Before the bad relationship
So many curve ***** and changes
A brother murdered so much injustice
Failed love that couldn't be redeemed
So much betrayal broken trust
False promise and disrespect
Broken words with no honor
So many telling you how to act
Who to be what to do
A life that's not meant to be lived
The voices making you doubt yourself

No one knows who you are but you've made a name for yourself. They can't take credit or act like they are responsible for your efforts. They can't dull your shine or take that chip you worked for. They didn't consider you before now they show interest. Expected more but got less. Gave it all but it was never enough. Established yourself and your ground refusing to lower or settle for less. Not into politics or kissing bottom to be considered. They should do what's right do more with the hard working not all the regular **** ups. What's worse is they stayed loyal and they got done *****. They tried to make you the next target focused on the work. Learned to be impersonal not get involved with anyone because they twist your words and try to blame/throw you under for working hard. They make themselves look bad by being lazy or doing minimum work.

He was always the bad guy in the story. Even though there's two sides or depends on who you ask/tells the story. He didn't have a lot of close friends. He was thankful for the true friends over the years. They called him fake for being positive grew up with less worked for more. Not scared of anyone not taking craps from anyone.

Arms are heavy Hard to breathe
Feel like stone limited movement
Fighting back trying not to overreact
Pressing forward not backing down
Trying to change it up burnt up
Going the distance o much resistance
Giving your all in offense
Trying to time it out on offense
Finding another window for the round

Stepping out of the comfort zone
Seemed scary been doing it
Haven't gone anywhere with it
Been learning behind the scenes
Not sure when to use ot apply it
Everyone wants results
But don't want to do the work
Expect more from you than themselves
After a while its just a way to escape
Feel free not be consumed
By others imposition still not accepted

The way of pain and hurt
Comes back without alcohol
Dealing with the pain
Memories remain
So much gain sober living
Learned to love yourself
Be yourself without hatred
Thinking of relapse grown far away from it
Never going back to self destruction
Can't be consumed by the past
Fear of the future living in the moment

They try to take you down
Working fighting for your own
From a lead to behind the scenes
Took charge up from doing the work
While others steal the credit the glory
They can't save you save yourself
Walked away a lonely road of sobriety
Working like a boss not getting paid like one
Rebuild yourself better hard to trust anyone
Digging down always lost finding something

When you have a bad all the doubt
Comes out who you are now
Compared to who you use to be
Both are give and take a formal athlete
Older now not able to do it the same
Not like be forward work smarter
Did all the hard work need to use it
Apply it to everything collecting years
Years of knowledge experience clashing
Many encounters that help build character
Lost in what you love is its own world
An addiction you cant get enough of
Hard to get that fix to feel whole
Satisfied and complete meant to change

Writing about equality and fairness
Not for me but for those that feel lost
Alone in those tormenting emotions
Dealing with people is hard
Who tried to knock you for it
What's worse is when its family
Your close friends fake to your face
Talking behind your back
You respect them to tell them straight up

Everyday a fight to be heard
A struggle to be seen as an equal
Being kept out and silenced
An internal struggle within
A loud mind a quiet mouth
Words flow out with emotions
A way of expression able to feel
That love was an addiction
All the hurt is healing up
Found inner peace and closure
Learned to go with out
Not be included
Do your own thing
Its okay to be alone

Never been into material possessions. Had it all lost it all starting over it hard. Learning to maintain focus what needs to be done to get by. Finding balance to be able to work in that dream instead of putting everything else first. Thr transition is always hard because unexpected delays occur.
Always distracted easier to help others than to say what you want and come up with a strategy. Always asking what if or why not easier to do than think its the perfect plan and it will all fall I to place.

Not use to hanging out most work and have no social life. While some are married or have kids forced to grow most of all being responsible for their own. Got use to not making plans someone always flakes out or cancels. I was nice to have lunch with a cousin everyone is growing up some more determined than others. While some are just going through the motions. It's good to change it up break the cycle get out of the routine.

Not sure how to feel what to think
These behaviors are unhealthy not right
Talking on their teems can't even say hi
The tension and awkwardness
Not one to kiss *** abide by made up rules
Not in the same department stay in your lane
Said hi use to being ignored
Don't care for the power trip
Keep running your lip make it easier to split

Waking up random hours of the night
Haven't been able to write
Always behind the scenes
Feeling trapped meant to escape
Around so much hate not feeding into it
They try to flip it lome Jedi mind tricks
Someone in their mood ruining the day
Overcome by focused on work
Trying to break this writers block
Asking what you want this project to be
How do you prepare for the outcome

A new life a new love
Grew up ******* up
Not normalizing being low income
Working harder to move up
Don't always get the girl right away
But meet and find the right one
Haven't got the job wanted it
Something better on the horizon
After the quarantine there's more to life
Said there's more to life than work
Wearing a mask to be safe
Use to be a wild one living life to the fullest
Things don't always match up
Never line up accordingly
People flake so never making plans
Use to be free now stuck in a routine

Tired this time change being loyal and still haven't got hired sometimes determined to bail. The people are great but it has it's days. Feeling weak trying to find strength within. I know there's more out there use to being ignored and kept out when you are doing good more negativity. Sometimes things are bad and you are being ******* yourself no one bothers with you.
A fight to fit in and belong eventually you give up on them but it feels like you give up on yourself. Its like these fake rules and standards are made to keep you out. Spoke the truth once as they **** you off mess with you off everyday.

Why and what's stopping you. You've done it before what's changed what are you scared of those are questions and ways to reflect during writing to help grow and improve.
Be thankful for what you got some have it all and are not happy. Knocking the people with less but its to help them feel secure since they aren't doing anything worth talking about.
Always thankful for kind people growing up with tough love is not always easy.

Writing has been therapy able to express without judgement. Have an opinion without others knocking you for being different. They expect so much but give so little. Thankful for the people who appreciate you even though you'd been through, so much to be where you are at.
Not always forced to commitment because it's not always what it's made out to be anymore. Ready for a career change starting over at the bottom ***** but being stuck in the transition is the worse

Having writers block ***** sometimes you write about all the possibilities or things you'd like to happen. Sometimes just doing it is more rewarding, doesn't always happen the way it plays out in your head. Sometimes its the worse outcome other times a surprise it actually happened. A shocked it went down that way.

It ***** dealing with controlling people. Half the time they are wrong but still make a scene. You try to joke with them but everything is serious. So you don't say anything. Then they try to dump some BS on you trying to be funny about it. We aren't on that level.
Some play the role as boss and others act like you owe it to them. I respect your place and what you've done but don't try to bring that chip on your shoulder this way. You punk and bully everyone that's why no one bothers with you. Making a scene doesn't justify your actions.

Wanted to keep them whole
But things crumbled on your end
No one to blame hard to explain
Change is always occurring
All the pain and memories remain
With time and space it fades away
Stayed strong for them rare they do the same
Bouncing back not staying down
Leaving town one had your heart
The other will always be apart of life
Memories the mind treasures hard to forget
Grew up became an adult all on big jolt

Reaching out to an old friend
Had one anothers back since day one
Something wasn't right ruining the vibe
Had to ask noticed a change in the tone
Things weren't right something had changed
Hot and cold not the person from before
Gave advice most of all there for support
Trying to keep up on friends some let you go
Always took them back flaw and all
Someone has problems lost in the struggle
Everyone is going through something.

Older now not feeling the same
Everyday something new
Time for some change
Family divided not always getting along
Thought about relocating
Never needed until you're gone
But things never change
Always forgotten felt invisible at the time
Missed them but there's no going back

Talking to an older a friend about their youth for the a better and simpler time. I could see them smile their eyes light up talking about those times that made them shine. When life was fun appreciation for those moments.

When people are so negative you hide who you are rather than give them the pleasure of ruining your day. Not walking into their trap their personal life spreads a toxic vibe at work. You avoid them by listening to music focused on work getting it done. Never let anyone full your shine. Smile while they hate you for chosing to be more over being consumed by frustration.

You say funny stuff because it's true. Writing it down being open and awesome with people. They don't always agree but that's opinion. Sleep patterns are jacked. Always seeking inspiration love to create it comes to life before these eyes.
Changes are part of life open to grow learn how to do it and be better at it. Use to tell sad stories wrestle with the struggle don't want to do it anymore. Lots of change for the right for the better. Got over trying to fix the bad seeing beauty in others if they settle that's on them.

He didn't want her after she was denied and rejected. She chose someone else over him. He knew it was BS and made that mistake before he already knew the outcome. In the end, he would be lying and cheating himself to think it would change.
She had been lied to, cheated on and still went back it made no sense. Why would she spread that pain and misery to others. He saw good in her, but all he got was her worse. From having a crush to being a friend; he eventually shut down, turned his back walked away.
Saved himself from hurt and pain nothing left to remain. Hoping to find someone that loves them self and him as well.

Going out to dinner was fun just to get out of the house. Noticing people things have changed not the same and some much has changed.
A whole new world, and a whole new place, new faces, and a different crowd. Sometimes its good most of the time fighting it.
The world has changed the style worn as a teen/twenties is now retro and music is now considered classic.

Somethings will never change someone will always dump their responsibilities on others. Thinking that their life is more important than their child. Not a parent but praying for that day. It would be about them and would do my best to teach them to be good people and treat others right.
Sad that respect and family values are gone. Family is important, don't neglect it because I've learned you get what you put in. Just like anything else done in life.

There till something better comes along then they forget about. Acting like they had it together destroying you so they could feel like a whole. ******* your soul giving them life.
Giving so much still ungrateful not sure how to act or behave since someone is always offended or mad at you for their insecurities. Bring them up with as they bring you down with them.
Wouldn't give up on you, like they gave up on him. Learned to stay away less stress. Trying to be myself do my thing. With out toxic attitudes or bad vibes.

Back in that space, feeling safe. Trying not to argue make a scene. Don't let those personal issues effect your work. Keep them separate not one of your kids watch your tone. Don't want to go making it easier to leave.
I respect you go through stuff not my problem while at work. Trying to provide a solution for work more inconvenience dealing with nonsense that has nothing to do with work.

It wasn't his dream or his vision. He felt forced out. He minded his business because he knew how everyone was, and didn't want to go backwards. He loved them, but didn't want to deny, who he was to be liked to be accepted.
They told him he couldn't do it, but he has been doing it. Made he feel bad for having a dream while they made no effort to pursue theirs. He respected their decisions while they'd bad mouth him for trying. Now they are making moves nothing but respect that's their thing.

Ready to speak up they'll ignore you. Trying to silence you, by shutting you up. Not one of them no need to pretend. You know how to do their job dk why they act like it's hard. Not like they are the only one. Get over your drama bringing your negativity mess up everyone's day all that shadiness. Smiled under the mask feeling better rise above the bad vibes.

Doing what you love when they don't want you. Expect you to be someone you're not. They try to keep you out but you find other ways to do it make it happen.
Feels like they don't want you to excel acting like you need them or need to go through them to make it. Didn't ask for approval just trying to grow in the craft.
They have this ideals that are not in my favor expecting you to live up to these standards, they aren't even living. I respect they've done it but I'm still doing it and pushing through.

I respect when others go through stuff but they have no right to take their frustration out on those that dk what's going on or not part of the problem that caused them misery.
Spreading it to others in a time; where people don't say sorry. If they do the apology is not accepted, but a tool to hold a grudge to valid their righteousness.
It's easier to walk away than stay and argue with them because they take on roles pretending to be someone they are know with guilt and power trips. Always had respect even when they cause a seen to manipulate using humiliation. They need to stay in their lane because they don't know the inconvenience to get the job done.

Asked why do you write because it brings joy and passionate about it. Not doing it for money or looking for approval. This journey putting things into perspective taken bumps lots of mistakes learned to not do them again. Learning to forgive yourself is hard asking what could've been done different or how could it have been prevented. Be better for the future for next time when it happens.
Told stories said some real stuff got closure over things that were beyond out of control had no say in the matter. Took responsibility for ones self stopped blaming ones self because of others

That internal struggle doing what's right; while the rest lie and cheat the system. Doing right by their side giving them the best while they cheat manipulate the truth full of lies. Talked about a life together now with someone else doing things you claimed to never do. Never felt worthy but moved into to finding the better version of one's self. For better or worse, flaw and all. Always open to grow and improve.

Writing with colored pens, makes writing seem more creative. Really enjoying the new process. Changing things up coaching is pushing the person you work with making them better its easier when they want it.
Now being coached is easy but when you are older with limited range of motion pushing yourself to be and do more. Waking up that muscle memory is intense when its been a while. Soreness is a great feeling after because you worked hard pushed through. Got to be able to work both sides of the pads open to learn the variations of combos and drill room for improvement and growth.

You cant day anything they try to twist your words. Make you out to be the bad guy when they are doing, or have done worse. Trying to cancel you out change erase history to justify these new made morals and standards. Raised differently compared to today sensitive society. Trying to tell people how to act when they dk how to act right themselves.   Never been one to hide behind a computer screen spoke up said something. If nothing got done just focus on getting your stuff done.  That hard work over political debates because so many can BS their way through trying to dump in on someone else.

Had a dream about you I know you're gone it was good you see by my side. The smartest genuine person I know. I see the van and think you are home. You had plenty of life to live the hardest part is letting go still in denial.

Everyone was gone he pushed them away. He learned to be cozy in his own skin. He hated who he became too many people in his head. He should've listened to himself, did what he wanted and what he loved. No one seemed to get him trying to label package him into someone else.

He would hide in his room and write to help him figure it out put things into perspective. He knew he made mistakes and tried to learn from them.
He forgave himself since he usually blamed himself for being over trusting to all the wrong people. Always opened to grow and learn something new. If he couldn't find it there he had to go else where so he can gain from his experiences.
Encounter new people and places he found closure so he was able to move on. He waited by saving their place but realized; they were gone not coming back.
It was time for him to do the same by moving on with his life. The hurt was real eventually immune to it all.

He sat in his room for hours writing clearing his mind asking abd seeking meaning. Asking. Why this happened, how it all went down. He analyzed everything trying to live and learn from those encounters. Those experiences helped him build character. Doing what he loved things that helped him grow be better. Taking risks on his dreams pursuing goals his life was on hold. He wanted to get back on track.

All he wanted was to be alone. Anything he did bothered people. He never talked about people he told them straight up. All the smack talking got personal jokes turned into insults. He stopped seeking and wanting their approval. More critics talking that never did anything worthy of his time. He lost friends some tried to stand in his glory take credit for his work. He was mad that friends became enemies becoming roadblock and detours to his progress. Family never seemed to understand but always talking.

Ending the night writing before bed making it easier to sleep. Over all the bad focused on good. Some pictures have him asking what else is going on. He remembers the good time followed by the bad hand in hand. More loss than gains in those moments.
This journey a long way to go, can't go back that means losing progress. Hoping it would change same old BS different day. Same hostility different crow that wants a say. Not easily manipulated or following the deceitful majority.
He learned to ask questions, and do his own thing. Before he cared which empowered people, who used him took him for granted. Now hes matching energy not get drained by those who chose misery over happy. He respected their decision so many impositions.

Sometimes you watch everything to make sure it's safe. All these lies not sure why he stayed. He thought They'd do the right thing. All he needed was a chance an opportunity someone to believe.
Half the time it was a struggle ignored but only talked to when they needed something. Covered for people he couldn't expect the same. Learned to not depend or rely on him. When he though they had his back it would end up being thrown in his face. The betrayal was infuriating. He learned to say NO and keep a distance.

He never denied his roots but did question someone of them. He felt they went against him he didn't expect anyone to give up on their beliefs but knew it would cause a conflict of interest. He wasn't happy making other people happy. When he was happy they wouldn't be happy for him. Having to pick family or his lover, why can't they coexist. He was in love but the family so judgemental. Never there when he needed them, why should they have a say.  Why did he care so much. He had to unlearn and learn somethings so he can try to keep his world from falling apart

He loved his family some he got along with while others was an argument. So much ego and pride that kept everyone divided. Everyone talks about respect with the old school vibe. Quick to through heat or shade make others look bad their decoy.
Grandma said don't let yourself to anyone once the advice was applied. he was disowned, never looked at the same. Hurting within but had to move on be better the tough love wasn't worth it anymore. He missed them but didn't like anyone talking down on him, making him feel stupid.
His grandpa told him "don't you get along with anyone" he said "yes but not taking anyone's crap" he was over terms and conditions to be accepted. Why did he have to deny himself, give up, who he is to be considered. He usually accepted most flaw and all without question. He learned to keep a distance not get involved

Handling change isn't always easy not going to turn out accordingly. Doing it to be selfless so many narrate it out to be selfish. Always doing favors once NO is said that's always remembered.
All the other good deeds don't matter anymore.
Your moment passed moved onto new had no choice they went on without you. About time you did the same all the waiting wasn't worth it.