You always smile

Like you’re about to cry

Your eyes

They get glossy

Your smile wavers

Your mask falters

Your façade crumbles.

You know I love you.

Why can’t you see that?

Maybe because you love her,

But I don’t know.

You were always a priority for me.

Actually, you never were.

That’s just a lie

I fed to you.

You’re ******* worthless

And nobody loves you, *****.



(I am you).

what is it you fear?
is it the dark?
the inevitable?
the intangible?
the unknown?
i fear
losing you
long after
you have already lost me
and i have lost myself.

This takes finesse and focus,

None of which you have.

This artful dance

On that fine line

Between love

And hate.

You treat me like ****, sometimes,

But we all know better.

We all know you don’t loathe me,

That you

(at least)

Love me as a friend.

Perhaps something more.

we live in a monotone world
useless conversations
pointless tasks
until you find the person
the person who causes
a flashover
in your otherwise bland life.

You can make
even the worst of days
better.
You help me see
more beauty
in life. You,
or even the thought of you,
brings a smile to my face.
Your smile lights up
the whole **** room.
You're smart,
and funny,
and super adorable.
I don't think
I can really get it across
just how much
I love you.
I'm terrified of losing you,
so I'm sorry
if this is
too much.
I never want to say
goodbye,
because it feels
too final.
I really want this to work.
I want to make sure
you know
how amazing
you are.
I love
waking up
to you
whenever we actually wake up.
I never want you
to feel bad
about yourself.
I know
I write a lot of poetry
but when I think of you
the words get mixed up,
because poetry
has never known anything
as beautiful as you.
You mean so much to me,
more than you could really know.
I can't ever stop
thinking about you,
you're always
on my mind.
I love you.
So much.

I have fallen and gotten hurt
like a child scraping their knees on the hot summer pavement
but my hurt was not only physical
but also emotional

you said something to me a few nights ago
before I relapsed, stupidly
even with everything piling on,
you still opened your stupid mouth and said the stupid words

maybe we should have just stayed friends
i guess we should have, huh

each and every word of praise
sends smoke signals to my brain
confirming what i've long known
that i am god
and i could **** god
if i so desired
but really
this god complex of mine
is to hide the thousands of insecurities
i pick at from time to time

I keep saying goodbye
After goodbye
Who knew
It would be this hard?
I don’t want to leave you
You’ve all helped me grow.
You mean more to me
Than you realise
You are so **** important to me
You are my family
And I’m leaving you forever.
I love you
And I hope I’ll see you again.

Not good enough
No,
I’m not good enough
I never have been
And I will never be good enough
Never ******* good enough

I don’t have time to feel guilty.

Neither do you.

But we still do,

Both of us.

We both feel guilty

For hurting each other.

The burning desire—

No, the need—

To get more.

Your next hit.

Your skin crawls

I watch you

As your body shakes.

You say it’s okay

That you’ll be fine

You just need some more.

But it doesn’t work like that

Does it?

You always need more

More and more and more

You trust it with your life.

It makes you even more depressed.

Ironic, isn’t it?

That the things you used

To hide from your depression

Makes it more so?

Cigarette smoke fogging the room

Broken needles lying on the floor

Lighters, burnt spoons

Your happy little pills.

That’s what you call them.

But they aren’t so happy, are they?

You don’t seem very happy.

The drugs

The cigarettes

The alcohol

None of it makes you better.

It makes you wake up

Late at night

And cry.

Your bruises

Went deeper than my skin.

They wounded my heart

My soul

My mind.

They ache

With such longing

For a better life.

It hurts

Because I love you so much

But you don’t seem to love me back.

Maybe you’re just scared

Of losing me

Maybe it’s just

What you always went through as a kid

Playing out

Involuntarily.

Trauma does that to you.

But the doctors

They tell me it’s not an excuse.

I kept my promise

And didn’t go to the doctor myself.

You just threw me against the wall

And I hit the metalwork

And started bleeding out.

You didn’t mean to.

I know that.

But you were scared

And the baby was crying

So you called 911.

It was one of the hardest things you

Have ever done.

And when it happened—

The incident—

You cried.

You felt so bad

You had hurt me.

You took that same anger,

That same fear,

And pointed it at yourself.

You pulled the trigger

Of your hatred.

You jumped off the bridge

And drowned in your depression.

WHEN I THINK OF YOU
I EITHER HAVE NO HEARTBEAT AT ALL
OR IT QUICKENS TO IMPOSSIBLE SPEEDS

I want to go home

But I’m not sure where that is anymore.

They say home is where the heart is

But I love you

And you don’t love me.

You have my heart

But I don’t have yours.

Can you be home

If I’m not yours?

Honestly,
I’m glad I’m different
Because it means
That I don’t have to deal with you
Or your ****
Or anybody like you, dad
Because I’m different
I guess you
And your Southern Baptist friends
And your Catholic girlfriend
All think I’m going to burn in hell.
Well, NEWSFLASH,
You’ve been divorced three times
You’ve had four kids from three different mothers
You used to do heavy drugs (don’t think I don’t know)
You’re emotionally and verbally abusive
You have a ******* *** kit under your bed
I’ve seen the noose-knot ropes tied down there
Your girlfriend has been divorced twice
Is verbally, emotionally and physically abusive
HAS GAY FRIENDS
And used to misuse steroids.
So, before you try to preach to me
Why don’t you take a look in the mirror
Re-evaluate your ****** decisions
And get back to me.
Because I was born like this
There’s nothing anyone can do to stop it.
You made awful choices
That you knew better than to make.
So, *******
About your misconceptions
Because I did nothing wrong.
You did.

I want to hear the way my names sound
spilling from your lips
warm honey
dripping from your touch

How can emptiness
Be so **** heavy?

How can a poet
Run out of words?

How can a musician
Run out of lyrics and song?

How can I be
When I want nothing more than to not exist?

you promised me forever
and yet you left me
just like everyone else does
like they always have
like they always will

YOU
MUST
FEEL
HURT
TO
FEEL
HAPPINESS

I know you’re stressed
because I’m leaving so soon
but please
act better than this
because I love you
and this hurts too bad

No matter how hard I try,
It doesn’t make a difference.
I wear masc clothing
But when I run out,
I’m left with femme stuff.
People do double-takes
When they look at me,
Trying to figure out
What the hell I am.
I can tell you this:
I’m not a ma’am.
I am a man.

You
Told
Me
You
Aren’t
Lying
To
Me
And
You’ve
Made
Me
Poetry