When in eight days
My body is my own
And I will be consumed by fire.
Smoke is curling in the air
And burning with desire.
Demons chase but stop at the porch
When I turn the latch on the door
Of this house,
This hole-in-the-wall place that I call home.
The place where I am never alone.
The place where you are
In the late of night
Listening to music
Are you alright?
We are nailed,
We are glued,
You're stuck to me, I'm stuck to you.
I shall be my own
My free
And you will be beside me
When I almost scream
Because there's a needle under my skin
And there's blood on the sheets
That you just washed but you swear it's okay
Because that's what you do for someone you love
Don't give up on me
Don't give up on us.

Every time I see you
I want to cry.
I want to scream and yell
And I want you to die.
The things that you did
The things that you said,
They only fuel my fire.
Every time I come over
Every time I say I'm fine
I wish you'd just die.
Why can't you just die?
I was five, I was six, I was seven.
I blocked you out until I was eleven.
You took my childhood
You took it all.
And all the therapy sessions
That I have attended
They didn't help me at all.
I was too young;
I had no idea
But then I grew older
And soon that idea
Came to the front of my mind
And I knew that what happened,
That wasn't alright
It wasn't a lie
It deserved all my crying
And for years whenever I saw you,
I wished that I was dying.
But now I can see
What it really did to me
I cried but it's alright
Because now I can look at you
With hatred in my eyes
Not for myself, it wasn't my fault.
But for the monster before me,
Oxygen tank and all.

I thought I knew what it was like to love you.
I had no idea that it would be a back and forth chase of happiness and anger.
I didn't know I would be upset as much as I am content.
I wish I knew how much fun it would be, and how much pain it would cause.
I wish I would have known that you would be the best worst thing to walk into my life.
I thought it would be easy and then I tried to justify how hard it was.
I know the pain is worth it.
I know the cold gets warmer.
I know my eyes will adjust to the darkness.
I know that you are a permanence to me,
And for you, my love, I am everything.

I see her,
Sitting there with him
Sitting there with anyone
And I see
That she gets to be
Happy and loved
And she gets to have
Someone who's there
Someone to kiss
Someone to call
Someone to hold
She gets to love
Someone who speaks
And drives
And laughs
And cries
And someone who's always around
Never in jail
Never on drugs
Never suicidal
I get so jealous that she has love
That burns fiercely.
And although it doesn't last long,
I can only dream of experiencing that passion.

So there we were, stuck in time
Countless days and countless nights
We feel how we feel,
We can't deny
That this is what it is
It's what it's going to be
You're leaving me for a while
But I'm not gonna cry
I'm gonna hold on and wait for you
And smile when you come back to me
Smile when you walk through those doors
When you stand taller
When you smile bigger
When you laugh louder
I will be there,
Arms open waiting for you to come home.

I'll see you in a month,
You're leaving today.
I'm scared, I'm worried, and I know you are too
But you're going to be fine,
I'll see you sometime
I'll think of you at night
You're gonna be alright
Think of me often
Work on yourself
Take this picture
And put it on your bedroom shelf
See what it could be
What you want it to be
See how happy you make me
This picture, the memory.
Breathe in, breathe out,
Fight off all the doubt
That I love you so much
I promise it won't be so bad.
I'll see you when you get back.

I can not cleanse my eyes from all that I have seen
I can not erase all of the places that I have been
I will never live completely clean
And I am of the belief
That no amount of grief
Will take this obscenity from me,
The disgusting side of me that people see
When they hear me speak,
In truth, I am weak.
I am cold and I do tire
Of the events that must transpire.
Of the vibrations of the wire
That make my ears bleed
And my eyes burn with a hellish fire.