Sometimes I wonder how I managed to hide all this pain within my heart.
That had screamed and banged at the door of my heart, begging for freedom.

Sometimes I wonder how I was able to hide this sorrow.
That had clawed and scratched the wall of my heart ever since.

Sometimes I wonder, how I could afford to carve a smile on this soulless face.
That needs a thousand men’s effort to make it happen.

Today I wrote a pathetic poem again,
With the pencil of soul that I had sharpened nights and days before,
I then tied it to an old, weak pigeon's feet,
To be sent out to unaddressed land—
Carrying my sorrow and gloom along.

I've always been a hopeless soul,
Dreaming about peace of heart-
Which seems to only exist 6 feet under.

Now I'm waiting by my window again,
Wishing for the pigeon to return,
With a poem tied to its feet,
With the voice of the Reaper,
Coming for me, here at last.

I.R.

The ocean breeze—
Soft yet so harsh.
I wrote your name,
at the back of my palm.
The seagulls sounds like they are screaming your name,
And then I realized that this sorrow seems to have no aim.
I called out your name,
While half of my body is already in the water,
The coarse sand under my feet,
Feels like the bottom of your hairline.
I sank my head underwater,
But all I can taste is my tears.
I don't know what the wave hitting the beach is saying,
because all I heard is your voice.

I'm tired.
Of all that got to do with the thing we call life.
I know it ain't easy to reach the peak of the top.
I know.
I know that it'll take a whole lot more of tears and wounds.
I know that it'll take more than just a drop of sweat.
I know it'll take more than bruises and cuts.
But yet.
I'm still standing right here.
Not intending to move a muscle.
Not trying to make a change.
Not willing to do a sacrifice.
I know.
I should wake myself up.
So that I'll know where I really stand.
But yet, my mind said stay still and do nothing.

Vividly those memories stayed in my mind.
Of how he was before he changed.
How he love to watch soccer live in the stadium.
Better than on tv, even if it's raining.
How he enjoys listening to Paramore, even if he had to save up to buy their album.
How he adore little kids.
Even if he don't know how to play with them.
How he love eating icecream.
Even on rainy cold weather.
How he enjoys playing video games.
Even if he had bunch of other works to do.
How he adore cats.
Even if he had allergic with them.
And...
How he love to make me smile.

In the somber hue dress,
She dances.
In the wreath of dark clouds,
She dreams.
In the dire dreary weather,
She smiles.

I still remember how;

You love to take slow walks at night just because it’s quieter,
You will sip a bit of your coffee first before drinking it because you are afraid it’ll be bitter,
You play with your stubble and laugh when I stare at you doing that,
You will wipe your utensils before using them not because you’re a germ freak,
You hate to drive in the evening because you can’t stand the traffic,
You will call me just to say that my favorite show is on,
You always buys me cookies instead of cakes because you know I like them better,
You give that flirtatious look when I said I love your smell.

I miss you.

He took my hand,
And there we run together-
To the pink grassed field.
Where rainbow colors of roses grows,
Where unicorns were born,
Where people only talk no lies.

He took my hand,
And there we dance together-
Under the moonlight.
Ever so romantic.
I tripped a few times,
But he only smiles,
Saying, oh my pretty darling,
Your flaws are what makes you perfect.

He took my hand,
And sit mirroring me,
He took out his dusty old guitar-
That totally out of tune.
He serenaded to me.
Of how he feels towards me.
Of how he thinks about me.
Of what he planned to do together with me.

He took my hand,
And we walk down the aisle-
In the sky, amidst the stars.
He promised me,
That he'll be my half,
That he'll give his heart to me,
That he'll trade souls with me.

Then,
He slowly loosen the tight of our hand,
He let go of my hand.
Still wearing that smile,
Still having that shimmer in his eyes,
Backing away,
Ever so slowly,
And leave me alone, drowning in my own tears.

I miss you.
Even when I know you don't.
It's typical for myself to think about you until I fell asleep.
You always fills my thought.
I know I shouldn't feel this way.
Cause you're not even mine.
But baby, allow me to love you, please.
I know I'm not pretty, I'm not skinny, I'm not smart.
But darling, I have love.
And I intended to keep it just for you.

I know I'll never be able to open the door to your heart.
I know I'll never be able to wander in your thoughts.
I know I'll never be the one whom you think about when you listen to those love songs.
I know I'll never be the reason to your smile.
I know I'll never be able to hold your heart.
I know.
I just know.

If there's no one beside you.
When your soul embarks.
Summon me with the shout of your voice.
And I'll come flying with the great of my love.
We then will travel throughout the world.
Until the soles of our shoes all worn down.

Assamble those lost pieces
of common sense.
That obviously were absent
from my mind.
Seeking those fragile heart
to be broken-
That's what you always do.