I wake from emptiness,
Another day awaiting,
Pulling me from dreamlessness,
But this is not,
Just another day,
It it the day,
The one where the phone,
Screams from the wall,
And the voice,
Over the humming of static,
Whispers the words,
I've dreaded for so long,
It is that phone call,
It is that day,
That I wake to,
The day when existence,
Is aimless,
And tears accompany,
The morning rain,
Full of sorrow and regret,
All the while,
Hopelessness comsumes me,
As I think of all the words,
I never said,
And pray,
That the cruel sun,
Will have the decency,
To remain hidden,
Behind the clouds

I turn my blind eyes up
to the sky and beg that
I might fade away.

I close my eyes every day
and hope for a gentle demise;
to rise above the clouds and
let my consciousness dissolve
into eternal nothingness.

It's all fun and games,
With lips veiled in *****,
With a cranberry punch,
That gets me bleeding,
Trickling bright on my teeth,
Til you reach for my skin,
And you taste like the kind of metal,
I used to cut with,
Pressing into me,
Until someone notices it's wrong,
And not so pleasant,
And I leave you with a hollowed-out skeleton,
Of myself,
While I drive race cars and fingernails,
Over my skin,
And you hold on,
For fifteen minutes of silence

I can feel your fingers,
Grazing my edges

I don't concentrate,
When the world is moving on,
Without me,
Without you,
When you aren't speaking,
All I think about,
Are the unspoken words,
I long to hear

With the precision of a surgeon,
She traces her old veins,
Under the web of scars,
There's nothing left for her now,
The diamonds were only glass,
Waiting to make their mark

An empty page, am I,
Paint me with your words,
So wise, so sweet,
Keep talking, keep talking,

Addictive is your musical tone,
To my keen ears,
This conversation is my new favourite song,
I love in excess,
Repeating, replaying,
For hours on end,
Keep talking

Dripping in that red mercury,
Tasting of rust,
Your bitter lungs,
Still and deadly,
And silent

I'm just trying to understand,
How could you go back,
On every honest word,
On every sombre promise,
Deny everything you told me,
Like they mean nothing

The way your acoustic fingers
drum over my skin;
I'm slick with your rhythm.
My heart beats a steady chord
in harmony with your sway,
our hips like reeds moving
swiftly with the wind
to the penultimate crescendo.

The words evaporate
into an sunken exhale;
there is no phrase,
no uttering, that could bring
consolation.

The cars drive past my eyes,
I could run
                       between them
                                                   and
stop.

You're fading faster
than the light in the sky.

Anchored in my place,
By the fatal news,
My tired eyes leaking,
My heart, heavy as stone,
Bleeding and torn,
I knew this day would come,
Never did I think this soon,
He always seems so young,
To my naive hazel eyes,
But to mark the day,
Of the heart-breaking event,
Makes it real for once,
No longer can I pretend,
That the sun will shine,
And God will spare him,
For two months time,
Shall come too soon,
And ****** him,
From my arms,
No matter how tight my grasp,
My heart stops at the thought,
Of seeing him so frail,
Helpless and...dying,
In the hospital bed,
Knowing how many seconds,
Minutes, hours, days,
I have left,
To say the things,
I always wanted to say,
But can never speak,
To breathe in his presence,
To feel warmth on his fingertips,
Before Death takes him,
Somewhere he'll never be found,
And leave me prey,
To grief and tears,
To watch the Earth swallow him,
In his newly dug grave,
While I stand by,
Helpless, alone,
Lost in a sea of black

She's on the train,
Two seats down to the left,
In the next booth over,
Staring out windows,
Just 'cause they're there,
With ghost eyes that won't see tomorrow,
Still staring out back doors,
Watching tire marks,
Burn sand and stone drives,
Watching grass fly,
Under heels that won't turn back,
Missing lips that scream when she cries,
While the old wires crawl on clouds,
Full with acid rain

Dive in,
Two years back,
Into your winter,
My world,
Was hot and blue,
In that July,
These waves taste colder,
Than those green tunnels,
Where I first fell,
You didn't know me then,
I laughed more then,

I met him in the corner,
Of the windy house,
Standing on the cobbles in the dust,
His back against the paper walls,
The keys in his fingers,
Leading me out the door,

He waited in the ocean,
Giving me that crooked smile,
As the pier left my feet,
Eyes all black,
Through that smokey water,
Circles and circles,
He circles me,
With shark eyes,

He hunted me,
Through that dim brick maze,
Pulling me closer,
Pushing me further,
Into those rusted iron walls,
Until I gave in,

He was covered in rain,
On that empty balcony,
Everyone looking in,
From the fog windows,
Whilst he told me goodbye,
Walk back up the shore,
Two years past,
From July '09

Maybe we should stop,
To breathe,
For a second,
Before this moment,
Slips through our fingers,
Lost to the past

Lock away the demons,
Hide the monsters in your sheets,
Rest the devil in the closet,
Drift quickly back to sleep,
Dust away the cobwebs,
Wash the bloodstains from your sleeves,
Bury all the witnesses,
Pretend it's just a dream

I'm in love with the curl
of your upturned lips;
hanging on the rich, smokey timbre
of your breathy words.
I'm tracing all the lines of your fingerprints
with my eyes
as I sink into the imprint
of your kisses on my skin.

I apologise,
I don't believe in apologies,
We don't believe in God,
We don't turn to Satan,
Love is our religion,
Death is our vice,
A far more tragic existence

Are you sleeping,
Under that black cloud,
When you know I'm still awake,

Can't you taste it,
That scarlet rust,
Snaking through our fingers,

Open your eyes,
You'll miss me,
If you're not careful

The seconds pass,
Ever so slowly,
So many questions,
I wish to ask you,
But too afraid am I,
Of the answers,
Of your reaction,

Will I appear too honest,
Too naive and curious,
But how can I ignore,
Our constant conversation,
Never ceasing,
Or the anger that consumes you,
When he hurts me so,

The way you seem,
So over-whelmed by desire,
Yet so cautious around me,
As though I am a fragile piece of glass,
And too rough or honest a word,
Might shatter me,
Leaving me broken and beyond repair

When you fall,
the whole world rises above you
until you're the smallest thing in it,
until you're all alone;
insignificant, with nobody in sight.
Even those closest to your heart have disappeared.

When you fall,
there in no-one,
nothing.
It's just you, your broken dreams and heart;
nothing but fading memories,
precious glints of happiness you will never get back.

Hand clasped tightly within my chest

a vicious strangle-hold of love

constricting and welcome*



                                         My tender heart.

Nothing's quite clear,
The room spinning out of control,
Too much blood to the head,
So much to think about,
Everything is on my mind,
All at once,
His silence is too loud,
The ambulance, the hospital,
Death and illness,
Does he hate me?
Few of many thoughts,
That plague my mind,
When I should be sleeping,
But even in my dreams,
The find me somehow

A finger, gently approaching
it's owner's counterpart.

A hand and it's twin,
enclosed around a waist, locked
around hips and wrists.

An arm wrapped over another's torso,
concealing the chill of night,
as two shoulders meet.

A neck, kissed by a lover's breath,
which trails from lips, snaking towards
the curve of a red smile.

Two tongues, caught in the fervor
of passion and darkness, that lights
a flame in their cheeks.

Lashes scraping noses with the flutter
of an eyelid; eyes embrace their sight
as they open.

I am overwhelmed
by this monotonous hell.

I read the words but
they won't sink in.
I'm looking into your eyes
but I can't see past
the anatomical details.
I'm opening my mouth
but the words are noiseless
moths with dusty wings.
I want to tell you
anything; that you mean
something.
I want to reach out but
you won't reach back.

I'm closing the door but
I can't walk away.

There is nothing inside me.

Twist
                                 and twirl
     and dance
                   and leap
                                                    and fly
            and sink
                                       and crash
                                                           ­ and fall
                      and break
     and cry
                                                  love
      ­                                                           and die.

Walking,
I feel my weight,
So strangely weightless,
Yet heavy at the same time,
Crowded is this room,
Full of strange faces,
None but a few familiar,

Walking,
I feel so alone,
Even amongst this crowd,
So large, so loud,
Wishing for a place,
Secluded and tranquil,
To lie beside you,
Confide in you this feeling,
A place to belong with you,
In your strong - yet cautious - arms,

But I am walking

You were so close,
I could feel your weight,
Your hand on my shoulder,
Your words were foreign,
But the message clear,
Aged, yet so full of life,
I would have died,
To give you one more moment,
A goodbye,
It wasn't your time

I met him once,
under a hazy night
that leaked gasoline.
He looked like light,
but he was fire.

Hollow,
Loneliness sets in,
Resting in the intangible,
The rain falls,
Drenching our cores,
Sinking right through,
To your eyes,
Gentle, smiling eyes,
Unreadable,
How I wish,
I could see,
Something beyond the obvious

The urge is building,
there are knives in my pocket,
razors behind my desk.

It will ache in the morning,
as my perfume slaps my wrists.

Long-sleeve season now,
nobody will know;
I'll never know.

But he'll turn me over
and see the pain fresh,
on my skin and blistering.

It could pull me away from here.

It could drown me.

Wrapping my arms,
Around the emptiness,
That is your shadow,
You are far away,
As he is fading,
Everything falls,
Slipping through my fingers,
And shattering around me,
But all I can do,
Is stare

I think the reason,
I don't fight anymore,
Is because every time I did,
They told me to give in,
And somewhere along the way,
I listened