He was sitting in a burgundy chair, a glass of whiskey in his hand
slowly taking a sip, eyes fixated on the display in front of him
A young girl
tall, thin, brunette
Standing in a slinky dress and too-high heels
misplaced in his garish living room
Another gulp of whiskey
He knew he needed to slow down
The edges of his vision were blurring, and he didn't want to miss this
It wasn't the first, not even close
But this one was different
Something in her eyes... he couldn't look away
He shook the wandering thoughts out of his head,
not allowing his sight to falter
She stared back, not a bit of fear painted on her face
She grabbed one strap between her thumb and index finger
delicately pushing it off her shoulder
She briefly looked in the full length mirror to her left
before smoothly lifting the dress over her head
and casually draping it on a chair behind her
She tipped forward and rolled down her stockings
remarkably steady in her stilettos
She did it with grace
but with a fire blazing behind her thick lashes
He leaned back, wishing he had another ice cube for his drink
but not daring to move
She reached both hands behind her back
pushing out her chest
Thin fingers effortlessly found the clasp
and released her *******
She let her bra fall, not wasting the time
to place it with her dress
She stood, relishing in her liberation
brushing a strand of dark hair behind her shoulder
Her ******* were small but firm
sitting high and round on her chest
Her confidence condensed on her skin
and evaporated as he took a sharp inhale
He stared
and she stared back
Her fingers found the waist of her thong
slipping it off
Poised, she allowed the room and her spectator
to soak in the sight
of her fully exposed body
He sat, numb to her naked figure
and she, to his unwavering gaze
They remained like that
burning holes into each other's skin
savoring the divergence
He absorbed himself in liquor
and women
but he wasn't looking for ***
And she, she undressed herself
in front of men she didn't know
but she didn't want their money
She stood, tensing
and he gripped his glass
both hardened to the outside world
finding an escape in drugs,
each of a different kind
He finished his whiskey and blinked
She slowly collected her clothes
not bothering to put them back on
She grabbed her coat and let herself out
neither one saying a word
He sat, motionless
with the image of her etched
on the space behind his eyes
Just another scar
to become numb to

I remember that night so vividly
I was a mess of mixed emotions
even before you told me you loved me
I was resistant
out of fear to fall fully back into you
without you truly being there
to catch me
I feared you were just a mirage
And would disappear at any moment
You had a firm grip on my arm
and looked me in the eye
said the words I had waited
two years to hear
I love you
And I couldn't even say them back
So many nights
I had dreamt of that moment
if and when you finally told me
but it was much different
than I imagined
I didn't think
there could ever be bad timing
for dreams to come true
Yet I couldn't help but not believe you
As deeply as I care
and hope that you feel the same
I can't help but wonder
If it was just a slip
Of the tongue

You held me
And at first
I held you, too
Falling back into
The same old pattern
Stroking your hair
Enjoying being
So close to you
But something
Brought me back
And I felt nothing
Total emptiness
Except for a little anger
Which no words
Could express
So I picked up my shoes
And other belongings
And walked out the door

But now I'm left wondering
In which moment
I had been weak

Giving in
Or *Giving up