The coldness settles,
Surrounding me,
I shrink into the fog,
Letting the frost,
Eat out my eyes,
And turn my world,
To grey,
As the winter grows,
Inside me

Sometimes I don't recognise
my own frayed edges; that pale
painted-faced girl slung on the
mirror's edge, the shadow I have become.

I'm the girl with the scars,
With the blade in her fingers,
Blood and brittle bones,
The girl with the bruises,
With the troubled mind,
Darkness in excess,
I'm the girl without light,
The broken one,
The dying one,
I'm a girl,
I'm a mess

It was too much,
Yet all in the same,
It wasn't enough,
He tore at my insides,
We fell in sync,
But I wouldn't die,
For his vanity

I didn't see your face,
When you loved me,
Maybe when I was dreaming,
But it was only cold,
It follows me now,
Your name across my world,
And you've stolen all the feelings,
All the places,
That I shouldn't have given you,
So I change my sheets and mattresses and hair,
But I still smell of us,
And you're still breathing on my neck,
So I stop crossing bridges,
And maybe I want to dream of you,
But you never loved me,
You're too cold to hold fire,
Too blind for emotion,
So I'll move my window,
And cover my doors with things you've never seen,
And bring strangers to bed,
Because that's all you are.**

And somewhere in this whirlwind of boys who don't feel and furniture, he takes my hand and shows me I never forgot how to smile.

                                                                      ­                                                                 ­                           I guess that's love.

I live my life from one encounter to the next;
the way a ****** lives for his next pay check.
I need my fix and every moment in between is nothing,
every moment is empty until I'm beneath you.

I talk to him sometimes,
When no-one's home,
I tried today
I pretend to hear him,
In my footfall,
It was almost too hard
He's there,
The moon on my sheets,
But you wanted me to try
I can't help crying sometimes,
When I imagine him breathing,
Do you think about it?
I remember that feeling,
Of weight on my shoulders,
When I'm alone
I fall into the cold,
Like a makeshift embrace,
*Do you wish you could stop me?

Perhaps I'm falling,
Into the bottom of this bottle,
Looking up,
From the palm of your hand,
Dancing between your fingers,
Perhaps I'm less now,
Wasting and diminished,
Perhaps I'm just not,
Perfect

It's hard to wonder,
If you're overrated,
When I'm caught,
Blurred vision to your fever,
Two steps behind

Air escapes these punctured lungs,
Far too fast,
With too much ease,
Eager to leave,
This broken body,
Riddled with pain,
Blood flows,
Anxiously,
Far too anxiously,
Through these brittle veins,
And fresh, bleeding wounds,
But I won't,
I won't end the pain,
If you ask me to stay,
Though staying kills me anyway,
Slowly but surely,
Inevitably, hopelessly,
I will endure it,
To stop your tears,
Falling, crashing,
Through the cracks of the earth

To whoever has the heart to hear:
I, a butterfly,
Have nothing but broken wings,
Unwilling to fly,
Though I know,
I am nothing,
But one of many millions,
I pray that you, God unto me,
May grant my wish,
And unlock the heavy doors,
Of my cruel cage,
Heal my broken spirit,
And lift the burden of this pain,
From my brittle wings

I spend my days,
Staring out windows,
At effortless blue sky,
And the nights,
Blinking up,
At blatant, white ceilings,
Through the darkness,
Just waiting,
For it to be over

When you're around,
The complex and unforgiving world,
Seems so simple,
So beautiful,
I can believe there is such thing,
As happiness,
Because when you smile,
I don't have to pretend

Before I retreated,
To the safety,
Of my wardrobe walls,
Nine words escaped,
My father's lips,
I know this is going to upset you but...
Frantic, I did not wait,
To hear the rest,
But slammed the closet door,
And disappeared,
Into the darkness

Your voice,
Motions a collosal shift,
From within me,
The words make changes,
Between us,
And I dream,
Of summer sun,
In your eyes,
As we collide

I'm just looking,
For something; someone,
Worth looking for

The winter winds,
The grey skies,
Exactly as I remember,
It seems I never left

I've lost it,
That light shining,
Between our fingers,
It flickers,
From dim to bright,
On to off,
I'm losing it,
The words,
Paving my way,
Into the darkness of your mind,
Into the midst of another's sorrow

Clouds befall the canvas,
Of the black, starry night,
Your voice,
A gentle harmony,
Playing on the wind,
The horizon falls from focus,
Matched with the flutter,
Of restless eyes,
The silence of the night,
Finds me back beside you

Breathing never satisfies,
This hunger,
For eternal silence,
And a simple, tragic ending,
Rather, it fuels the fire,
Of desperation,
For blood across my hands,
And tears me up,
Alive and open,
Bleeding truth,
Across the broken floor

Do you ever feel the ice
wrap tight around your chest?
Its long, bone-thin fingers
fill the gaps between your ribs;
you feel those nails,
familiar as an old friend,
rake across your skin.

I can feel him trace
the chill along my spine.
His whispers
raising the hairs of my neck,
as his darkness cloaks my eyes.

Do you ever feel him?
His devil's grin against your cheek;
that cruel, cold laughter
stealing your breath away.

He loves me,
Should I feel the same,
Or shy away,
From love's uncertain embrace,
Though the force,
Of his words,
Draws me closer,
I feel the sickening twist,
Of confusion,
Within my chest,
How can I return,
Such sweetness,
While love is torn,
Contorted and shredded,
When my heart,
Should be flooded,
Bursting at the seams,
With equal passion

I do not dream in colour,
I do not dream at all

Find me in the snow,
You'll be seconds,
Too late,
The winter's calling,
Could you hear the darkness,
You never felt the darkness,
Pulling me away

Her eyes are closed,
But the ground's still shaking,
The frost has settled,
But the water's still racing,
The air is still,
Nobody's breathing

Her soft, silent smile,
A lie to his eyes,
Steals hope from their heavy hearts,
Why can he not see,
How much she cares,
Unwillingly so now,
But no less than before,
Yet he turns her away

I'm wondering why,
God betrayed religion,
So blatantly,

Why there's nothing,
The doctors can do,
Absolutely nothing,

Why they never told me,
"He hasn't got long",

Why I won't be able to say,
"I love you",
Enough times,
Before his blood runs cold,

Why the air doesn't fill me,
With life,
But with nausea,

*Couldn't it all just be okay?

In the stillness of moonlight,
punctuated by your steady exhale
and the brief swell of your chest,
I sunk into your warmth.
Encased in your arms,
I felt myself slipping into a feeling
that I had almost forgotten.
Like a child with her ear
pressed to the whorl of a seashell,
I lost myself in the drumming beneath your ribs.