Unable to speak

A’ grip, my heart,
it feels the weakness
that does come of worried dreams

Endless thoughts paint abstract on this soul

Alone, is this how it shall be?
Watching the shadows play
in reverse of what is felt?

Gazing afar, this distance fades in the mist,
hides beyond the waters edge, glistens as hope,
yet merely a dream?

Sitting here I wonder,
these clouds of grey overhead,
do they speak my name in full syllables
or will the sun find me, waiting,
wishing that I could say?

Words, drew me to you but fear release from my tongue

If I carve our initials in this wooden bench,
sturdy as it may be,
would that brand me a fool?

If I gain the courage to shout my dreams, would you laugh?

Silence comes of this walkway, empty,
worn of the past and not knowing the future
of my desires

You have taken my voice
It rests within your hands, for it is yours

My pulse races, my palms sweat,
I want to tell you, yet…

I sit within this silence,

unable to speak

******* nature


Lovely pink roses on a stone wall
like buttons on a cotton dress
climbing to the top
opening when the light finds
so many interludes frolicking beyond the
painted iron gate

Swinging hinges sing the melody of love
as soft thorns pull at cloth canopies
of translucent chiffon and soft lace hue,
releasing vine clung threads,
knotted of perfume, watching as buttons
free fall to the lawn, like so many petals

~

Painted in a corner

Smeared about the floor

Chants of lone forgiveness

Quiet in the war



“Deafening the sound of death”



Garden roses trampled

Broken stems abound

Wilting on the visions

Blooming losses found



“Petals of peace scattered carelessly”



Blood along the pathway

Eyes hid in the mist

Penning someone else’s name

On this lengthy list



“Alphabetical to the grave”



Standing from the shadows

Crossing battle lines

Reaching for the freedom

Voices loud can find



“Speak up children, your voices matter”



Put aside your weapons

Time has come to cease

The nation now has gathered

United prayer for peace



*“On our hands and knees we pray… send the evil far away”

~

Unlike you

Hovering like a gnat that finds a face irresistible
Swatting frantically does no good as
insects will be insects and annoying is part of their plan

As it seems each day I find a new offering unfolding its wings,
buzzing about with all of its ***** laundry,
as if poetry has become merely a tool to harass

Finding little folders to slide into…highlighting
each word of bin fodder, old but new
hoping for accolades in lemonade fashion

Funny how that works as bitter becomes the norm,
never letting go of that scent that attracts you…
whatever it is about the human aroma you find so pleasing

Perhaps it is that it will never be you…insect,
oh little gnat of warm summer zephyrs failing to flutter by
lost within the deep confines of a posies’ petals

To ruin our summer faire, our picnic in the sun
can not happen for you see we are happy
in our own skin, with its wondrous fragrance…unlike you

~

Unseen

As if I am not even here…
Unseen by everyone, including myself
Not even a shadow exists
of any form that I recognize as mine

Even though you could see me, you don't
Staring through the dotted lines
of where my heart used to sit
in silhouettes long faded…forgotten

My hand before my face is not there
A heavy fog sifts the loneliness
No foot prints in the mud
remain of where I may have walked…untouched

Still I see you…you smile,
not at me, but somewhere beyond
Running through me, an invisible past
reaching for another…who smiles too

As if I am not even here…

~

Finding peace
in the fourth card
stacked in a deck of despair

Changing life
can’t be so hard
finding the choice waiting there

Ante up
placing your bet
stick to the dreams you have seen

Cards face up
see what you get
there with your king and your queen

Take the ***
into your hand
leave all your troubles behind

Walk the walk
at your command
happiness now you can find

Washed away

For of this heart, a branded stain-
Unrecognized,
draped of lingering whys
found amidst
clouded chapters now written
on merciless skies

Beneath a foot bridge
peering up
as footsteps approach
waiting, counting the cracks in the board
in filtered light
absorbed

Debris collects in the corners
of my forced smile,
raspy tones invade
what once was my voice,
though now
words float more harm
than good

Two silhouettes,
hand in hand,
pulling on the edges of my heart,
seizing it, tearing it,
spitting on the waste now
carelessly tossed
to the side

Quickly the creek it rises,
cold water reaching my chest,
numbing, if only temporarily
the pain,
filling the gaping hole,
flooding my senses

Now as shadows fall
on puddle’d earth
and footprints
disappear over the crest
of what was once love…
I cry,
fearing the ripples
as my tears
follow desperate currents
slowly washing me away

Shook like a leaf on a branch of confusion
Thought that my world it would end
Caught up believing that I didn’t matter
Long of these hours to spend

Drank from a cup that was so overflowing
Drenching my soul with desire
Never once thinking this liquid perfection
Pouring, would put out the fire

Reaching for stars in the hopes I would catch one
Brightly to shine in my hand
Till it did fade in the darkness now given
All along part of the plan

There on the ground neath an arbor of jasmine
Pathways encircle the quest
Found as I stare on this sign of direction
Knowing I gave it my best

Now I can smile to the sun slowly rising
Feeling my heart’s every beat
Realizing everything has but a reason
Memories formed I can keep

When I look back on those days of tomorrow
Breathing relief in a sigh
Whispering softly that I won’t forget you
Hanging here waving goodbye

And they come
Like ants to sugar
Seeking the sweet
Granules dropped
From the cake
Prepared for a special occasion
Until someone
Blew out the candles
And their wish
Turned to fears
Dripping like wax
On the frosting

~


There, beneath the rubble,
the ash and the debris,
you’ll find a faint image
looking something like me

As I too stand, peering into the pile
wondering, trying to make
some sense of the torment,
though this pain is imaginary…

for I have strode this wasteland,
walked these barbed wire foot paths
many times in the past
and what once was pain,
is now what I am

and the silhouette of what is seen
in a visionary echo of long ago tears,
repeating through thorn crested decisions
and a true lack of self confidence,

dances on the acidic breezes
that engulf my heart
and paint my frown
in weeping watercolors of my forgotten dreams

Weight…wait

Fantasies of cobblestone pairings, cracked and scattered
and wheat field decisions, looming large
now rest on my shoulders
like moss on a stone
~
Clinging tightly to each inch
of north facing skin
while never really noticing
that east is my direction of choice
~
So much it seems piles on,
***** laundry on the bathroom floor
disguised beneath damp towels
only to add more weight
~
And I lift, not knowing if I will fall,
crumbling beneath this load, drunk of the massive pain,
yet I find the ground is much softer, a bed of posies
since you wait for me, and help me to stand
~
Guiding hands comfort, shading the sun from weary,
tear stained eyes, brushing back vines, tangled and thorn’d
revealing that nothing is ever too much
when a friend is near

~


Floating... in the dream state of a conscious mind,
picturing hibiscus ribbons in sweet chocolate hair,
happily smiling along mockingbird whispers, melodically
heard deep within our hearts…we imagine

Our gondola, of painted daisies and wildflower song
drifting silently upon uncharted thoughts and desires
Capturing a sunbeam glowing from your smile
I hold it close…softly to my chest

Warmth filters beyond any worries, comforting fears
Resting my hand in yours, gazing into your eyes
as illumined affection ignites a passion
reflecting azure skies, still unprepared for your beauty

Sadness which once danced in our paths,
raining tears on wilted cheeks has led us to an intersection,
a new avenue to travel, closer to any wish
of four leafed clover descent resting in our pockets

And I feel safe, for these arms of satin wonder
drape my soul with a gentleness I have not before known,
born of friendship and deep admiration...we imagine
and we realize our imagination is not this…for this is real

What do you do
when shes all you can think about,
every where you look
her face is all you see

What do you do
when your smile is a shining light,
brighter than any sun,
endless eternally

What do you do
when the miles sit in between,
staring up at the moon,
wishing that she was here

What do you do
when each day doesn't seem the same,
all that you feel is new,
beauty is crystal clear

What do you do
when shes all you can think about

What is it to smile…

when the eyes you cherish
turn from you,
peering off into the distance,
seeking another sight,
encased in a theme
that does not include you?

What is it to desire…

if what you long for hides
behind curtains of pain,
blacked out windows
redirecting the sunlight
to a place
that longs for nothing?

What is it to breathe…

within a life that does not matter,
in full view of your imagination
crumbling like so much dust
beneath cushions of your heart,
mingling with lost change
alone in muffled visions?

What is it to love?

What is it to smile…

when the eyes you cherish
turn from you,
peering off into the distance,
seeking another sight,
encased in a theme
that does not include you?

What is it to desire…

if what you long for hides
behind curtains of pain,
blacked out windows
redirecting the sunlight
to a place
that longs for nothing?

What is it to breathe…

within a life that does not matter,
in full view of your imagination
crumbling like so much dust
beneath cushions of your heart,
mingling with lost change
alone in muffled visions?

What is it to love?

While sleeping


Why is it mornings, so far in the distance,
flowing from beyond tempered shorelines
on lone standing bridges ~
always seem to call in the midst of a dream


When sunrise illusions now erase sleep
on meadowlark borders dotted in dew drops
built in the confines of spring
with fall fast approaching ~ featuring shadows stretched of time


Long on the porch, weathered and beaming,
tapping the front door with marching band fingers
in trumpet blares and bass drum beats ~
yet quiet in the state of mind seen through blurry eyes


Still ~ a before smile, brought about the prior evening
forces dimples once again in my cheeks
igniting the darkness with three-ring spotlights,
streaked of circus beacons on popcorn ceilings


Reminding ~ the dream I have found actually lives in my daylight,
slipping around corners and window sill gaps,
finding me on the brink of now,
stumbling my way to where I long to be ~ awake


For my dream is you,


who I so desperately miss ~ while sleeping

~

While sleeping


Why is it mornings, so far in the distance,
flowing from beyond tempered shorelines
on lone standing bridges ~
always seem to call in the midst of a dream

When sunrise illusions now erase sleep
on meadowlark borders dotted in dew drops
built in the confines of spring
with fall fast approaching ~ featuring shadows stretched of time

Long on the porch, weathered and beaming,
tapping the front door with marching band fingers
in trumpet blares and bass drum beats ~
yet quiet in the state of mind seen through blurry eyes

Still ~ a before smile, brought about the prior evening
forces dimples once again in my cheeks
igniting the darkness with three-ring spotlights,
streaked of circus beacons on popcorn ceilings

Reminding ~ the dream I have found actually lives in my daylight,
slipping around corners and window sill gaps,
finding me on the brink of now,
stumbling my way to where I long to be ~ awake

For my dream is you,

who I so desperately miss ~ while sleeping

I wrote these words while you were sleeping
Lost between the sun and moon
Wrapped so tight in shadows seeping
Fractured light a’ dance your room

Eyes now closed and softly breathing
Peace it seems does seek your mind
Drifting off to sighed believing
Distant thoughts of wishful kind

Still the monsters come a’ motion
Bearing teeth of sharpened steel
Tearing through this deep devotion
Praying on your soul to feel

Running paths of darkest hour
Endings seem so far from view
Reach, my hand it wields the power
Strength abounds protecting you  

Bristled thorn of endless bleeding
Fear a’ grip your skin so tight
Here I stand to slay the demon
As you lie this whispered night

Place your heart in this my station
Lone of every captured whim
I shall last this strained duration
So your smile may rise again

Rest my precious love a’ keeping
Fear no more for I shall stay
Deep within your silent sleeping
To keep you safe this autumn's day

~

On the waves of a dream,
I lay waiting on shore,
a cold beach this night
beneath a burdened moon
crying stardust


I sink slowly
into the wet sand…
pleading with the waters
for answers to shamed questions,
while counting the shades of violet
framing a weeping sky


Thoughts flow like the tides
on an endless journey,
weaving contours and
bends deep within
this sorrow that washes
over me


I watch as these waves slip away,
carrying hopes still lingering
and exposing the loss I feel
fiercely crashing
before my eyes,
in opaque foam


I can barely move,
my body is still,
my breath salted and tethered,
as I reach
for shadows of my memories,
only to find them…


whispering goodbye
*on the breeze

On the waves of a dream,
I lay waiting on shore,
a cold beach this night
beneath a burdened moon
crying stardust


I sink slowly
into the wet sand…
pleading with the waters
for answers to shamed questions,
while counting the shades of violet
framing a weeping sky


Thoughts flow like the tides
on an endless journey,
weaving contours and
bends deep within
this sorrow that washes
over me


I watch as these waves slip away,
carrying hopes still lingering
and exposing the loss
I feel, fiercely
crashing before my eyes,
in opaque foam


I can not move,
my body is still,
my breath salted and tethered,
as I reach
for shadows of my memories,
only to find them…


whispering goodbye
on the breeze

What was free now carries a cost
and I have no money to pay,
that account dried up a long time ago,
the last time I thought I was young

Now grandfather clocks know me by name,
chiming in their opinion,
pointing fingers in every direction,
signaling each passing hour like it is a celebration

Waking me from a peaceful moment
while an insulting dawn
hidden behind dark raspberry clouds
sings, “Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone”

I see sunflowers staring through shutters
wondering why as
tear drops collect on their seeded faces,
salting their very existence

So I write out the reason
in the dust on this end table
Finger marks cutting through the dirt
that has gathered, forgotten and reminded

No poetry in those words, that has left me too,
my pen now passed on to someone “younger”
playing hopscotch and drinking cherry cola
stealing her heart as I

Fall into the unmade bed
where pillows are my only friends
Covering up...trying to hide from
the truth that scares me so..........who I am

~

Who I was

Blurred, these tracks of memories
Beyond the dreams that I may seek
Lost in windblown sanctity
Of roaring steel on endless plains

Adrift along these boundaries
Singing songs of desperate days
Within my mind…alone…wandering
Seeking that which is not forgotten

This fight to stave off destinations
Where frowning faces paint sad reflections
At every stop along the way
With flashing crossings in broken trust

And still the rumble feeds my heart
With hope that this line will soon end
Remembering me for who I was
And not what I have become…

Why do I have hands?

Why do I have hands,
to touch and to feel
to mold clay into wonderful shapes
to paint smiling faces on canvas,
only to reach and find that I can’t?

Why do I have eyes,
to see the wonders of the day
to close so that I may dream
to send messages of hope with their expressiveness,
only to cry these tears that blur my vision?

Why do I have a mind,
to think and learn
to feel and offer insight
to construct ideas in flowing scenes,
only to imagine what the fear must feel like?

Why do I have a heart,
to live and to breathe
to love endlessly
to feel emotions,
only to break, because you are gone?

Why do I have hands,
when I cannot hold you?

Windows only let us see
What doorways block from view
It doesn’t matter much to me
If what I see is you

Shutters locked to fend the cold
As winter winds now chill
Memories you can’t unfold
In knots to try your will

Teddy bears and butterflies
Upon your table sit
Beauty framed in sorrowed sighs
In moments felt to quit

Loneliness it seems your friend
Perhaps it just might be
Though if the darkness does offend
I hope you think of me

And if the frosted panes incite
Clouded thoughts to flow
And daylight brings the darkest nights
I just want you to know

Windows only let us see
What doorways block from view
It doesn’t matter much to me
If what I see is you

Window Sill Weepings

Draped as a curtain of silk disbelief
Tied back emotions lie still on the wall
Blocking the sunlight to pause in relief
Collections of dust form in spite of it all

Streaks hold the fingerprints bound of the day
Smeared in designs of a weakened refrain
Window sill weepings with nothing to say
Magnified teardrops add depth to the pain

Transparent wishes once hidden from view
Wait in the darkness this side of the dawn
Boarded up portals now moistened of dew
Nothing to see ever since you are gone

Windows show the world…
Beyond this pane of glass sits my imagination,
well beyond the reflection that greets me
A smiling face perhaps, a somber frown at times,
this transparent image
like a soldier, guards my thoughts
and holds my dreams captive


I can see the chest rise and lower
as breaths escape the figure telling me
it lives, at least for this moment
Still the worry of loss fights through the ghost-like outline
invading my soul,
pulling and pushing on my heart,
leaving me exhausted as my mind sails to the silhouette ahead


Two ships, why do they always pass,
why is it always at night,
when faces are obscured and merely shadows
of a dancing moon
Ripples of friendship, waves of anguish wake,
not knowing the set course or the boundaries of love,
reaching for the anchor…much too late


Currents swiftly dispatch the emotions,
wash away the feelings in salt water swells
Sails are hoisted, memories are swabbed,
clean as a whistle,
melodic and sad for the song
sinks slowly into the mist
only to be swallowed by the sea


Still, here I sit, gazing at this clear protection
finding not sea worthy vessels, but street lights call
and morning suns rise
to eliminate my reflection
as fingers type in the realization
that beyond this glass sits nothing,
for once again I am alone

~


Windows show the world…
Beyond this pane of glass sits my imagination,
well beyond the reflection that greets me
A smiling face perhaps, a somber frown at times,
this transparent image
like a soldier, guards my thoughts
and holds my dreams captive


I can see the chest rise and lower
as breaths escape the figure telling me
it lives, at least for this moment
Still the worry of loss fights through the ghost-like outline
invading my soul,
pulling and pushing on my heart,
leaving me exhausted as my mind sails to the silhouette ahead


Two ships, why do they always pass,
why is it always at night,
when faces are obscured and merely shadows
of a dancing moon
Ripples of friendship, waves of anguish wake,
not knowing the set course or the boundaries of love,
reaching for the anchor…much too late


Currents swiftly dispatch the emotions,
wash away the feelings in salt water swells
Sails are hoisted, memories are swabbed,
clean as a whistle,
melodic and sad for the song
sinks slowly into the mist
only to be swallowed by the sea


Still, here I sit, gazing at this clear protection
finding not sea worthy vessels, but street lights call
and morning suns rise
to eliminate my reflection
as fingers type in the realization
that beyond this glass sits nothing,
for once again I am alone

~

I can hear the birds singing,
but I can’t see them
Calling for the sun to rise
from dark branches scraping the sky
Full of life they sound
perched high above the speckled lawn
Clinging to sticks, crooked and bare,
formed of countless years trying
and mistletoe nightmares

Melodies bridge the breeze,
lonely corn fields of narrow rows
and a garden of sleeping blooms...
life waiting to be reborn
to paint the landscape with color
Bringing happiness to the birds
singing anyway on the cusp of new,
the edge of beauty near
as northern horizons wake

Grey skies still cling the heavens
I listen, quietly to this music
as if their harmonies will lift
the loneliness from my heart
Chambered worries of what will come,
pulsating rivers in free flowing vistas
counting minutes until spring arrives
and I whisper a sad good bye
but I will return…I will return

~

Where that mist does clear
separating along routes placed of stone
hanging silently in the sky though parted
vertical visions in distant awnings shade
and porch boards creak at the weight of the day
I stare…wishing I hadn’t

First light of day breaks my mind
counting fence post soldiers, lined and ready
barbed wire connections glisten
for dew finds no better place to rest
and footprints fade into words
I listen…wishing I hadn’t

The sun now cries angrily upon my face
draining all desire from wilted pores
claiming a lonely spot in the heavens
creating shadows of a past whim
melting my heartbeat into the pulse of this life
I live…wishing I hadn’t

~

The night is silent
as evening drapes her cloth
above all that is seen
and shadows sit wondering…
what shapes will find them

Thoughts invade these hours
while fireflies sift through
evergreens now still,
seeking only but a soft breeze
whispering sweet dreams on feathered branches

And I sit here on the lawn,
counting minutes, feeling the emptiness
the midnight skies seep,
longing for what will come
on the eastern horizon

For that is where I shall find you,
glowing in tangerine ribbons,
painting pink clouds in dawn’s blushing brush strokes,
igniting a new day in effervescent colors…
as the sun rises and I smile

As once again we converse,
drinking coffee and loving life, enjoying
what comes from the awareness
that friendship truly does exist
with each new day we face

Within
A realm of fantasy
My mind it takes control
Painting pictures
Photographs
Prepared within the soul

Imagination
Plays its hand
Cautions cast the style
What I see
Is what I am
And will be for a while

Perception
Leads a blinded eye
To where the path begins
For the moment
I shall wait
Right here so deep within

Another silent Sunday morning
Waiting on the sun
Staring north along the tree line
Finding silhouettes still
And thoughts forming
As a fine sliver of light appears
Painting the horizon
Grapefruit shimmers
Lifting the darkness
That has coated my vision
And igniting my smile
As another new day begins with you

.

Laughing endeavors with marigold dreams
Soft interventions in line with the seams
Post card adventures with reasons to share
All this I love every time we are there

Paintings of pansies and red apple trees
Kites filled with colors a’ sail on the breeze
Sunsets at twilight that cause us to stare
All this I love every time we are there

Sidewalks with tables of gingham design
Minutes and hours along just in time
Butterfly moonbeams so swift on the air
All this I love every time we are there

White picket fences along every street
Butter cream candies so tasty and sweet
Secret emotions that show that we care
All this I love every time we are there

Books filled with pages the two of us read
Empty filled spaces with just what we need
Vegetable gardens at harvest so fair
All this I love every time we are there

Days of the week as we call them by name
Dancing together so slow in the rain
Sunlight reflections a’ touch of your hair
All this I love every time we are there

Leaves that are changing in colors so bright
Holding you close on a cool autumn night
Feeling your love that can hardly compare
All this I love every time we are there

So many reasons I find in your love
Sent by the light of the moon up above
Tickles my heart as my world is aware
Each time I’m with you, alone, anywhere