Ivana: Favorites

Mar 2014 Ivana

Still am.

Mar 2014 Ivana

Chris

Here I am, looking up causes for headaches
at 1 am
when I know it will always come back to you.
My hands found the bottom of the ocean
as I cleaned old movie tickets out of my car today.
I can see your honesty from here.
It took my composure on its way out the door.
I’m not bitter anymore.
I’m just tired.
And I’m tired of being so tired.
I’m sorry you didn’t stay.
I’m sorry that I apologize
for all the times you didn’t.
I keep forgetting these things
are not one-sided,
and so,
I’m sorry I gave you everything
for nothing in return.
You tasted like love,
and I was parched.
Still am.

It's terrible, but it needed to make its way out

Mar 2014 Ivana

what do you even write?

Mar 2014 Ivana

Dear

what do you even write?

she asked
"what do you even write?"
We write
testimonies
pleas
and defenses
our pen, the judge and the jury
we write of the rythymn and the dead space between beats.
our message is the vibrations that barrel out of the belly of the drum
our words encompass the spectrum of light
we write the fuse
we are the piston
we are the face and hands of the clock, the numbers, and the tic tock
we write you.
we write ourselves.
we write strangers and phantoms and projections.
we write wrongs
we write mysteries our reader resolves.
we write eyes, hearts, and minds
tangible soul tales for the deaf and blind.

Mar 2014 Ivana

Profess

Mar 2014 Ivana

Nicole

Profess

When I say
I love you
Don't picture my cheeks
Bright red
Or my palms sweaty

When I say I love you
Something breaks inside of me
The walls I worked so hard
To construct all around my heart
They are now teared apart

When I say I love you
I do not say it
To the boy standing in front of me
I profess it to the person you are
Late at night
When your thoughts are blurry
And your eyes are dark.

I recall this as a matter of my heart exploding of love atm

Mar 2014 Ivana

The Health-Food Diner

Mar 2014 Ivana

Maya Angelou

The Health-Food Diner

No sprouted wheat and soya shoots
And Brussels in a cake,
Carrot straw and spinach raw,
(Today, I need a steak).

Not thick brown rice and rice pilaw
Or mushrooms creamed on toast,
Turnips mashed and parsnips hashed,
(I'm dreaming of a roast).

Health-food folks around the world
Are thinned by anxious zeal,
They look for help in seafood kelp
(I count on breaded veal).

No smoking signs, raw mustard greens,
Zucchini by the ton,
Uncooked kale and bodies frail
Are sure to make me run

to

***** of pork and chicken thighs
And standing rib, so prime,
Pork chops brown and fresh ground round
(I crave them all the time).

Irish stews and boiled corned beef
and hot dogs by the scores,
or any place that saves a space
For smoking carnivores.

Mar 2014 Ivana

Realizations

Mar 2014 Ivana

Jess Ram

Realizations

I used to think we could spend our lives together,
so much so that we'd talked about children,
about moving across the world, getting an apartment,
being happy.

I used to think that was what I had wanted,
to be away from everyone and to live,
to enjoy every moment of my life,
and be with you.

I used to think it would be the best life for me,
but I see now that I was delusional,
I was so desperate to feel loved
that I mistook everything between us
to be love.

I know now that what we had wasn't love,
it was my vulnerability on display
and you preying on my weaknesses,
you telling me you cared and that I,
I was the most important person in your life.

You lied.

I think the worst part about it all
is that I knew, all along I knew,
I felt the lies building, time after time
I held back everything, I bit my tongue
and failed to call you out on it.

I think I was afraid to lose you,
not realizing I never had you.

Mar 2014 Ivana

you sometimes bite your lip during laughter

Mar 2014 Ivana

Tom Leveille

you sometimes bite your lip during laughter

you are inches
measured by miles away
bulldozing oriental food
you don't intend on eating
around your plate
and i am imagining
the translation of asking
for a broom in a foreign language
for when you shatter over small talk
or the first sentence to start with "so"
breaks you into shaking
that i can feel from across the table
and i am thinking now
about tectonics and how you must be daydreaming of being submerged in a book
back home or gripping tightly
to bedsheets begging for familiar warmth
i can tell by the way you are looking at me
that you are feigning our salutation embrace
seconds drowned in ankle deep water and i wonder if you see my hands
as jackhammers and if the reason
why you hug so hard
but only for a moment
is to be as sharp as possible
so that i do not smell your perfume
or notice that you aren't wearing any and why
there are few suprises
in the safe you claim is a mouth
where shades of plush pink
hide a sickly pallor
and i continue to look over
brick & mortar borders
and think how maybe
she is thinking of kissing
but certainly not me
not these apologies nailed to my face
i give myself a moment
of benefitted doubt that you sometimes
picture your frame under mine
and if your clavicles would crack
if i were to touch them
i am sorry that i am a victim of imagination
but i swear i chalk it up
as the forgotten feeling
for when you look up
and the person you are looking
at is gazing directly at you
you have painted yourself
as a mosaic in my mind
as a mess of dust & incoherent words
that all sound like please in my ears
but that doesn't explain why
my hands are the ones that are shaking
when i imagine you
imagining me
in the spaces of yourself
where you've forgotten
you could put someone