why are there already nats around me?
i'm not dead yet you freaks

the original me bled out on her mothers ***** bathroom floor
the filth and abuse because too much for her
everything since that day
hasn't
felt
real

i know you say mean things when i cancel plans
but i don't care
too being decomposing where i lay
can't save me man
save yourself

how i know i feel this for me
is i don't fantasize about all the tears
the screaming
the regrets
the denial
the begging
the anger
the depression
the hopelessness
the acceptance
the forgetting
my soul feels amazing at the thought of just nothing

and i cried at the curb
when you first said "Oel ngati kameie"

acceptance
this is where i came from
this IS familiar
it'll be ok
it'll be absolute euphoria

when my day comes
i know what i'll feel
i'll feel the fear
the realization
the regret
the awareness
the acceptance
it'll be the most terrifying and peaceful moment
the moment i was born to feel
the feeling i was destined to experience
starting as a twinkle in my fathers eye
the first atom in the giant explosion of stars and galaxies
that nonexistence gave birth to from the canal of endless black abyss