He was sitting in a burgundy chair, a glass of whiskey in his hand
slowly taking a sip, eyes fixated on the display in front of him
A young girl
tall, thin, brunette
Standing in a slinky dress and too-high heels
misplaced in his garish living room
Another gulp of whiskey
He knew he needed to slow down
The edges of his vision were blurring, and he didn't want to miss this
It wasn't the first, not even close
But this one was different
Something in her eyes... he couldn't look away
He shook the wandering thoughts out of his head,
not allowing his sight to falter
She stared back, not a bit of fear painted on her face
She grabbed one strap between her thumb and index finger
delicately pushing it off her shoulder
She briefly looked in the full length mirror to her left
before smoothly lifting the dress over her head
and casually draping it on a chair behind her
She tipped forward and rolled down her stockings
remarkably steady in her stilettos
She did it with grace
but with a fire blazing behind her thick lashes
He leaned back, wishing he had another ice cube for his drink
but not daring to move
She reached both hands behind her back
pushing out her chest
Thin fingers effortlessly found the clasp
and released her *******
She let her bra fall, not wasting the time
to place it with her dress
She stood, relishing in her liberation
brushing a strand of dark hair behind her shoulder
Her ******* were small but firm
sitting high and round on her chest
Her confidence condensed on her skin
and evaporated as he took a sharp inhale
He stared
and she stared back
Her fingers found the waist of her thong
slipping it off
Poised, she allowed the room and her spectator
to soak in the sight
of her fully exposed body
He sat, numb to her naked figure
and she, to his unwavering gaze
They remained like that
burning holes into each other's skin
savoring the divergence
He absorbed himself in liquor
and women
but he wasn't looking for ***
And she, she undressed herself
in front of men she didn't know
but she didn't want their money
She stood, tensing
and he gripped his glass
both hardened to the outside world
finding an escape in drugs,
each of a different kind
He finished his whiskey and blinked
She slowly collected her clothes
not bothering to put them back on
She grabbed her coat and let herself out
neither one saying a word
He sat, motionless
with the image of her etched
on the space behind his eyes
Just another scar
to become numb to

I remember that night so vividly
I was a mess of mixed emotions
even before you told me you loved me
I was resistant
out of fear to fall fully back into you
without you truly being there
to catch me
I feared you were just a mirage
And would disappear at any moment
You had a firm grip on my arm
and looked me in the eye
said the words I had waited
two years to hear
I love you
And I couldn't even say them back
So many nights
I had dreamt of that moment
if and when you finally told me
but it was much different
than I imagined
I didn't think
there could ever be bad timing
for dreams to come true
Yet I couldn't help but not believe you
As deeply as I care
and hope that you feel the same
I can't help but wonder
If it was just a slip
Of the tongue

You held me
And at first
I held you, too
Falling back into
The same old pattern
Stroking your hair
Enjoying being
So close to you
But something
Brought me back
And I felt nothing
Total emptiness
Except for a little anger
Which no words
Could express
So I picked up my shoes
And other belongings
And walked out the door

But now I'm left wondering
In which moment
I had been weak

Giving in
Or *Giving up

I loved you with everything I had
And I became more invested
Every second
I gave you my heart
And everything else
That you wanted
And didn't even know I had given you
Because that's the way that I love
I expected that from you in return
Because that's all that I know
I'm sorry I needed so much from you
I would give you second chances
For the rest of my life
If I could
I just don't have enough of me
For the both of us

My car has been out of gas
Running on fumes
For miles now
It finally sputtered and died
As you raced onward
And I watched
Your license plate disappear
Knowing I'd never see you again

When you're really sick
You realize
Who your true friends are
The ones that really care about you
For who you are
I don't need balloons
Or chocolate
Or teddy bears
I just need to know someone's there
And those presents mean a lot to me
But the thought behind it
Means the world

The worst part is,
If I was laying in a hospital bed
No makeup
Not showered
An IV in my arm
And my mom by my side
I don't know
If you would be there

You need to get your **** together
Figure out who you are
Because no girl is going to
Play these games with you
Trying to determine which mask
The real you stands behind
It's a game they'll never win
And it's only a matter of time
Until they find out

Submerged in water
Gasping for air
Blackness surrounds me
My lungs feel tight
My eyes fail me
As do my limbs
Struggling to find
A way up
Or out
But I can't find
The right direction
The surface
Any means of escape
Thrashing
Choking
Suffering
And the only way
To save myself
Is to let go
And hope that the release
Leads me to the surface
And not to the depths
Below

Thought I didn't love you anymore
And I'm still pretty sure that I don't
But my emotions are running wild
And I can't seem to keep them in check
Stay as far away as you can
I don't want to drag you into this mess that I am

You set fire
To our temple
And walked away
As it burned
Never looking back
Not even a peek
Over your broad shoulder
Three weeks
You roamed through the land
Occupying yourself
With travels and objects
That caught your eye
Until you tired
And prayed
For a place to rest
Your thoughts darted
To that temple
Such wonderful shelter
And shade
It had provided
You carefully find your way back
To the ruins
Only broken pieces of heavy stone
Remain
Even the ashes
Blew away
With the wind
And silence
You observe the fragments
Searching for a way
To build it all back up
Again
But weeks had gone by
Since it stood
The structure was gone
As were the ashes
So you settled for a stone
To rest upon
With palms turned to the sky
You pray for that temple
To rise up again
But you know better
Than to expect
A holy place
To be erected
From less
Than
Ash

My love for you is like the ocean
Dark, mysterious
Omnipotent
It's always there
Even when I'm not looking for it

It comes in waves
Waves of passion
Emotion
Sentiment
Even lethargy

I can't always see
The source of the waves
But they come
In and out
Nevertheless
Receding
From the shallows
Into the deep
And back again

Constant waves
Controlled by the moon alone
Soothe me to sleep
And lure me awake

The ocean, those waves
Always there but
****, they can be so hard to bear  

There's a very small
Physical difference
Between swimming
And drowning
At first
-- It is the outcome
That defines the action --

I once accused you of deception
By quoting a song we both loved
Music being the only way
We could relate

Say you wanted a solution
You just wanted to be missed

Such truth inhabited those words
But I've only just realized
That I was as guilty as you

It's all happening too fast
Been going on for too long now
And every time I sit down to write
I want to say the same things every time
That's when you know it's bad
I'm tired...
No, that's not the word
Apathetic?
No
Bored?
Done
I'm done
This game has grown stale
I no longer have the energy
Or desire
To try anymore
It's not worth it
I feel it deep down
And I can tell that you do, too
As days creep by
I realize more and more
That I'm okay with it
It's what I want
To let go
You feel it, too
It's nothing you can hide
And I keep extending my hands
Grabbing for you
So that I can tell you how I feel
But you keep running away
Slipping through my fingers
And you don't even realize
That the only thing I'm grasping for
Is a chance to leave

Black ashes of fear
Fell atop the city of our love
Preserving it as it was
Set in stone
We were too ignorant to see our demise
As it erupted
Right before us
Filling the sky with ominous, black clouds
That loomed overhead
Warning us of the destruction to come
Our fall was impending
Imminent
But we were naive
Swallowed in the dark
Choking on smoke and ash
But it was too late to run
And salvage what we could

Now nothing is left
But the dust and rubble
Of the city we once worshipped
Only the ruins
Remain

I thought that you were everything I wanted
And I assumed
That when I found that in a man
Things would go perfectly
You would know exactly what to do
And what to say
And how to make me feel
wanted
But we seem to have
trouble with that

I guess you're just not
What I thought you were

Every moment is fleeting
Every feeling is fleeting
But each feeling
Comes from somewhere
Some sort of trigger
Whether it be an occurrence
A word, a whisper, a want, a war
It all comes from something
Even if that something
Lives deep in a dark part of ourselves
That we never wanted to know
Existed

When someone trusts an investor
They are willing to give him
Every penny they own
Every piece of their life savings
They'll take a risk
Take a fall
They'll give it all
Faithful that he
Will bestow the same amount
-- Or more --
Back upon them

But what if he
Never returns
The investment?

I believe in your writing
I believe in you
And I'd give up luxury
To eat ramen with you
Sit silently while you write
Listen, revise
Every night
For years
Until you were as successful
As I know you can be

And I know that's not
What you're looking for right now
But know that it's out there
So when you're ready
Don't settle
For anything less

How is it possible
To wake up
With no recollection
Of shared words
But with a feeling so strong
You can guess what they were

Why is it that every time
I fall more in love with you
You feel farther away
As soon as it feels like we're getting close to something
You take a step back
Hesitant
Scared
Reluctant
As if you're resistant to let things get
Too good
Afraid of how you may feel
And what it could become
I meant what I said
When I told you I would do
Anything
For you
You're not easy to love
But I'm still here
And I will be
Until you force me to leave
You have nothing to be afraid of
Let me in
And I promise
That everything will be okay

We can both be winners
In this game
If you let us

Ask me anything
You said, after we crawled under the comforter
And I did
I asked about
Every
Single
Thing
That had been occupying my mind
And lying on my tongue
But had never escaped
The safety of my lips
I should have told you to do the same
But you never seem to have questions
For me
Always just the answers

Kiss me everywhere*
You said, after we talked for hours
And I did
I kissed
Every
Single
Inch
Of your body
My tongue settled
Behind the certainty of my lips
As they rested upon
Your bare skin
I should have told you to do the same
But I don't think I could have enjoyed
Your kisses
As much as I enjoyed
The taste of your skin

You don't even need to speak
For me to love you
Just lay there
With your beautiful eyes
Your beautiful mind
And lips
That never stop singing
I can't seem to have you
Enough
When you're away
I think of all the things we will do
Planning in my mind
But the moment you're here
I don't even bother
To utter a syllable
In case I might miss something
Shhh, don't speak
Just be
Until you must leave
Feels as if you are being
Stolen from me
Because each time you go
I fear that you will go somewhere far away
And not return
To me
I would lay with you forever if I could

*But the end comes too soon
Like dreaming of angels

And leaving without them

I hesitate each time
the words I love you
rest raw and desperate
upon my lips
Not because I am unsure
or indecisive
of the weight those words carry
but because I am afraid
that the following
silence
might **** me

Mopeds, Mercedes
Dandelions and daisies
Churches
Mosques
Women masked
Exposed eyes
Revealing
More than the body
Ever could.
Lingerie
Sold openly on the street
Olives
By the kilogram
To fast-talking
Fast-walking
Men and women
Young and old.
Ancient ruins,
Ruined
The fall of one civilization
Destroyed
Merely to give rise
To one that will
Only hope to make men
Worth remembering.
Mystery lies
In the lives of artifacts
Bare finger tips
Graze over frescoes
Religion
Art
Expression
Litters every corner
Accompanied by waste
And poppies
Blood red
Amidst the gray haze
Of cigarette smoke
And pollution
Clouding the view
Of snowcapped mountains
Diamond lakes
Undisturbed
Surrounded by
Mopeds, Mercedes
Dandelions and Daisies

"Forgive me, Father,
For I have sinned"
Is what my father should have said
If he had been religious
Or able to admit
That he was a horrible man
At the end