i.
some days are more
worth living than
others; today is not
one of those days

ii.
your words stay pinned
on my mirror, and i
don't know if i am
keeping them there to
torture myself
or to remind myself
that i should stay
alive

iii.
i used to be okay,
and i don't know how
i ever was that way
or how to get back

iv.
you used to draw maps me
on my arms; nobody knew where
they went except for
you

v.
i want go where
you do, but i don't know
how to find you

he thinks that i have found you
when my eyes meet his

he thinks i have fallen in love with you
when i tell him
i'm falling

he thinks he meets your eyes
when he looks at himself
in the mirror
smiling
looking over his shoulder at me
pretending to be sleeping

he thinks i hold your hand
when i am holding his
and that you kiss it
in the moment he presses his lips
to my skin

how do i tell him
that he isn't you
the one with ink staining his fingertips
holding me
his books
torn
underlined paragraphs
falling apart
on my lap

how do i tell him
that the butterflies i have
when i see him
are for him
but not for you

how do i tell him
that his love
beautiful
is not mine
and the heart
he thinks
i hold
is the one i slipped back into his chest
while he was sleeping..