
and my face still glows
Jul 2022 · 139
Poetry by Time
Jack Jenkins Jul 2022
to quietly suffer
to quietly heal
to lose everything
to lose nothing
the parts of the whole
that erased my soul
to start over again
a blessing that depends
on the seeds grown
in a mind that groans
Jack Jenkins Jul 2022
such a sigh
echoes
in places
no sounds are allowed

such pain
bleeds
and stains
in ways water cant clean

last words
hurt
in ways
that echo and bleed

they stain
the parts of my mind
locked away
yea, locked away
My pen is empty at last. I stopped writing to drink the ink; now I'm poisoned. Nobody is left here anyways.
Jack Jenkins Dec 2020
I said I'd talk and then I didn't
Little bit broken in little too many ways
Liar, coward, afraid
Prayer laced anxieties I'd gladly trade
I wanted to talk, but life cut me down
Life cut out my tongue, threw it on the ground
Darkness and light, a given-up fight
I lay down, drown in sorrows
Drown my sorrows
The devil told me that
Losing is fine
Everything is fine
//on her//
Jun 2020 · 415
Mind vs Heart
Jack Jenkins Jun 2020
My head knows all the reasons not
But my heart is a knot
Longing for you
To hear your voice
To hear you say you're okay
I miss you, old friend
One of these days I'll be brave
But tonight is not that night
I'll slink into the shadows
Drown in the shallows
And mourn the fact
I still miss you
//On her//
May 2020 · 339
Thank You for Being Honest
Jack Jenkins May 2020
I think its time to have a talk,
A walk over the rubble of once tall walls,
That held a heart so heartless captive,
Lost in halls of raw cobbled things,
That were never really feelings, just things,

Things I need to say, to go over,
All in the name of bless-ed closure,
So sorry that I drove her so far away,
These bereft words, scribbled on a digital page,

Will never convey the dismay of this shipwrecked man,
Who crafted an island by his own hands,
Where he made himself ******,
Where he made his last stand,

But no ending ever came,
Just waves upon waves,
Of drowned dreams and half dead sorrows,
Awaiting death on every tomorrow,
Death that never came,
//self reflection//

Three years is a long time. I think I'm ready to talk to her again.
Apr 2020 · 275
Just a Dot
Jack Jenkins Apr 2020
It's funny how time and distance makes maturity grow.
Growing old is not as cold as I once imagined it to be.
I once felt like I knew you front, back, and center.
But retrospection showed affection as rejection.
The girl I knew I would torment with venting.
Of love, and life, and especially of death.
All the ways I'd scare her without ever,
Realizing I was comprising our last,
Love letter together, cold sweater,
I sweat her and swept her under,
Leaves of all these autumns,
Buried underneath our,
Fractured friendship.
But I was in love.
She was not.
so we got
smaller
small
just
a
.

then nothing
Happy birthday to an old friend, wherever she is.

Really debated about posting this. Thought I was done posting poems, but here I am.
Mar 2020 · 271
The Right Time to Not Write
Jack Jenkins Mar 2020
The curtain closes after the bow
Creaking leather shoes start their step
Exit stage left
Applause
Silence

tap tap tap tap

Time stands as still as his heart
and a question ****** his mind
if his words were empty
or just the audience?

He got into this business to hurt
to feel something
It was his drug, after all
But he finally healed
Years later
A smile touches his scars

tap tap tap tap

Exit stage left
'Til death, does he art
Thank you all for reading my works, over the years. I never really planned to stop writing poetry, especially because I feel I've been writing my best work ever. this has been not only my work, but my diary. There's so much of me on this site, so much more than most people would ever know...

I'm quitting simply because I feel it is complete, at least for now. I originally started writing because I was in love with someone who is no longer in my life, every time I refer to "her" in my notes... and I've made peace with it. I'm happy.

Thank you to everyone who changed my life, from here. I wish you all the best in life. Sorry for the burnt bridges, to those I no longer speak to.
Feb 2020 · 220
Tears Salted Like Seawater
Jack Jenkins Feb 2020
I sit alone this half-fogged, half-starry night on the beach
Watch the water seep over the rocks and sand and life
Your face seems to haunt the water between ripples
I draw my heart out to your ghost in the damp sand
Not in symbols or letters, but in words shaped silently
Tears salted like saltwater was my offering to God that night
And I know I chased you off for good but darling
I'll always send my love after you long after goodbye
Darling I'm used to being in love on the outside
I hope to be forgotten by you, pray to be remembered by you, and hope to see you again.
//on her and unrequited love//
Feb 2020 · 206
A Feeling So Small
Jack Jenkins Feb 2020
I spend this evening counting bumps in my popcorn ceiling

1,2,3,4,5,6,7

Heart is gnawing at my mind

8,9,10,11,12

Old washed out feelings

13,14,15,16

No words just

17,18,19

Memories

.......

when did i start crying?
//On loneliness, her, recovery//

Stifling the pain isn't a replacement for letting it go. Breathe, you're going to be okay...
Feb 2020 · 262
Simulated Outcome
Jack Jenkins Feb 2020
Heavy
Is what I carry
In my pockets
In my heart
Weighted like sand
Filling my throat
The fear under my eyelids
Cracks of light that creep in
Thoughts under my skin
Dying just to be let out
But I stay only silent
Let the fog rapture me
The pain can sink in
Past my skin
to the bone
to new days
from the same me
//On life and control, or lack thereof...//
Feb 2020 · 374
Angelfall
Jack Jenkins Feb 2020
My guard dropped like an anvil from the sky
I never knew I was up so high
So alone
Freezing from the inside
Hiding lies in lust when love would've done fine
//On love and loneliness//
Feb 2020 · 270
Acceptence
Jack Jenkins Feb 2020
I'm letting go of the person I knew
Of you
Of myself
The hurt never lead to freedom
But the key
Was always there
//On her//
Jan 2020 · 152
Love Notes Left Behind
Jack Jenkins Jan 2020
I miss you like the desert sands miss the lapping waves of the sea
That childlike sparkle in your eyes as you laughed with me
Our lives were a destiny not meant to be
But it was the only future I cared to see

I spend my days, hours, minutes, and seconds as if it didn't matter
But in the moments between time and space I am with you
Could it be called love if I didn't know what I was doing?
I made my confession to walls when it should have been to you...

Clarity always seems to cloud the mind, one way or another
Because the clarity that speaks only speaks of pain;
It hurts to say that it hurt to stay; It hurt to leave and it hurt to hate
Hating her hurt far more than any rejection of hers

Words cannot find the feelings I want to describe
After all, these are just love notes left behind...
//on her//

Speaking on tear-blotted pages and smudged ink...

Sorry for switching between first and third person so much... I often do so when visiting her in my mind...
Jan 2020 · 128
From: Anonymous; To: World
Jack Jenkins Jan 2020
He's worn the same clothes for a week
He hopes no-one notices the heart on his sleeve
the heart that bleeds
Lies that he's kept in the brim of his hat
Wondering what's the same
Wandering different towns that
feel the same
Pondering the shame
Longing just to be in control
But he can't indulge
So he self-medicates
So he can meditate
On all the things wrong
That can't be made right
On all the things he writes
Poems that won't be read
only seen
So he can hide behind his words
but he always gets what he
deserves
//On writing and reflections//
Jan 2020 · 177
Voices
Jack Jenkins Jan 2020
Just a blank wall
Stare at it
Memories of her
Tell me where it hurts
The clock ticks
You can't go back in time
Memories of her
You can't make her real
So hallucinate
Drink
****
Sin
Or just stay alone
Your choice
//On addiction and her//
Jan 2020 · 167
Pestilence
Jack Jenkins Jan 2020
I missed the moment to kiss you
You would have tasted the pestilence on my lips

Dried lips suffocated by dust form the word "goodbye"
For love has run its due course on this coarse heart

Weariness has worn down what hope was once planted
But darling love doesn't grow in trees, does it?

so why did it have to die?
//On love//
Jack Jenkins Jan 2020
Oh I am calloused and bruised
I am weathered and used
I don't blend anymore
I just float on the surface

The light that left me
Has me feeling thin
Inside
Oh the love that left me
Has me feeling dead
Inside

And the love that stayed
Cannot carry me on
I am a wayward son
I am the only lonely one

Is there an end or a beginning
I can no longer tell
These thoughts aren't my own
But they're nobody else's

Oh everyone's a stranger
When you don't know yourself
Everyone's a stranger
I don't know myself
//On love and loneliness//
Jan 2020 · 218
Resolve to Change
Jack Jenkins Jan 2020
2019 hit me hard like most years
but i finally started to hit back
i let myself embrace the pain
said it was okay
and started to heal
i made my peace with a lot of my past
wrongdoings i can't undo
but can forgive
both myself and others
i decided to stay in love with someone not in my life anymore
and that's okay
because she's always had my heart
most importantly i made a resolution for the first time
for 2020 i will not be suicidal
or entertain such thoughts
i will tell my demons
"how dare you think you can scare me into death"
and i will mock the voices that say there is nothing for me here
i am loved
even by myself
//on myself and life//

If you've ever struggled in life, and feel like things never will change... they may not... but you can.
Love you all, and best wishes for 2020
Jan 2020 · 198
Cancer
Jack Jenkins Jan 2020
Old habits smoulder in the secret places in my heart
Like a pack of unlit cigarettes stashed under the bed
Cancer waiting to spread and ignite desires
Oh how I love these wrong desires
Just a sip until I drown
Just a flame til I burn down
//On addiction//

I'm okay. But my demons want me to come out and play.
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