did she
forget
about me
?
air in my lungs
i will never exhale
sinking to be alone
dying for trust
.
we are stars
falling angels
shattered glass
dancing hearts
.
god's eyes
in
cherry syrup
pools
lips that seal
lies
i am enveloped
in shame
.
he said
"she
would be
with you
if she could
.
but she
doesn't
want
to admit
that"
.
does that mean
she loves me
like i love her
like spring sheets
roses with trimmed off
thorns and butterfly
eyelashes watercolor
kisses and hands held
.
perhaps she
would marry me
wed in october
when we started
speaking in whispers
,
but
i know
she is
afraid

i am sorry.
everything falls down
we descend from an open mouth
twisted kaleidoscope legs and eyes
colors of all kinds
was i a friend of yours
hands open and close splitting doors
my writing isn't very good
my speaking is worse
it all falls out in tangled ribbons
distorted chords
the pattern of the cadence of my heart
is your hand crawling up my arm
i see windows in skin
and a mantis on your tongue
aftermath has become
me. i am sorry
because you see
i was never made to be here
my mother has explained it to me
fear is no good because
we will all shrivel and collapse
as we should
i am nothing but a fever dream
the rosy cheek kiss
of last spring
the pills in your bottles
the salt in your water
the freckles on your neck
today is yesterday
and tomorrow is believing
in something you can't see
i think bruises
are the prettiest thing
i've ever seen
can't i crawl out of
your stomach and into
your arms
selfishly i want to be
your friend

are you fond of ghosts?
because i feel myself dissolving
space is here inside my ribs
want to reach through me?
i'd let you as long
as you speak softly.
if i'm a burden promise
you'll let me know
i want to be a song
a spoon and a pressed flower
in someone's favorite notebook
darling, i'm a wreck
look at me and see what i see
red eyes bleeding thi-
i am the monster in the mirror
and he is me
we dance like lovers
attached to a puppeteer's strings
will you hold these broken hands
and kiss my malignant lips
please you stupid *******
step into me which is the fading abyss
eat me alive make me
something
some kind of shape
rather than just a twisted line
my heart ******* exploded
a hundred times
for you
how do you feel?
because i feel dizzy from all this
oxygen between us
1,300 miles of static ice
i'd do anything to cross it
and get my heart broken
again. for you.
pretend i matter
if only
for a moment

Doomsday predictions
All the possibilities are fiction
Yet I fear for the day
When one rings true

she smiled at me
"we can't do this anymore"
the curtains were drawn
we were left as neglected fetuses
i began cutting my strings one by one
her touch haunted me in my sleep
after tasting the bitter morning
my pale hands delved into my chest
past transgressions reveal yourself
the night came after orange withdrawal
she returned with a silent kiss
we stepped into styrofoam
her passiveness was almost comforting
we shared apricots and drew red lines
into each others' skin.
the peachy morning sun rose
and it all came up in tears
i vomited on my white sheets
in disgust of myself