My body falls in step with the waltz
My fingers with the keys on the piano
My pen with every gliding word on paper
My voice with the tempo of the song
My heart with the touch of your lips
My eyes with the pages of books

late night drives with you, hand on my thigh as I act the part of dj, playing songs that make us feel nostalgic for a time that has yet to exist.

I don't miss this feeling.
This feeling when I start searching for
Yet another coping mechanism that won't work.
The feeling where I want to dig the tingling sensation out of my arms, shred them from my flesh.
The same feeling where I can't sleep amd run late for everything.
The same feeling where I can't bring myself to see the point in going on another day.
That ****** feeling of repetition without purpose, of knowing I'm better off dead.
Oh, I really didn't miss this.

yeah,
i love you.
is that a problem?
because these people
don’t seem to think so
they think it’s perfect
and adorable
so if you’ve got a problem
with it,
sorry,
but idfc.

WHY CAN’T YOU LOVE ME AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU
YOU SAY YOU DO BUT IT SURE DOESN’T FEEL LIKE IT
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LO—

I
NEED
TO
FEEL
THE
RUSH
OF
A
BLADE
AGAINST
MY
SKIN
BECAUSE
ALL
I
­AM
NOW
IS
NUMB

I want to hear the way my names sound
spilling from your lips
warm honey
dripping from your touch

This is SENSUCHT.
This feeling I have,
The longing for something far away.
I want happiness
But it’s too far
Out of reach
Incomprehensible.

I was asked today if I loved him
No name was said
But your name came to mind immediately
A simple question
And I don’t regret my answer,
That whispered “yes…”

WHEN I THINK OF YOU
I EITHER HAVE NO HEARTBEAT AT ALL
OR IT QUICKENS TO IMPOSSIBLE SPEEDS

want to give you all the love you deserve, physical and mental and emotional and i want to love you so intensely your soul aches.

each and every word of praise
sends smoke signals to my brain
confirming what i've long known
that i am god
and i could **** god
if i so desired
but really
this god complex of mine
is to hide the thousands of insecurities
i pick at from time to time

We are human

I didn’t make a choice

I didn’t want this

It just happened

I exist

Even though sometimes I don’t want to

Because this just gets way too hard

I am a boy.

Yeah, I still get my periods

I still have long hair

And these stupid ****

(I can’t wait to get rid of those)!

But I’m a guy.

Pronouns?

Oh!

Those are he/him.

Name?

Olliver Orion.

But you can call me Olli.

I don’t follow any specific religion.

I’m not atheist, either.

I’m kind of a skeptic

But I’m not sure what exactly to believe.

I kinda just am.

Problem?

Oh well.

**** it.

No,

I’m not jealous.

I’m just…

I wish I had that.

Had her, or him, or whoever.

Had them.

Wish I had a significant other

Or even a friend

Perhaps someone who cared enough to hate me

To constantly make fun of me.

Because then they’d be thinking of me

Right?

I wish I had anyone.

I see you with them

And it makes me sad

And angry

And anxious.

It makes me plead

Every night

That I had what you had.

No, I’m not jealous

Or envious.

I’m just sad.

And lonely.

what is it you fear?
is it the dark?
the inevitable?
the intangible?
the unknown?
i fear
losing you
long after
you have already lost me
and i have lost myself.

This takes finesse and focus,

None of which you have.

This artful dance

On that fine line

Between love

And hate.

You treat me like ****, sometimes,

But we all know better.

We all know you don’t loathe me,

That you

(at least)

Love me as a friend.

Perhaps something more.

kissing you would be bittersweet, words never said and words waiting spilling into each other.

I lost you
But I also lost myself and
You lost me, too.
I’m sorry.
It’s ******* terrifying,
Losing yourself.
I never thought it might happen.

I’m scared that if I told you
How I really feel
You’d brush it off
And if I asked you
What you think of me
You’d say



                         “I don’t.”

My words
They rip everything apart
They are merciless
But my hands
Are soft
And they love to hold on to yours
Never letting go
Like my words
Our hands
Belong together
My words
Don’t really belong to you
They aren’t fair to you
Because you
You are sweet
You are kind
You are strong
You are you
And I can never put that into words
No matter how hard I try.

I'm okay.

I promise.

No, I'm not letting it get to me.

I know you're gone.

That you'll never come back.

That I've lost you forever.

When they walked into school that day,

none of us had a clue.

We had absolutely no idea.

We were so caught off guard when--

well, when it happened.

How could anything like this have happened?

You were so nice.

I thought I was so lucky

because everyone loved you

but I was the only one who could call you mine.

But then Jay came in that day

The day after their 18th birthday.

They had gone and bought themself a gun.

Maybe that pawn shop should have

done a better background check

or something.

Maybe a psychological evaluation.

Jay should never have been able to get it.

They knew Mr. Massey had one

locked up in his desk

one that was legal.

He was shot first.

Then they pointed the gun at you.

Time slowed.

My heart stopped beating.

I remember the screams.

I remember the blood.

Maybe we should have better regulations

to purchase a weapon.

But that wouldn't help,

would it?

The black market's still a thing.

That will never end.

But some people are responsible enough

to own one

to protect their families

their friends

everyone.

Some people can handle it.

But people like Jay,

they can't.

I can't believe what they did.

I trusted them.

We trusted them.

But that's all pointless now.

That's gone

like you.

I'm not okay.

I miss you.

I still love you

because we both believed in love after death.

Bitter, scalding laughs / condescending chuckles / look to the ground / splat! / spit sprays across the sidewalk / angry yells / schoolyard bullies become taunting adults / pricklier than a cactus / cheap gas station coffee / no sugar, no cream / screaming children yanking on jail bars / no fair / needles? get them away / don't let anyone in / don't let anyone see / scrawling / scribble in black in / ruin your favorite notebook / and your mother's walls / your father's tools / don't look back / mania / smirk at their tears / stop! / tie your worn out old shoe / pick up the pace / hurry / faster now / don't give up / do it all in spite / almost there / traffic / busy highway / overpass / turn inwards / see it all / realize it was all about you / jump

let us run to the field of flowers
sprinting, holding hands in the warm afternoon sun
daisies tickling our fingertips
all cares whisked away in the gentle breeze