You are the meaning of love
and yearning
The sun theat brings warmth
and sets with exquisite echoes
of longing.

Most nights
Are so painful
that I have to keep
Telling my self
To endure

Maybe I've felt more loneliness
Than happiness in my entire life
But those pleasant times
That my heart is in bliss
Are precious breaths
That I have to keep

It feels good
To be taken care of
As well as to do the same

Nights are better with you aşkım
Your love is comfortable and warm
Like a noon sun embracing the clouds
Wandering in the vast blue sky

h e a r t b r e a k i n g
In a soundproof room
No one hears it but you
uncontrollably
Sending electricity beneath your jaw
running up to your eyes
You feel the electrifying current
turning into water of agony
Flowing to your face down to your pillow
Until you fall asleep alone with your emotions
Having no one else,
n o  o n e  e l s e.

Dilated heart
Clouded mind
Losing appetite
Body sways
To sweetest sound
Nevermind the
The thorns around.

Hidden in the corners
are multiplied feelings
painfully shattering the edges
pleading for freedom
wishful thinking to be rounded
suitably, infinitely flowing
and bravely growing in circles.

Be one of the strays in İstanbul
Have our pack wandering like masters of the street
Have their eyes witness our unity
We will not think of home or hunger
Because every corner is ours
The sky, the wind, the water and the earth
Will not selfishly enshroud their glory
They will let us behold the Bosphorus' sunset
My love, I will be an outlander in places you knew
But we will drift together, I will run with you.

Death is inevitably painful no matter how much you verse yourself into it, knowing it is awaiting from the very beginning of one's life.

Seeing figures slowly drifting away
Revealing a plain blue sky
Resonate a familiar farewell
And though you know
How to romanticize the clouds
You don’t want to imprison such love
So you let it swept by the wind.

Memories last but friendship not
your pen in this place begins to blot
the story of you will end in a dot
thank you for giving me one spot

In another pen your story begins to plot
new chapter of your life must grow a lot
achieving your dreams that once trap in a ***
i wish some of our ways meet again even in one shot.*

- a poem written by a friend

your absence
distracts me..

i envy the winds who still witness you*

-rupi kaur, the sun and her flowers

I am
filled
with
clouds &
confusion

we've met somewhere in a magical place
a misty dream where our souls dance together
we've got drunk by our connection
electrified by in-explainable energy
that suddenly explode to nothingness
and i wonder if you got hurt like i do
got lost in a grey forest without trees and flowers  to talk to
got your eyes bleed from crying because you miss me like i miss you.

truth is i'm not certain
do i want this or not?
or i'm just afraid
of missing then connecting
too reserved to communicate
too silent to talk
too small in this big world
do i want this?
it doesn't matter anymore
cause i'm already at the ground of my fear
its been 9 days since i got in my fearful dream
oddly, it wasn't  scary
as i thought it would be
do i like it now?
truth is, i still don't know
but i'm here
i'm already here.

If only death is temporary
A break, a vacation
I would take it for a month, or a year
To rest, to be free from all anguish
And return when I'm ready
To feel something again.

And there she was
Invisible, like a ghost
Watching a man from afar
Cryptic, like the moon
On a dreaded night..

Disappointments got me to this misty road
Sluggishly cycling a creaking bicycle in a drizzle
While poisoning my bushed lungs with cigarettes

A replacement to my sweet medicinal marijuana
That I skipped for months, trying to be clean, to be good
But in my head there’s still a noise saying I need it so much
To feel powerful, for a day of greatness in nirvana
To forget that I needed someone to feel worthy,
Or so to create an apparition of a friend to whom
I can share my disappointments and success
While in reality I’m alone in boredom
Killing time and whatever I have,

Oh Gaaad, sorry I feel weak

My insecurities got me to this misty road
Sluggishly cycling a creaking bicycle in a drizzle
While poisoning my bushed lungs with cigarettes.

And suddenly I realized that all of this,
The gun, the bombs, the revolution
Has got something to do
With a girl named Marla Singer.

Cornelius, Rupert, Travis, Tyler Durden
Who could really tell how many are we in a single body?
Mind creating multiple personas, good or bad
Or both could mean the same thing,
A label, a name as it is,
Could mean something or nothing

And there could always be a Tyler Durden
The Bold and Free, The Enlightened one

We see ourselves as we’d like to be
Good or Bad? Again, we decide what is right
Founder of our own fellowship
For our own Project Mayhem
For a girl named Marla Singer..
What again is a Project Mayhem?

**All I know is…
First and Second Rule:
You do not ask questions about PROJECT MAYHEM.

Standing beyond guards,
twisted bars and shards

With shattered knuckles
and broken ankles

Dilated eyes in the face of elusiveness

Where is freedom in hollowness?

Spinning round in vast emptiness

Conceptions, misconceptions
mixing in wild motions

Surrounded by scented candles
and flowers posing birth or perhaps death

....Fainted in bewilderment....

From what I’ve known
I have one goal

FREEDOM

I worked so hard
To end my sentence

Though I’ve won the war
And thought I am at last a victor

Yet it doesn’t feel like liberation
Until I realized

I never knew what
Freedom really means.

~
                *I can hear someone’s footsteps

Lingering around my frozen body
                        
                 Would you please help me…

I know this is just a dream
With melodic tune
Enchanting me to stay asleep
Uttering to relish this reverie
And never wake up…

                    He caught me easily

Trapped in this delusion

               His beauty overwhelmed me

A dream that seems so real
That I’d choose to stay asleep,
A dream that’s so wonderful
That I’d let him drown me with his charm,
A dream that lured me…

             I’d trade my reality,

Light over darkness

                      Convenience over danger

This dream is overruling
Offering every goods I wish to possess
Persuading that I wouldn't want to wake up
I’d lose him or I’d lose myself is the only option he gave
And I’m paralyzed, and throttled, unable to make a decision


Wake me up

Before I'd surrender my last heart beat
Yes, I’m panting, hardly gasping
Begging for air, I need to breathe
To think clearly that he's just a fantasy,
A fallacy that I can’t live within eternally...

                 I’m sinking in this sweet perfection

Slowly taking me to somewhere

          So dark and cold and mysteriously captivating…

Yes I wanted to come,
I can see him in the dark, grinning
So strange I’m not afraid, not a bit
Enjoying the pleasure of being half dead,
The comfort of serenity is undeniably alluring


                 Yet.... half dead means I'm still half alive,

Aware of the truth

                     That he’d never become real

I know.... this is just a dream
With melodic tune
Enchanting me to stay asleep
Uttering to relish this reverie
And never wake up…

                     ....but I can hear someone’s footsteps, a hope

Lingering around my frozen body

                 Would you please help me…


I wanted to wake up.

~
*It’s time to let go,
Time to rest,
Time to sleep,
And time to dream again.

I may be gone for a little while,

Maybe for a little while longer

but I will always come back here,

here where my poems live,

here where my heart finds comfort

here where my soul laid to rest,


here

                  here,

where


**I MET YOU.....

The Sun stood still
Burning the people underneath
Making them lifeless
And now, all is but a silence

                                 Except me,

There’s a noise inside my head
Making my heart beat steadfast
And the heat of the sun couldn’t make it stop,
Too loud and too strong to take my life.

Every day
is another gap,
another broken line to trace
divided by your footsteps
while fading away.

You’re the moon I will forever adore
Always distant yet the apple of my eye
Wanting to hold your hands
Before I lay in peace...

Stand near you,

Look into your eyes

And see closely….

*The magnificent light

You confidently carry

Even in bluest of time.

There’s always an impenetrable space between knowing and not knowing what to think, what to feel and what to do at troubling times.

Thought it would be easier,
Keeping everything less
Less thinking
Less talking
Less engaging
Less moving
It makes me less weary,
Less lonely
But also
Less happy
Less warm
And less alive

At first, a matter less seems fine
but as I go on it makes me more...

More dead....

-
I’d scream for death
With this pain inside

So take this broken heart,
Oh my remaining card

I’d rather lose all the love
And trade it for a cold rock

Beg for your enchanted hand
That’s fond of collecting hearts

Seize the grief is my only demand,
Oh Queen of Hearts of Wonderland.

My body is a story
Of pain and pleasure
Slipping through time
Yet keep sailing away
From oblivion

:
and i think....
I enjoy being depressed
*and write about it.