I’ll hide here,
In this lush forest
This wooded area
The trees
They hide me
Much easier than a smile does
I can scream
And not be heard
But I don’t want to be heard
I just want someone to understand me
I want someone to listen to me
I’m screaming out in agony
I hope nobody can hear me
Because they would be scared
The words in my mind
Are different from my words heard
Or my words written
I’m surrendering
Hiding behind the word *****
My mind throws at all of you
I’m not sure I want to die, exactly,
I just want to be reminded that I’m alive
To know that I can feel something other than the constant pain inside
I’m burning all of my bridges
No, I don’t want to
I didn’t plan this
And now you’re hearing my voice
Singing songs
That nobody knows
Because nobody ever wrote them
Maybe
Just maybe
If I hold my hands up high enough
I’ll become a tree, too.

He made
My inner
Tsunami die
Down to a
Gentle rain

You left me broken
and nearly irreparable-
nearly, not completely-
I found him
the one who pushed everything aside
just to save me
you tried to get me to feel
hopeless
worthless
bothersome
and I did
for quite some time
but then he found me
crying
full of fear
and he started to repair me
slowly
piece by piece
he helped me rid myself
of you
and most of my negativity
concerning intimacy
and trust
he is helping me learn
to love myself
it's proving difficult
but worth
every
single
second.

You’re always there,

On my mind

And you never seem to leave.

It’s embarrassing

When you catch me staring.

You say something

And I blush.

****

I say,

I’m sorry!

It’s awful.

I wish I didn’t feel this way about you

But I do.

Crap.

I’m sorry!

I get lost

And stare off into space

When I think of you.

You tease me about my poetry

But I bet you don’t know

That most of it is about you.

You take my depression from me,

Make me smile,

You make me feel whole again.

I think I love you

And you say you feel the same

But I don’t believe you.

Because we both like her too

And she’s taken

Like you’ve taken my heart.

How can emptiness
Be so **** heavy?

How can a poet
Run out of words?

How can a musician
Run out of lyrics and song?

How can I be
When I want nothing more than to not exist?

I’m afraid to tell you

Because I’m not sure how you’ll take it.

Ma’am, I’m different.

I’m not like my brothers or my sisters.

I’m trapped inside

This body that doesn’t belong to me.

If you look at me from the outside,

You see a girl

But if you look at me from the inside,

You see a boy.

I’m not comfortable

With how I look.

These feelings are real

I’m just not sure how to explain it.

It makes me want

To rip my skin apart

To crawl out

Of my very being.

I still like makeup

And sometimes wear girly clothes

But I want to cut my hair

And have surgery.

This isn’t a snap decision

I’ve felt this way for a while.

I’m sorry if this disgusts you

I hope you’re not disappointed

Because you mean so much to much

And I really don’t want to lose you, too.

coffee and energy drinks and 3am drives and sticky kisses and one of the million playlists ive made and you and me, nothing but chasing the sunset until she goes to bed and the stars awaken.

No matter how hard I try,
It doesn’t make a difference.
I wear masc clothing
But when I run out,
I’m left with femme stuff.
People do double-takes
When they look at me,
Trying to figure out
What the hell I am.
I can tell you this:
I’m not a ma’am.
I am a man.

I can’t believe

I’m leaving you

In this hell

So soon.

I feel awful about it.

Because with each passing day,

You seem more and more lost.

I wish I wasn’t the only one

Doing this to you.

I wish you didn’t

Have to experience it

At all.

I’m so ******* sorry.

I’m trying to follow my heart
But my heart is in a
Million pieces
So how the hell
Am I supposed to do that
Without getting lost?

you are so lovely
and I hope
that you realise
you are worth so much more
than you think you are.
when I told you I was leaving
you did it again
I hope you realise
that it makes me feel like it’s all my fault
and I can’t bear that weight
on these shoulders
because you mean so much to me
I care so much about you—
perhaps too much, if I’m being honest—
and I can’t bear to lose you forever.

you are my poetry
you are my aesthetic
you are my music
you are my art
you are mine.

Your bruises

Went deeper than my skin.

They wounded my heart

My soul

My mind.

They ache

With such longing

For a better life.

It hurts

Because I love you so much

But you don’t seem to love me back.

Maybe you’re just scared

Of losing me

Maybe it’s just

What you always went through as a kid

Playing out

Involuntarily.

Trauma does that to you.

But the doctors

They tell me it’s not an excuse.

I kept my promise

And didn’t go to the doctor myself.

You just threw me against the wall

And I hit the metalwork

And started bleeding out.

You didn’t mean to.

I know that.

But you were scared

And the baby was crying

So you called 911.

It was one of the hardest things you

Have ever done.

And when it happened—

The incident—

You cried.

You felt so bad

You had hurt me.

You took that same anger,

That same fear,

And pointed it at yourself.

You pulled the trigger

Of your hatred.

You jumped off the bridge

And drowned in your depression.

I know you’re stressed
because I’m leaving so soon
but please
act better than this
because I love you
and this hurts too bad

wait to paint sunsets and galaxies on your skin, in hopes that they'll be even a fraction as beautiful as you.

It was way after
11:11,
But still,
I was thinking of you.
Because you never
Ever
Ever
Leave my mind.

i hope
you realise
that anger
might hide the pain
for a while
but it will catch up to you
in the end
it will eat you alive
it will bite you in the ***
i don’t think you really want that
do you?

IF YOU ASK
I WILL MOST
DEFINITELY
SAY HELL
YEAH, JUST
OPEN YOUR
EYES AND SEE
ASK AND YOU
SHALL RECEIVE

I’ll never forget you.

I can promise you that.

That’s probably the only thing I can promise.

Until the day I die,

No matter how soon or late that day is,

I will always remember you.

And if there is a such thing

As life after death,

Then I will remember you still.

If there is life after death,

Then I believe in love after death, too.

I will love you for all eternity.

Till fate do us part.

You’ve told me many times

That you love me

But each of those times

I hear

I’ll leave you.

I try,

I promise.

It’s just way too hard

To believe

That I can have something

As amazing as you.

they told me
that you would hurt me
but I don’t care
you’re worth it
that doesn’t stop me
from hoping though
please
treat me like the king I
treat you as

id rather we exist in mutually assured healing than mutually assured destruction.

weve been destroyed enough.

I want to hold you, to paint on you, to braid your hair. I want to whisper against your lips and I want you.

One, two, three, four and five

Everything must be done in perfect sets

Did I turn off the light?

Check again, again, again, again

Wash your hands

Wash them wash them wash them wash them

Brush brush brush brush brush

All colours lined up in order by the rainbow

And by shade

Or matching the box

Everything must be perfect

If not, who knows what will happen?

I could upset someone

And make them hate me

Or hurt someone I love

Why can’t it all make sense?

Why can’t it be right?

Why can’t it be perfect?

Why can’t I be perfect?

When I die,

Please don’t cry over me.

Because I will not be able

to wipe away your tears.

You know I’ve loved you,

Always,

Until the day I died.

I can’t care for you anymore,

But you’re ready.

I have faith in you.

You believe in life after death

And I believe in love after death

So we will find each other

Again.