Everything happened at once
I didn't expect it to
And I didn't want it to
-- or atleast I convince myself
I didn't want it to --
But here we are
You don't know it yet
But both of our lives are going to change
In just another month
And I'm terrified
I should be happy
But I find myself crying
Everytime I'm alone
And I always thought that finding you
Would fill the hole inside of me
But I don't know if it will anymore
What if it's the opposite?
What if you don't want what I want?
You have already changed everything
And you've done nothing
I'm the one with the knowledge
With the choice
And yet I'm scared
I need so much right now
But I didn't know that the hope
Of loving you
Would make me question
The love I already have

Last night I dreamt that I was pregnant
It was yours
And I was happy
I walked around with a cute round bump
Attached to the front of me
I was going to give birth that evening
To a baby who weighed 5 pounds 7 ounces
It was going to be premature
Like I was
I was dress shopping with my mother
Trying on gowns
Not for a wedding
But for an announcement of our child
I wanted to feel beautiful
But nothing fit over that cute round bump
I didn't get frustrated
I kept trying on dresses
Thinking about how happy you would be
With how I looked
Once our baby was born
But still with all of the extra weight
I hoped it was a boy
And I planned to name him Dennis
-- Even though it wasn't one of the names
I picked out long ago --
That's what he would be called
Because that was your middle name
And I wanted our baby
To always be a reminder of you
Even when I found a man
Who was willing to be the father

We sat down on the bench
And you saw it in my eyes
"What's wrong?"
You asked knowingly
I looked at you
But couldn't bring myself
To say anything
I laughed at my inability
Incapable of producing any other noise
You put your hand on my knee
Never breaking eye contact
And waited patiently
Until I had the courage
To speak
Afraid of the reality
That speaking these words aloud
Would bring to light
I ****** in a deep, reluctant breath
And exhaled
"I found my father"