1am, your floppy hair, freshmen on the dorm floor
debating theology as if we knew what it was
and i saw your mind, but i also saw something more
and i saw you all over
in colorful flowers, sunny days, old churches
i heard your voice
while watching anime or listening to tales of ole'
and sometimes even when i sat alone
your endless search for perfection intimidated me
building up a dream of a woman
i'm not sure either of us will ever meet
and i wasn't her
i knew i never would be
but i remained in your orbit nonetheless
desperately compartmentalizing my heart from my head
as if friendship was enough
as if i wasn't in love
and i wrote about you anyway
as if our story could end happily
rain boots dancing in a puddle
a jubilee of you and me
when i finally said the words to you
i made them so much smaller
"i have feelings"
the confession of a coward
and as you answered my exclamation with a question mark
i retreated
maybe friendship is enough
maybe i'm not in love
you wanted to know you meant something
but i kept my breaking heart to myself
trying to salvage what we were
hoping my declaration hadn't destroyed it
but i was destroyed
and i had been so good at hiding it all away
that i still sometimes find another broken piece
the remnants of rejection
the love i can't quite extinguish