Ingrid: Favorites

Nov 2012 Ingrid

Photograph

Nov 2012 Ingrid

Seth Connor Jackson

Tracing the outline of her face
On a photograph she’d given me once
What now seems like so very long ago
Smoothing out the torn corners
As I once smoothed out her wild hairs
Ignoring the fading colors
Trying to remember just the way she felt
Running a finger from her chin to her cheek
Examining the crease of her smile
Before gently pressing fingers to
The two small beauty marks beside her nose
You can barely notice the one
But I’ll never forget it
I can recall every detail so perfectly
As if we had never even been apart
But it’s been ages now and I’m not sure
If my memory still serves me right
That’s why so often these days
I pull this picture free
From the folds of my wallet
And gaze at it for hours
Photo paper so worn and glossless now
Grown thin from the countless times
I’ve sat and traced that beautiful face
Only to do it a thousand more
Until there’s holes in this photograph
And my memory of her is all that remains

Nov 2012 Ingrid

Indifference, My Life

Nov 2012 Ingrid

Seth Connor Jackson

Indifference, My Life

Indifference,
Defines my life
Thin line between
Happiness and depression
No one knows
The things that
Upset me,
The way I truly feel
I am not pleased,
Dissatisfied,
With virtually everything
Dishonest to myself
And distant to all those
Who think they are close to me
No one really knows me,
No one has ever seen
The real me,
No one is trusted
Stress,
Outweighs all,
Pressure to please others
Never myself
And in this cruel world
No one cares
Even those who claim to
Want merely
My affection,
Praise for the moment
When that time
Has passed,
They care no more,
As they never truly did
Countless are the hours
I spend on others,
Worthless are the dollars
I spend on others,
Just to be kind,
Simply to help
Slim to none
Is the reciprocation
I receive
Time and time again
I believe
Things will change,
I am wrong,
I know this,
I’ve known this
For a long time,
Yet still I try
All that is good
In this world
Is me,
All that is true
In this world
Is me,
All that I need
In this world
Is me

Nov 2012 Ingrid

Life's Ledge

Nov 2012 Ingrid

Seth Connor Jackson

Life's Ledge

I’m standing at the edge of a cliff
The water is surging below me
And the wind blows fiercely
I hear the sharp whistle of a lifeguard coming to my aid
The sound pierces my ears making me step slightly forward
All of a sudden, a question in my mind
Why am I standing here?
I snap out of that thought as I feel a tug at my shirt
I kick off my shoes and drop them over the ledge
A great hunger rises over me
Strange enough I want fish, I only have to fall to get them
The lighthouse across the way casts a beam of light down upon me
I feel as if I’m all that matters, like the main character of a story written by an author’s pencil
I believe the author of this story wants to see me dance off this cliff
But I can’t be sure if I should comply
The familiar feeling of a slight twinge in my nose; this always happens when I make a poor decision
Looking down I see a small black bug standing at the edge beside me
It appears to be saying “it will be alright”
When I fall forward it is only me and my thoughts, surely this all was worth it

Nov 2012 Ingrid

Fasten Your Seatbelts

Nov 2012 Ingrid

Seth Connor Jackson

Fasten Your Seatbelts

In the event of an emergency
Please fasten your seatbelts
And attempt to remain calm
Breathe easy and prepare for the thrill
Ladies and gentlemen, this is going to be one hell of a ride
Docile, like sheep, you expect us to remain
In the face of our impending doom
Draw in deeply from the mask that’s fallen in front of you
Pure oxygen so that we may become euphoric
Before plummeting into land or sea
Now let’s not forget that life vest too
So strap up ladies and gentlemen,
This is going to be one hell of a ride
As engines three and four shut down
There is little noise to drown out the screaming
Families and loved ones clamoring to say goodbye
Funny how in the moments just before the end
We all want to make amends
The cabin’s losing pressure now
And our fall starts to speed
Over the intercom the captain shouts out
Altitudes, allowing us to pinpoint the exact
Moment that we will all likely die
I breathe in filling my lungs with something pure
Euphoria, eyes seal shut
In just moments it’s all over and I
Begin to fly right back up
Calm and collected as could be
We’re onto the next journey of life, or death
Ladies and gentlemen fasten your seatbelts
This is going to be one hell of a ride

Nov 2012 Ingrid

Everything Changes (With Time)

Nov 2012 Ingrid

Seth Connor Jackson

Everything Changes (With Time)

My life is made up of seconds
And they're ticking away.
At this very moment
I grow older
And memories are lost.

As noon turns to night,
And night turns to day
Images are blurred.
White noise,
Turning into silence.

Prolonged exposure to life,
The illusion of time takes over.
Summer falls and winter rises,
Identity lost,
Yourself just out of reach.

Arrivals and departures,
Of the shadow children.
The door shuts,
And the pendulum
Slowly stops swinging.

Everything comes and goes,
And everything changes.
On a long enough time line
The survival rate of everyone
Drops to zero.

Nov 2012 Ingrid

4 AM

Nov 2012 Ingrid

Danny C

4 AM

Mom sneaks through the front door
I'm pretending to be asleep on the couch
At 4AM, she reeks of cigarettes
She closes the door softly, dad stays asleep

I pretend I am sleeping on the couch
Mom drags the smell of cigarettes in with her
The door squeaks quietly, dad still sleeps
He left the TV on again, it reports today's tragedy

Mom smells like black lungs again.
The door clicks shut, she creeps past dad's recliner
He left the TV on again, tragedies muffle her footsteps
She's used to sleeping alone by now.

The door's closed, and dad still sleeps
He left the TV on and snores through tragedy
Mom can barely sleep with him around
The tragedies mean nothing to me

Dad leaves the TV on every night
Mom would sleep better if he left
I don't care about the tragedies
I can see my mom ****** in a crumpled burning car

Mom is restless when dad is home
Tragedies don't mean anything to her
She speeds at night and takes drags of embers
I wonder if she really wants to die

Tragedies play through the screen
Mom speeds at night and lights another cigarette
I wonder, does she want to die?
Doesn't she ever think of me?

Mom drives too fast at night and burns up her lungs
I worry that she's always dying
And never thinks to call me saying, I remember you
I picture sirens and lights outside my house

I ask God why she wants to die
I wonder if she knows what she does to me
When I hear the sirens driving by
I shut my eyes and wait for the door to creak again

I scream whispers, why does she do this to me?
I pray the sirens aren't going to find her
I close my eyes and try not to cry
And at 4 AM, she smells like cigarettes

Nov 2012 Ingrid

We grow no younger.

Nov 2012 Ingrid

mûre

We grow no younger.

Today is the noon of my existence.
Never again shall there be morning.
The sun is high and I- I am still quick.
I reel into the hurry of afternoon,
watch it spin ever soft into evening
into the dark embrace of everythings,
float six words buoyant upon the crest of strife,
I recall the only saying that ever had value:
"Make something beautiful of your life"