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Oct 2013 · 445
Sheets
Jade Ivy Oct 2013
My bed holds more secrets
than I am willing to remember
Pandora's box
has nothing on this mattress
It holds the shape
of my first
my next
my last
but it is soaked with your scent
With each new visitor
I watch it release
a little more of you
as I struggle to hold on
salvage your presence
and change this burial ground
back to a place
where I can get some




sleep
Oct 2013 · 1.5k
Pick Your Poison
Jade Ivy Oct 2013
He was sitting in a burgundy chair, a glass of whiskey in his hand
slowly taking a sip, eyes fixated on the display in front of him
A young girl
tall, thin, brunette
Standing in a slinky dress and too-high heels
misplaced in his garish living room
Another gulp of whiskey
He knew he needed to slow down
The edges of his vision were blurring, and he didn't want to miss this
It wasn't the first, not even close
But this one was different
Something in her eyes... he couldn't look away
He shook the wandering thoughts out of his head,
not allowing his sight to falter
She stared back, not a bit of fear painted on her face
She grabbed one strap between her thumb and index finger
delicately pushing it off her shoulder
She briefly looked in the full length mirror to her left
before smoothly lifting the dress over her head
and casually draping it on a chair behind her
She tipped forward and rolled down her stockings
remarkably steady in her stilettos
She did it with grace
but with a fire blazing behind her thick lashes
He leaned back, wishing he had another ice cube for his drink
but not daring to move
She reached both hands behind her back
pushing out her chest
Thin fingers effortlessly found the clasp
and released her *******
She let her bra fall, not wasting the time
to place it with her dress
She stood, relishing in her liberation
brushing a strand of dark hair behind her shoulder
Her ******* were small but firm
sitting high and round on her chest
Her confidence condensed on her skin
and evaporated as he took a sharp inhale
He stared
and she stared back
Her fingers found the waist of her thong
slipping it off
Poised, she allowed the room and her spectator
to soak in the sight
of her fully exposed body
He sat, numb to her naked figure
and she, to his unwavering gaze
They remained like that
burning holes into each other's skin
savoring the divergence
He absorbed himself in liquor
and women
but he wasn't looking for ***
And she, she undressed herself
in front of men she didn't know
but she didn't want their money
She stood, tensing
and he gripped his glass
both hardened to the outside world
finding an escape in drugs,
each of a different kind
He finished his whiskey and blinked
She slowly collected her clothes
not bothering to put them back on
She grabbed her coat and let herself out
neither one saying a word
He sat, motionless
with the image of her etched
on the space behind his eyes
Just another scar
to become numb to
Oct 2013 · 1.3k
Unhappy Medium
Jade Ivy Oct 2013
You don't love me when I'm skinny
But thats when I love me
I love you, too
Always
So please, don't make loving you
Mean I have to hate me
Oct 2013 · 770
Freudian Slip
Jade Ivy Oct 2013
I remember that night so vividly
I was a mess of mixed emotions
even before you told me you loved me
I was resistant
out of fear to fall fully back into you
without you truly being there
to catch me
I feared you were just a mirage
And would disappear at any moment
You had a firm grip on my arm
and looked me in the eye
said the words I had waited
two years to hear
I love you
And I couldn't even say them back
So many nights
I had dreamt of that moment
if and when you finally told me
but it was much different
than I imagined
I didn't think
there could ever be bad timing
for dreams to come true
Yet I couldn't help but not believe you
As deeply as I care
and hope that you feel the same
I can't help but wonder
If it was just a slip
Of the tongue
Sep 2013 · 2.0k
Of Mice and Men
Jade Ivy Sep 2013
I'm terrible at making decisions
Because I see good and bad
In all options
And even once I've chosen
I spend my time tortured
Wondering what treasure
The other path
May have held
Sep 2013 · 538
A Moment Of Weakness
Jade Ivy Sep 2013
You held me
And at first
I held you, too
Falling back into
The same old pattern
Stroking your hair
Enjoying being
So close to you
But something
Brought me back
And I felt nothing
Total emptiness
Except for a little anger
Which no words
Could express
So I picked up my shoes
And other belongings
And walked out the door

But now I'm left wondering
In which moment
I had been weak

Giving in
Or *Giving up
Sep 2013 · 413
Empty
Jade Ivy Sep 2013
I loved you with everything I had
And I became more invested
Every second
I gave you my heart
And everything else
That you wanted
And didn't even know I had given you
Because that's the way that I love
I expected that from you in return
Because that's all that I know
I'm sorry I needed so much from you
I would give you second chances
For the rest of my life
If I could
I just don't have enough of me
For the both of us
Sep 2013 · 347
Preferences
Jade Ivy Sep 2013
It's great that you can find
What you need
In bars and clubs
But I promise
You will never
Run into me there
Sep 2013 · 944
Paralysis
Jade Ivy Sep 2013
Crying in the shower
Is the most disabling of acts
Paralyzed
Under the constant stream of water
No visible tears
Only millions of rivulets of water
Finding their way down your body
Retreating from such torment
Letting the breath
You so desperately need
Escape unwillingly
From your parted lips
In uncontrollable sobs
Forehead pressed against the cold marble
Hands reaching for whatever they can find
For some stability
Sliding down stone walls
Glass doors
And metal knobs
Until you give in
Find your way to the bottom of the tub
So you don't have to stand
Cradled in porcelain
To make yourself feel small
Unable to call for anyone
No one to call for anyways
Crippled on the floor
As your body aches
And throbs
With every choke
Sharp inhale
Of mist
Eyes open
But they can't see
So you stay there
Too weak
And too cold
To find your way out
From under the
Faithful warmth and comfort
Of the steady stream
Aug 2013 · 454
This is the End of Our Road
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
My car has been out of gas
Running on fumes
For miles now
It finally sputtered and died
As you raced onward
And I watched
Your license plate disappear
Knowing I'd never see you again
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
When you're really sick
You realize
Who your true friends are
The ones that really care about you
For who you are
I don't need balloons
Or chocolate
Or teddy bears
I just need to know someone's there
And those presents mean a lot to me
But the thought behind it
Means the world

The worst part is,
If I was laying in a hospital bed
No makeup
Not showered
An IV in my arm
And my mom by my side
I don't know
If you would be there
Aug 2013 · 1.9k
Carnival Games
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
You need to get your **** together
Figure out who you are
Because no girl is going to
Play these games with you
Trying to determine which mask
The real you stands behind
It's a game they'll never win
And it's only a matter of time
Until they find out
Aug 2013 · 1.1k
Compromise
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
You've already robbed me
Of your love
Atleast let me keep
My sanity
Aug 2013 · 479
Asphyxia
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
Submerged in water
Gasping for air
Blackness surrounds me
My lungs feel tight
My eyes fail me
As do my limbs
Struggling to find
A way up
Or out
But I can't find
The right direction
The surface
Any means of escape
Thrashing
Choking
Suffering
And the only way
To save myself
Is to let go
And hope that the release
Leads me to the surface
And not to the depths
Below
Aug 2013 · 667
Downfall
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
I do things
Knowing that they will hurt me
But maybe thats what I want
Now
--Self-destruction--
Been a long time
Since I've purposefully
Put myself in positions
Of pain
I would never physically
Harm myself
But I let my emotions
Run rampant
Allow them to take the lead
And that emotional self harm
Cuts deeper
Than any blade

I'm begging
Stop
Don't do it
Hold yourself back

Please
Aug 2013 · 338
Don't Read This
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
Don't look at
What you don't want to see
I'm hiding the best that I can
But I can't protect you
From your own curiosity
Aug 2013 · 979
Stay Far Away
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
Thought I didn't love you anymore
And I'm still pretty sure that I don't
But my emotions are running wild
And I can't seem to keep them in check
Stay as far away as you can
I don't want to drag you into this mess that I am
Aug 2013 · 416
Late-Night Loneliness
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
My heart keeps telling me
That I miss you
But my brain
And better judgment
Both know that
I only miss
The convenience
Of having someone
To rely on
The complacency
Of never feeling
Totally alone
The confidence
Of being adored
And the comfort
Of always having
Someone to say
*Good Night
Aug 2013 · 365
Sleeping Sickness
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
I can't eat
Anymore
I can't sleep
Anymore
I can't even smile
truly smile
Anymore
So I lay on my back
With one arm
Behind my head
The other resting
On my chest
Not feeling
Not seeing
A thing
As I wait for the
Sleeping pills
To reach my blood stream
Wearing another man's shirt
Because you made sure
To leave nothing of yourself
Behind
Aug 2013 · 334
Gone With the Wind
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
You set fire
To our temple
And walked away
As it burned
Never looking back
Not even a peek
Over your broad shoulder
Three weeks
You roamed through the land
Occupying yourself
With travels and objects
That caught your eye
Until you tired
And prayed
For a place to rest
Your thoughts darted
To that temple
Such wonderful shelter
And shade
It had provided
You carefully find your way back
To the ruins
Only broken pieces of heavy stone
Remain
Even the ashes
Blew away
With the wind
And silence
You observe the fragments
Searching for a way
To build it all back up
Again
But weeks had gone by
Since it stood
The structure was gone
As were the ashes
So you settled for a stone
To rest upon
With palms turned to the sky
You pray for that temple
To rise up again
But you know better
Than to expect
A holy place
To be erected
From less
Than
Ash
Aug 2013 · 403
Otiose
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
Idle hands
Are the death of me
When I lay in bed
Late at night
I can't help but dream
Of having someone's chest
To draw circles on
With my fingers;
Someone's hair
To run them through
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
I loved you so much
Mostly because I thought of you
As an extension of myself
I had never been so compatible
With someone in my life
And I thrived on that connection
Until I realized
That you were the dark
Part of myself
That I hated
And had abandoned
Long ago

I just had trouble
Letting go
Aug 2013 · 533
Awe-full
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
It's amazing how quickly the words
I don't love you
Force you to let go of someone
Aug 2013 · 882
Sink or Swim
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
My love for you is like the ocean
Dark, mysterious
Omnipotent
It's always there
Even when I'm not looking for it

It comes in waves
Waves of passion
Emotion
Sentiment
Even lethargy

I can't always see
The source of the waves
But they come
In and out
Nevertheless
Receding
From the shallows
Into the deep
And back again

Constant waves
Controlled by the moon alone
Soothe me to sleep
And lure me awake

The ocean, those waves
Always there but
****, they can be so hard to bear  

There's a very small
Physical difference
Between swimming
And drowning
At first
-- It is the outcome
That defines the action --
Aug 2013 · 604
Brand New
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
I once accused you of deception
By quoting a song we both loved
Music being the only way
We could relate

Say you wanted a solution
You just wanted to be missed


Such truth inhabited those words
But I've only just realized
That I was as guilty as you
"I hope you find out what you want
I already know what I am"
Aug 2013 · 479
Afraid of the Dark
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
There is so much good in you
But it is balanced by darkness
And that is the side
That you prefer
You bask in
Broken hearts
Blank stares
Biting words
From ones you've hurt
You believe that it will
Make you a good writer
To live in ruins
And I will admit
That I loved your darkness
But not as much as you do
It was something
That added depth to you
But there is no limit to that depth
As I am coming to discover
It is never-ending
A black hole
A pit that opens straight to
The middle of the earth
That's where you hide your heart
Or what is remaining of it
And you smile
Knowing that you tricked me into thinking
That I had found at least a piece of it
I could write an epic
Of vile things
For I am filled with loathing
But I no longer wish
To please you
Aug 2013 · 435
Discord
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
There's no doubt that I'm in love with you
But I don't love being with you

It'll be hard letting go of you
But it won't be hard *letting go of this
Aug 2013 · 550
Running in Circles
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
It's all happening too fast
Been going on for too long now
And every time I sit down to write
I want to say the same things every time
That's when you know it's bad
I'm tired...
No, that's not the word
Apathetic?
No
Bored?
Done
I'm done
This game has grown stale
I no longer have the energy
Or desire
To try anymore
It's not worth it
I feel it deep down
And I can tell that you do, too
As days creep by
I realize more and more
That I'm okay with it
It's what I want
To let go
You feel it, too
It's nothing you can hide
And I keep extending my hands
Grabbing for you
So that I can tell you how I feel
But you keep running away
Slipping through my fingers
And you don't even realize
That the only thing I'm grasping for
Is a chance to leave
Aug 2013 · 1.3k
Pompeii
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
Black ashes of fear
Fell atop the city of our love
Preserving it as it was
Set in stone
We were too ignorant to see our demise
As it erupted
Right before us
Filling the sky with ominous, black clouds
That loomed overhead
Warning us of the destruction to come
Our fall was impending
Imminent
But we were naive
Swallowed in the dark
Choking on smoke and ash
But it was too late to run
And salvage what we could

Now nothing is left
But the dust and rubble
Of the city we once worshipped
Only the ruins
Remain
Aug 2013 · 582
Effortless
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
I thought that you were everything I wanted
And I assumed
That when I found that in a man
Things would go perfectly
You would know exactly what to do
And what to say
And how to make me feel
wanted
But we seem to have
trouble with that

I guess you're just not
What I thought you were
Aug 2013 · 798
Shelter
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
Keep the walls
If you want
But let me
Inside
So we can live
In their warmth
Together
Aug 2013 · 728
Evoke
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
Every moment is fleeting
Every feeling is fleeting
But each feeling
Comes from somewhere
Some sort of trigger
Whether it be an occurrence
A word, a whisper, a want, a war
It all comes from something
Even if that something
Lives deep in a dark part of ourselves
That we never wanted to know
Existed
Aug 2013 · 415
Giving One's Heart
Jade Ivy Aug 2013
When someone trusts an investor
They are willing to give him
Every penny they own
Every piece of their life savings
They'll take a risk
Take a fall
They'll give it all
Faithful that he
Will bestow the same amount
-- Or more --
Back upon them

But what if he
Never returns
The investment?
Jul 2013 · 578
Always
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
I regret ever uttering the word
Always
I regret even thinking it
Always is a word
For liars and the ignorant
It poisons the present
And all good things residing in it

I will enjoy you
For now
And as long as you will allow

I can't promise that I'll always love you
I can't even promise to think of you in old age
It may be comforting
To say such things
But truly, that wretched word
Carries only destruction
And plague
We are together
-- Entwined, united by some
Transitory, ineffable force --
For now
And that will satisfy me
I can't help but want all of you
That is something I am currently
Unable to change

Just promise
To never whisper Always
Because I'll know that you are lying

Simply be mine
*For now
Jul 2013 · 1.8k
Trust
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
The only difference
between a stranger
and a friend
is *trust
Jul 2013 · 444
Fear
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
There is nothing to fear but fear itself
But ****, I'm afraid of what I don't know
Jul 2013 · 318
Untitled
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
I believe in your writing
I believe in you
And I'd give up luxury
To eat ramen with you
Sit silently while you write
Listen, revise
Every night
For years
Until you were as successful
As I know you can be

And I know that's not
What you're looking for right now
But know that it's out there
So when you're ready
Don't settle
For anything less
Jul 2013 · 432
Narcotics
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
How is it possible
To wake up
With no recollection
Of shared words
But with a feeling so strong
You can guess what they were
Jul 2013 · 1.0k
Desolate
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
I remember many nights
When I would lay next to you
Usually in silence
Stroke your hair
Listen to you breathe
And kiss every finger tip
Until you fell asleep
As much as I wanted to stay
And spend the night next to you
I knew that wasn't what you wanted
I would force myself out of bed
And tiptoe out your back door
Walk through the mud in your back yard
To reach my car
I would get in and sit
Motionless
Waiting for my body to do something
I would think
And feel
I loved you so much in those moments
But almost as deeply
I felt alone
There was vague happiness
Satisfaction only in the knowledge
That I had satisfied you
So I would drive the long road home
Often listen to our favorite songs
And cry
Just to reach my house
In the middle of the night
And crawl into an empty bed
Never failing to remind me
That I was
Alone
Jul 2013 · 914
Seesaw
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
Why is it that every time
I fall more in love with you
You feel farther away
As soon as it feels like we're getting close to something
You take a step back
Hesitant
Scared
Reluctant
As if you're resistant to let things get
Too good
Afraid of how you may feel
And what it could become
I meant what I said
When I told you I would do
Anything
For you
You're not easy to love
But I'm still here
And I will be
Until you force me to leave
You have nothing to be afraid of
Let me in
And I promise
That everything will be okay

We can both be winners
In this game
If you let us
Jul 2013 · 423
Uncovered
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
Ask me anything
You said, after we crawled under the comforter
And I did
I asked about
Every
Single
Thing
That had been occupying my mind
And lying on my tongue
But had never escaped
The safety of my lips
I should have told you to do the same
But you never seem to have questions
For me
Always just the answers

Kiss me everywhere*
You said, after we talked for hours
And I did
I kissed
Every
Single
Inch
Of your body
My tongue settled
Behind the certainty of my lips
As they rested upon
Your bare skin
I should have told you to do the same
But I don't think I could have enjoyed
Your kisses
As much as I enjoyed
The taste of your skin
Jul 2013 · 767
Revelry or Ruin
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
Broken people
Usually fall in love
With a person who can
Heal them
So what happens
When two broken people
Fall for each other?
Jul 2013 · 638
Captivate
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
Never say
What I need to say
Because I end up
Getting carried away
In your eyes
In your touch
Jul 2013 · 396
Angels
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
You don't even need to speak
For me to love you
Just lay there
With your beautiful eyes
Your beautiful mind
And lips
That never stop singing
I can't seem to have you
Enough
When you're away
I think of all the things we will do
Planning in my mind
But the moment you're here
I don't even bother
To utter a syllable
In case I might miss something
Shhh, don't speak
Just be
Until you must leave
Feels as if you are being
Stolen from me
Because each time you go
I fear that you will go somewhere far away
And not return
To me
I would lay with you forever if I could

*But the end comes too soon
Like dreaming of angels

And leaving without them
Jul 2013 · 579
Blood Bank
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
You've been gone for so long
And I've been here waiting
For your return
Patiently
Every second
I miss you
And finally you're home
With me again
But it still feels like you're not here
Far away
And I just keep wishing
You'll come back
Mend your absence
Restore your touch
Fill the vacancy I feel

I've fostered such hope
For how things would be
This summer
But minds conceive
And hearts will dream
Until the future
Is the present
And often afterwards

This distance can't be measured
In miles
And even when we're together
I find that I'm missing you
Blaming myself
For expecting so much
I've lamented your absence
And regret your imminent departure
But I prefer missing you
When you're away
Than while you're here
Jul 2013 · 459
A Tear in the Seam
Jade Ivy Jul 2013
I want to stick around
And be there for you

But baby, I'm breaking too
Jun 2013 · 1.1k
Hesitation
Jade Ivy Jun 2013
I hesitate each time
the words I love you
rest raw and desperate
upon my lips
Not because I am unsure
or indecisive
of the weight those words carry
but because I am afraid
that the following
silence
might **** me
Jun 2013 · 290
If Only (10w)
Jade Ivy Jun 2013
I wish
we could
love
eachother
           at                  
          the        
             same
                         time...
Jun 2013 · 1.7k
Macedonia
Jade Ivy Jun 2013
Mopeds, Mercedes
Dandelions and daisies
Churches
Mosques
Women masked
Exposed eyes
Revealing
More than the body
Ever could.
Lingerie
Sold openly on the street
Olives
By the kilogram
To fast-talking
Fast-walking
Men and women
Young and old.
Ancient ruins,
Ruined
The fall of one civilization
Destroyed
Merely to give rise
To one that will
Only hope to make men
Worth remembering.
Mystery lies
In the lives of artifacts
Bare finger tips
Graze over frescoes
Religion
Art
Expression
Litters every corner
Accompanied by waste
And poppies
Blood red
Amidst the gray haze
Of cigarette smoke
And pollution
Clouding the view
Of snowcapped mountains
Diamond lakes
Undisturbed
Surrounded by
Mopeds, Mercedes
Dandelions and Daisies
Jun 2013 · 827
Patriarch
Jade Ivy Jun 2013
"Forgive me, Father,
For I have sinned"
Is what my father should have said
If he had been religious
Or able to admit
That he was a horrible man
At the end
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