He had a cup of coffee to pursue an adventure. Waking up hearing the couple next door argue. Writing in his room to sharpen his focus. Plotting and planning his next move. Over all the hurt and pain living life another way.

He was a freshmen in college, the world was new to him. He grew up low income and made it to the next level. He asked a girl out; this was his first date. He was excited. She said, "yes" most of the time he got the cold shoulder or left hanging by these girls that caught his attention. They lived in the dorms the local plaza, where they would go eat a meal together.

They'd stroll through the college community town. Taking in the scenery talking to one another. He'd hold here hand he wasn't use to public display of affection. She was beautiful she had a mocha skin tone being half white and black sometimes passing off as latina.

They'd walk into the restaurant and sit at the bar. Since he didn't make a reservation. She would order a salad and he got a burger. They'd celebrate her birthday. They'd talk more and he realize her tried most of the drinks the bar was selling. She brought that to hid attention.

It was a nice evening, they go back to her door and hang out in her room. Chat with her friend, and they'd be alone. they'd lay down and talk more. She fall a sleep because she snores. He'd kiss her forehead get up go home. His date was memorable to him one of his favorite stories to tell

Doing the work but not sure what to do with it. That's the frustration with being a fighter you can be ready for the fight and it doesn't happen. It gets worse when your not ready for the fight opportunity presents it's self you take a chance and risk. I love to write but editing is stress do my words gain or lose value the most important question is does this make sense.
Explaining: why you do things is hard when you just do it. What's your reason? What's your purpose? The question, what drives helps. I can answer, I wanted to do it or they said it couldn't be done. I did it for myself to prove them wrong or things needed to be done.
I'd rather do the work than try to come up with an excuse. It's easy to tell the the truth lying doesn't get you anywhere.

Rereading old entries noticing my flaws years of writing. My style has changed over the years. I'm glad to share my experiences. I was told more details but usually straight to the point. I'm not good at describing people because I don't like to talk about others. I talk about the scenario or what happened. If I like something, I'll say so. I'm not one to give a compliment when I do it caught my eye and held my interest. I don't say things unless I mean them.

Getting sober is a must
It's a lonely journey
No going back
Some respect your decisions
Others hate on your decisions
They thought you'd never change
Only a matter of time till you get ahead
No one can take you down
Only you can feeling sorry for yourself
Let those negative block your path
Toxic people destroy your perception
Don't let them sabotage your dreams
Keep working behind the scenes
That moment will come to rise above
Where you'll surpass those low experts
Others try to project on you for being lazy
No longer the scapegoat obsorb the blame
Never more the whipping boy
Slipped out and free from the crazy
Use to take it on its a lost cause

after I woke up from the transplant
I was in ICU the beginning of recovery
The catheter tube would come out
Each day would consist of a task
a cut across my gut I'd pray everyday
My abdominal muscle lacking core strength
A huge cut stapled shut metal stitches
Extremely anxious to get out of bed
Having to page the nurse for assistance
Getting out of bed was difficult
I felt like a turtle on its back
I learned techniques during physical therapy
I had to urinate one of the first tasks
A process that took a few hours
After being assigned was a flow
I'd get up and walk after every meal
trying to keep strong physically
mentally missing work and home
Mostly grandma, her words echoed
"mijo, no one is going to do it for you, you need to do it yourself."
Next, I'd be asked to pass gas ripping a few.
A bowel movement, which was my final task so I could be released to be out patient staying a local to AZ

He felt like he was the worse
Blamed himself stood alone
Knocked for being different
Stood alone held on for life
Trying to be normal-ish
Whatever that is now a days
Afraid to be canceled aged out years ago
Everything he's not what others said
Made him more confident
Gain strength from being excluded
Comfy being alone going strong
While others needed company