I turn my blind eyes up
to the sky and beg that
I might fade away.

I close my eyes every day
and hope for a gentle demise;
to rise above the clouds and
let my consciousness dissolve
into eternal nothingness.

Drowning in my sorrow,
With nowhere to go,
There's no up or down,
Just the weight,
Of recent events,
Crushing my chest,
Suffocating me,
While I wait,
For something, someone,
To ease the burden,
And hold the pieces together,
Before they fall to the floor,
Where I lie,
Longing for something so simple,
For an embrace that says it all:
I love you,
I'm not going to leave you,
We'll get through it together,
Just something that's real,
That doesn't slip through my fingers,
Leaving me with a handful,
Of empty air

The world's weight,
Rests on our shoulders,
Growing heavier by the second,
Dragging us down,
Into the depths of oblivion,
Empty oblivion,
As the bleeding,
Pulls us further

Why do we destroy ourselves?

Why do we live?




Why do I love you.

Euphoria has a habit,
Of making me,
Restless, jumpy,
But not in the same way,
The paranoia does,
This time,
I'm filled with something,
Lighter than air,
I'm to awake,
Too alive,
To sleep,
Gravity cannot hold me,
In my chair,
Or keep my feet,
On the ground,
And my mind,
From the clouds,
The rarest thing of all:
A smile, a laugh,
That for once,
Is utterly genuine,
Not feigned in the least,
Because I'm beyond,
Euphoria

The leaves were falling,
Like fiery snowflakes,
I could only see the sky,
That day,
It was everything,
And everything was bright

I love the way,
He says goodnight,
Like there's no such thing,
As goodbye,
He drives me wild,
With his clarity and perception,
It's in the way,
He clouds my direction,
And takes control,
So effortlessly,
He's exactly who,
I wanted him to be

Sign me up for hell,
I'm no better than you,
God bore me no soul,
I'll take my death wish,
My satanic mercy,
I rather forfeit to temptation,
Than force bitter life upon myself,
In the name of God,
Escaping sin for second chances,
Call me faithless,
I'll be ******

I'll be falling again,
Dripping,
Tripping on gravity,
And cold footsteps,
High on wonder-lust,
Lost amongst white salvation,
With my black rubble hands,
Pawing at heaven

I feel time move around us
as I lie waiting in the dark room;
anticipating the moment
when the dust settles on your pillows
and you descend upon me.

Is this,
An honest intention,
Or is doubting justified,
In the moment,
When the world,
Gives way,
From beneath me,
To reveal,
Reality intertwined,
With the mist,
OF fatal reason,
The poison of the mind

It's all fun and games,
With lips veiled in *****,
With a cranberry punch,
That gets me bleeding,
Trickling bright on my teeth,
Til you reach for my skin,
And you taste like the kind of metal,
I used to cut with,
Pressing into me,
Until someone notices it's wrong,
And not so pleasant,
And I leave you with a hollowed-out skeleton,
Of myself,
While I drive race cars and fingernails,
Over my skin,
And you hold on,
For fifteen minutes of silence

I met him once,
under a hazy night
that leaked gasoline.
He looked like light,
but he was fire.

Floating,
Pleasantly oblivious,
In false clarity,
'Til the sun goes down,
Tinting the sky,
A vibrant array,
Of golden red,
And sweet marigold hues,
I slip,
8eyond the safety,
Of the calm surface,
Sinking carelessly,
Allowing gravity to drown,
What's left,
Without a single attempt,
Of protest,
Drifting peacefully,
From conciousness,
Into the unknown,
With wistfulness,
Painted on my face,
As I die,
Searching hopelessly,
In the sky,
For him

Forfeit, rather fight,
You have taken,
The essence of my soul,
All of my worth,
And I never hesitated to give

It's become nothing more than
a vivid dream, replayed in my
mind through a blurry lense.
You ignore it; it keeps me awake
every night.

Complexity,
Challenging the world,
She's not a simple problem,
I'm still trying to figure out,
Her past,
In regards to the puzzle of her present

A fallen star unto you,
Inner conflictions tear me apart,
Fire and Ice,
Heart-ache ripping at my sides,
The pull of obligation,
Drowns me, dragging me down,
Into a pit of despair,
Knowing the weight of your will,
Can release me,
From his arms as he whispers:
"Only Death can tear us apart",
Then tear us apart,
Of you I ask, an escape,
Before the inevitable

The best word for me,
Must be fragile,
Easily broken,
Sensitive to touch,
Too soon shattered,
I don't fit in with stereotypes,
I'm too much of everything,
To be one,
Young at heart,
But an old soul,
Damaged goods,
With wounds that don't heal,
And a mind that bleeds,
In words

I feel so far away,
A cold shadow,
Lost in the distance,
Walking without destination,
Aching for the sun,
To rest its gentle rays around me,
For the rain to fall,
And trace the ridge of my spine,
I watch the black of my eyelids,
And see the oceans,
Surrounding deep, black voids,
Glistening ebony spheres,
In a sea that swallows me whole

I feel your teeth sink in
and your venom send shivers
racing over my skin.

You slip around my neck
and your hands
are a boa's constricting caress.

I'm on fire beneath you;
writhing, as you exhale fumes
straight into my burning lungs.

It's like stumbling through a fog:
I'm reaching desperately for anything,
but you can't hold on
when all you have is broken dreams
that collapse between your fingers.

I can't read the words,
Without tears forming,
In the corners of my eyes,
You were there for me,
I should have been there too,
I love you,
I'm sorry,
It's such an understatement,
To say I was merely,
"There" for you,
How can you ask me,
To forgive you,
After you left me,
For so long,
So many nights the paranoia,
Kept me awake,
The ambulance sirens,
Scarring my mind,
With blood and suicide,
I don't want you to love me,
I don't want to be second best,
Not again,
Not after everything you put me through,
There's nothing left to say,
Goodbye.

Soar o'er the sky,
Paint feathers on the clouds,
Breathe life,
Into the hollows,
Of the waxen, silver moon,
Fall like tears,
Brightness rippling on the ocean,
Gold in the summer sand,
Be not forgotten,
To the violet sky,
A mirror shattered,
By the lightning in your eyes,
Your eyes filled with shards,
Glass and broken stars,
Grace the birds with sun

A beautiful lie,
The city sleeps,
A silhouette in the night,
We had everything,
He screams,
Defying love and life,
You meant everything,
He falls,

Gravity is unforgiving

If I could paint the world,
One colour,
It would be,
Grey,
Neither black, nor white,
Neutral,
Soft,
Warm,
It's true,
It's not a 'real' colour,
But it's far more forgiving

Nothing can explain me,
Not at this moment,
For I am too ecstatic,
Too over-whelmed by joy,
A joy I'd never thought,
I could feel so strong

Fingerprints on my skin,
Smudged, blue, black,
Shadows in my irises,
Dancing on my lids,
Webs between my fingers,
All tangled with dust,
Rust decomposing on my lips,
Sleeping on bitter veins,
I'm haunted

Have you ever tasted fire,
It's consuming your mind,
Burning holes through your soul,
Smoking and smoldering,
Blackening your eyes,
'Til you drown in the ebony dust

I bet you never noticed
Before. Isn't it obvious now,
Take a look, it's not
Going anywhere. Take
A look, it'll burn cracks
Into your irises.

It's heavy now;
swirling black air that clogs your lungs.
It's almost narcotic,
the way its smoke vines
creep in through your nostrils
to suffocate your mind.

You can feel its heat
erasing your own fingerprints;
seeping through your tangled veins;
reaching into your heart
to burn a black hole in your very core.

As you inhale,
it ignites your vision.
You open your eyes
and the world is red;
you open your mouth
and release Hell's fire.

When my mind traces,
Back a thousand steps,
And I revisit old scars,
I wish he knew,
About my past,
But how can I,
Allow myself to be,
So vulnerable,
Even if I found the words,
I know he'll never understand,
Because nobody will feel the pain,
Like I do

He loves me,
Should I feel the same,
Or shy away,
From love's uncertain embrace,
Though the force,
Of his words,
Draws me closer,
I feel the sickening twist,
Of confusion,
Within my chest,
How can I return,
Such sweetness,
While love is torn,
Contorted and shredded,
When my heart,
Should be flooded,
Bursting at the seams,
With equal passion

For the first time,
I scream these words,
In a whisper,
Please,
Just help me,
I don't want to drown anymore

Here I am,
With my scattered shrapnel heart,
Dug like thorns in my sides,
Now full with holes,
And cancerous disease,
I've waited so long,
For this certain release,
Yet I find myself sickened,
By my own temptation,
And through my pain,
I have sickened you too,
Made trenches of hairline fractures,
Through my self-destruction,
I've lost the only person,
Who could ever save me,
And I see now,
What burden I've become