It's like stumbling through a fog:
I'm reaching desperately for anything,
but you can't hold on
when all you have is broken dreams
that collapse between your fingers.

I've lost it,
That light shining,
Between our fingers,
It flickers,
From dim to bright,
On to off,
I'm losing it,
The words,
Paving my way,
Into the darkness of your mind,
Into the midst of another's sorrow

I do not dream in colour,
I do not dream at all

The leaves were falling,
Like fiery snowflakes,
I could only see the sky,
That day,
It was everything,
And everything was bright

I feel the wind,
Running through my hair,
Burning through my core,
It's cold,
I feel so cold,
Like you've taken your hand,
Soft, warm, safe,
Torn it from mine,
And allowed the warmth,
To escape,
Into the cruel, lonely world,
Replaced by icy air,
Making my blood run cold

Her eyes are closed,
But the ground's still shaking,
The frost has settled,
But the water's still racing,
The air is still,
Nobody's breathing

Sometimes, I feel like I miss you.





                  Really, I just miss who you used to be.

Like those summers,
Long since faded from my mind,
Not special in any obvious way,
Simply a part of my life,
Like presence, like air,
Importance unnoticed,
Immemorable

It's a hollow love
but you give me something to hold on to,
and in the moments that you're mine
I'm not so alone.

I'm wondering why,
God betrayed religion,
So blatantly,

Why there's nothing,
The doctors can do,
Absolutely nothing,

Why they never told me,
"He hasn't got long",

Why I won't be able to say,
"I love you",
Enough times,
Before his blood runs cold,

Why the air doesn't fill me,
With life,
But with nausea,

*Couldn't it all just be okay?

Shiver.
                    Be silent,

He says:

                   *The sound,
                    Drowns my sight,
                    Keep sight,
                    A moment,
                    Be still,
                    You're only,
                    My shadow

Between the missing heartbeats,
Tangled in the silence,
In the absence of air,
The clarity of my condition arises,
Unbearable warmth under layers,
Of unsettling chills,
The sharp ache from that place,
That unreachable depth,
Of my hollow core,
The throbbing in my temples,
Behind my eyes,
From the soft hazy edges of the world,
I'm jaded and drowning,
Giving over to feelings I hate,
Loving and dying,
Aren't they the same?

I don't love you
just so you'll love me back.

I know I'm missing out,
But it doesn't bother me,
Not all the time,
Because mostly,
I don't feel anything,
But the pain

Say these tears don't mean a thing,
And I will run back to you,
Say theses tears mean nothing,
So I can fall down with you,
Speak the words like they are real,
And tears will cease to fall,
You say broken hearts have never cried,
But I know the change in your voice,
When you lie

In a world full,
Of 'no's and 'never's,
Bursting with 'tomorrow's,
Though out of 'now's,
Drowning in sorrow,
And struggling for joy,
What truly matters?

In the light,
My troubles fade,
But the darkness calls the shadows,
And pulls the weight of sorrow,
Over my shoulders,
The voice of yesterday,
Stronger by night,
Calls me to the end

We're alive,
The words don't sound,
Right,
They are bitter-sweet,
Stale,
Living*,
Are we living,
A lie

You can watch,
The same sun fall,
Day after day,
You can keep your memories,
And pretend,
You can lie all you want,
But I don't want to anymore

If you believe that word called "love",
Even when it's whispered in your ear,
So honest and gentle,
It'll blow your world to pieces,
'Til you bleed over the sunsets,
With that word like broken glass,
Cutting through your open heart,
The only love you've ever know,
Only aiming to let go

I wish I were a paper plane;
that I had a sky
in which to roam.

I feel so far away,
A cold shadow,
Lost in the distance,
Walking without destination,
Aching for the sun,
To rest its gentle rays around me,
For the rain to fall,
And trace the ridge of my spine,
I watch the black of my eyelids,
And see the oceans,
Surrounding deep, black voids,
Glistening ebony spheres,
In a sea that swallows me whole

Tell me,
Do I smell of poison,
You never minded before,
I guess I took it too far,
The taste is too much now,
You always liked that,
I never thought you'd change,
Just notice for once,
I'm still the same

I'm clawing at your
skin; digging trenches
between your ribs.
We are destroying
each other. I am
gasping for air.