Done it before it comes natural, but not big on body image. For years the scale was the enemy. Obsessed with my appearance everyone quick to point out the flaw than give props for your efforts. So much hard work discredited because it mattered. It lost value everything seem pointless.
Heart broken made it meaningless, because it was you. Everyone else got props, praised for little effort. Told you're too nice like of it's a bad thing. The criticism a knife to the heart scared into the memory. Told it could be done been doing it for sometime.

Making all those changes at once detoxing from giving up energy drinks. Eating more green giving up on fast food. The comfort food got too comfortable it became a problem. One bad habit to the next doing too much at once. Sometimes seen as selfish, been nothing, but selfless others before ones personal needs. Giving to ungrateful people, who make it seem like its never good enough. Feeling unworthy expecting you to be less focused on being more of the best. Told to never settle for average because you're not. Done it before trying to get back to that place.

Woke up had a cup of joe thinking what to write and get ready for the day. Hopefully it goes fast, so ready for the 3 day weekend. Thinking what to do next get out of this situation. Life's not bad but could be better always feel like something is miss. Able to do more but come up short. Expecting more but stuck with less. Slowing down and changing this wild mindset. From thinking of the person that use to be is not meant to be. Those roles don't matter or mean anything anymore.

Arguing with myself to figure it out
Find away to make this dream
Become a reality the truth
Years passed coping with change
One day reunited as friends
Probably not possible but an idea
All these changes all unexpected
Some forced not ready to grow
Trying to live enjoy life

Loving hard can leave you broken over someone that messes around on you. Making you feel ***** full of disgust and unworthy. All this broken trust left with a lust. From feeling it all to going numb. Blocked it out before it consumes your good vibes trying to survive this mental mind storm going about trying to be normal made out to be crazy.

Trying to have fun with it then it gets all serious. The vibe lost feeling restrained from smiles to smirks. You push to hard they go away. You don't push they take your kindness for granted. When things are well give them the glory. If things fail start coming up with a new plan. How to improve be better. Did everything possible on this end. Hope they are doing their best on their side so it can come together.

Looking in the mirror asking what happen? Talking to oneself trying to get out of the slump. Bounce back from it all a few setbacks. Failed learned the lessons. Seeing bags under those eyes hard to stare at the reflection. The external exterior did not match the internal emotions. Being genuine while others snake around being fake. Told the truth not the bad guy. Holding all this in because mindful of others emotions. While others slaughter everything about ones true being.

Untethered by things use to being alone and ignored. Till some thinks they can come and change everything impose their beliefs that don't make sense. Knowing what its like to be different and excluded but we are not alike or the same. Not one to use others ride coat tails but find a way putting in the hard work and effort earning it not looking for a hand out. Not taking anyones moment by discrediting them so many compare when they should be doing their own thing and find their way. Tired of being the scapegoat for people who don't try then have the nerve to blame others for their faults and mistakes. Rather than own up and forgive themselves. Quick to ruin everything because they cant have it as their own.

They make you out to be a jerkface for going up and trying to get it together. While some stay the same, never growing up quick to knock others. People respect their minimum effort decisions, while they look down on those; who took risks working hard to better their life situation. Learning to enjoy life make the most of everything. It doesn't happen right away keep pursuing the vision. Make the dream a reality achieve those personal goals the American dream what your heart tells you with a clean head on those sturdy shoulders.

Letting it go it means nothing now it was so long ago. Its like a security blanket that outlived its purpose. Trying to find more purpose with meaning and be able to go numb. Feeling everything physically and mentally burned up from it all. Spiritually need to be recharged. The past can't be brought with you those days are over. Feared it would be brought up used for leverage by others. Owned up apologized still not forgiven mostly never forgotten.

Thinking about writing since it keeps this anxious mind occupied. Learned to slow down this racing thought process. Slowing down not seeing things as life or death. In survival mode trying to come up with new ways to escape awkward situations. Avoiding people who complicate things making it hard for others

He sat waiting for her to get ready for the day. She was looking great and he was dressed to impress. He wore a dress shirt and his best clothes. He was an average joe, who dressed casual ready to work, and get *****. He asked her out she surprised him when she said "yes" he was expecting rejection most of all use to it. He never thought this moment would happen.

They met at work had pleasant conversations. They talk at the bar getting more personal with one another. He was sober with so much change over the years. It was weird for him to be in a bar not having a drop of alcohol. They talked about their situations. She was working to support her child. While he worked trying to come up with another plan to progress.

Everyone grows old space and time these friends grew apart. Both had their own plans one went after eventually running out of moves. Didn't have a plan good at winging it when some constantly plan out everyday instead of living in the moment. Easier to do than have a plan learn on the go. Prepping is helpful too much thinking what it is instead of doing what it really is.

He wondered what happened to her. They went to high school together. Good friends the list contact as they got older. Trying to find a way to reunite with one another talk like old times. He was shy but never made his move. He wanted her as a friend when it could've been more. Be in his life than not at all.

It was his home people would come and go. He couldn't get attached to anyone after a while he couldn't connect. His life felt like it went in the wrong direction got tired of starting over. New friends can't replace the old while new relationships don't have value. Expecting the worse instead of expecting the worse break this curse. Not the same as before use to be new now it seems like the same old and dull. Lost youth growing old life lessons learned.

Smiled under the mask
Laughed enjoyed every moment
Too many up tight walking mad
Writing to lighten the load stay sane
Things aren't bad counting the blessings
Life can throw a curve ball
Always asking and wondering why
Being social usually tucked away
Doing what this heart loves
Making the most of things
Physically into body not feeling drained
Emotionally invested instead of dreading
Mentally sharp focused without distraction

Another day of writing
Dropping the mental load
Feeling normal without influence
Not there anymore or going back
Shared the mental anguish
Others understand able to relate
Away from all the hatred
Others can't let go of the past
Using it as a weapon of defense
Smiling from good vibes within
Broke free of the chains of pain
Will not be infected by drama
Become immune to insanity
Had to disappear move away
Walk away give it to God and pray