If I called you Roman,
Would you be an empire?

I bet you never noticed
Before. Isn't it obvious now,
Take a look, it's not
Going anywhere. Take
A look, it'll burn cracks
Into your irises.

This has all become
A string of missed calls,
Torn envelopes, cast aside
Gossip, mouth to mouth
Stage whispers that never
Meet their ends. This has
All collapsed.

The words evaporate
into an sunken exhale;
there is no phrase,
no uttering, that could bring
consolation.

The cars drive past my eyes,
I could run
                       between them
                                                   and
stop.

You're fading faster
than the light in the sky.

The urge is building,
there are knives in my pocket,
razors behind my desk.

It will ache in the morning,
as my perfume slaps my wrists.

Long-sleeve season now,
nobody will know;
I'll never know.

But he'll turn me over
and see the pain fresh,
on my skin and blistering.

It could pull me away from here.

It could drown me.

Descend upon the clouds,
moth-eaten words,
withered and frail
and at once, form the dust
that is the star of our mourning
and choke within the grasp
of the pale night.

And so, adieu.

Would you blame me
for cutting myself open
if you knew? I didn't ask
for the corpses to bear relation
or for the words to fall close
to home. I didn't turn the waves on,
or pull his clothes off, or stick
the ******* under his nose.
So excuse me for a moment,
it's a quarter inch past the radial artery
and I've got stitches to pull.
Don't bother with the lights,
I'm used to working in the dark.

We didn't know your favourite song,
so we chose one from your home town.
A quiet hymn about the joy of God;
I'm sure you would have frowned
behind the outward smile,
as you looked down from above
to bear witness to the solemn mourning.

I saved you a spot by the fire.
Hold my hand for a while,
if only to watch time pass.
I just want your footsteps to
meet the door.

Please, come home.

I'm not sure what I'm holding on to,
I can't see past my eyes,
Not anymore,
There's no taste,
When the senses meet my tongue

"Mommy, where's my teddy bear?"

Upstairs
             walk slowly
                                  skip 1, 2
                                                   fly

Under the covers, tight-
-wrapped and safe. They start
to cling to my breath and lungs.
My baby hands curl
over Teddy's eyes.

*Go to sleep, little bear.

Open your mouth,
The dust flies out,
I have no past,
The memories have worn,
Now nothing more than colours,
Years and days of colours,
Fading by the day

Spill from the seams,
It's not healthy,
To taste blood in water,
And bones behind skin,
Withered and lost for colour,
You're fading into sepia,
Into the hollow,
Of my unconscious mind,
My eyes see only,
The skeletons

I can feel your fingers,
Grazing my edges

Do you picture,
A home,
Enclosed in snow,
Juxtaposed with ocean sand,
And the blaring light,
Of a fresh white sky,
Gumboots and maples,
Cemented in the dampness,
Of mud and dew,
Ice and oak walls,
Dripping with the gold,
Of morning

The rotten linen weave,
Of my mind,
Losing fabrication,
Your voice is slipping,
And our eyes,
Are drawn out on our tongues,
Into vessels,
Cold heat and passion,
Dead in the instant,
Of it's creation

Wash the blood from your teeth;
you're all in pieces,
taking us in pieces,
to become your own.

Pull the dirt from your nails;
you are not whole.
We've always been empty
behind the illusion.

Cut the colour from your eyes,
stop beating.
I wish I could pull the stopper
and call you a monster.

Twigs
Snap like fingers together
I can feel
You, in the wind

It's all crashing down around me,
Buildings falling over hollow foundations,
The sky, collapsing into itself,
The shadows surround me,
My world, coming to an end

Under my lids,
We pull blankets,
Over the plaster sky,
And sleep away time

You taste like emotion,
Gone cold and stale,
Like raw metal,
In an acid wash,
Out of date and high toxicity,
The kind I'd mix into my organs,
If I felt like giving up

Stop counting stars,
Look me in the eye,
It's unsettling,
Too innocent,
The way you gaze at my shoulders,
Like they should collapse,

Stop watching the grass grow,
It's dead in my fingers,
I want you to stop me,
Don't let me speak

Cloud-light fluorescents,
And sunscreen-scented, dust-polluted air,
Bones protruding through the skin,
Blue plastered on every surface,
Of every doe-eyed skeleton,
Wrapped up in white ribbon,
That burns holes in their spines

We're growing up too fast,
You're breaking between my fingers,
Hiding between my sheets,
Pillow forts crashing down,
I just want to hold on,
To what we have,
We can still be children,
A moment more

This world is a kaleidoscope,
Of plaster in my fingers,
And walls in pieces

My insides are sick,
Choked up with second-hand tar,
You used to fill someone else with,
I'm all ******* in daisy chains,
And his baby eyes,
Fill me up with constellations,
Burnt up stars don't shine

Tell me where I'm going,
I feel like I could fit into this song,
Like we're all adjacent and descending,
And falling without cognition

Maybe I'll just shoot aeroplanes,
And let your cloud eyes wander,
Falling on bomb-dropping drones,
While I sleep underwater

I feel like you can't hold me,
I'm too cut open,
Too insubstantial,
Too much space,
Too much glue,
Not enough pieces

Girls like me don't make the same mistakes,
They hide,
Fill their hearts with bubble wrap,
And their stomachs with stale air,
Stitch on someone else's smile,
Write falsehoods on their tongues,
Steel rods up their backs,
Pins in their fingers,
Nails behind their teeth,
Cushioned with no-nonsense policies,
And venom on their sleeves.

You can't dodge the bullet twice.

Did I ever tell you,
Roses are my favorite,
In all colours,
With cherry blossoms round the edges,
And mint leaves on the side,

It was forget-me-nots,
When I was five,
But I still love their violet-blue,
And yellow freckles of pollen,
That melt with your eyes,

I liked sugar cubes then,
And honey in my tea,
With petals on my cake,
And I never screamed about bees,
When I played with the lavender,

I used to believe more,
Thinking everything was beautiful,
Like I could just lie on the grass,
Drinking lemonade forever,
And catching butterflies

I threw up blood and toothpaste,
Swirling down my sink,
I thought it might be beautiful,
But really, it was sick.

It's never an intention,
Just reflex; purge and flush,
Humanity's out of context,
I'm not in it for the rush.

It's hard to wonder,
If you're overrated,
When I'm caught,
Blurred vision to your fever,
Two steps behind

It's all fun and games,
With lips veiled in *****,
With a cranberry punch,
That gets me bleeding,
Trickling bright on my teeth,
Til you reach for my skin,
And you taste like the kind of metal,
I used to cut with,
Pressing into me,
Until someone notices it's wrong,
And not so pleasant,
And I leave you with a hollowed-out skeleton,
Of myself,
While I drive race cars and fingernails,
Over my skin,
And you hold on,
For fifteen minutes of silence

I just want to be,
Another acoustic note,
Played under your fingers

I can't get enough,
Why should I control it,
When there's no barrier,

I don't feel enough,
Why should I stop myself,
You know I'm masochistic

Sometimes, I feel like I miss you.





                  Really, I just miss who you used to be.

I don't know how,
To fill pages with words,
About someone,
So full of colour

Sounds like sunshine,
On a gasoline rainbow,
And throwing rocks in the lake,
While reenacting that scene,
From the 50s movie you saw last week,
Where some 20-something doll face,
Spins about with her hands in the sky,
Giggling in a daisy field,
In god-knows-where,
While Mr Might-be-right,
Watches from the hood of his rusty pick up truck,
Inhaling tobacco fumes like there's no tomorrow


*Lovely

Six feet up and standing,
I'm falling apart in his shadow,
Trying not to get my blood,
Mixed up in her bones,
She's screaming,
And the rest of the world wants an ambulance,
Or maybe we should give her what she wants,
So her shoes fly off,
Mine slow me down,
And I have to stop and turn back,
Because he's grounded,
And he needs me when I'm breaking apart,
But we pretend we have time,
(I want to waste it,)
We're selfish,
(I want to help her,)
We're dying too,
So we put ourselves together,
And he feels like glue,
But it's over and he holds my hand,
Til we're back in the chaos,
And it feels like I've been here,
Cause I always am,
And the screams want to morph in my ears,
And be different colours,
Hers are black,
And I have to run again,
(I can't do this again,)
But they need me,
(It's too much,)
He pulls me back,
And I can't see,
So I just follow the circles,

Over and over and BAM!

I played my part,
And I know it,
It looks like I'm praying,
But there's no idol,
And I want to tear it up,
But I hide it instead,
So I don't wonder if he sees them,
Because her eyes look like mine,
And she's taking the words right out of my head,
And I've lost,
(I deserve this,)
But he doesn't let go,
(I'm not enough,)
And he's still holding me,
Even though she's spilled my secrets,
And I can't force them back down her throat,
And I want to unhinge my insides,
Because I promised they were clean,
And I filled them with dirt,
But I'm sorry now.

I didn't see your face,
When you loved me,
Maybe when I was dreaming,
But it was only cold,
It follows me now,
Your name across my world,
And you've stolen all the feelings,
All the places,
That I shouldn't have given you,
So I change my sheets and mattresses and hair,
But I still smell of us,
And you're still breathing on my neck,
So I stop crossing bridges,
And maybe I want to dream of you,
But you never loved me,
You're too cold to hold fire,
Too blind for emotion,
So I'll move my window,
And cover my doors with things you've never seen,
And bring strangers to bed,
Because that's all you are.**

And somewhere in this whirlwind of boys who don't feel and furniture, he takes my hand and shows me I never forgot how to smile.

                                                                      ­                                                                 ­                           I guess that's love.

.           I don't love/want/need you | You're everything/nothing/something
I don't care/think/breath anymore | But I'll wait/drown/choke
             I'm not sure/happy/honest | I thought you needed/loved/knew me



               You taste of ink.


                                                
         ­                                                                 ­      *I'm still in love...

It's all barren and wasted,
Your skull has lost it's fabrication,
Flaking like old paint,
And leaking cancer,
From between the severed skin,
Where you pulled out your stitches,
And I sewed them again,
So maybe you'd stop breathing through water,
But you didn't see me anyway

She's on the train,
Two seats down to the left,
In the next booth over,
Staring out windows,
Just 'cause they're there,
With ghost eyes that won't see tomorrow,
Still staring out back doors,
Watching tire marks,
Burn sand and stone drives,
Watching grass fly,
Under heels that won't turn back,
Missing lips that scream when she cries,
While the old wires crawl on clouds,
Full with acid rain

"You caught a plane"

                     *More correctly:
                                I broke your fall,
                                you broke my neck.






                                                   ­                    Don't catch planes.

Don't write to me,
Don't pull me apart,
And bind me in your paper,
Hold me in your ink,
Don't label my subconscious,
I'm not an adjective,
In a sentence,
About a noun,
A pretty little noun that could've been my name,
I'm not your inspiration,
Don't take my eyes,
And make them hazel,
And wide,
And beautiful,
Don't hide me in 'whole's and 'wonder's,
Under all your addict nonsense,
I'm not silver,
I'm not clouds and light,
Don't make me special.

My mind fills,
With perfect things,
Perfect things,
That used to belong with someone else
Maybe they're not so perfect...