Jade Ivy

Jade Ivy Jan 2014

I never thought I would become
The kind of girl I hated
The type of girl who would derive happiness solely from a man
The type of girl who would change herself wholly for a man
Put a man before herself
Love a man more than herself
But here I am
I've been led through hell and back
Become the girl I hate for the man that I love
And look where it got me
Now I remember why I wanted to be different
From all those other girls
Why I wanted to be stronger
More independent
Because every time I give myself to someone
They convince me that I should never do it again

Jade Ivy Jan 2014

Those Three Months are Gone

I'm tired of settling
I'm tired of accepting less than I deserve
Because I've been so fixated on you
It's been you and only you
For years now
I can't tell if it's you that I loved so much
Or what I always hoped you could be
I loved you after the first three months
I loved every single thing that I learned about you
What you were interested in
What you wanted to be
What you would never fully tell me about your past
I was hooked
I thought you were everything I had ever wanted
But after those first three months
Every new thing I learned about you
Made me love you less
But I still held on to who I thought you were
In those first three months
But that was years ago
And I need to stop holding on
Because whatever I saw in you then
Is no longer there now

Jade Ivy Jan 2014

Mistress

Everything seems to come full circle
Different ages, different people
But it's all the same
No one has "changed"
And I doubt anyone has tried
I'm as guilty as others
But I'm paying for it now
Only a couple years later
And I'm exactly in her position
I remember feeling pity for her
Pity that she had found out
Pity that she had fallen for it
And I was content
-- A little broken, but content --
Because I felt like the victor
With you as my prize
But who knows how long
That even lasted for
Here I am
I've fallen for it
I've fallen for you
Just to be right back where we started
But this time
I'll be the girl who loses

Jade Ivy Jan 2014

Fairytales

I'm eighteen years old
And I've seen the realities of the world
But I still believe in fairy tales
For what reason, I'm not sure
Maybe because I don't have a religion to give me faith
I only have myself
And my false dreams
Of what the world could be
I can't help but hope
To find a man that treats me like a queen
Parades me around and loves me endlessly
But that's only in books
In reality, people leave
Love fades
And I know because I've watched it all happen
I can't help but hope
That my father will respond
And make my family whole
Something I've never had
But he has a new family now
One that I'm not a part of
Two beautiful little girls
That will never know the toll
Of growing up without a dad
If life were a fairy tale,
I would be one of those little girls
But life is just life
And reality doesn't mix well with fantasy
So I can't understand
Why I dream about all those things at night

Jade Ivy Jan 2014

...and the Other is Gold

I'm about to bring a new man into my life
And I think that's going to mean
Letting you go
I suffer so much pain and heartache with you
And I can't have that with my new man, too
There will be a lot of uncertainty with him
I already know that
But there can also be a lot of happiness
I already love you
But I have the chance at loving him
And that means everything to me right now
I just don't know if I can handle the stress
Of having both of you in my life

Jade Ivy Jan 2014

Evolution of Man

Can people ever really change?
If something is a part of you at one time
Wouldn't it stay a part of you forever?
I'd like to think that people grow up
Grow wiser as they grow older
But who's to say what comes with age
I hope for the best
But deep down inside of me
I haven't forgotten
I had trust issues before you
And I had trust issues because of you
Maybe, just maybe... people can change
But people can never forget
You were awful to so many
You hurt so many
And maybe I'd be able to forgive that
If I weren't one of those many
That you knowingly hurt
And the worst part is
You were perfectly okay with it.

Jade Ivy Jan 2014

Grasping at Straws

When I found out about you
you became my second chance at normalcy
my second chance at being a kid
and having everything I always wanted
but never had
I knew there was no way to reverse time
and get all of those years back with you
but for the first time
there was hope
there was a chance
and as childish as it was
I couldn't let that go