Said sorry and still not forgiven
Don't want to regret walking away
So much betrayal, no need to stay
Another hangout with awkward silence
Too much pride you keep blaming me
Spoke my mind said the truth
I'm not telling lies or buying the hype
or saying what you want to hear

It was a dark errie night made for a scare
The tension built up for a fright
The wickness consuming the fresh air
Trees blocking moon light setting the mood
Holding the darkness squeezing the living out
Creatures singing a song waking for the night
Setting the creepy vibe 12 hours for the dead
Avoiding the sun because it's too bright
The cold night better than the hot days
The fog full of moisture keeping it wet

Got tired of being a yes man picking up the slack
People are a no show can't keep filling in
It was suppose to be part time but feels like a life time
Did all the grunt work while the gloryhounds take the credit
So much going on don't have time for my life
Once I said no that shadows all the good I've done
Been going strong facing forward taking on the world
Everyone is rude when they don't get their way
Doing my best to progress not settle like the rest
Ask questions because theres too much scandal going on
Doing the work, the way things are going is wrong

He knew that changing with the times to stay relavent. He didn't want to give up on himself but he would evolve as a person. The disappointment made him more determined. The break ups made him stronger. He was learning to love again even though he was causious of who he would let into his world. He loved so many people found out they were bad mouthing him so he had to let them go. He did hold place for them in his heart but did not get close kept a distance from these people who betrayed his trust.
He didn't like being alone he was social in a smart phone universe so many texting or posting but no one could express themselves to another being. He was one who looked the girl he loved in the eyes told her how he felt things were right. Eventually things changed not in his favor when he sobered up things got easier made more sense. He coped checked his emotions and ego at the door learning to love again. He hated the outcome but made the most of things.

Things have changed never the same from how he remembered them. He sees his parents they have white hair. His best friend married and kids. He seen more for himself but ended up being an average joe. He went to college, but things didn't panel out accordingly. After a unhealthy relationship, he decided to stay single better himself.
He took detours and the scenic route eventually arriving to his destination. Lots of falling but he kept getting up. Tried came up short  learn from his failed attempts. He kept an open mind willing to learn grow as a person.
He thought his best friend would stay close; they'd get old together, but all they did was grow apart living different lives wanting opposite from one another. Once he sobered up the world seem, so different; a clean mind made him listen observe things didn't always appear what was being said.

She entered the room the world stood still
Her smile made me lose my train of thought
Mocha skin tone that had a glow
Curl hair like curly fries long curls
that looked wet and shiny in the light
Her curves and thick caught my eye
Once we made eye contact a charged vibe
The heart skipped a beat felt alive
Anxious to know more but can't talk
As she walked closer everything went grey
She stood out the world blocked by tunnel vision
She said hi to make conversation
Lost in those eyes her kindness a surprise
Two world's became one for the moment

He entered the building for the last time
Not sure what was ahead or what he would find
Always working hard no time for fun
Sober living not giving it up
Times had changed and never the same
He walked away nothing will change
All their rucus filled him with rage
He wanted to be close but they kept him out
After being turned away no reason to stay
They made him an option now he opted out
So sick of the hate over all the debate
He was not one of them no need to pretend
Time to cut the cord this needed to end
Smack talking for fun but made it personal
Taking shots ready unload the gun trigger happy
Spoken words of truth got the most hate
While words fueled with hate and lies got praised
All these wick ways left the hero in a daze
One mouth against three how could this be
Once each mouth isolated not a word was said
The hero stood tall ready to take them on
Once it came to an end the tension remained
Bubbling bad memories mentally stirring
Things that would've could've should've been said has them worrying

The weather has changed from hot ton cool summer year round where is the winter weather
Too hot to wear a sweater that's meant for the cold
Hot chocolate sounds good but put on hold waiting for the cold
This never ending tan the sun is too much need some rain to hide the tears in the coldness
Wash away fears down the drain
cold makes me think clear focus grow strong
Cold weather is better just lighten up

Woke up to cold weather this made his day better
Over the scolding heat hoping it would rain
The clouds fluffy and full gave him hope
Wet days are better filled with joy
The rain would wash the bad vibes
Feeling cleansed after the season passed
The smell of wet dirt this would be alright
Growing grass full of life after being dried out
With all this year around summer
Another season needed a turn over the burning heat
Moist and refreshing giving inner peace
Stay calm and enjoy the weather change
Like a good book just turn the page

Another day almost done about to start
Focused on success trying not to fall apart
Used and abused crazy to comeback for more
Still writing and fighting for mine it's been tough
Not influenced by others who oppose my way
Don't need that negativity please stay away
Toxic vibes they feed on to stay a live
Trying to survive not roll over and die
Cut the cord the history trying to stay relevant
Facing forward in the present live in the moment
Not going back to the past, don't tell me how to act

People ask why I title my poem QW which means quick write. I'm usually just getting out; ideas and what's on my mind. Not good at titles, I'm usually straight to the point; nothing fancy, or too crazy. I feel connected to others; especially if they can relate, everyone has a struggle or problems. Some handles them differently, I do it with writing and making the most of life and thankful for what I got.

Always looking out for others, who walk into danger
Once they don't get their way, they treat me like a stranger.
Never said anything about them, but to their face
For them not liking me, they talk about me a lot
I wish them the best and stay away
Not letting their bad vibes ruin my day
From friends to foes someone Idk anymore

Hip hop made me strong
Thinking how life use to be easier
From a curious youth to a overwhelmed adult
Dating was fun, an adrenaline rush
Now it's like I end up with the same person
Different body same crazy mind set
Another person I'll probably regret
Moving on is hard full of regret
Might be right for me
Might be wrong for me
Never know since it won't go anywhere
One minute we are talking
Now she's talking to someone new
Can't get mad she's not mine and never belonged to me
She's ****** when she sees me talking to a female friend
She jumps to conclusions but still doing her thing
She don't want me but don't want me with anyone else

They called him the Golden child
He went off to college learned live
He was a fighter determined to survive
Who knew it wasn't a sure thing
Lots of personal growth no longer afraid
Failed before nothing can stop him anymore

He was reliable others flaked stuck stepping it up. Running out of things to say choosing peace over arguing stopped comparing, everyone does their own thing. Minding my mouth and business making remarks to be funny but making people mad. Not hard to do just having an opinion. Writing to tell stories get out. Trying to heal be a whole over the empty pass that tried to steal joy of the present. Not use to people being nice but it's the best feeling ever. Doing the right thing even when no one is looking is rewarding.

Looking for inspiration to inspire
Music setting a tone to write
Enjoying the creative process
Trying to get that writers high
It's never enough striving for more
Find that connection for that fix
Building it like legos it comes together
Seeing it in the mind trying to share
Bring the vision to life on the page
Every detail from memory explained
The eyes took in so many moments
Felt so many emotions during it
The tones adding the shades
Many shapes size colors

He was called a narcissistic because he didn't agree or was not giving these cruel people their way. They changed the narrative he kept to himself. The relationship was over why did his ex make false remarks. It was over she wanted more that was impossible for him to provide. It was overwhelming never good enough.
He knew she'd never be happy with him. It made him miserable denying himself feeling neglected by the one person that would ruin his day because things didn't go accordingly all he wanted was to be happy.
Be with someone he could trust be himself with out regret or doubt. He wasn't materialistic. His status would never be accepted or seen as an equal. Being told how to act and be made him numb hating himself because all the changing left him feeling like a shell of the old. The new was killing the old

He made fun of himself and the setbacks. Being called a college drop out his mind racing. They talk about him he battled addiction. Hated sitting in AA it set him straight. The break up broke his confidence he had a few breakdowns making the most of things. He wanted it but kept working against everything that opposed him. His rebellion worked more than being a rule follower.

Coaching was stressful being a corner man making sure the fighter was ready to go learned where the weaknesses are so that we could be better prep for the next fight.  Keep the mind sharp such a process writing about the experience on the road and on the Go.
A new feeling and experience when they do good that's on them when they fail its where we start and build on because so much transition breaking through to level up. Get to the next level not sure what to say and how to say it so the process leads to progress in the sport.
Not trying to lose or fail but that's where the growth begins. Trying to help in a new situation next level earning respect  building trust.

You love family but they'll throw you under slander your name. Make you out to be the bad guy because you're  not there to defend yourself. Eventually  you. Fade out it will catch up to them because they'll remain doing the same stuff and catch up to them.
Soon they'll have to own up for their wrong doing. Being cussed out by an aunt was deep changed your life perspective. Uncles that say you visit grandma for money when you dont ask or expect anything from anyone. Cousins that talk but not doing anything to make it better.
Instigating trying to manipulate  how others see you. As you get older you stop caring what others think especially if they don't help or do anything for you.
Having fun with life while they hate on you because your doing what you want most of all your own thing.

Learning to prioritize things say what's needed to get it done. How to get there been seeing things as a leader taking charge how to grow and learn with a productive attitude. Dealt with bad leads that want to be the middle man that designate their work on others. Told myself to be active be part of the team. Not tell people what to do but empower them to make the right decisions with the choices provided.
So much to learn from this experience lead by example not make an example of others doing it as well. If I can't do it not going to make others do it. Willing to learn and quick to turn around teach the skills and technique to get it done.
Tired of people acting like no one can do their average joe job. Thinking they are too good but staying in the same place wasting everyone's time. Making gossip at work because people are moving up and advancing while they chose to settle. Everyone respects your decision have respect for those that want to move up.

Writing it down get it out of your head. Not taking everyone's bad vibes focused on better the situation. They'll blame just cut the cord they'll never own up. That's why they are alone no one bothers with them. They refuse to say sorry or forgive an apology.
They'll treat you bad over mistakes when they do way worse acting like they are good when they terrible talking about everyone behind their back fake to their face.
Things are complicated don't make sense just because you dk they are quick to throw a false narrative or make you out to be the villain because you don't believe or understand no one explains these made up rules or expects you to know when they don't even include you or treat you like an equal it got old. You made them look good and they dumped on you it was insulting you forgave then while they continue with the terror.
Trying to tear you down because you don't follow their way. Walking a lonely road on the outside looking in is better than being on the inside wanting out because of the lies. Not one to live a lie or trust when you have to go through hell to be accepted or liked

Anything you do ****** them off why not be happy in the process. Grew up with nothing working for more some had more it's never enough. Fighting to be heard to move up some get a pass to the front. They don't do anything with the opportunity. Stepped up wasn't ready or prepared trying hard than most. Not wanted or accepted is the worse feeling while trying to excel.
Told you don't belong because of what you look like because your skin tone or height weight why focus on physical instead of getting the person who does the job gets it done right. Years of being anti establishment as they try to make you into their product trying to be self made.
Open to learn and grow but not letting other take credit for your success. Trying to rise up for years not a poster child or a rep for something that doesn't think you are worth investing in.
Making personal investments growing past all those limitations all those people that didn't think you have it or what it takes out working everyone.

He woke up ready to make it happen too much going on to be noticed. No one lives in the moment in anymore. Quick to record document everything.
Everyday come up with something new instead of letting material grow into something more. Feels like you can't settle  or take in. Older seeing what's in and it doesn't make sense.
These made up rules and standards that are used to keep people out. So many pretending to someone they are not.

He was glad he made those cuts because they'll never change. He changed on his own terms and stayed away. They didn't help him all they did was criticize him make him feel out of place not welcomed.
He was tired of a one sided friendships and family members. If he didn't follow their rules they would slander him.
He just went away from them tire of feeling shamed and disappointed.
The high expectations no one was living up to. All the hurt he healed over time. They'll blame you for their wrong doing. Like if it's justified this freedom saying he's never go back. Never let anyone abuse his kindness. When he spoke up everyone made him out to be the crazy one. Everyone claimed to be over it when he told his side of the story.
All the false narratives were believed when the truth came everyone turned a blind eye. It was frustrating changed his ways he past due but collecting. Life was better without them.

How is there consequences for being asked your opinion while everyone is rude and disrespectful when no one asked.
Telling people what they did wrong while they try to tear you a new one. Talking you down so they feel better about themselves. You try to have a conversation but things become a heated argument.
Some people like to argue and thrive off it. They'd rather be right push everyone away. Some think they are helping but making the situation worse.
They aren't doing what you do or living your life who are they to discredit you. Tell you how to live your life while they are living another life than the one they set out to be living.
Making it seem like their life feeling and ideas are more important than what's going on with you at the moment. You feel bad for them because their overreaction has lost them friends or a bad reputation that will follow them.

He changed his image it didn't matter the work was the same. Wanting more but it was never enough. Usually anti establishment but found himself trying to move up. He'd set out of his comfort zone feeling uncomfortable asking "who was he becoming was it even worth it?"
Standing out working harder than everyone. He didn't compare he wasn't juiced in, or have a bad attitude to get things. Stepping it up to make things happen get it done. Open to learn and grow taking on more responsibility. Adding more to his bag of tricks to make the work easier.
Having a good attitude around miserable people. Treating people right when everything went wrong trying to make it right. Pushing through wanting to do something else. Too many doubted him mistreated him but he still kept going strong. It made him better instead of settling for less.

Talking music with the youth. Hoping they like it and appreciate it like when you use to be a teenager. Hoping they find their own way. Music that connects to their heart and soul instead of feeling misunderstood.  
Trying to be there for them from a child to an adult forced to grow up. Not taking life too serious but taking the passion serious creating expressing one's self. Letting go of that dark energy release those bottled emotions.
Not holding on anymore determined reach down let it flow so one could grow. The changes shines everyone knows they can't take credit for you or act like they understand you after things get figured out.

You put yourself out there getting to know a person. Turns out they're not who you thought or what you made them out to be. You believed they were better but only getting their worse.
Trying to be vulnerable in the seas of broken trust. Swim in the water of love that's contaminated with lust. The mask of lies is removed to expose a hidden reality.
Seeing the beauty glow but once inside its toxic infecting others by draining them of their individualism. Trying to control others worlds by destroying them instead of making theirs better.

Showing them love they ignore you
Making time for them to be forgotten
Reaching out feeling like you're  bugging
Trying to be more stuck with less
Never settling not an option on the side
Wanting more to emotionally invested
Made them a priority invested time
Treated like an option being set aside
Being at your beat getting their worse
Walked into danger to be betrayed
Kept coming back for more seen good
Now staying away got hurt for caring
After all the wicked deceitful love
Feeling defeat taste of rejection

Years of being betrayed still smiling
Tired of hearing lies staying truthful
An open mind on the rise for change
Around good vibes positivity living
Negativity left behind causing struggle
Bringing the world that's going sour
Cutting ties not hurting anymore
Fighting to fit in accepted not belonging
Moving on not that person anymore
It can't be thrown in this focused face
No longer numbing used as leverage
Forgiving oneself not taking the blame
No more living with the morphing pain
Use to be there taking the blame
Not around anymore doing what's loved
Pursuing this passion festering within
Growing strengths fighting through

The fresh air smell of the baseball field
Watching the youth play lost in the game
Everyone moment coaching on first base
Prep talks in the dug out to hit the ball
Encouraging them to be better focused
Work on the strengths let them perform
Improve on those weakness lots of reps
Prep for the next game lots of practice

Hard to get close everyone is leaving
Having no say or choice just going along
Saying I love you not hearing it back
Hearing I love you not feeling it back
Giving a kiss full of love no kiss in return
Holding a hand that goes lifeless
Fighting for a lover making the drama
Still single while everyone moved on
Found someone new got over it fast
Waiting for the one more selective
The failed love was really lust
All the trust was gone no connection
Hard to trust with the hostile behavior
Hard to open up feel safe for sharing
Emotions like a weapon hurting feelings
Such a savage attack mental overreaction

Can't always find the words because someone will twist your words try to guilt you for having an opinion. Use them against you to justify the terrorism they are going to dish out.
Not married so you can't manipulate others with foul treatment that's given to their spouse. You have to communicate the silent treatment or nagging doesn't work.
Trying to treat people like children doesn't give an upper hand you can't control or dictate others behavior. Doesn't make you superior with false narratives.
Trying talking to people like an equal show respect because you dk their struggle or story. Everyone has a different up raising that's part of their growth. Maybe their fuel to pursue their dream working to achieve goals. You can't impose yourself thinking you know what's best when you haven't figured out what's best for yourself.

He asked why can't we be friends? She said if you get with someone I might get jealous. Who knew there was someone else on her end. After things crumbled she did everything she said she'd never do. She claimed she didn't want kids or to get married. she did all that with someone else.
She wanted a relationship but not with him. After being lead on he learned the lesson and moved on.
He became a workaholic so he could better himself. Relationships were complicated. He was told put yourself out there so much rejection and he could see through the act trying to get to know a person. He stayed true to himself when trying to get to know a person.

When he was at his worse they gave him crap. He thought tough love was a way of motivation but didn't like it. Then things got better and he still got the same treatment. He was done cut them off said no more because he did it his way. Their way didn't work for him
After he spoke up they tried to isolate him bad mouth him. He didn't care about his reputation anymore because he knew that he wasn't imposing or bothering anyone.
They'd never show him love or give him props unless they got credit crapping on his glory. Trying to take his moment making it about them. They weren't there when he needed them. He was always there for them even when they didn't want him and pushed him out.
He finally walked away cut the cord over all the discouragement. Tired of seeing them being two faced bad mouthing people than acting buddy buddy the two faced snakes.
He found confidence in himself without the shady people trying to weasel their way in to his life. He lost weight because he didn't let them throw a monkey wrench on his routine. Trying to guilt him like he did something wrong. He paid his way through and owed them nothing.
He loved them but all they did was hurt him make him feel inadequate.
Changing the rules in their favor he was over the games his life did not evolve around theirs. Praying for them because anything he did was wrong and didn't like people who are one sided.

He seen her with another guy it drove him crazy. He felt betrayed and worthy mostly angry insulted that a person would lead him on then act like what happen between them didn't happen like it didn't matter or mean anything.
He remained loyal to the wrong person once he moved on. She would try to take interest on his new romantic encounter. He would tell her to mind her business.
She would play her mind games saying she missed him when she wanted nothing to do with him. He'd ask her to be his gf but she said no but a week later would be in a relationship with someone else.
She didn't want a relationship with him. He was dating so he could get over her even though he wasn't ready. He needed time to heal.
He was one of many never meant to be the one in her life. His actions and behavior would get the best of him because he had never been in that situation before. Being a late bloomer was not helping but once he went through it he learned to deal with it.

He was tired of all these made up rules they didn't help him. Those social standards made to keep him. He's not a product or brand all he wanted was to be himself. While others pretend to be someone they are not. He was called a rebel told he had a bad attitude because he was beyond those who took his credit. He did the work once he moved on they are left mad and bitter holding a grudge.

They used him but it made his work better and stood out. They never gave him respect or props but one day he's surpass them be a lead. He did it on his terms they are not going to make him into someone he's not to get there.

His anti establishment attitude took him farther then all those lies that got sent his direction. His clothes didn't make him, how you treat people says more. He respects his peers even though they talk bad or make him out to be the crazy one because he focused on his work not the drama.

He was honest with himself while there was lying and cheating going on. They tried to twist the narrative because they had a guilty conscience and would get caught up eventually. He showed no emotions hiding a smile because he didn't let others ruin his day because of their bad decisions.

Music spoke to the heart
The best lit up the soul
Singing fueled the heart
Able to feel sane again
Numb from the world
Love from within grew
Appreciate time alone to reflect
Taking in the silence composing
Pursuing goals to live life
A dream becomes reality

Bought a bass to join a band it was suppose to be a Christian band but the guy who organized it would have many hidden agendas. It wasn't fun or a group project trying to control everyone and everything eventually it would end.
He joined to help write music hoping to learn and grow in his faith. Everything was misguided not going well or according to plan. Not able to fix the situation he'd look for other ways to learn other ways.

From best friends to strangers
Went to school together
Hung out then grew up
Grew apart wanting different things
One was about bettering his situation
The other distracted by wild lifestyle
Partying with wild women
Both had bad habits one was a drinker
The other into trying a variety of drugs
One feared the friendship ending
The other gave up on everything
A girl came between them
One was sorry it happen the other would never forgive

He felt used only when they needed something he became a thought. He took on the burdens but he didn't want to do it anymore. He trusted them but their actions said otherwise.
He learned to process his feelings and emotions. Stopped looking for approval. Doing his own thing. He stopped texting first his phone was for music. He tried to put himself out there not easily received by his peers or crush.
He wanted more than friends with benefits. Hoping it would lead to more. Tired of being placed in the friend zone. He was over all the one sided friendships and relationships. Feeling unworthy not good enough He deserved better.
His peers bad mouth him behind his back never to his face. Always held him to different standards.

He gave his all thinking it would lead to more he always gave more effort than most. Trying to make something out of nothing. He admired her but she was hot and cold. Feeling overwhelmed staying away. He hated hiding his feelings but he didn't feel valued or respect.
It should be equal but it's always with terms and conditions. It just got old he'd  walk away do his own thing. He use to open up buy others made it seem like he was trying too hard or feeling sorry for himself.

He grew up as an outcast because he wanted to better himself. He never thought he was better than anyone. So many tried to use his flaws against him. He was fat mind worried about body image. Born is the US spoke English still shunned by his own people. Finding reasons to criticize and talk about him.

All he did was mind his business from an open book to private. Holding back hiding who he was so people could leave him alone. Feeling like he might do something wrong or be accused of something that he didn't even do.

Always respectful even to the people that tried to damage his reputation because they weren't where they wanted to be in life. It wasn't his fault or problem. All he wanted was to exist get along without putting up with others bad moods attitudes that would ruin his day.

He had to learn and teach himself since no one wants to play that role anymore. Willing to do the work even if they would discredit him. Working his

In his culture you couldn't show emotions it was a sign of weakness. Not able to vent to anyone because they'd use it against you. Trying to hold your burdens over your head thinking they have the upper hand thinking they could manipulate your behavior.
Or didn't care to hear your sad stories not making time for your feelings and emotions. Talking about you being mean and having the nerve to ask for a favor after all that disrespect it was like a slap in the mouth.
Spreading lies sick of all the rumors the people who came at him did way worse that's why no one bothered with them. He  stayed true keeping a good head on his shoulder anything he did bothered them.
He was told "your make me look bad" not his fault they didn't try or put forth any effort.
He did the work got straight to the point there was BSing his way through. He remembered they didn't have his heart or think the way he did but he was given an opportunity taking a chance to better his situation help others in the process.

He wanted to learn but you can only do that by doing. Reading up on it does nothing applying the material makes you learn and understand better. Always asking questions people can't explain or never give a reason it's frustrating to see some cheat the system get ahead without knowing covering their but they are willing to sacrifice others by throwing them under to distract others from seeing their flaws and mistakes.
Doing the work to get there makes it worth it but learning and being able to do so

Times have changed before if you were poor you'd hide it. Now a days people ask for money. Always being told if you want something work for it. No one can do it for you but you. I'm big on individualism but everyone thinks they are a brand or some kind of product. Marketing themselves get out there work for it the right people will take you on.

Listening to his heart growth
His mind knew better stronger
Thankful refuse to settle earning
Trying to relax feeling restless
Body aches working long hours
Lower back pain training hard
A new look didn't change things
Same person clothes don't matter
Dressed cozy not taken serious
Dressed up looked at differently
Always on others terms and time
Once he made a stand it was on
The world was against him
He couldn't stay silent or play dumb
All these ignorant people talking
Being shunned for having an opinion

Are being dismissed and dissed by certain family members he swore to be better than them. Being pushed out and criticized by people that didn't know his work etiquette. What he was about or what he could do. He was tired of the same old routine thinking he could do more. Why settle for less.
He respected their decisions why did his have to come with criticism. What hurt him the most was he valued them and they seen him as useless and worthless it was offensive. He stood up for them while they were quick to throw him under. Blame him acting like they are faultless.
He let them run things to the ground because they would impose their ways rather than be open to others and how they live their life.
Anyone who didn't listen or go along was seen as a threat. He was always put in awkward situations stuck defending stuff he didn't care for or had nothing to do with him.
Eventually walking away was the best solution. It gave him peace and solitude lead to more strengths such as confidence

Reflecting on his life
A late bloomer grew up overtime
The Soul shined with a brightest glow
Heart that was genuine and true
Ready to love again start a new
*** complicates things
Get to know a person first
Be with someone who likes you for you
Not trying to change you lose yourself
Find the one to open your heart with
Years of being with the wrong person
Be yourself don't hide who you are
Without feeling like you did wrong
Guilted for sharing emotions
Having them used against you